Slept with cousin

LegacyUser · 21-11-2008 1:33pm #1

i just really needed to get this off my chest for such a long time....i know most people will think its repulsive but it happend and i cant take it back now. I mean iv heard of people before that wer cousins getting married but still if either of our families ever found out they would kill us.
Hes a few year older than i am. The thing is i cant help thinking that he used me. He gave me all the talk telling me how much he liked me and i kept thinking that ok he had to of ment it because of our situation and how he wouldnt risk that sort of thing just for a fling. It happend 2 r 3 times over 4years and i havnt herd from him in a long time now.

I think the main thing is i just feel so stupid i could have let this happen. Im not sure why im writting this here i just needed to get it all out because havnt been able to tell anybody about it considering the situation.

Captain Ginger · 21-11-2008 5:15pm

Don't beat yourself up about it, these things happen a lot more than people admit to, what's done is done, all you can do now is move on with your life.

Mr Benevolent · 21-11-2008 5:21pm

It's not illegal, just a bit unusual (ok, not that unusual in Ireland). You didn't get pregnant, that's the important thing. No big deal.

Bijoux · 21-11-2008 6:19pm

op, do you like him? Or is it just getting to you that you may have been used? Look at it this way, we all do stupid things from time to time. Fact of life. Look on the bright side, you're not pregnant. You know now not to go near him. If you do like him, this is easier said than done. If you dont like him, learn from your mistakes and move on. Lesson learned.

Handsome Bob · 21-11-2008 6:21pm

Once he didn't take advantage of you at a young age OP then it's nothing to be worried about.

MizzLolly · 21-11-2008 8:16pm

Why do you feel he used you? How old were you?

Stop beating yourself up over it. Forget it and move on. Chances are he wants to forget it too.

Chin up

Bottle_of_Smoke · 21-11-2008 11:58pm

Unregistered wrote: »

i just really needed to get this off my chest for such a long time....i know most people will think its repulsive but it happend and i cant take it back now. I mean iv heard of people before that wer cousins getting married but still if either of our families ever found out they would kill us.
Hes a few year older than i am. The thing is i cant help thinking that he used me. He gave me all the talk telling me how much he liked me and i kept thinking that ok he had to of ment it because of our situation and how he wouldnt risk that sort of thing just for a fling. It happend 2 r 3 times over 4years and i havnt herd from him in a long time now.

I think the main thing is i just feel so stupid i could have let this happen. Im not sure why im writting this here i just needed to get it all out because havnt been able to tell anybody about it considering the situation.

Perhaps he did really like you and realised it could never work so got out before he fell for you big time. Maybe you should talk to him about it.

That is assuming you were at least 17/18 when it started.

RoosterIllusion · 22-11-2008 12:07am

MizzLolly wrote: »

Chin up

There won't be many chins left in that gene pool if they keep up the antics

wha wha wha! :pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

Tar.Aldarion · 22-11-2008 12:11am

Nothing wrong with banging your cousin. You have not been injured, you are not pregnant etc. I wouldn't worry too much over it.

syklops · 22-11-2008 1:23am

RoosterIllusion wrote: »

There won't be many chins left in that gene pool if they keep up the antics wha wha wha! :pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

I dont think that is suitable posts for PI. This is not AH.

OP, Dont worry about it. It is way more common than you think.

Silverfish · 22-11-2008 1:25am

RoosterIllusion banned for a week.

White_Feather · 22-11-2008 1:30am

Op, I pretty much have to agree with what everyone has said. I guarentee you this happens all the time. Providing you werent a child and he didnt force you to do it, well then I would do my best to forget about it and move on. I doubt that he is meaning to hurt you by not contacting you. I just think that A) He is embarressed by what has happened, and therefore afraid to call or see you. or

He really does like you but knows that both of you families would go mental if they found out about the two of you so he is not going to let himself get attached to you.

Anyway, I think you were right letting it off your chest, because it always helps! Hope this helps!

Overheal · 22-11-2008 5:09am

White Feather said it better than I could.

OP this might also be a helpful read if only to blow off a little steam

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_couple

and a Famous list of Coupled Cousins: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_coupled_cousins

Apparently Franklin D Roosevelt married his 5th cousin. news to me.

Agonist · 22-11-2008 8:49am

Unregistered wrote: »

i just really needed to get this off my chest for such a long time....
The thing is i cant help thinking that he used me. ...
I think the main thing is i just feel so stupid i could have let this happen. Im not sure why im writting this here i just needed to get it all out because havnt been able to tell anybody about it considering the situation.

Sometimes people feel abused even if the abusing itself wasn't an illegal act. You sound like you are blaming yourself and are full of regrets. You may have been manipulated into it, I don't know. But I do know that you can seek help for the feelings you are writing about without being encouraged to start ringing the guards.
The Rape Crisis centre may be able to offer you counselling - this is to do with how you feel about yourself after what happened, not about what he did and whether he did wrong.
A different but similar thing happened to 'a friend' and after being told by everyone that 'these things happen, he didn't do anything wrong, just get over it' a counsellor let her talk about it and she started to deal with her feelings and recover.

Captain Ginger wrote: »

Don't beat yourself up about it, these things happen a lot more than people admit to, what's done is done, all you can do now is move on with your life.

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Once he didn't take advantage of you at a young age OP then it's nothing to be worried about.

These are the kind of things my friend was told and, while they are true, they didn't help at all.

St. Robbie · 22-11-2008 10:49am

You had sex with Tony Cousins?!

Dave! · 22-11-2008 12:36pm

Forget about the fact that it's your cousin, it's not a big deal.

Just think of it as you feel you were used by the bloke.

Put it down to experience and move on. Oh and don't do it anymore

Cpaw · 22-11-2008 3:09pm

Dave! wrote: »

Forget about the fact that it's your cousin, it's not a big deal.

Oh and don't do it anymore

You just contradicted yourself?

You make it sound like a big deal with your last sentence.

Dave! · 22-11-2008 3:15pm

The big deal is that she shagged someone who's now neglecting her... Clearly this is of concern to her, so she should not do it anymore.

It irrelevent whether it's her cousin or not

Silverfish · 22-11-2008 3:30pm

St. Robbie banned for a week, on topic and helpful replies only.

panjandrum · 22-11-2008 6:43pm

the fact that he is your cousin, i think you should forget it ever happened. Its borderline incest. Be glad you have not heard from him. get on with your life. If he is older he should know better.

Aloysius Flyte · 22-11-2008 7:46pm

panjandrum wrote: »

the fact that he is your cousin, i think you should forget it ever happened. Its borderline incest. Be glad you have not heard from him. get on with your life. If he is older he should know better.

its not actually borderline incest. Genetically/biologocally its a far worse thing for second cousins to have children togther than first cousins. In fact, in the pre-independence times it was quite common in Anglo-Irish families for cousins to marry.

Don't worry about it. As you get older, the opportunities for having to meet him for family occasions will get fewer and fewer. Put it behind you and move one. :rolleyes:

SoWatchaWant · 22-11-2008 9:32pm

I did it myself. I don't care if she's my cousin. I'm gonna knock them boots again TONIGHT.

davyjose · 22-11-2008 10:00pm

Cpaw wrote: »

You just contradicted yourself? You make it sound like a big deal with your last sentence.

No he didn't, he advised her not to repeat something that has caused her pain. Seems to me like you projected your own opinion there.

[Jackass] · 22-11-2008 10:05pm

OP it's not that big of a deal. Maybe he hasn't contacted you because he feels a bit weird about it too or is embarressed at the things he said, even if he meant it, because you are cousins.

Don't be too hard on yourself, who cares??? You've built this up into a much bigger deal in your head, trust me. It probably is a lot more common than people would think too...I mean, ever been to Roscommon? Full of it!!

Wibbs · 22-11-2008 11:28pm

SoWatchaWant read the charter of this forum, particularly the bit about unhelpful posting. Only warning

camel toe · 23-11-2008 3:04am

oh hell u should be ashamed of urself. if i was you i wouldnt dare step out my front door again. people know what you did probably and think little of you now.

sorry but this is reality.

Saibh · 23-11-2008 3:08am

camel toe wrote: »

oh hell u should be ashamed of urself. if i was you i wouldnt dare step out my front door again. people know what you did probably and think little of you now.

sorry but this is reality.

me thinks you are just waiting to be permanently banned some day soon... and in case you want to know why -

you have some attitude...

camel toe · 23-11-2008 3:13am

eh wat?????? i gave my advise and this is a public forum i can give my opinion on somethin if i want to.

Saibh · 23-11-2008 3:15am

camel toe wrote: »

eh wat?????? i gave my advise and this is a public forum i can give my opinion on somethin if i want to.

but people can post in personnel issues without people given them a hard time on their particular problem - you are suppose to offer advise or if not don't post

camel toe · 23-11-2008 3:17am

i think the op wud be best staying out of the way for some time, becoz sleeing with ur cousin is very odd, in fact i never even rly thought it happened.

pvt.joker · 23-11-2008 3:17am

this is clearly a troll thread

Overheal · 23-11-2008 4:48am

pvt.joker wrote: »

this is clearly a troll thread

How? In fairness, just when you think you've heard it all, you havent. I dont see why the OPs problem is so hard to believe.

Kold · 23-11-2008 5:45am

I don't think it should be encouraged either. OP, there will be a ton of men out there for you who aren't actually related to you. I wouldn't pay any heed to the idea of him using you, it happened, can't change that. Just because you seemingly like eachother doesn't dispel that it's really really weird and not a healthy thing. You sound young (I may be wrong) but f**k it, he doesn't want to persue this any further and neither should you. If he does then yeah, it's probably just when he's horny.

Motley Crue · 23-11-2008 8:14am

Unregistered wrote: »

I think the main thing is i just feel so stupid i could have let this happen. Im not sure why im writting this here i just needed to get it all out because havnt been able to tell anybody about it considering the situation.

As you said he was older, and he used you, and while there was essentially nothing wrong with what you did (as far as I am aware its frowned upon but its not legal) it sounds like he did what he did purely for the sexual thrill of sleeping with his cousin as opposed to another girl.

Don't beat yourself up, its well in the past now, and I would just forget about it as much as you can because there are much worse crimes and heartache one can encounter in their life.

If you are religious, you could visit a priest in confidence, they are a lot more approachable then they used to be and they will listen and give advice.

Wibbs · 23-11-2008 9:24am

pvt.joker leave modding and troll calls up to the mods. They may have more background on a situation than you do. Plus it's against the charter of this forum and is even a separate sticky. Only warning. Goes for anyone else calling troll. Next person gets a ban.

LegacyUser · 25-11-2008 9:19am

Thanks to everyone that replied some were very helpful. I dont think i made something clear in my first post - i was not underage at the time and knew exactly what i was doing albeit i was young and stupid but not underage.

Im glad i was just able to get it off my chest. I am just going to forget about the whole thing and move on with my life and never let anything like that happen again.

Thanks again to all that replied.

Slept with cousin

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