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Few Quickies

  • 20-11-2008 3:53pm
    #1
    chaotic_vr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 63 ✭✭


    An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were asked in a survey what nationality they would like to have been born if they hadn't been born The nationality they were.
    'If I hadn't been born English,' said The Englishman, 'I would have liked to have been French.'
    'If I hadn't been born Scottish,' said The Scotsman, 'I would have liked to have been Irish.'
    'If I hadn't been born Irish,' said The Irishman, 'I would have been ashamed of myself.'

    Three nuns were talking one sunny day in June.

    The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"

    "What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

    "Well, of course I threw them in the trash," she replied.

    The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"

    "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns.
    "What did you do?" they asked.

    "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.

    The third nun fainted.

    Did you know that elephants actually have their sexual organs in their feet?

    Yup, if one steps on you, you're screwed.

    One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…”
    Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.
    The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.
    Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!”
    The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!”
    The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”

    A rural family was given some venison from a friend. The wife carefully prepared deer steaks and served it to her husband and their children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what they were eating for dinner.
    “Is is beef?” The daughter Julie asked.
    “Nope.”
    “Is it pork?” the son Will asked.
    “Nope.”
    “Heck, we don’t know, Dad!” Will exclaimed.
    “I’ll give you a clue,” the Husband said, “It’s what your mom sometimes calls me.”
    “Spit it out, Will!” cried Julie, “We’re eating Asshole!”


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