Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest
I want to be wooed
-
17-11-2008 11:48pm#1
Comments
-
-
-
Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,690 Mod ✭✭✭✭
Join Date:Posts: 49076
Unregistered wrote: »Hi all
I'm a single female in my 30's. I'm good looking, I'm outgoing and I'm sociable. I get male attention and my males friends (mostly married) say they can't believe that I'm not married or in a long term relationship. I'm not desperate to get married or have babies, though I think I'd be good at it.1.
Here's the thing. 2. I want to be wooed. I want romance. Not of the sex and the city, shagging on the 3rd date type, roses, shoes, jewellery kind, but simple old fashioned romance. You know, holding hands, going for long walks, opening doors, getting a seat.
I'm a great cook, I can reciprocate. I love cooking for people, in fact, my work colleagues often ask me to bring in baked goods. I am relatively sucessful, but my once important and extremely hard worked career doesn't really mean anything to me anymore.
I don't know how to play 'The Game', use 'The Rules'. I am not a gold-digger, I don't want someone to pay for my life. I would always want to earn my own money and contribute equally. 3. However, I would still expect a man to pay for the 1st date.
4I feel that I am letting feminism and myself down by admitting this. I believe in equality of the sexes. I was a strong Hilary supporter and think she would be better than Obama.
Am I hopelessly old-fashioned and deluding myself or are there men out there who want to woo women? Or is there going to be a delude of scathing comments?
Ref. 1 : If your male friends think as you say, then are you coming across like that to men, and maybe putting them off, as being a bit needy/wanting a really serious relationship?
2. To me romance is stupid stuff, yes it's the long walks, the holding hands, the giggling over coffee, but it's remembering what chocolate I like, and buying food/junk I like on a Friday night after a crappy week, a lot of the rest is good manners/chivalry.
3. Would you ever ask a man out, or do you expect them to ask and pay for you?
4. Why do you feel you are letting yourself down? To me there is a big difference between doing well profesionally or whatever and being an equal partner in a loving relationship. Most men to quote another thread recently, want both to be needed and to feel needed, how they go about that might differ
I'd probably take a deep breath if I were you and look at how you are going about meeting men, do you have hobbies/clubs you go to? And most of all, I'd give guys a chance, don't expect 100% the first/second or third date in, let it build up and you might be amazed.
Good luck 0 -
-
Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,690 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 49076
To woo or to pay court to.
Being wooed is nice esp when they put in the effort to remember or find out things that you like and surprise you but that can go both ways, no reason why you can't be wooing him right back.
+1 it's the small surprises and little efforts that make so much difference
And it's fun too, both to surprise and be surprised
0 -
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
First, I think most people, male or female, can appreciate where you're coming from in terms of how you'd like to be treated. It's naturally to want to feel special, to be the focus of thoughtful attention and to feel cared for. Everybody wants that!
However, if I were to be a little more analytic about things, I do think that, at bottom, you are expecting to have your cake and eat it too. If I read your post correctly, you would like to be treated - to some degree, at least - in accordance with a sex-specific stereotypical role which favours the woman. Such a role makes sense only when if women are denied equality of opportunity economically, socially and sexually (ignoring for a moment the debate as to whether that state of affairs actually exists or not).
Wanting to be treated lovingly and with respect is one thing, provided the nature of the treatment is applicable to both sexes. If, however, you expect the sex-specific wooing behaviour, then I do think you're being unreasonable. Also, as others have said, if you are independent and visibly so, then the chances of a man assuming that wooing role reduces proportionately.
But best of luck in looking for someone special anyway.
0 -
First, I think most people, male or female, can appreciate where you're coming from in terms of how you'd like to be treated. It's naturally to want to feel special, to be the focus of thoughtful attention and to feel cared for. Everybody wants that!
However, if I were to be a little more analytic about things, I do think that, at bottom, you are expecting to have your cake and eat it too. If I read your post correctly, you would like to be treated - to some degree, at least - in accordance with a sex-specific stereotypical role which favours the woman. Such a role makes sense only when if women are denied equality of opportunity economically, socially and sexually (ignoring for a moment the debate as to whether that state of affairs actually exists or not).
Wanting to be treated lovingly and with respect is one thing, provided the nature of the treatment is applicable to both sexes. If, however, you expect the sex-specific wooing behaviour, then I do think you're being unreasonable. Also, as others have said, if you are independent and visibly so, then the chances of a man assuming that wooing role reduces proportionately.
But best of luck in looking for someone special anyway.
now why can't I write responses like that?? You've summed up my thoughts on this perfectly.0 -
-
First, I think most people, male or female, can appreciate where you're coming from in terms of how you'd like to be treated. It's naturally to want to feel special, to be the focus of thoughtful attention and to feel cared for. Everybody wants that!
However, if I were to be a little more analytic about things, I do think that, at bottom, you are expecting to have your cake and eat it too. If I read your post correctly, you would like to be treated - to some degree, at least - in accordance with a sex-specific stereotypical role which favours the woman. Such a role makes sense only when if women are denied equality of opportunity economically, socially and sexually (ignoring for a moment the debate as to whether that state of affairs actually exists or not).
Wanting to be treated lovingly and with respect is one thing, provided the nature of the treatment is applicable to both sexes. If, however, you expect the sex-specific wooing behaviour, then I do think you're being unreasonable. Also, as others have said, if you are independent and visibly so, then the chances of a man assuming that wooing role reduces proportionately.
But best of luck in looking for someone special anyway.
Thanks to everyone for responding.
Its interesting some peoples take on things. Some say I am sounding desperate and some are saying that men wouldn't come near me. The truth is that I get my fair share of male attention. But that isn't what the post is about.
I suppose what I was saying was that I'm afraid of letting my equalitist principles down by wanting an old fashioned romance. I don't want to be chased, I want to be wooed. Its nicer, more civilised and there's no hurry or pressure.
I'd never ask a man out again (did it before, it felt wrong, he did say yes though) but I'd never change my name when I get married. I am an equalitist and I do believe in sharing the responsibility of working at the relationship. I am well educated, intelligent and with a good deal of cop-on.
So thanks for all the responses. It's good to see that old fashioned romance is still alive.0 -
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
You're a feminist and believe in equality, but you expect a guy to pay for the 1st date???
That alone would make me run a mile.
As for your definition of being wooed, that's not romance, it's not even old fashioned, that's just normal relationship stuff. If you're not getting even that, then you need to look closer to home.
Personally, I think you need to change your attitude somewhat.
Feminism is old fashioned.0 -
MagicMarker wrote: »You're a feminist and believe in equality, but you expect a guy to pay for the 1st date???
That alone would make me run a mile.
As for your definition of being wooed, that's not romance, it's not even old fashioned, that's just normal relationship stuff. If you're not getting even that, then you need to look closer to home.
Personally, I think you need to change your attitude somewhat.
Feminism is old fashioned.
Well I'd have no problem paying for a first or many dates, but if I started having to listen to lessons on gender equality and all that while doing this, I'd be gone!
You can't expect to be wooed outside of a certain context I think, when the right person comes along, it will happen automatically. If you tick all the boxes as you say you do and you haven't found someone who is going to treat you well, there is obviously a reason somewhere that you need to explore.0 -
-
-
MagicMarker wrote: »I'd have no problems paying either, but i'd expect any decent, independent woman to at the very least offer, a genuine offer at that!
It's happened in the past where the girl i've gone out with has insisted, rather bluntly i might add, that they pay their way. That earns nothing but respect from me!!:)
Ah yeah, that's an Irish thing, offering to pay when you actually would be disgusted to! You'd know by the time the bill came what way it was going anyway, so if you want to meet again, you insist you pay, if you don't want to meet again, she pays after offering to, hoping you'll insist on paying! 0 -
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Advertisement
-
-
This guy knows how to woo a woman (please don't ban me!):
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.
Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a cowboy from Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, u nbuttoning his shirt.
One button at a time....... No one moves.................. He removes his shirt................
Muscles ripple across his chest.........
She gasps .................
He whispers................. "Iron this... then get me a beer."0
This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement