Taking the plunge - Online dating...

Aurora Borealis

Right after taking a back seat for a while from the world of dating have decided that I may as well see how the whole things work and want to get with the times so to speak and try online dating.

Any tips from anyone? Any major dos or don'ts?

I'm a personable person, not kicked and not unable to chat to people out and about but just think online might be fun to try and a way to meet someone outside of the pub be it for just for a few sociables or if there's chemistry there, something more.

Find the idea of summarizing myself, personality, looks, past, present quite daunting.

Any of you out there put a profile together that you're happy with and any advice on same?

Some of the options that you're given to describe yourself are a) cheesy b) desperate and c) I'm neither.

Any one out there who wouldn't be the club pulling type either who can offer some insights? Not that I've any problems with that or those who do it's just not my M.O.





Thanks a million for any tips you can give me or tales from your own experiences.


A.B.

Dublin_Andy

i met up wit a girl once a couple of years ago from a chatroom. just make sure u meet in a public place. its quite awkward at first. be cool.. once u break the ice thats half the battle. and see wat happens after that...

ntlbell

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

Any tips from anyone? Any major dos or don'ts?

I'm a personable person, not kicked and not unable to chat to people out and about but just think online might be fun to try and a way to meet someone outside of the pub be it for just for a few sociables or if there's chemistry there, something more.

Find the idea of summarizing myself, personality, looks, past, present quite daunting.

Any of you out there put a profile together that you're happy with and any advice on same?

Some of the options that you're given to describe yourself are a) cheesy b) desperate and c) I'm neither.

if you search the personal issues forums you will find a lot of advice.

I think people would mostly apreciate a bit of honesty

don't put things down on the profile that are false.

try and stay away from things like "i have a good sense of humour"

" i like to socialise" "i like to have fun"

try and be unique and say something that actually tells the person something about you that they might be interested in and stands out from the run of the mill nonsense

meet in public places, don't answer people who don't make an effort at the start unless your just looking for a quick bang of the hoop.

if you search PI you will find lots of helpful nuggets

PrivateEye

Hmm....tricky one isn't it.

I'd never rule out the idea of finding somebody on the net. Think about it, we're all pretty normal Joe Bloggs (Eh...Joanne Bloggs?) types, and there's very good odds there are people in your own city you'd have an amazing connection with- but will never stumble across (how sad is that by the way...)

Go for a coffee or a drink or something with somebody from teh interwebs? Fine. I wouldn't trek across the country to talk to somebody I got on with online in person though. I think as users of a webforum like this one, we're a bit smarter than the hysteric 'INTERNETS FULL OF PAEDOS AND MAD PEOPLE' stuff you hear in d'media.

Nothing to lose from it. Common sense will get you far on and offline, it's only as dangerous as the backpage of a newspaper. sure nothing might happen, you might make a new mate, or you could just find somebody super amazing blah blah.

try and stay away from things like "i have a good sense of humour"

" i like to socialise" "i like to have fun"

+1

'I like my friends and having fun' etc.

Reku

Well common sense would dictate that if you're seeking something long term be honest, the truth will come out eventually anyway.

Passenger

Common sense and discretion has a lot to do with being successful at online dating. Honesty is best but don't be a sucker and tell a stranger your whole life story.

All the best.

If your in Dublin there is a boards singles mingle coming up.
Check out events for the details.

LeahBaby

I have 2 friends who have met their current bf/gf on Plentyoffish.com.

They're all gay and loved up !!

Degsy

I was on www.maybefriends.com and www.midsummerseve.com
I've met plenty of people on both and some are still my friends today.My advice is if you get chatting to somebody and they wont send you a picture fairly early on expect a nasty surprise when you meet them.A LOT of people lie about thier stats..they say "average build" when they mean 5 or 6 stone overweight ,6' 2"" can mean 5' 10" in the real world and so on.
There are a certain amount or oddballs out there but they can usually be sussed out from the sort of stuff they say or the way they behave on a date.Its no harm to do a few dates and get the feel for it,you're not likely to come to any harm and most of the people are in the same boat as you.
A lot of sites do members meetups or events which are a very good way to get to know people,you can talk to them in the flesh without the preamble of emailing and swapping pictures,these events are usually attended by a hardcore of oldies from the site who have become friends as a result of it.Nights out like this are usually very good fun.
Good luck and good hunting!

Flippy Flynn

What have you got to lose, a few quid on registering on a site, loneliness?



Tips, from an expert:

Be completely honest in your profile setting up. Don't say you're a Jewish vegan and order a ham sandwich.

If you're 'too' fat/skinny, say so. If you don't like children, say so. If you've got 11 children, say so. You'd be surprised what people are looking for; 'celebrity' magazines have a lot to answer for - nothing wrong with cellulite, nothing wrong with going to the shops in your jim jams, also nothing at all wrong with being single, so no need to stress!!!!


Email for a while first - if you're the emailing type, this is by far the best way to get to know someone. However, some people aren't great at typing out how they feel/what they like - so by all means, meet face to face in a public place like a quiet bar so you can hear each other, let someone know where/when you're going.

Don't meet for a meal, too difficult to get out if the initial contact isn't going well.

Don't waste time, if your gut feeling says, "not for me" then say something in an email before you meet like, "if it's ok with you we'll just meet for 30 mins to an hour to see how we get on", that way you've an easy out if he/she turns out to be not your cup of Mocha. Tick them off your list of 'possibles' and shout "NEXT!"

My last piece of advice is, do it.



anotherfriend.com worked for me (and my wife)

John Mason

You need to be honest.

you read other peoples and see what they say just to get an idea

i.e. if you are in to long romantic walks and bottle of red wine in front of a open fire please do not contact me (every 2nd guy has this in their profiles - can you even get open fires anymore?)


there are load of nut jobs out there but they are also there on every night you go out with your friends

as degsy said, if they refuse to send in a photo move on, they have lied drastically in their profile

Flippy Flynn

Sorry to be a nigglin Norman, but if you're basing a possible meaningful relationship on a photo you're destined for disappointment.

You could be drop dead gorgeous and nice or ugly and nice. Looks fade in time. Would you dump someone you love 'cause their face got smashed in a car accident?

I challenge anyone to look good at 4AM when a baby is screaming for a bottle, personality and a good heart is the key. Looks amount to nothing apart from meeting shallow ideals that we are bombarded with by the media.

Man, I'm sounding old, but what I'm trying to say is, give someone a chance, leave the photo 'til later.

I'd been in contact with my wife for months before we met, no photos. I was excited about meeting her and we were lucky that there was an attraction. She's gorgeous but not at 4AM, I'm no model at any time of the day but she saw through that. We both acknowledge that we were 'in love' before we met, having someone to, ahem, hold, was simply a bonus.

Give non models a chance!

Can I get a hell yeah?

John Mason

i am not basing it on looks but why if you are going to meet someone, would they refuse to send you a photo.

i got stung once thought i was meeting some 30 year - no photo turned out to be some leechy 60 year old

but thats just me.

you have to ask yourself, what are they hiding? may be they are married and dont want their photo out there.

why would you go on a dating site and refuse to send a photo to people you are arranging to meet and then how would you know what they looked like when you meet them

thats just my experience of the online dating. i didnt bother with it for too to be honest,

shellyboo

Flippy Flynn wrote: »

Sorry to be a nigglin Norman, but if you're basing a possible meaningful relationship on a photo you're destined for disappointment.

In my experience, asking for a pic is less about what the person looks like and more about how serious and honest the person is. It's an extremely easy way to find out if someone is serious about internet dating - those who refuse to send you a pic are either lying about what they look like, have something to hide, or have no interest in actually meeting you.

Of course there is the looks aspect of it. I really clicked with one guy, saw a pic, he completely wasn't my type, but since I liked him so much I went out with him anyway - HUGE mistake. I just didn't fancy him, there was no attraction there, and that's not something you can fake or force. The ensuing mess was far worse and more hurtful than was necessary if I had just been upfront and honest with myself and with him.

It's not about being shallow, it's just good sense. You'd never approach someone in a bar or club that you don't find attractive on some level, so why would you do this just because it's online dating? It's a gesture of good faith to send someone a picture.

EDIT: Oh, and from a personal safety point of view? Don't get me started. Meeting up with someone who knows what you look like (I always send a pic) but you have no way of identifying is beyond stupid.

citytillidie

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

You need to be honest.

you read other peoples and see what they say just to get an idea

i.e. if you are in to long romantic walks and bottle of red wine in front of a open fire please do not contact me (every 2nd guy has this in their profiles - can you even get open fires anymore?)


there are load of nut jobs out there but they are also there on every night you go out with your friends

as degsy said, if they refuse to send in a photo move on, they have lied drastically in their profile

Yes i have an open fire its while but having to clean it out and all and freezing in the winter going out to get coal.

partyguinness

I meet 7 women via online dating. To be honest I wasn't taking it too serious but they were so had to jump ship pretty quick as I was wasting their time.

No bad experiences really except this Polish girl. Her nickname was "Crazy" and man was she crazy. She sent a photo..very pretty couldnt wait to meet her. I did and the photo clearly was not her. We had dinner and that was that. The photo was obviously her far better looking friend...i didnt mention it and to cut along story short never met her again.

An interesting fact...of the 7 different girls I met...all of their fathers had passed away..!!...can someone figure that out for me.

kingtut

OP as the other people have said:

1) Just go for it - you have nothing to lose
2) Ask for a pic (so that you can see what they look like obviously and also to see if they are genuine - as someone said if they refuse to send a pic you should be concerned...
3) Email them / text them etc for a while before meeting in person
4) When meeting in person meet somewhere in public where you can escape from the situation pretty quickly if necessary - and tell someone where you are going!

I guess I have not really added anything extra...simply put everyone's suggestions together. Just be yourself as well as open honest. You should approach these things with an open mind.

You could even find someone on boards? Have you taken a look at the lads of the ladies lounge thread? Plenty of pics of guys in there...maybe one of them will take your fancy...and as someone said there is the singles night which is on tonight. I can't go though unfortunately:( Look in the events forum for details!

Best of luck!!

Flippy Flynn

shellyboo wrote: »

those who refuse to send you a pic are either lying about what they look like, have something to hide, or have no interest in actually meeting you.

I agree in this context completely!

---

I just wanted to advise people that's it's often ok to leave photos 'til later in the communication cycle.

I remember a friend was online looking at profiles with pictures and they were just clicking from page to page looking at pics, "no, no, no, no....", I was shouting, "how can you bypass all these profiles, you haven't even read them...."


If I had taken the same route, I'd never have met my wife.

---

So, agreed, if you've been chatting to/mailing someone for a while, decide to meet and they then refuse to send a pic when you ask, point them in the direction of their nearest lake.

shellyboo

Flippy Flynn wrote: »

I remember a friend was online looking at profiles with pictures and they were just clicking from page to page looking at pics, "no, no, no, no....", I was shouting, "how can you bypass all these profiles, you haven't even read them...."

I would also question the sanity of someone who has their picture up on a dating site... it's just a bad idea :pac::p:D

Zaph

Flippy Flynn wrote: »

nothing wrong with going to the shops in your jim jams

While the rest of the post was full of good advice, I'd actually dispute this particular point.

shellyboo wrote: »

Of course there is the looks aspect of it. I really clicked with one guy, saw a pic, he completely wasn't my type, but since I liked him so much I went out with him anyway - HUGE mistake. I just didn't fancy him, there was no attraction there, and that's not something you can fake or force. The ensuing mess was far worse and more hurtful than was necessary if I had just been upfront and honest with myself and with him.

Had a similar experience myself, but the other way round. Didn't exchange pics beforehand, although we got on like a house on fire and spent ages chatting on the phone before we met up. Met her, and while it was a pleasant enough evening, I just was not attracted to her at all, and nor would I ever be. To further complicate things she made it clear that she wouldn't mind more dates in the future. I'm not entirely proud of myself about what I did next, but I kinda blanked her. I know I should have just told her out straight, but because we had got on so well I didn't want to hurt her feelings and so I bottled it. I got an e-mail from her about a week later and she called me just about every name under the sun, with a certain amount of justification I have to admit.

Oddly enough, despite that particular experience, I'd say of the 10 or so women I went on dates with, I think I only exchanged pics with about 4 of them. If they asked for one I had no hesitation in sending one, but I generally didn't ask them for one unless they'd asked for mine. I kinda liked the idea of not knowing what the person you were meeting looked like, and it meant that all contact beforehand was very much based on personalities. And as it turned out, the best looking one I met up with was the only real nutjob of the whole lot.

Seraphina

met the current squeeze on okcupid. wasn't even really looking i had signed up when bored one day, to do test and stuff but he signed up shortly afterwards offering free dinner to the first person who messaged him (apparently he just likes going out to dinner). wasn't even that interested in meeting someone but i figured it was a free dinner, why not? the worst that could happen is that my steak wouldn't be great (it was flipping GORGEOUS) the guy wasn't half bad either actually had one of the best nights out i'd had in a while, we got on like a house on fire, so just give it a go!!!

A_SN

shellyboo wrote: »

In my experience, asking for a pic is less about what the person looks like and more about how serious and honest the person is. It's an extremely easy way to find out if someone is serious about internet dating - those who refuse to send you a pic are either lying about what they look like, have something to hide, or have no interest in actually meeting you.

Of course there is the looks aspect of it. I really clicked with one guy, saw a pic, he completely wasn't my type, but since I liked him so much I went out with him anyway - HUGE mistake. I just didn't fancy him, there was no attraction there, and that's not something you can fake or force. The ensuing mess was far worse and more hurtful than was necessary if I had just been upfront and honest with myself and with him.

It's not about being shallow, it's just good sense. You'd never approach someone in a bar or club that you don't find attractive on some level, so why would you do this just because it's online dating? It's a gesture of good faith to send someone a picture.

EDIT: Oh, and from a personal safety point of view? Don't get me started. Meeting up with someone who knows what you look like (I always send a pic) but you have no way of identifying is beyond stupid.

As a very mildly attractive guy at best (your mileage may vary), I can say I wouldn't want a girl to bother with me if she doesn't even find me cute! Even if she finds me nice and all that, it's just that I just wouldn't want someone who'd say or think "I like you but not your looks", it's just frustrating and annoying, and any guy, even very midly attractive guys at best, can easily (well, everything is relative) find someone who'd genuinely find them cute, so it's much better to let us ugly guys go and let someone who'd find us not so ugly take care of making us happy .

Oh besides, it's 2008, who on Earth doesn't have a picture of themselves somewhere on the Web on their computer for people to see?

LolaLuv

Moonbaby wrote: »

If your in Dublin there is a boards singles mingle coming up.
Check out events for the details.

Are you going to this? We could finally meet up!

Zaph

It was tonight Pilly

LolaLuv

Zaph wrote: »

It was tonight Pilly

Always a day late and a dollar short!

Zaph

There's a comedy night on Saturday night (29th), I think there's a good few people going. Details here

In$omniac

I am currently on a dating site for perhaps the past month, I've not met anyone as yet!

I display a photo on my profile on that site and I do ask that they send me a recent photo if they contact me as it gives me an idea of what they look like eg. if they are the age they state on their profile and not 25years older, nice to put a face to the emails etc.
I find that some that do not state their marital status are in fact married or attached.

There are alot of nutjobs that have contacted me wanting me to marry them and have their babies (this is on the first email), those emails I just ignore.

It can be daunting at first but it can also be fun getting to know others, just take your time to understand how the site works, take a browse at other profiles.
Have fun

LolaLuv

Ahh, I love comedy nights! Tomorrow is my roommate's 21st, though, so I'll be off partying with the ladies. At least now I know there's an Events board, I'll definitely be along to something in December!

Zaph

PillyPen wrote: »

Ahh, I love comedy nights! Tomorrow is my roommate's 21st, though, so I'll be off partying with the ladies. At least now I know there's an Events board, I'll definitely be along to something in December!

I'm sure there'll be a BGRH beers before too long too, we're probably due one fairly soon. All are welcome to those and they're great fun. I know I'm a bit biased, but I prefer them to the main Boards beers.

LolaLuv

Brilliant, I think I've built up a bit of a tolerance now, too, so I won't be ashamed to show up at a BGRH meet-up. I'll keep my eyes peeled!

PillyPen

PillyPen wrote: »

Are you going to this? We could finally meet up!

I'm going to comedy beers tonight if your about


Ahh just saw about the 21st.
We have small weekly ladies cocktails sessions. Be cool to see you at one of those

LolaLuv

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'm going to comedy beers tonight if your about

I would love to go to that, but tonight is my roommate's 21st, so I'm gonna be hanging around Ranelagh. I hope there's another comedy beers sometime soon, though, it sounds pretty promising.

PM me if you do anything else this month!:D

Will do!

shellyboo

A_SN wrote: »

I can say I wouldn't want a girl to bother with me if she doesn't even find me cute! Even if she finds me nice and all that, it's just that I just wouldn't want someone who'd say or think "I like you but not your looks", it's just frustrating and annoying

I agree 100%, that's why I always, always send a pic. I've learned my lesson now - it might sound shallow, but unless I find a guy attractive, I wouldn't meet him. It's just setting yourself up for trouble further down the line.

MJOR

It's such a lot of fun, you'll expand your circle of friends and maybe even meet the man of your dreams.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of being honest... like previous posters said it's all about being honest. I met my fiance (hate the word lol:D) on anotherfriend.

We are really happy and were totally honest. We had chatted online for a while. When we told people how we met they were like "wow that's cool".

We emailed for a few months and swapped pic before we met.

I will admit that i met some great people but also to do get a lot of emails saying things like "do you wear thongs?" Don't let the strange ones turn you off!!

Good luck x