Binge Drinking

LegacyUser

Not sure even why Im writing this, I dont think anyone can give me advice that I dont already know or maybe I just need to get things off my chest. I am somewhat of a binge drinker and this weekend has almost (and still might) ended my relationship with my girlfriend.

Little bit of background ... I used to drink fairly heavily but after meeting my now gf I cut down an awful lot. A few times we'd be out and I'd loose control of myself and get hammered and turn into an annoyance and angry drunk. (Never violent btw, just argumentative) We've spoken about it and after the last time it happened (about 4 months ago) we both agreed it was the last straw and I would have to control myself better. I considered giving up altogether but this annoyed her as she felt that it would riun some of her nights out with me. This is the part I have trouble making sense of, she doesnt want me getting into drunken states but doesnt want me to give up altogether even though occasionally I just loose control and cant seem to know why.

The weekend was me being a total idiot. Ended up on an impromptu session on Friday night and overindulged. I wasnt expecting to go out, an absolute last minute thing. I wasnt even pushed about going out when the call came but she convinced me to head out with the lads as she was going out with her mates anyway. Got home before she did and I started a stupid row over nothing when she got home. Next day we spoke about it andthe usual promise from me that it wouldnt happen. I had a planned night out on Saturday and I swore I'd take it easy and look after myself. Instead I got in a worse state than the night before and was annoyance when I got home in a drunken mess.

I feel such an idiot and an so ashamed of myself. I had a plan, I had a promise and they both went out the window. Now the thing is I could go weeks/months without having a drink and equally I could go out for 1 or 2, but every so often the 1 or 2 turn into 1 or 2 too many and I cant figure out what triggers it. Sometimes when Im out with a group of mates I just seem to loose the run of myself and dont feel as drunk as I obviously am so I keep going.

I just dont know what to do, as she says to me, I can be 1 in a million the majority of the time but then once in a while I loose control of myself out drinking and that overshadows all the happiness in the relationship.The worse thing is, I know I have a developing problem and on both nights I had a plan in my head and promised myself too that I'd stick to it ... but something triggered in side me and I kept at it.

My girlfriend is the best thing that has ever happened to me and Im making it impossible for her to put up with me, and thats the killer, I only loose control every so often but its enough to almost ruin everything and for that I feel like such a fool.

It brought it all home yesterday when she questioned our future and bluntly said that she could never have a child with me if I was going to be like this. The thing is my Dad is an alcoholic and although he's been dry for 20 years our upbringing had moment of hell. I always swore Id never turn into him but when I get hammered I slip into his mould without realising.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Stop drinking. Thats the solution. Do you want your future kids, or your girlfriend, to go through the 'moments of hell' you did?

People in Ireland (and quite a few other places too, but predominantly here) can't actually seem to understand someone who doesn't drink alcohol.

I never have. Ever. And it amazes me how shocking it is to people. OP, you don't need alcohol to enjoy yourself. What works for me is knowing that I can act as daft as I want with my mates (who do drink), sometimes act as daft AS them (although in innocent ways as I always know what I'm doing), and yet I spend less, feel better, and am much healthier than them for this.

Try it.

Tim Robbins

Binge Drinker wrote: »

Not sure even why Im writing this, I dont think anyone can give me advice that I dont already know or maybe I just need to get things off my chest. I am somewhat of a binge drinker and this weekend has almost (and still might) ended my relationship with my girlfriend.

Little bit of background ... I used to drink fairly heavily but after meeting my now gf I cut down an awful lot. A few times we'd be out and I'd loose control of myself and get hammered and turn into an annoyance and angry drunk. (Never violent btw, just argumentative) We've spoken about it and after the last time it happened (about 4 months ago) we both agreed it was the last straw and I would have to control myself better. I considered giving up altogether but this annoyed her as she felt that it would riun some of her nights out with me. This is the part I have trouble making sense of, she doesnt want me getting into drunken states but doesnt want me to give up altogether even though occasionally I just loose control and cant seem to know why.

The weekend was me being a total idiot. Ended up on an impromptu session on Friday night and overindulged. I wasnt expecting to go out, an absolute last minute thing. I wasnt even pushed about going out when the call came but she convinced me to head out with the lads as she was going out with her mates anyway. Got home before she did and I started a stupid row over nothing when she got home. Next day we spoke about it andthe usual promise from me that it wouldnt happen. I had a planned night out on Saturday and I swore I'd take it easy and look after myself. Instead I got in a worse state than the night before and was annoyance when I got home in a drunken mess.

I feel such an idiot and an so ashamed of myself. I had a plan, I had a promise and they both went out the window. Now the thing is I could go weeks/months without having a drink and equally I could go out for 1 or 2, but every so often the 1 or 2 turn into 1 or 2 too many and I cant figure out what triggers it. Sometimes when Im out with a group of mates I just seem to loose the run of myself and dont feel as drunk as I obviously am so I keep going.

I just dont know what to do, as she says to me, I can be 1 in a million the majority of the time but then once in a while I loose control of myself out drinking and that overshadows all the happiness in the relationship.The worse thing is, I know I have a developing problem and on both nights I had a plan in my head and promised myself too that I'd stick to it ... but something triggered in side me and I kept at it.

My girlfriend is the best thing that has ever happened to me and Im making it impossible for her to put up with me, and thats the killer, I only loose control every so often but its enough to almost ruin everything and for that I feel like such a fool.

It brought it all home yesterday when she questioned our future and bluntly said that she could never have a child with me if I was going to be like this. The thing is my Dad is an alcoholic and although he's been dry for 20 years our upbringing had moment of hell. I always swore Id never turn into him but when I get hammered I slip into his mould without realising.

Give up binge drinking. It will ruin your relationship and the next.
You need an excuse to get home early if you can't say no.

Get involved with a sport or volunteer work which means getting up early the next day and means you have things in your life which don't involve the boos.

Only drink when you eat. That way, it's harder to get too drunk.

mickyt

To be honest, if you GF has such a problem with it(and rightly so) then its unfair of her to want you to stop binging, but at the same time, wants you to drink when shes out with you.

There can't really be any double standards on her part in relation to this.
It is obvoius you need to stop drinking, since you can't just have a couple all the time, without once or twice losing the run of yourself.

she needs to realise this as much as you do and make a pact that you won't drink again..

Do you think your drinking in relation to something in your past? i.e. your father?

If so, then maybe you can get counsoling to iron out some of the issues you are having in your life, and who knows, maybe you wil be able to be a casual drinker again.

Good Luck
Mick

LegacyUser

THanks for the replies. I actually had plans for Sunday but while I was out I got a txt cancelling them ... and with that I turned into a glutton. Where the binge part comes in is that I usually have plenty of activities to keep me busy and make me avoid getting into drunken states but then the odd time when the next day plans change unexpectadly then a switch goes off. I really have to cop on and grow up. Im mid thirtys but occassionally act like an immature teenager on the beer! After she brought up the concerns about children it really hit home and made me feel so embarrassed and ashamed as Im letting her and myself down.

mickyt

Well mate, Hopefully thats enough of a push that you need to get past the drinking.. Tell her that if you are going to be the man & father she needs you to be, then (for now at least) then drink can play no part in your life for the forseeable...

Good luck and hopefully everything works out in the relationship

LegacyUser

Well here is my story, I will keep it short. I left my husband after putting up with his binge drinking for 13 years, he lost everything, house, family and his marriage. He lost alot of friends because they became embarrassed at his behaviour when he drank.

There was no end to his promises to quit the booze but in the end I could not stay with him. I left him to save my sanity and to ensure the safety of both my child and myself. He was never physically violent,just verbally, but I could never guarantee when he got verbally abusive that the next time he wouldn't lash out and harm someone, I was not willing to take that chance.

He is now still a binge drinker, but on his own alone.
He is the best in the world WITHOUT the alcohol.

Do you want to end up like that?? If not do something before it's too late.
I hope you choose the right path.

LegacyUser

I have searched for answers to my own drinking madness, and this thread popped up. Your issue sounds similar to mine: drinking past my limit and creating harsh arguments in a heated state which strain my relationship. My approach will be to try to limit my drinks, especially when I haven't eaten. The trick is to have someone around me help with this. I've completely flipped out while drinking about 5 times in two years. I've been under a lot of stress with finding solid employment and other life issues. I feel that these stresses have me bitter and angry inside, which I can reason with when not out of control. However, when I loose my ability to reason, I loose my control of these angry and tense feelings. Even though my boyfriend isn't the direct cause of the stress, I take it out on him in one way or another. Maybe this will help you, it is my conclusion to my own madness.

Kerri

starchild

i was in long term relationship in my mid twenties

that relationship ended for exactly the reasons listed in the op

im not sure if it was a chemical imbalance or some emotional underlying issues but large amounts of alcohol would sometimes put me into a really stupid argumentative verbally agressive state. 9 times out of ten i was fine but man was the tenth bad

i give up alcohol for a while and my life was immeasurably better. After about 6 months i decided to have a few drinks socially again , for the most part as long as i stayed away from spirits i was fine but every now and then i would wake up with that dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach. Eventually i just kicked alcohol into touch altogether and dont bother with it anymore. without question the best decision i ever made.

i think if your girlfriend seriously wants family etc she wont mind you giving it up