Texting brick walls!

LegacyUser

I became single sort of recently; about 3 months ago (I was the guy with about 4 update threads about his GF not having any sex). So anyway, lately I've been trying to just have some fun in my free time at weekends and whatnot by going out in town with friends a lot of the time. Despite my thinking pretty lowly of the pub/club scene in terms of meeting people, I've actually had the pleasure (however short-lived) of meeting a few nice girls on these occasions. So we have a laugh and a kiss (or sometimes a lot), and I get their number, blah blah.

Now, I'll only bother getting a girl's phone number in the first place if I'm actually genuinely interested in them, so naturally I fully intend to contact them, which I do, within the first day or two afterward (I don't buy into any long waiting periods before contacting people like that. It seems weird to just text someone a full week or something after you've met them only once. It'd be so far at the back of one's mind at that stage, surely).

So here's my issue. They don't text back.
...And I just don't understand why. The first time it happened I thought "whatever... we had actually had quite a few pints, so any interest she showed, I should've taken it all with a pinch of salt".
But then it happens again, a few times. And the most recent time it's happened, there wasn't even any drink involved. We were actually already pretty much talking about stuff we'd like to meet up and do. So I text 'em, I get one reply and then nothin' at all after that.

I'm pretty damn sure I didn't say anything wrong when I contacted her. Kept it all pretty casual, light-hearted.

The most recent time it happened, I actually really saw potential in this gal, so I went waay out on a limb to contact her a second time after I got no reply. Just sort of saying along the lines of, "I assume there's a reason you didn't reply to me... maybe you didn't get the right impression but, I actually really like you", etc.

I'd just like to know what the deal is with this, because I'm just confused. I genuinely can't understand why a sober girl would show such interest, would give me her number, even take my number, only to later decide they wanted nothin' to do with me.



I'm sure people will say I should forget about it and not let it bother me at all. But to be honest I think I'm just not wired to be satisfied with just the 1 night with a person. Getting time to actually really get to know someone and also having that physical contact and all is so much more appealing to me.


The sad/scary part is that I actually sort of did something similar to a girl recently, and I know that my reasons were that I realised that in all sobriety I didn't find her very attractive. But this was after an encounter involving a lot of alcohol, so... I don't know.

I'm not here to have a cry about it or anything. These are all relative strangers so I'm sure I'll survive, heh. But it's a bit discouraging and more than anything just confusing.

Anyone with experience able to shed light?

Nevyn

Try ringing htem.

LegacyUser

Seems a bit much, to be honest. I don't think I'd like to get a phone call. The chances of getting 'em a bad time are pretty high, too.

cantdecide

You often have to tell the wimmin what they want:D Don't give them a chance to ignore you unless they really don't want to hear from you (which will happen). If you ring and embarass them into coming out and having a good time with you, they'll give you a better crack of the whip.

LegacyUser

When you put it like that, not bad advice. I'm a much, much better talker, anyway. I wonder if it's not gone too late to do that with this wan I really like.

John Mason

Because text messages are rubbish, if you cant be bothered picking up the phone why would they be bothered in texting you back?

Beruthiel

Unrollerblades3 wrote: »

So here's my issue. They don't text back.

I wouldn't either.
Boys text, men call you up.

TMoreno

Der Unrollerblades3,

Those girls just wanted to play with you. Firstly you should not have kissed them if you they were not ready to go all the way the first night. Secondly you should not have swapped phone numbers because it's the easiest way to lie by giving a fake a phone number or by pretending that they're going to call you. If a woman is serious you'll find a way to meet her without a phone. Like in the good old days, she'll just show up.
I learned to detect liars and stop asking why they acted such way. I do not waste my time with girls who are just looking for attention by wearing a mini skirt, kissing any guy or swap phone numbers every weekends.

LegacyUser

dude you gotta grab your gonads and say i am a man, not a teenager..
you need to show your asertivness, dont text them and say im going to call you just call them.... its simple.
other then that ask them how they are and then say wanna come out for a drink.... ?
dont have a 20 minit conversation ule be put in the " just freinds" catagory" which stinks...
do it when your on a lunch brake nearing the end, so you have a reason to brake the conversation and leave her wanting more..

biko

I feel your pain mate, not hearing back sucks. Texts can get lost, delivered ages after or not replied to and you'll not know which it is.

Just ring this time and leave a voicemail. If she doesn't get back within a day or two - then move on.

AngryBadger

OP if you text someone they should have the courtesy to respond, however we've all been in situations where we got distracted by work, or just life in general and just forgot to reply.

That said, in the context which you've presented it's pretty clear the ladies in question are not interested in anything further than whatever kisses and sweet nothings you exchange when you meet them out. Don't take it personally, they're either simply not interested, they don't have basic manners, or if they are interested they don't have the maturity to initiate something themselves.

MagicMarker

Beruthiel wrote: »

I wouldn't either.
Boys text, men call you up.

If a girl who does actually like a guy, doesn't reply to a text simply because it's a text and not a phone call, then they and their judgmental ways are no big loss.

I agree that you should call in future though OP.

Pub07

I text rather than call myself. I dont see the point in calling someone you don't even really know and having an awkward conversation when you can just keep it casual and text. If she's interested in you she's not gonna mind one bit whether you text or call and if she's not interested you you save youself the hassle of a talking to someone who doesn't even want to talk to you.

Maybe your coming across badly when texting, for example this craic of 'maybe you didn't get the right impression but, I actually really like you' looks pretty off the mark to me. That's coming on a bit too strong for my liking, keep it as casual as possible, as if you dont give a f*ck and you should have better luck - and dont go asking them out in the first text leave that til the 2nd or 3rd one and you'll get on better, seriously.

Snowie

biko wrote: »

I feel your pain mate, not hearing back sucks. Texts can get lost, delivered ages after or not replied to and you'll not know which it is.

Just ring this time and leave a voicemail. If she doesn't get back within a day or two - then move on.

Personally I wouldnt put all my egg's in one basket depending and hoping for one chance on a night out and getting with them is blissfull thinking to say the least unless ythey remember you...


how can you move on from just a drunken snog?

simple go snog some one else the thing is if your going to hope that you meet a girl you meet when she was tanked and your tanked what are the chances of it going further ? and useually when some woman are drunk they can lose there standereds somewhat...

metamorphic

I've always been of the opinion that ringing is "better" than texting, although my last experience was a bit arkward. I think it shows more balls, keep it brief then revert to texts if that's preferred.

HouseHippo

This happens to me alot too, on a friendship level though I spend a night or a weekend with people, working togetehr at festivals etc, they seem genuinely keen to hang out then you text them mthe next weekend and they ignore you.

MIN2511

You win some and you lose some


That's life, it's how you react to the rejection that's important. Toughen up dude, there many more where that came from.

TerrorFirmer

Beruthiel wrote: »

I wouldn't either.
Boys text, men call you up.

Anyone who would pass up on meeting someone they had a genuine interest in over such pretencious drivel is a the immature one in this scenario.

A text is casual, straight forward, and gives the person time to think up a response or consider their interest in the person, as opposed to potentially being awkwardly put on the spot. It's perfectly mannerly, acceptable, and not indictative of ones level of maturity.

There are times when a text is inappropriate and worthy of some level of disapproval/contempt, but following up on someone you just met the night before is hardly one of them. Nothing wrong with a phone call either but referring to a text in the context you did above is beyond ignorant.

dtwhaler

Even if you're the nervious type, try ringing straight to their voice mail. That way you look like you've tried to phone. Still better than a text.

Kirnsy

but if you feels awkward bout ringing then don't...

if a girl is truly interested in you then shed text back


if she doesn't text you back cos she expected a call its her loss.

DarkJager

This is the thing women do to make it seem like they are hard to get. They like it when a man texts them after meeting on a night out. They assume he's going to be totally interested by this mysterious twat who doesn't have the politeness to even text back a simple "no thanks",while he's left wondering where it went wrong. Then the same women will whinge a few weeks later about how there are no decent guys there and everyones just interested in sex.

The only thing such hypocrites deserve is to be completley ignored. If they don't have the decency to text back OP, then don't waste a single second of your time thinking about them. Move on.

Talliesin

I wonder just how much more sex those of us who actually phone people get and how much longer our relationships are.

crazzzzy

You've already texted her twice & she didn't reply. If you ring her now you'll look desperate. Maybe she changed her mind, was only having fun or gave you wrong number....

Move on & try to relax & enjoy yourself. I find it a real turn off when men come on too strong in the first few weeks. My advice would be to leave it a few days after you've met a girl to text her. Keep it simple.

the_syco

Havin just read the first post, I'd say the number they gave was bogus. Ring, and you'll find out.

pretty-in-pink

If you like someone, then you text back. A phone call (until you have reached a certain level of intimacy (and I mean emotional and mental intimacy here) anyway) is a bit...well much. Its pushy and old fashioned. Check to see if someone is interested before you call them, once thats been established, phone calls can be nice. I prefer texting, it gives you time to think about what to say, and getting a text from someone you like is a lovely smiley moment you can enjoy no matter where you are.

Why not text her and say your meeting freinds at x place, on w day and you'll be there from y time. and that it would be nice to see her, buy her a drink if shes free. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Try 1 more time to contact her, then let it go. also she might have lost her phone, or had messages deleted, she could have a boyfriend, or she could have fake numbered you.

Some girls just like to play games, and thats all there is to it.

[Jackass]

Beruthiel wrote: »

I wouldn't either.
Boys text, men call you up.

Are you fu*king serious?? Is this how it works!!?

OP, been in your shoes more times than I care to remember - think I tried the calling thing once and despite no awkwardness (is in chatted away) I felt like a twat for some reason (that "what the fu*k are you doing ringing me" type of tone / attitude / vibe off her) I put it down to the fact that a call was TOO much - but maybe she was just a twat. I mean, if you don't want me to contact you, then why give me your number!! Must have been the call!

But on the other hand, I'd say I've had a 50 / 50 sucsess rate securing follow up meets with txts.

I think I'm going to turn into a caller for a while. I've got to give this another shot! Times are hard at the moment - apperantly recession has hit the love life too and I've been made well and truly redundant!

LegacyUser

I'd definitely rather not receive any reply from someone with silly notions about what "real men" do. Not interested in anyone from the cretaceous period, thanks.

I hear real women text you back and only little girls judge you based on what mode of telecommunication you choose to initiate contact. It's pretty sad; the hang-ups some people have. Pardon the pun.

Anyway, I'm not worried about trying to contact that girl again. Was just wondering in general why people seem to do this kind of thing.

~nop~

Personally I'd be TERRIFIED if a guy who i had just met for one night rang me.
Texting gives you a chance to think about your reply and also means that you won't ring them at an inappropriate time. When you're caught unawares you're much more likely to back away in my opinion and I know a text always cheers me up too.
If they're not texting back move on, the number could have been bogus or they could have changed their mind in the morning, and afterall you never know what's going on in their personal lives!
Fair play to you OP for getting back out there!!

bennyblanco

OP I'd be with the people who say call instead of text.I mean,if you're actually interested,why not just bite the bullet?
Texting is commonplace, is ultra casual.At least if you call you know the score there and then(and so do they I suppose),instead of mindjobbing yourself as to why they never replied to your tentative text.

I dont get the outraged responses to the "textings for boys" school
I wouldnt give my number to someone that I wouldnt answer the phone to,maybe I'm just old fashioned(?)

Pub07

pretty-in-pink wrote:

If you like someone, then you text back. A phone call (until you have reached a certain level of intimacy (and I mean emotional and mental intimacy here) anyway) is a bit...well much. Its pushy and old fashioned. Check to see if someone is interested before you call them, once thats been established, phone calls can be nice. I prefer texting, it gives you time to think about what to say, and getting a text from someone you like is a lovely smiley moment you can enjoy no matter where you are.

Exactly my sentiments.

Talliesin wrote: »

I wonder just how much more sex those of us who actually phone people get and how much longer our relationships are.

I've had no shortage of one night stands, and long lasting relationships with girls I've met in bars and followed up with texts.

shellyboo

I'm left wondering how completely devoid of personality you'd have to be to be SCARED of someone calling you. Or to need time to think of a reply to a fcuking text message. You've spent the night with this person, talking, drinking, kissing and you can't even talk to them on the phone while sober? That's a bit pathetic, tbh. It's called conversational skills. Learn some. It's absolutely sad that society has been reduced to communicating in 160 characters or less.

Zulu

Oh dear...
TBH OP, you need to grow a pair and ring.
Texting can lead to this over and back bullshit that people dislike; games.

Fair enough, amonst our teenage population texting is probably cool, I dunno.
Perhaps you are going to the wrong venues? Maybe you need to age down? I understand Bar-code, and twenty one's or what ever might have a crowd more suited to texting?

How old are you, btw?

TerrorFirmer

Perhaps a delicately crafted hand written note wrapped in silk ribbon delivered by carrier pigeon would be apt for the older generation?

It's a text. If she's interested she'll reply. End of.

Zulu

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Perhaps a delicately crafted hand written note wrapped in silk ribbon delivered by carrier pigeon would be apt for the older generation?

It's a text. If she's interested she'll reply. End of.

What's all this "older generation". Unless your 15 I'm in the same generation as you. :rolleyes:

And ironically, if you did manage to send someone a "delicately crafted hand written note wrapped in silk ribbon delivered by carrier pigeon", I guarantee you you'd get a second date.
Which is what the OP wanted.

TerrorFirmer

It's a joke, lighten up.

Pub07

Zulu wrote: »

Oh dear...
TBH OP, you need to grow a pair and ring.
Texting can lead to this over and back bullshit that people dislike; games.

Fair enough, amonst our teenage population texting is probably cool, I dunno.
Perhaps you are going to the wrong venues? Maybe you need to age down? I understand Bar-code, and twenty one's or what ever might have a crowd more suited to texting?

How old are you, btw?

I know its not directed at me but I'm 28 and I would never call instead of text. What 'over and back bull****', basically you text saying it's XXX from the other night and ask them how they're doing...then when you get a reply you ask them if they want to go for a drink sometime soon...and that's it, simple as that. Keeping it nice and casual, no awkward phone conversation with someone you dont even know and that may not even want to talk to you. It's nothing to do with growing a pair, I just have no interest in having a phone conversation with a stranger, I prefer to talk to someone face to face when I'm getting to know them.

shellyboo

Pub07 wrote: »

no awkward phone conversation with someone you dont even know and that may not even want to talk to you. It's nothing to do with growing a pair, I just have no interest in having a phone conversation with a stranger, I prefer to talk to someone face to face when I'm getting to know them.

It's not someone you don't even know, it's someone whose throat you have had your tongue down. And even if you haven't kissed them, presumably in order to get this person's number you would have had to talk to them. They're not a stranger, you have both met and talked to them in real life before.

I know most people will say "Oh, but I was drunk...", but if you need drink THAT MUCH as a social lubricant that the idea of talking to the person while sober is in any way unpalatable... well, that's just sad.

As for being afraid to call someone who might not want to talk to you... I'm afraid that IS a case of 'just grow a pair'.

Pub07

shellyboo wrote: »

It's not someone you don't even know, it's someone whose throat you have had your tongue down. And even if you haven't kissed them, presumably in order to get this person's number you would have had to talk to them. They're not a stranger, you have both met and talked to them in real life before.

They are basically a stranger, someone you met in a noisy pub/club for half an hour or an hour, for all intents and purposes they are a stranger, you know nothing of what the person is really like.

I know most people will say "Oh, but I was drunk...", but if you need drink THAT MUCH as a social lubricant that the idea of talking to the person while sober is in any way unpalatable... well, that's just sad.

As for being afraid to call someone who might not want to talk to you... I'm afraid that IS a case of 'just grow a pair'.

Why the hell would I want to talk to someone who didn't want to talk to me? Would you? I'm wouldn't be arsed having a phone conversation with someone who's not interested. Texting cuts out that hassle. Can't believe the snobby attitude of some of you here who would reject a guy because he texted instead of calling, thankfully any girl I've ever had a one night stand/fling/long term relationship with after texting has not been a snobby immature twat who would judge me negatively because I sent them a text. If someone had such an issue with me texting instead of calling, Id be glad not to have anything to do with them cos I'd expect them to be a high maintenance type who would nag and moan over every little thing.

shellyboo

Pub07 wrote: »

They are basically a stranger, someone you met in a noisy pub/club for half an hour or an hour, for all intents and purposes they are a stranger, you know nothing of what the person is really like.

Yet you know enough about them to know you like them, and you had enough in common that you could have a conversation with them - this is, of course, assuming there was conversation and not just kissing. If you can talk to someone in person, you can talk to them on the phone. If you know someone well enough to swap saliva with them, you can talk to them on the phone.

Pub07 wrote: »

Why the hell would I want to talk to someone who didn't want to talk to me? Would you? I'm wouldn't be arsed having a phone conversation with someone who's not interested.

The overriding assumption being that if you a) kissed someone and then b) gave them your number is that you are, in fact, interested.

Pub07 wrote: »

Texting cuts out that hassle.

Granted.. however, it causes the 'did she get the txt' hassle, the 'was that a fake number' hassle, the 'is she playing the hard to get texting game' hassle and a huge amount of general uncertainty that could be eliminated by, I don't know, picking up the phone and CALLING.

Pub07 wrote: »

Can't believe the snobby attitude of some of you here who would reject a guy because he texted instead of calling, thankfully any girl I've ever had a one night stand/fling/long term relationship with after texting has not been a snobby immature twat who would judge me negatively because I sent them a text. If someone had such an issue with me texting instead of calling, Id be glad not to have anything to do with them cos I'd expect them to be a high maintenance type who would nag and moan over every little thing.

I never said that. I said it's pathetic that some people feel it's inappropriate to call someone you've been intimate with, and also that several people said they are basically scared of talking to such a person on the phone, and that they 'need time' to think of a response to a text. What happened to human interaction? People are well enough able for it when they're trying to hook up in a club, but take drink out of the equation and suddenly we're rendered incapable of communicating like grown-ups.

HouseHippo

Zulu wrote: »

Oh dear...
TBH OP, you need to grow a pair and ring.
Texting can lead to this over and back bullshit that people dislike; games.

Fair enough, amonst our teenage population texting is probably cool, I dunno.
Perhaps you are going to the wrong venues? Maybe you need to age down? I understand Bar-code, and twenty one's or what ever might have a crowd more suited to texting?

How old are you, btw?

Bitchyness totally uncalled for.Judging by your hostile reaction you are the one who needs to grow up.
Some people don't like talking on the phone.
And don't go to barcode, you'll catch something

Nevyn

If you have an issue with a post and use the reported post function rather then posting offtopic.
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

metrovelvet

Texting is so unreliable. I have altogether stopped texting because I have discovered that its completely random who gets them and who doesn't and I have unintentionally snubbed several people at this point.

Texting is good because it is cheap. Otherwise it sucks.

Its not a case of rejecting someone because they text, but more of not being bothered, not taking it seriously. You cant because you are only getting a tiny bit of information, whereas the voice tells all.

LegacyUser

A little tip, sometimes it is awkward to the people from the night before, drunk or not, drop them a voice mail, just type 5 after the prefix and it connects you straight to the voicemail, ten say you couldn't get through, best of both worlds:)

example: 08x-5-xxxxxxx

~nop~

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm left wondering how completely devoid of personality you'd have to be to be SCARED of someone calling you. Or to need time to think of a reply to a fcuking text message. You've spent the night with this person, talking, drinking, kissing and you can't even talk to them on the phone while sober? That's a bit pathetic, tbh. It's called conversational skills. Learn some. It's absolutely sad that society has been reduced to communicating in 160 characters or less.

Thanks for your point of view on this but I am certainly not devoid of personality.

Different strokes for different folks I suppose but I wouldn't like to feel like I'm on trial in a conversation with someone I've only met once, or for it possibly to be awkward, I'd much rather a casual text and then to meet up to try this conversation thing you speak of in person.

abi2007

I think if a girl/guy is interested in you they'd reply to your text. simple as.

GigaByte

Beruthiel wrote: »

I wouldn't either.
Boys text, men call you up.

What a load of ----! (Fill in the blanks)

If I met a girl out one night that I liked her, gave her my number and got a text message a few days later and thought, "only girls text, women call you up" and on that basis decided to not take things any further I'd be a complete idiot. I'd give her a call back!

Zulu

GigaByte wrote: »

What a load of ----! (Fill in the blanks)

If I met a girl out one night that I liked her, gave her my number and got a text message a few days later and thought, "only girls text, women call you up" and on that basis decided to not take things any further I'd be a complete idiot. I'd give her a call back!

Isn't that a total contradiction?