How to get over her?

LegacyUser

Long story short, as it's probably fairly common...

New girl started in the office a few months ago, we got on great and eventually started going out. A few weeks later she decides to call it a day as she thinks we don't have enough in common & things could start getting awkward in work. This takes me by complete surprise as I was quickly falling for her - never told her that at the time.

As we work together & see each other several times a day, she says she still wants us to stay friends as she still really likes me - I lie & say that I'm ok with it. Fast forward to last week and I tell her how I was feeling at the time we were a couple. This freaks her out & she says that we can't be friends anymore - strangely, I was more upset by that than when we split up (I guess, objectively, it was because it finally killed any dreams I had of us getting back together).

Over the weekend, though, she starts texting me again & we end up on friendly terms again, with the agreement that we definitely can't be more than friends - childishly I still claim that that's ok when I'm really lying. She then mentions in passing today that she's "kind of" seeing a new guy, which eats me up inside - and yes, I know that that kind of jealousy isn't healthy at all.

Have to say, though, that I don't think she's being malicious about things or that it's an ego boost for her. I could be wrong, however.

So the question remains, how do I get over her? She's urged me to go out & make new friends, but I'm not really that outgoing, with a very small circle of friends, and emotionally I'm a mess inside, stuck in a sort of holding pattern. I can't just cut her out of my life, as we work so closely, and we've got the same set of friends in the office. And yes, I know this is a perfect example of why you shouldn't crap where you eat.

One of the worst things too is how childish I'm being about it - I'm in my late 20s, for God's sake. I was a late starter, though, and I've never felt so strongly about someone before.

slumped

this will sound harsh, but get over her quickly.

She has been lovely about things and had been courteous enough to let you know gently that she is seeing someone.

Move on - find other friends and don't obsess with this girl who has clearly moved on and was not as into things as you were.

First time crushes can be hard.

S

Gibbins123

Its a pity when the attraction becomes one sided. But to be happy, she needs to keep looking. And you need to look elsewhere.

Try take a little holiday.. a week off work or a weekend away with friends or even visit relatives. Its always good to get away after a breakup to get your mind off it, even for a few days.

If you find it difficult to make new friends, try take up a hobby. its the best way to meet people. Go to swimming lessons, horse riding lessons or take up a sport.

IrishWhite

Absolutely correct remove yourself from the situation for a few days spend time with friends and family. The feelings will pass you have to move on or you will end up eating yourself up inside.

star-pants

OP that is heartcrushing when you have to see the person you still really like everyday and talk to her and find out she's with someone new.

BUT the only way you'll get over her is to create a bit of distance, I wouldn't be overly friendly (not saying to be rude but don't let her be the first friend you contact etc) just to give yourself space away from it. She's let you know that she's seeing someone else, probably to make sure you know that she's moved on and for you to do the same.
Easier said than done, but torturing yourself by trying to be good friends with her won't help you.

JonathanAnon

Well, to disagree with the second poster, I dont think she has been lovely.
She pretty much lead you on, and threw you to the side like an old rag doll when something better came along. I would think she is a good bit younger than you? Maybe first job after college?

Going on holiday wont help, as you will still have to come back to the same job. I have been in work relationships before, and you have to have keep a professional attitude, no matter how hard it becomes. Dont ignore her, speak to her politely as you would with any other member of the staff, even if it breaks your heart.

And finally, hold your head up high in work. You have done nothing wrong. Dont feel embarrassed about what has gone on. Every guy has told a girl he loves her, and had it knocked back in his face, at least once in his life.

But if you find that you just cant handle the situation and it is affecting your mental health, hand in your notice..