Drugs + depression

LegacyUser

Hi, so I'm 20 years old, in my first year of college after taking some time off to travel and work.

I really like my course and all the people there are sound. Have loads of friends outside college who i love to bits and to everyone else it would seem I have it all. But I really really don't. I started drinking and smoking hash at about 12/13, did coke when I was 14 and pills when I'd just turned 16. since then I've been taking pills pretty much every weekend. About this time last year I doubled dropped some really strong pills and pretty much o.d.ed, that is to say I blacked out and couldnt walk or talk and just rolled about on the floor for about 8 hours. Since then I've never really felt the same. I took a 3 month break from drink and drugs but it hasnt helped. I tried to give up again but only managed to go 2 weeks and just got home from a binge which started on thursday. Now I feel like complete crap, have loads of work to do but all I've been doing is crying all day for supposedly no reason.

In the past year I've developed an eating disorder. I feel angry all the time. I cry everyday. I feel completly dissociated. I blame everyone else for my problems. I've tried consoulling but had to stop because of finical reasons. All my relationships with people have broken down and I feel completly alone. I can't stop taking drugs or drinking because its the only thing that makes me feel okay. It's also because theyre everywhere. I can't go out without being surrounded. I havent felt happy or free in a year. I'm really scared that my life is just spirraling out of control. I feel like I've messed myself up to badly and that there's no going back. I don't even want to feel happy anymore, I just want to feel normal.

Nevyn

Go to your dr, you don't' what what else was in those drugs and they could be posioning your system.

empirix

Join a gym and try, really try! you will be surprised

LegacyUser

I don't like gyms because i find them boring. i do boxing and cycle, so its not like I don't get excerise. I eat pretty well too.

At the moment it feels like I have no motivation for anything. I don't even listen to music anymore. I feel like I'm just sort of floating around, passing time as apposed to living. I feel like I'm brain damaged or something.

Suaimhneach

You need to talk to someone, a parent, a friend. You need someone who can support you throughout your future.


You need to decide what you want! Do you want to keep spirialing and feeling lost? Or do you want to get healthy and get your life back in order? If its the latter you need to start taking positive steps in the right direction! To do this you need help! You've obviously done some damage so far, but you need to be careful you dont do irrepreble damage long term!

Decide what you want. Talk to someone. Make changes. Rely on friends, and family to help you through these tough times and to help you achieve the changes you decide are right for you.

Good luck with the life path you choose.

LegacyUser

I haven't felt the same since a heavy night out when I was 15. Just woke up the next morining with a strange feeling in my head and I was unable to get any enjoyment out of my life for several years after. The day before I was the happiest guy around.

Since then I went to the doctor and was put on medication. I'm still messed up but I'm a lot better. Believe me, you will not get better until you give up drink and drugs. Def go to your doctor.


You can get free councelling in most colleges. Hava a look into that.

cantdecide

Don't underestimate weed/ hash. I didn't think it possible but it nearly ruined a close friends' life because it changed his entire outlook. He was totally dependent on it. Get help and don't ignore any avenues. What will work for you may not work for everyone but I agree with the above- the gym was a massive help to my mate.

Daisy Bell

Listen honey, youve already taken the first step you're online and your talking about it, now you need to see your Gp.....don't waste your life, get help because it is there. Talk and talk till your blue in the face. you can get that stuff outta of your system if you really try.
you have your whole life in front of you so don't waste it.....
I'm hoping and praying for you.
You'll succedd ................I know it.
Keep faith in your self!

estar

your body and mind are like an engine - throw in a load of crap and the wont run well.

follow the rules and they will run well generally speaking. the rules are - eat well, exercise sleep well, dont do drugs and dont drink to excess. why i say dont do drugs - is because they are unregulated. someone can sell you one thing and instead it can be completely different. its russian roulette. at least with alcohol there are standards of production. but even so - no excess.

you have money for drink and drugs and none for proper councilling to get yourself out of this cycle you are in?

where are your parents and family in all this?

drugs mess with your emotional well being and development. when drink and drugs start impacting on your close relationships, then it is a sign to stop. if you have a problem stopping on your own, then its time to get real and realise you have a problem.

its ok to make mistakes. its not ok to keep making the mistakes. you have a choice. deal with this now, or continue to go down this road, and deal with it when it has gotten worse in a few years time.

your situation may feel bad to you, but from the outside, reading it, there is a lot that you can do. you are still young. you have made some bad choices
but you can now make some good ones.

seek out help at your college - there will be a welfare officer. you will be able to get free councilling. go to drugs awareness or addiction groups. confide in your family. and seek out the support you need to give up drugs.

and educate yourself on what you are putting in your body and the dangers involved. dont give up on yourself. life could be so much better for you.

LegacyUser

It will get better, but only if you stop now. You have passed the point of just taking pills to have a laugh and are now in the zone of taking them because you have to.

I used to take e, coke, speed, acid, whatever was around and usually went out from Thursday to Sunday having a great time, and then feeling miserable and being a total cow from Monday to Wednesday. I stopped because it wasn't fun anymore, and I was miserable more than I was happy. Also the people I used to "buzz" with were either developing serious drug / drink habits and getting very screwed up either mentally or physically, or they walked away from it and got their lives together.

You have two choices.
1. You keep doing what you are doing and you will end up all alone with ony drugs as your companion and lead a very lonely and squalid life.
2. You go and get the help you desperately need and slowly your life will get better and within a year you will look back and be thankful that you don't have that total head melt all of the time.

The thing is, you are using up exaggerated amounts of serotonin when you are getting high, and it kind of leaves you depleted of the stuff for the rest of the week, and you are unable to feel the excitment from everyday little miracles. You can get that back though, but two weeks off the drugs isn't going to do it. You need to give them a miss for good.

If you want a better life you need to change the way you are living it. The drugs aren't making you feel better, they're just numbing out any real feelings and making you depressed. And it won't get any better, believe me. This is it. It's **** and it will only get worse over time. You're brain has been abused for years now, and hash and grass are just as bad over the long term and will prevent you from actually developing as a person.

If your old friends are all using, then you are going to have to distance yourself from them. Try to focus on the relationships you have in college. There is a better life out there, believe me. I travelled the world when I got my head together, had kids, got married, have a house, dogs...all sounds pretty boring to you now I'm sure, but it is way better than going around with a constant cloud hanging over my head, paranoid, miserable and with little or no enthusiasm for anything or anyone.

So, stop abusing yourself and get it together. Talk to your GP, family, friends (outside your buzz group) and start to make the changes you need to make if you are going to have a happy life. Because if you keep going it can end badly. I've known many "friends" who are gone due to drugs, depression, overdoses and suicide. Please stop. You are asking for advise, here it is, the truth, from someone who has been there. You can change it and it can get better. But you have to make decisions and change behaviour to do it. Get the help you need and you know, as someone else said, you have already taken a small step by posting here. The thing is, will you follow through?
I hope for your sake that you do.

Good luck. x

LegacyUser

depression drugs dont really mix...

when your depressed it like standing in a cave underground, with the roof falling in.

Reason being, your emotions arnt getting vented... It important to let these out, then when you take drugs your escapeing them beleave me i no mate ive been in your situation altho my hole life a one point well a lot of its been copmplete escapeisim...

If your crying and you dont know why, I try and get some way of fianacing your councilling or see if theres a counciller in your collage. its good that you went to one but like thats what you should do as far as im concerned.. if not go to your gp and have achat with him and se if he knows some one who can do student prices i would of thaught they do because students need it to... it something to look in there if your finding the anxiety pretty bad go for a walk then a shower and eat soemthing thats good for you....

hope this helps

Plek Trum

Have a look here> http://www.nasouth.ie/
May be of some help and guidance to you.. best of luck too, taking the first step is the hardest by far and you've very nearly done it. Please give the baove a try and it may be of some help to you!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

.

About this time last year I doubled dropped some really strong pills and pretty much o.d.ed, that is to say I blacked out and couldnt walk or talk and just rolled about on the floor for about 8 hours. Since then I've never really felt the same. I took a 3 month break from drink and drugs but it hasnt helped. I tried to give up again but only managed to go 2 weeks and just got home from a binge which started on thursday. Now I feel like complete crap, have loads of work to do but all I've been doing is crying all day for supposedly no reason.

.

I would have a similar back round to what you described but i didnt start as early,
exactly the same thing happened to me a couple of years ago, i was at a vitallic gig in the ambassador took about 4 pills and totaly blacked out, when i came to litterally about 10 hours later! i just felt sh1t , i was totaly f*cked for at least 2 months, iddnt get any medical treatment but i would have descibed myself as clinically depressed. i didnt go out for 2 months no drinking no drugs no nothing!. since then i have done pills about 3 times and each time the come down has been immense and just not worth it.

The best advice i would have, is to drop the circal of friends that you do drugs with, at least untill you feel confident enough to hang around with them and not end up doing drugs.

in time your body will repair its self you just have to give it a chance.

Dragan

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi, so I'm 20 years old, in my first year of college after taking some time off to travel and work.

I really like my course and all the people there are sound. Have loads of friends outside college who i love to bits and to everyone else it would seem I have it all. But I really really don't. I started drinking and smoking hash at about 12/13, did coke when I was 14 and pills when I'd just turned 16. since then I've been taking pills pretty much every weekend. About this time last year I doubled dropped some really strong pills and pretty much o.d.ed, that is to say I blacked out and couldnt walk or talk and just rolled about on the floor for about 8 hours. Since then I've never really felt the same. I took a 3 month break from drink and drugs but it hasnt helped. I tried to give up again but only managed to go 2 weeks and just got home from a binge which started on thursday. Now I feel like complete crap, have loads of work to do but all I've been doing is crying all day for supposedly no reason.

In the past year I've developed an eating disorder. I feel angry all the time. I cry everyday. I feel completly dissociated. I blame everyone else for my problems. I've tried consoulling but had to stop because of finical reasons. All my relationships with people have broken down and I feel completly alone. I can't stop taking drugs or drinking because its the only thing that makes me feel okay. It's also because theyre everywhere. I can't go out without being surrounded. I havent felt happy or free in a year. I'm really scared that my life is just spirraling out of control. I feel like I've messed myself up to badly and that there's no going back. I don't even want to feel happy anymore, I just want to feel normal.

When you had no money to see someone about your problems did you still have money to buy drugs?

Not being a dick here, just curious as to how far you have really fallen into the drugs scene or how much the idea appeals to you as an explanation for why you feel so bad.