New Book of the Bible discovered

Gaothfar · 25-11-2008 1:20pm #1

A Reading from the Book of Reason, Verses IV to X

IV And Man created God in his own image and likeness. And Man said we must bring our God even to the far corners of the Earth and those who will not bow down to his power we will put to the sword. And many perished and other some were driven into slavery for the word of God was indeed all-powerful.

V And Man decked himself in the riches of the Earth, in gold and purple adornments and said let us praise God for all the riches he has given us, for great is the word of the Lord. And all bowed down before him. And the words of God were written in a great book which was carried throughout the Earth by the armies of the Lord.

VI And some among those that were enslaved said let us make unto ourselves our own God that we too might have power in the Earth. And they joined one to another and wheresoever they went, they laid waste the Earth and put to the sword those who rose against them. And many perished and were enslaved for the power of God was also with them.

VII And Man said it is not fitting that woman should stand by my side for she was made by God to be my hand-servant. And he beat her down to serve his will with whips and rods of iron. And many were put to death by fire and the sword. And woman bowed down and said ‘it is the will of God.

VIII And Man said; let us subdue the beasts of the field and fishes of the seas and the fowls of the air and even the riches of the Earth for it is the will of God. And Man wrought his power over the Earth and made the mountains to crumble and the Earth to give up its wealth and the beasts to bow before him. And those who defied the power of God were cleansed from the face of the Earth.

IX And Man saw what he had done where the rivers flowed with blood and the bones of the vanquished lay like mountains upon the plain and he raised his face to the Heavens and said in truth we have created God in our image and likeness.

X And in the late day some arose who said Let us close the book of God; let us join hands together one to another, man and woman and let us know the mysteries of the Earth and let us learn their meanings. And they closed the great book and set it upon the ground and they went out from that place saying these things we shall do, yes we can.

Here endeth the lesson

CerebralCortex · 25-11-2008 1:38pm

Gaothfar wrote: »

V And Man decked himself in the riches of the Earth, in gold and purple adornments and said let us praise God for all the riches he has given us, for great is the word of the Lord.....

You were making sense up until this point.

Galvasean · 25-11-2008 1:39pm

Wrong forum.

seamus · 25-11-2008 1:42pm

(Read the post....)

Asiaprod · 25-11-2008 1:53pm

Galvasean wrote: »

Wrong forum.

Its a piss take:) Quite a good one too.

Mr. Incognito · 25-11-2008 1:53pm

New Book of Bible for Dummies.

IV And Man created God in his own image and likeness. And Man said we must bring our God even to the far corners of the Earth and those who will not bow down to his power we will put to the sword. And many perished and other some were driven into slavery for the word of God was indeed all-powerful.

So basically religion was used as an excuse and justification to wage wars. Yada Yada

V And Man decked himself in the riches of the Earth, in gold and purple adornments and said let us praise God for all the riches he has given us, for great is the word of the Lord. And all bowed down before him. And the words of God were written in a great book which was carried throughout the Earth by the armies of the Lord.

Using crap from the bible to justify anything they wanted. Yada Yada

VI And some among those that were enslaved said let us make unto ourselves our own God that we too might have power in the Earth. And they joined one to another and wheresoever they went, they laid waste the Earth and put to the sword those who rose against them. And many perished and were enslaved for the power of God was also with them.

People said- hey this is a good gig. Lets make up our own God and use religion as an excuse to do what we want too. Yada Yada

VII And Man said it is not fitting that woman should stand by my side for she was made by God to be my hand-servant. And he beat her down to serve his will with whips and rods of iron. And many were put to death by fire and the sword. And woman bowed down and said ‘it is the will of God.

Bit of woman bashing here. Personally womins can think what they like, we won when it became socially acceptable for women to take it up the bum.

VIII And Man said; let us subdue the beasts of the field and fishes of the seas and the fowls of the air and even the riches of the Earth for it is the will of God. And Man wrought his power over the Earth and made the mountains to crumble and the Earth to give up its wealth and the beasts to bow before him. And those who defied the power of God were cleansed from the face of the Earth.

Yes, yes, us greedy bastards fecked up the environment. Cue loads of drowing Dutch children.

IX And Man saw what he had done where the rivers flowed with blood and the bones of the vanquished lay like mountains upon the plain and he raised his face to the Heavens and said in truth we have created God in our image and likeness.

This is a bit deep, you might want to gloss over it. Basically we have a vengefull god and that cos we're all just selfish little bastards. Very half empty glass stuff, go watch shrek and lie down and forget about it.

X And in the late day some arose who said Let us close the book of God; let us join hands together one to another, man and woman and let us know the mysteries of the Earth and let us learn their meanings. And they closed the great book and set it upon the ground and they went out from that place saying these things we shall do, yes we can.

Basically lets forget about organised religion and go support Obama, hell at least we can see him, sleep with him and ask him stuff, like why are we here, just don't be surprised if he asks you for money, but then the old god did too.