Bad Luck With Guys...

LegacyUser

PI must be getting sick of these posts, I know there's loads of them, buuuuuut...

I'm a 21 year old girl who's moved to Ireland just under three months ago. I've made a great social base, have loads of incredible friends, so I know I'm not psycho or something. I'm a real genuinely nice person as anyone who knows me will attest. I'm (at the risk of sounding really arrogant) a good-looking girl. The problem with this is that lads will come up to me with the intention of pulling-- and nothing else.

I'm not really a one-night-stand kind of person. Not to say I haven't had a few here and there but it's not my thing at the end of the day. I'm not looking for anything super incredibly serious as I'm only here for another nine months, I've had two long-term relationships already and I don't think I'm into that right now, but I really, really wouldn't mind someone to just kind of have the craic with, you know? Something a little more constant.

Now again, I feel like I'm going to come off as really arrogant-- I don't mean to, and I'm honestly not-- but I feel like because I'm decent looking, guys just want to be able to say "oh, I was with that girl" or something, and if I wasn't, maybe they'd take the time to get to know me? I don't know. Now I feel really full of myself. But I seriously can't think of anything else.

So far the two guys who were interested in relationships that I was also interested in ended up having girlfriends that they didn't care to mention until quite a bit later, leaving me feeling absolutely awful for their girlfriends, as well as feeling quite used.

Is there something wrong with me, is it just irish guys, or do I just have really bad luck?

Wibbs

If you're tending to meet them when they've 5 pints on board then that's where a lot of that is coming from. Try and meet men through friends or work. Talk to them without the drink/dancing/mating stuff going on. Makes a difference.

Zulu

You've been here 3 months, and you've found people to score.
However, while you are not looking for "the one", you want to find someone in between a score and "the one"???

Just use of the boys you have scored?

LegacyUser

Zulu wrote: »

You've been here 3 months, and you've found people to score.
However, while you are not looking for "the one", you want to find someone in between a score and "the one"???

Just use of the boys you have scored?

That's the problem. They disappear. There's been a couple I've liked and met up with afterwards but I just end up getting used.

I'm not looking for "the one" but I'm looking for someone to spend time with for things other than sex is what I'm saying, and I have no problem with it turning into "the one"-- I just don't want to go into it with that intention.

madziuda

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a 21 year old girl who's moved to Ireland just under three months ago.

that's one answer for you. Three months is an incredibly short period of time. Finding 'the real deal', or, at least, a genuine, decent guy takes time. If all it took was 3 months, we (=the women) would be all paired-up and happy by now and there would be no "Help, I can't find a good man" threads on boards.ie:)

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm not looking for anything super incredibly serious as I'm only here for another nine months

actually, that might be a bit of a problem. If guys know that you're only going to be here for another 9 months and then you'll be off to your home country, chances are they'll not want to start a relationship with you... This is not a reflection on your personality, looks or even on the decency (or lack thereof) of Irish guys. It's a basic self-preservation instinct - they're protecting themselves against the heartbreak that's going to come with your ultimate separation. Not every man (or, for that matter, woman) is brave enough to willingly and consciously enter into what's inevitably going to turn into a long-distance relationship. Not saying there aren't guys like that - there are - it's just that they're in minority.

If you miss male company and want to find someone who fits the bill reasonably fast, I'd recommend the online dating thingie

one way or another, OP, good luck and don't lose hope - in my experience (I'm a foreign national myself) Irish guys are absolutely brilliant You just need to give them a chance

ruxpin82

hey,
i dont believe your coming across as arrogant, you say your a good looking girl which is fair enough, call a spade a spade, god knows we need a few more like you in this country. Actually im interested to know where your from because you sound irish if that make any sense? Anyway, 2 potentials in 3months is pretty good going im my opinion, jesus im home from travelling 5mths and iv barely spoken to a girl!
I think id agree with the previous post saying to keep away from the pub club scene if you really want to meet someone who isnt just after a shag and whos confidence isn't bolstered by copious amounts of drink. Saying that, there are'nt too many things to do in your spare time over here, especially if you live down the country. Wasting away ones life drinking seems to be a national pastime.
I think alot of irish guys are a bit intimidated by very good looking girls, and can be reluctant to approache, i'd include myself in this, so the onus is on you to make a bit more effort.
I might be just rambling but hope this helps

Mr. Incognito

Join a class or ask a female mate from work (if you work) and you'll be able to fall in with their social network if you're only here for a short time.

Hell, even pm me. I'll take you out.

John Mason

LOL - there is nothing wrong with you, they are just irish men

Irishcrx

It's not all irish guys, I'm having a similar problem with women actually, Just wanted someone to have a bit of craic with, do a few things with and see what happens...and i've had similar luck, just one night stands which i'm not really into tbh, she has a boyfriend etc etc...sometimes you just hit a bad run but usually it will turn out in the end just stay with the course and try to get to know the guys a bit better before doing anything..

LegacyUser

I'm from Canada. I probably sound irish because I picked up irishisms because I personally think they're fantastic. Also could be the fact that I come from another English-speaking country, lol.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice guys. It's a bit hard to meet people outside of the pub/club scene at the moment because I'm not working and I'm in one of those central irish towns where there's literally nothing else to do but drink.

Guess I just need to be patient. Bit lonely though.

ruxpin82

i hear what your saying about the small irish town thing, about as interesting as the inside of a saucepan id say.
Feck it, if things are that bad and your near a large town in south tipp, name beginning in C and ending in L, pm me, id be at a loose end myself in my free time!

bacon?

how old are these guys you´re dating?

i´m guessing around the same age as you?

if you´re looking for a serious relationship, maybe look for a guy a bit older, late 20´s, early 30´s.

star-pants

I wouldn't worry OP - as others said, you've only been here 3 months, and considering you've had a range of interest you must be doing something right

Thing is sometimes you have to wade through some Mr Wrongs to get Mr Right Now etc..
It's hard to find someone you'll really click with on all levels and it takes a while to figure out what you want, and being able to find it. It'll happen at some point

Supermanscat

Everyone is different really! Some lads will treat you like ****, infact in my opinion, its always the dickheads that get the nice girls!!

You will just have to be patient, it all depends on the lad in the end! What do you do during the day??

coillcam

Unregistered wrote: »

PI must be getting sick of these posts, I know there's loads of them, buuuuuut...

I'm a 21 year old girl who's moved to Ireland just under three months ago. I've made a great social base, have loads of incredible friends, so I know I'm not psycho or something. I'm a real genuinely nice person as anyone who knows me will attest. I'm (at the risk of sounding really arrogant) a good-looking girl. The problem with this is that lads will come up to me with the intention of pulling-- and nothing else.

I'm not really a one-night-stand kind of person. Not to say I haven't had a few here and there but it's not my thing at the end of the day. I'm not looking for anything super incredibly serious as I'm only here for another nine months, I've had two long-term relationships already and I don't think I'm into that right now, but I really, really wouldn't mind someone to just kind of have the craic with, you know? Something a little more constant.

Now again, I feel like I'm going to come off as really arrogant-- I don't mean to, and I'm honestly not-- but I feel like because I'm decent looking, guys just want to be able to say "oh, I was with that girl" or something, and if I wasn't, maybe they'd take the time to get to know me? I don't know. Now I feel really full of myself. But I seriously can't think of anything else.

So far the two guys who were interested in relationships that I was also interested in ended up having girlfriends that they didn't care to mention until quite a bit later, leaving me feeling absolutely awful for their girlfriends, as well as feeling quite used.

Is there something wrong with me, is it just irish guys, or do I just have really bad luck?

Don't worry, there are plenty of decent blokes around here. Being an Irish man is not a predilection to womanizing ways. I'd be pretty confident that it is not intrinsically linked to one's nationality. As mentioned before it is a small sample size so your opinion may be skewed a little as a result.

You could ask some of your mates to suggest some potential dates for you. May not be the most 21st century way of doing things but it may work out.

Keep the chin up, nothing you could have done differently really. And there are plenty of good lads on our little Island and your bound to bump into some of them at some stage soon. Don't let a couple of douches put you off or ruin your stay and good luck.

BraziliaNZ

stop complaining, you're doing alright, I go months, years, without sex or any female contact sometimes, consider yourself lucky you're getting any attention at all!

Kaldorn

Hello, I know how you feel and I have canadian friends here in dublin that were in a similar boat when they arrived,alas these things come with time which you dont seem to have much of.PM me if you want the details of your fellow cnucks,i myself have been to BC 3 times..love the place!

Wagon

Hate to break it to you, but as others pointed out, it's because you're heading home in nine months time I don't think that you'll find that "casual nice guy" thing you're after. If you've told these lads you've been with that you'll be heading home in nine months time then that's probably why they don't call back. Just putting their guard up. Understandable. I'd be the same, and I'm not a sleaze by anyone's measure.

Tragedy

I dont even think it's the 9months thing.
If you meet someone nice, most people would tend to let feelings take over and not think "Hey, I wont even go on a date because in 9months she's probably leaving".

I'd say its more being a small town in rural ireland, where everyone knows everyone, everyone grew up together and everyone socialises together.
Meeting random people must be hard in pubs/clubs, nevermind outside them. And anyone you do meet, if things go badly it gets around.

Try either moving somewhere larger like Galway/Dublin/Cork, or at least doing weekend trips?

Or **** it, online dating.

Placebo

oh ireland, how it shows its true colours in just 3 months.
Why bother get mentally/emotionally involved if youre here for nine months anyway !?

Wantobe

I think it's the drinking scene. If you meet someone outside of that the chances are better. ARe you into any sports? Sailing/horseriding/kayaking/hiking etc? When you meet people sober it seems more 'real' somehow?

Dave!

PM me

LegacyUser

Well if it came right down to it I could extend my visa (potentially) or just come back so the nine months thing never really occurred to me if I'm completely honest with you. Gives me something to think about either way.

Ahhh, what a pain.

Placebo

either way i think youre going to the wrong places.
bar wise.