Euro Rules: What is and what is not acceptable

Raam

This is coming up time and time again.
A recent post of some peoples handlebars left me shivering uncontrollably. After I closed the window and put some clothes on :pac:, I realised that it was the flagrant disregard for style and form. Instead of focusing on how they looked, people were talking about "function", as if it even mattered!

So, if you were to introduce your own Euro rule, what would it be?

Here's one: there is an absolute limit of one item permitted to be on your handlebars at any time.

Ghost Rider

A dashboard?

Raam wrote: »

This is coming up time and time again.
A recent post of some peoples handlebars left me shivering uncontrollably. After I closed the window and put some clothes on :pac:, I realised that it was the flagrant disregard for style and form. Instead of focusing on how they looked, people were talking about "function", as if it even mattered!

So, if you were to introduce your own Euro rule, what would it be?

Here's one: there is an absolute limit of one item permitted to be on your handlebars at any time.

'68 Fastback

And that single item will only be a computer.

Chips Lovell

So no computer on night rides?

How about maximum of one item daylight, max of two at night?

Raam

el tonto wrote: »

So no computer on night rides?

How about maximum of one item daylight, max of two at night?

Hmm, well.... OK.
I suppose on the grounds of health & safety, some kind of lee-way is required.

DirkVoodoo

Legs should not only be shaved but waxed and fondled often.

Wearing a pair of your wife's red stilletos while striking Marilyn Monroe poses in front of a full length mirror and pretending you are a high class prostitute is an acceptable use of non-competitive spare time for the eurocyclist.

Chips Lovell

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

Legs should not only be shaved but waxed and fondled often.

Wearing a pair of your wife's red stilletos while striking Marilyn Monroe poses in front of a full length mirror and pretending you are a high class prostitute is an acceptable use of non-competitive spare time for the eurocyclist.

Raam

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

Legs should not only be shaved but waxed and fondled often.

Wearing a pair of your wife's red stilletos while striking Marilyn Monroe poses in front of a full length mirror and pretending you are a high class prostitute is an acceptable use of non-competitive spare time for the eurocyclist.

I don't know what you get up to in your spare time, and I'm not sure I want to know either.

Lumen

Raam wrote: »

Here's one: there is an absolute limit of one item permitted to be on your handlebars at any time.

A vanity mirror, surely?

DirkVoodoo

Hey, I don't pretend to know what eurocyclists do, I'm just going by what I read on here

blorg

Raam wrote: »

Here's one: there is an absolute limit of one item permitted to be on your handlebars at any time.

Does that include hands?

Chips Lovell

Lumen wrote: »

A vanity mirror, surely?

Mirrors are most definitely banned. A mirror on your handlbars screams "I'm incapable of looking over my shoulder"

kenmc

Did we not vote against the Euro rules in the Lisbon treaty?

I'm eurosceptic. AND I paid good money for my bars, damn straight I'm going to use them!

Chips Lovell

At random:

Bandanas and splash bartape belong in the 90s. Leave them there.

Raam

There appears to be much resistance against all things Euro in this land/board.

Does that include hands?

Hands are not "items"!

As for mirrors, if you want to satisfy any narcistic tendancies, everyone knows that you can always steal subtle glances of yourself in other riders sunglasses and in the windows of passing cars.

Gavin

It feels like Friday around here.

I wear baggy shorts.

I don't notice if sunglasses are over or under the helmet (what is this one about ?!)

I wear a woolly hat sometimes

I don't even have a cycle computer

Chips Lovell

Verb wrote: »

I don't notice if sunglasses are over or under the helmet (what is this one about ?!)

Crash and find them stuck in the side of your head and you'll find out.

EDIT: At least that's what I've been told. I've been fortunate enough not to have to test this one yet.

Raam

Verb wrote: »

I don't notice if sunglasses are over or under the helmet (what is this one about ?!)

You say you don't notice, but you are acknowledging that the rule exists. That's a good start. I know that you are a recent convert to the road world so we are prepared to nurture and help mould you in our own guise.

kenmc

el tonto wrote: »

Crash and find them stuck in the side of your head and you'll find out.

EDIT: At least that's what I've been told. I've been fortunate enough not to have to test this one yet.

Please explain how having them over your helmet straps would be any better?

Chips Lovell

kenmc wrote: »

Please explain how having them over your helmet straps would be any better?

Apparently, they fall off easier rather than get suck in your face. As I said, I've yet to test this and hope that I never have to.

davidsatelle100

I wear baggy shorts

I wear downhill jerseys on a Roadie

I always wear my glasses under the straps of my helmet


Ha Ha to your Eurorules

:P

Gavin

davidsatelle100 wrote: »

I wear baggy shorts

I wear downhill jerseys on a Roadie

I always wear my glasses under the straps of my helmet


Ha Ha to your Eurorules

:P

High Five !

tunney

Only acceptable gear to ride in is either nondescript plain gear or gear from your club or a club you used to be in. Replica gear is unacceptable. All gear must match and be colour co-ordinated.

kenmc

el tonto wrote: »

Apparently, they fall off easier rather than get suck in your face. As I said, I've yet to test this and hope that I never have to.

Eeaahhhh no. I don't buy it, unless you have the special edition Oakley Jettisons (TM). If you hit the ground, your shades will still be on your nose and ears until at least after the first impact. And I think it's really the arms that would do you any significant damge, the lenses tend not to shatter, whereas the arms could end up poking you in the eye, in which case if you can stop the arms from getting loose then you would prevent a poke. Least thats how it seems in my head anyway.
edit: I'm willing to sacrifice my pump and your wheel/glasses though in order to conduct a scientific experiment if you like

Chips Lovell

tunney wrote: »

Only acceptable gear to ride in is either nondescript plain gear or gear from your club or a club you used to be in. Replica gear is unacceptable. All gear must match and be colour co-ordinated.

I vote for retro pro gear. But current jerseys, nope.

Gavin

Raam wrote: »

You say you don't notice, but you are acknowledging that the rule exists. That's a good start. I know that you are a recent convert to the road world so we are prepared to nurture and help mould you in our own guise.

I will begin vomiting ASAP !

unionman

Looking at photos of myself having just completed the Martin Earley tour last August, I move that the rules include a ban on beer bellies in lycra.

As it is, I can only assume that there is an implicit agreement not to point and laugh at beer bellies in lycra...unless of course everyone was doing it behind my back at the time.:o

I can talk about this now because I have lost a stone since those pics were taken*.:D

*Half of which can be attributed to a nasty bout of illness which has kept me off two wheels for the last three weeks

scottreynolds

New Rules.......

When wearing clothing while cycling the most important thing should be that you don't cross brands. e.g. If you bike is running Shimano you can't wearhinf any item of clothing that is Campagnolo.

--and--

Rigorous side to side motion of your hips is strictly forbidden.

--and--

Not self righteous cyclist shall drive to the start of any cycling route.



I am guilty of only the first rule this month

DirkVoodoo

I think Shimano is banned from actual euro rules.

Tut tut

Raam

tunney wrote: »

Only acceptable gear to ride in is either nondescript plain gear or gear from your club or a club you used to be in. Replica gear is unacceptable. All gear must match and be colour co-ordinated.

Arse, I'm guilty of that one. Does it count if the team has since changed name?

scottreynolds

Raam wrote: »

Does it count if the team has since changed name?

Unless the team was disbanded for drugs I think that would be classified as Retro Cool unless of course its a former U.S. based team.

Raam

scottreynolds wrote: »

Unless the team was disbanded for drugs I think that would be classified as Retro Cool unless of course its a former U.S. based team.

It's the High Road kit and now that I think of it I have the FDJ kit.

TinyExplosions

el tonto wrote: »

Crash and find them stuck in the side of your head and you'll find out.

EDIT: At least that's what I've been told. I've been fortunate enough not to have to test this one yet.

When I came off in England, was my Oakleys that cut my head good, so it can happen... wasn't wearing a helmet at the time though, maybe that's why.... Glasses always go outside the straps anyway

My rule would be no sandles, ever, unless on a recumbent (and they're banned)

Also, you should wear as many different team items in one outfit as possible (4 minimum!)

Chips Lovell

scottreynolds wrote: »

Unless the team was disbanded for drugs I think that would be classified as Retro Cool unless of course its a former U.S. based team.

Most of my pro jerseys are from teams notorious for drug use.

@Raam: I think the Sunday morning Festina train will have to be revived during the summer.

Lumen

TinyExplosions wrote: »

When I came off in England, was my Oakleys that cut my head good, so it can happen...

Was that the accident you had in England the day after I warned you about having an accident in England?

Chips Lovell

More things that should be banned:

• Wearing Dunnes Stores wool dress socks with cycling shoes. Not only does it not look stylish, you'll end up with very soggy feet if it rains.
  
• Wearing jackets and jerseys two sizes to big for you because you're still uncomfortable with the whole tight gear thing. Believe me, you look like a bigger Fred with your jersey flapping in the wind.
  
• On a similar note, wearing football shorts over your cycling shorts. Nothing screams insecurity more than it. Man up and just wear the lycra.
  
• Riding everywhere on the hoods. Drops are there for a reason.
  
• Wearing a world champion, national champion or race leader's jersey. You didn't win it so don't wear it.
  
• Showing up with carbon rims to charity cycles.
  
• Paying a small fortune for a lightweight frame and then strapping two litres of water on it.

Raam

Excellent work, El_Tonto. Those Dunnes Stores socks are a pet hate of mine.

ROK ON

el tonto wrote: »

More things that should be banned:

• Paying a small fortune for a lightweight frame and then strapping two litres of water on it.

Guilty as charged. But what/how much are aspiring eurocyclists meant to drink?

Chips Lovell

ROK ON wrote: »

But what/how much are aspiring eurocyclists meant to drink?

You refill on route, at your espresso stop.

Raam

el tonto wrote: »

You refill on route, at your espresso stop.

And don't forget to take of your helmet when you go indoors.

TinyExplosions

Lumen wrote: »

Was that the accident you had in England the day after I warned you about having an accident in England?

That was the one!

Chips Lovell

And no, you can't have a Grande Americano.

TinyExplosions

el tonto wrote: »

@Raam: I think the Sunday morning Festina train will have to be revived during the summer.

Can I join in, even though my Festina kit is 2000's, not '98's?

Pretty please... I'll bring the EPO

Chips Lovell

TinyExplosions wrote: »

Can I join in, even though my Festina kit is 2000's, not '98's?

Pretty please... I'll bring the EPO

But, but, it doesn't match with ours!!!

TinyExplosions

el tonto wrote: »

But, but, it doesn't match with ours!!!

I'll ride 10 yards behind you.... pretty please!

Chips Lovell

TinyExplosions wrote: »

I'll ride 10 yards behind you.... pretty please!

Get bidding.

Raam

TinyExplosions wrote: »

I'll ride 10 yards behind you.... pretty please!

Tut tut, some people will do anything to be accepted :rolleyes:

TinyExplosions

el tonto wrote: »

Get bidding.

The high bid atm is me!

I am trying you see...

TinyExplosions

Raam wrote: »

Tut tut, some people will do anything to be accepted :rolleyes:

That's why I'm getting a Cervelo

Chips Lovell

TinyExplosions wrote: »

The high bid atm is me!

I am trying you see...

Good man. Another convert to Team Festina.

Raam

el tonto wrote: »

Good man. Another convert to Team Festina.

Let's up the bid to annoy him.