Girl I met a month ago

LegacyUser

Just wanted to get an opinion on this

met a girl a month ago. good looking, seemed nice. exchanged numbers. lots of texting. met up the following weekend. both in nightclub and in pub next day for a few minerals. bit of kissing on each occasion.

went out for a few walks together during the week - had a good chat each time. she was giving me hassle about how much the texting was costing - so i changed numbers to 087 so she'd have free texts... we were doing a lot of texting. but talking a lot when we met up about different stuff - past relationships, work, friends, holidays everything. things going great

we met up for coffees during the week. she called over to the house for tea. more kissing.

went out to a show in the local theatre, she got me to collect her and introduced me to her parents. had a good time at the show, more kissing. she wanted to go to cinema to see a few films with me.

the same weekend she had asked me to go out with her, meet friends etc. she talked about a dress she had got for the occasion. when i landed in the pub she told me she wanted to break up, that i'm a lovely guy etc etc and that she wanted more time with her friends blah blah

i was stunned. really hit me hard.

don't know what happened.

JonathanAnon

Well first of all I think that you should have not changed your phone number. This may have made you seem a bit desparate. I mean if she cant afford the cost of a text??

If she got you to come down to her local to meet her and her friends, and then dumped you.... then she is a heartless b*tch. She could have told you before or after. Seems like she's a player, I wouldnt call her or text her again.

cantdecide

They'll do that.

Women will simply change their minds. Women also like to play games. Women often like the attention even when they know the timings wrong and nothng will come of it. I'm sure you feel like the rug has been yanked from under you.

There are many reasons why she could have done this- it's not your fault, but you need to put it behind you and get on with your life and get straight back on the horse.

Overheal

This is a flower. If you hold the flower to tightly, youre going to crush it. If you hold it too loosely, it will blow away. It sounds very much to me like you were clinging on to the girl too much. It was probably an issue of breathing space.

Also, making yourself available at every beck and call, and divulging every minute of your day, is actually a bit of a turn off. Women (and men) need something to chase after, and a bit of mystery to wonder about. Instead of "Oh I went out to the grocery store to get some bread and fags" try "Nowhere special". Too much information can be suffocating. I imagine there was a fair bit of this going on, especially with the 087 switch. And what was that about? When a girl says she's low on credit, it doesnt MEAN theyre low on credit, it means theyre looking to put the phone down.

cantdecide

Overheal wrote: »

This is a flower. If you hold the flower to tightly, youre going to crush it. If you hold it too loosely, it will blow away. It sounds very much to me like you were clinging on to the girl too much.

Puke. Wretch. But also true.

A friend was seeing a girl for about a week and for no reason spent a few hundred quid on a watch for her.

In his mind he was being sweet. In her eyes, he must have been dripping with desperation. A week later, she broke it off and gave him his watch back.

Be cool, OP.

In$omniac

From what I have read you did nothing wrong, just everything right to try to please her.
I was kind of shocked to read that she was giving you hassle about how much texting was costing her, then to top it off she brings you down the pub to dump you!!

Your well rid that's for sure, you deserve alot better.

In$omniac

cantdecide wrote: »

They'll do that.

Women will simply change their minds. Women also like to play games. Women often like the attention even when they know the timings wrong and nothng will come of it. I'm sure you feel like the rug has been yanked from under you.

Not all women though

Overheal

cantdecide wrote: »

Puke. Wretch. But also true.

I'm running dry on metaphors lately.

Oh and by the by OP, your next best move (assuming you still want this girl) is to leave her completely alone for at least 2 weeks, preferably a month. No texts, no emails, no IMs, no calls, no howryas at the cafe. Then when you bump into eachother again you can just catch up, and slowly ease yourself back into flirting with her. etc.

podge79

Unregistered wrote: »

went out for a few walks together during the week - had a good chat each time. she was giving me hassle about how much the texting was costing - so i changed numbers to 087 so she'd have free texts... we were doing a lot of texting. but talking a lot when we met up about different stuff - past relationships, work, friends, holidays everything. things going great

maybe ye were spending too much time together? and that she was trying to give a hint by saying this.

as for changing numbers/networks ... maybe after a couple of months or whatever but a few weeks - is a bit soon.

IMO its not healthy for the relationship to be constantly in each others pockets so much so early in it - maybe others disagree

maybe she felt things were going too fast too soon that you were a kindda omnipresence?

maybe just get back in contact but dont be around all the time is what I'm trying to say - ye obviously had something going so why not try again?

FizzyBubbly

Was it the first time meeting her friends ?
Are any of them in relationships ?

Friends can have alot of influence especially at the start of a new relationship. I myself have fought against them, my bf's friends (a tight knit group) for my whole relationship.Thankfully i did not meet them immediately, i waited for about 3 months. His friends have even tried things like setting my bf up with other girls.....they wanted him single. just like them.

I do think men need to play a bit more hard to get, or women tend to walk all over them...

Sorry this has happened, you seem to have really liked her.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies

i didn't change numbers/phone altogether, just got a new SIM card. she is only in part time work so i didn't want texts to be annoying her

i don't think i smothered her. i really didn't push anything. she was the one who wanted me to go out with her to the nightclub & pub. i was happy enough having a few scopps with the lads or going home for the weekend

as for the friends - i had met a few of them in passing the various evenings we met up for a drink etc a few of them knew of me from playing sport etc

hard to get? well, i tried that in the past but it got me nowhere.

i give up

LegacyUser

Tell you what? How come because this girl has treated you like this you think it's your fault.

Maybe you are a fantastic guy and she is just messing you around because there is something wrong with her.

Don't dwell on it, not at all. Im 27 if i dwelled on all the times some asshole just acted horribly to me i would probably be single today, thinking all men are not worth it.

Dont give up, if you see her act like you are not bothered about what has happened and chat to any woman near you. Flirt your heart out...

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

thanks for the replies

i didn't change numbers/phone altogether, just got a new SIM card. she is only in part time work so i didn't want texts to be annoying her

i don't think i smothered her. i really didn't push anything. she was the one who wanted me to go out with her to the nightclub & pub. i was happy enough having a few scopps with the lads or going home for the weekend

as for the friends - i had met a few of them in passing the various evenings we met up for a drink etc a few of them knew of me from playing sport etc

hard to get? well, i tried that in the past but it got me nowhere.

i give up

What can't decide said! [theres a similar list for us blokes].

My take on this-you were the stand in for someone else who is now available.

If you only met her a month ago-then move on! Take it on the chin,it's her loss not yours

MIN2511

Move on, sometimes relationships don't work.... That's life!
Don't dwell on it, its only a month. More fishes in the sea especially with the festive season.

homerun_homer

Unregistered wrote: »

Tell you what? How come because this girl has treated you like this you think it's your fault.

Don't dwell on it, not at all. Im 27 if i dwelled on all the times some asshole just acted horribly to me i would probably be single today

MIN2511 wrote: »

Move on, sometimes relationships don't work.... That's life!
Don't dwell on it, its only a month. More fishes in the sea especially with the festive season.

Hopefully this isn't happening to OP much so not dwelling is the best advice. You didn't have a full blown relationship so what's to worry. Get on with what you do and someone else will come your way.

I can understand though how people begin to dwell on these things, when you keep getting screwed over in the same way it does take it's toll. It can get frustrating and you can sometimes dwell and think "what am I doing wrong?" even though it is only a small thing. Too many people are dicking people around these days.

Wibbs

homerun_homer wrote: »

I can understand though how people begin to dwell on these things, when you keep getting screwed over in the same way it does take it's toll. It can get frustrating and you can sometimes dwell and think "what am I doing wrong?" even though it is only a small thing. Too many people are dicking people around these days.

I agree, they are, but I would also say that there are many who get dicked around and there are fewer that don't. The diff? The ones that don't are those who are secure in themselves. This is transmitted by how they act and react to shenanigans. They simply dont stand for that. I dont mean they get all uppity. That just looks precious. They just refuse to follow up dead ends almost subconsciously. The idea of "more fish in the sea" is one that you should follow completely. There are. There are literally billions of women on this planet. One giving you a knock back is hardly an issue.

Now one knock back is almost expected. Two or three even. If you do get somewhere with a few women and yet still get knocked back, then I would look hard at what you may be doing wrong. Look at guys who don't get knocked back and see if they do something different to you.

When we look at ourselves we should look honestly. Yes there is something in "be yourself", the usual advice, but that's no good if being yourself is getting you nowhere. Waiting around passively for luck or somesuch is not very effective. If one person says you smell, well you can write it off. If ten do, buy soap.

Tigger

Overheal wrote: »

This is a flower. If you hold the flower to tightly, youre going to crush it.

this is not true
if she's not chasing you and making it clear what she wants once the thing is up and running then she'll humor you for a while and then tonn of bricks time all you did by chasing here was make yerself feel bad

If you hold it too loosely, it will blow away. It sounds very much to me like you were clinging on to the girl too much. It was probably an issue of breathing space.

na it was an issue of her not wanting to be with you, overheals advice is relavant to a long term realationshipo not to the "honeymoon period"

Partizan

Overheal wrote: »

This is a flower. If you hold the flower to tightly, youre going to crush it. If you hold it too loosely, it will blow away. It sounds very much to me like you were clinging on to the girl too much. It was probably an issue of breathing space.

Also, making yourself available at every beck and call, and divulging every minute of your day, is actually a bit of a turn off. Women (and men) need something to chase after, and a bit of mystery to wonder about. Instead of "Oh I went out to the grocery store to get some bread and fags" try "Nowhere special". Too much information can be suffocating. I imagine there was a fair bit of this going on, especially with the 087 switch. And what was that about? When a girl says she's low on credit, it doesnt MEAN theyre low on credit, it means theyre looking to put the phone down.

Absolute codswallop. Please stop making excuses for this woman who has acted in a selfish and immature manner. How was he suffocating her? What is it about the head wrecking mindgames that Irish women employ. Its so damn frustrating.

OP, you didnt nothing wrong mate. You played it by the book and you took things nice and cool. You were just unlucky that you came across this insecure wench who used you and your kindness. Take it on the chin and move on. You will learn from this and sooner or later and you will find someone you will appreciate you for who you really are, a decent and caring bloke.

Meanwhile us guys will continue to trudge through the mountains of Kleenex and trails of crocodile tears from women on this website and in the soppy magazines asking "Where are all the nice guys out there". Well ladies we are here. Just treat us with a bit of respect.

homerun_homer

Wibbs wrote: »

I agree, they are, but I would also say that there are many who get dicked around and there are fewer that don't. The diff? The ones that don't are those who are secure in themselves. This is transmitted by how they act and react to shenanigans. They simply dont stand for that. I dont mean they get all uppity. That just looks precious. They just refuse to follow up dead ends almost subconsciously. The idea of "more fish in the sea" is one that you should follow completely. There are. There are literally billions of women on this planet. One giving you a knock back is hardly an issue.

Now one knock back is almost expected. Two or three even. If you do get somewhere with a few women and yet still get knocked back, then I would look hard at what you may be doing wrong. Look at guys who don't get knocked back and see if they do something different to you.

When we look at ourselves we should look honestly. Yes there is something in "be yourself", the usual advice, but that's no good if being yourself is getting you nowhere. Waiting around passively for luck or somesuch is not very effective. If one person says you smell, well you can write it off. If ten do, buy soap.

Yes but when it comes to a girl who chases you - instigates conversation, asks to put her number in your phone, asks you to meet on a certain night and then messes you around by texting to say 'Not meeting now, sure I might bump into you about' , that's just being a d!ckhead. There's always the possible backstory but I'm not interested tbh.
*This coincidentally happened over the weekend*

What annoys me with the plenty of fish in the sea comments people make (& I am guilty of saying it too) is that to me it means there are plenty more fish willing to screw you over.

Wibbs

homerun_homer wrote: »

Yes but when it comes to a girl who chases you - instigates conversation, asks to put her number in your phone, asks you to meet on a certain night and then messes you around by texting to say 'Not meeting now, sure I might bump into you about' , that's just being a d!ckhead.

I agree. It is. My answer? So what? You found out early. You don't want to get involved with that type. You really don't. NEXT!

There's always the possible backstory but I'm not interested tbh.

I would agree there. Backstory better be pretty damned good if that BS comes out to play. Actually IMHO there is no backstory good enough.

*This coincidentally happened over the weekend*

Ouch.

What annoys me with the plenty of fish in the sea comments people make (& I am guilty of saying it too) is that to me it means there are plenty more fish willing to screw you over.

Don't let them. Seriously. Keep your emotions in check until you know what's what. Doesn't mean being a knob about it either or doing the emotional impression of an easter island statue with constipation around them. It means simply not getting too emotionally involved after a few meetings. For the most part ignore hollywood notions about this stuff. Yes there are lovely women out there that will meet you halfway, but IME and IMHO in general even good women don't respond too well to too much emotional attachment from a guy early on. This goes double for young women. They simply have more options and tend to keep their eyes open for those options. Again this is in general and of course there are individuals at play here, but IMHO again this is the deal.

Now in the OP's case it was more than a few meetings. Parents were met, long walks in the rain, loving pecks on the lips, talking about this and that etc, blah blah. In the OP's case, something changed that put her off or changed her mind. Quite possibly not him. In fact most probably not him I reckon. I would say the OP is going to find out she's taking long walks in the rain with another bloke soon enough. At which point the excuse of needing to see her mates more:rolleyes: will be shown to be the BS it was.

Partizan wrote:

Absolute codswallop. Please stop making excuses for this woman who has acted in a selfish and immature manner. How was he suffocating her? What is it about the head wrecking mindgames that Irish women employ. Its so damn frustrating.

I agree women can be head wreckers. So can men, just in different ways. hell I've been a head wrecker, by being a wuss, or not that interested or by letting my willy do the thinking or whatever. I can put my hand up to that. I've had my head well and truly wrecked too, by experts in the technique.

OK now this is just my take and the "facts" are just my take, so feel free to disregard(probably best if you do:))Lets forget about the "morals" of all this. The simple plain fact(IMHO) is that men and women have quite different "strategies" to the mating/dating game. Yes we both want love affection and sex. No diff there, but we in general go about it in different ways and in different ways at different life stages(the whys of that are best left in the humanities forum). I presume the OP and many of the nice guys here are under 25. OK well women at that life stage have more choices. Double or triple that for generally regarded attractive women. They have a tendency to go for the flings, the bad boys, the biggest willy in the room, the most socially powerful. The guys their peers want too. They don't tend to go for the shy "nice" emotional guy, unless he stands out in other ways. Yes there of course exceptions and thank god for that, but if you're looking for a relationship it seems prudent to appeal to a general audience.

How? OK if you're shy, well then try at least to overcome that. You don't have to be running around like a cock of the walk, but at least engage others. Men and women. Shyness can often come across as self indulgent and very insecure. Big turn off. Don't focus on just one woman, until she has shown you she's worth focusing on. You have to be a good catch too. It's not just you that should be doing the selling of yourself. No woman wants to feel that she's the only one on your radar and you'll flip out if you lose her(or get her). That's why that cliche of more fish in the sea has some merit. There are. You may like a woman, but if she doesn't like you or treats you disrespectfully, well then you(and she) has to see this is not on.

Meet more people. Meet more women. Don't be overly friendly with women you're interested in. You and they have enough friends. You're looking for a lover and a friend with time. Don't be ashamed of that either. Thinks with your big head as well as your little head and heart.

Be happy in who you are, first and foremost. Do that and the bad boys etc wont stand a chance.

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

when i landed in the pub she told me she wanted to break up, that i'm a lovely guy etc etc and that she wanted more time with her friends blah blah

i was stunned. really hit me hard.

don't know what happened.

I'd bet money another guy either arrived on the scene or (more likely) reappeared on the scene.

I wouldn't be surprised if he was in the pub that night.

Best thing to do is to try to move on as quickly as possible. Thinking about her all the time and wishing you were still together will just prolong the pain.

In 6 months you won't give a damn about her. Try to remind yourself of that.

LegacyUser

wow, generated a lot of comments

i decided to text a girl i met out a month or two back but hadn't contacted due to the other girl

she has texted me back, so we'll take it from there...

fair enough, she knows the girl who dumped me but fcuk it