"I Love You"

Nuravictus

When is the right time to say this in a relationship, I've have a few where woman said they "Loved Me" after a month & asked me if "I Loved Them". Since I am a honest guy I said I dont love you but I like you a lot. So that was the end of that.

Why do you woman do this. I want the say I say "I Love You" to be something special for her not just some cheap words that I say to get off the hook.

Why do woman seem to roll these words like there is no tomorrow.

Nevyn

Some women do some don't, personally my reposonse the first few times if that is said to me is "Thats nice dear".

Raze_them_all

I love me too...quickly followed by them coughing on a dust cloud

MagicMarker

I usually fake a heart attack.

KateF

Raze_them_all wrote: »

I love me too...quickly followed by them coughing on a dust cloud

Lol

shellyboo

Nuravictus wrote: »

When is the right time to say this in a relationship, I've have a few where woman said they "Loved Me" after a month & asked me if "I Loved Them". Since I am a honest guy I said I dont love you but I like you a lot. So that was the end of that.

The whole point is that there's no right time... it's what feels right for you. And it's rare that the right time will be right for both people in the relationship.

I can't speak for all women, but I know I'd never say it unless I mean it. That could be after a week, it could be after a month, a year... when it feels right. So it's not something that I'd just 'roll out'.

I've said it and not heard it back in my past two relationships... only to hear it back in the following weeks. I find that guys DO take it more seriously, it's a bigger deal to them and they really have to consider their feelings and be sure before they say it. Perhaps it's more instinctive for women... I know it is for me. It's 100% a gut feeling.

Nevyn

Meh some do it out of insecurity or to try and reassure themselves they are not a slut cos then they are having sex with someone they lurve.

peanuthead

Well, I think men overuse the phrase just as much as women do, if not more because thats what they think we're all hanging around waiting to hear!

I'm with my bf 2years now and although he has said the words to me, he says them very rarely, but thats ok for me, I dont care about it at all because (1) those words are so overused by EVERYONE that they mean fuck all anymore really, (2) I know he loves me by the things he does for me/says to me/ times he's there for me... (3) When he does say it, its way more special than hearing it everyday and I know he means it.

Nuravictus

Thaedydal wrote: »

Meh some do it out of insecurity or to try and reassure themselves they are not a slut cos then they are having sex with someone they lurve.

Your a brave man to post that in here. I'm off to get popcorn & watch this thread now

Nevyn

Nuravictus wrote: »

Your a brave man to post that in here. I'm off to get popcorn & watch this thread now

Thats quite the compliment
Thanks.

shellyboo

Thaedydal wrote: »

Meh some do it out of insecurity or to try and reassure themselves they are not a slut cos then they are having sex with someone they lurve.

Definitely. And then when you really fall in love you're like "oh... THIS is love".

Nuravictus wrote: »

Your a brave man to post that in here. I'm off to get popcorn & watch this thread now

LMAO. Funneh.

KateF

Thaedydal wrote: »

Meh some do it out of insecurity or to try and reassure themselves they are not a slut cos then they are having sex with someone they lurve.

I'd agree with you there actually, men are more easy going, most don't care if they don't love the person they are sleeping with (obviously I presume most would prefer to be having sex with someone they have feelings for but anyway...) Girls tend to have this feeling that they should love them. So sometimes convince themselves they do, and shur wouldn't it all be rosy if he said it back...they could continue on into dream land

metrovelvet

There are different I love yous. There is the ejaculatory I love you, that gushes out after holding it in during the intoxicating phase, and then there are the adult love I love yous and then there are the habiutal I love yous that are said every time you hang up the phone.

Some say it because... well... they love you. But if you keep running into women who love you very quickly, you should ask yourself what you do to attract women with weak egos.

Black Swan

Oh oh... the L-word! You can love someone, but not be "in love with them." In the first case, you truly care for them, but don't want the romantic relationship of the second kind. Sometimes the first leads to the second, sometimes not. This can be a source of a lot of confusion and hurt at times for both women and men. I've certainly stumbled through a couple of relationships, sometimes making a complete fool of myself, so I'll leave out the specifics, just in case they log on.

And something else... I don't believe in love at first sight. I call that lust, which is OK, but different indeed! It may lead to love, but then again...

pow wow

Insecure girls ask if you love them back. Everyone else can spot a bull****ter who spits it out right back with a look of mild fear, or even worse, says I 'think' I love you too. I don't expect to hear it back when I've said it, my feelings are independent of his so why would it matter? Maybe that comes with age or saying it enough times without hearing it back, I'm an old fart now lol.

Women? I've found it's always the guys saying it first. I don't like to say it unless I mean it, so if I say it back it's some time later. I don't think I'd say "that's nice dear" more like "ok then" xD

Rozabeez

I hate those words. I don't even know why, they just seem to complicate things all the time. Don't say it unless you FEEL it, I think it's ridiculous that people can get so angry/hurt if you don't feel the same right away.

sam34

its a red flag/alarm bells ringing warning sign for me if i hear this from a fella too soon. by too soon,i mean within a few weeks. an ex of mine was spouting it after a week and he turned out to be a total obsessive, controlling, possessive freak. not that im tarring all lads with the same brush, but i think a few weeks is far too early to be genuine. it may be lust, but it aint love, imo.

jellie

Nuravictus wrote: »

When is the right time to say this in a relationship, I've have a few where woman said they "Loved Me" after a month & asked me if "I Loved Them". Since I am a honest guy I said I dont love you but I like you a lot. So that was the end of that.

Why do you woman do this. I want the say I say "I Love You" to be something special for her not just some cheap words that I say to get off the hook.

Why do woman seem to roll these words like there is no tomorrow.

nice generalisation there ive only ever said i love you when i meant it & ive never been the first to say it (not cause its wrong to say it first, just cause the guy got there before me).

my ex told me he loved me first. id known it was coming cause he kept telling me he was "falling in love" with me. i just told him i felt a lot for him, but i wasnt in love with him yet & i didnt want to say it & not mean it.

out of my group of friends, all the girls current bfs said the l-word first. some said it back cause they didnt know what else to say, 1 said "thanks" & 1 said "thats nice" :pac:

i wouldnt say it if i didnt mean it & i wouldnt want it said if it wasnt meant. but i do like to hear it when its true

whatsamsn

I agree with what was said above about it takes time for both people to feel it.

Heres a funny story, lol. I was with my now ex-gf on valentines day 2007. We were dating since November / December. We were whispering in the cinema and she said "yeah i love you" - and i did the stupid thing of saying "i know i love you but as a friend, i dont know if i love you yet" LOL ... looking back A REALLY BAD CHOICE OF WORDS.. but i went home and after a day or two i realised i did love her

but yeah, i am the type of guy who couldnt say it unless I meant it. Its such a powerful word and i would like the first time i say it, for me to actually mean it and not just saying it back. But then, if you choose this way over the other you'll make her moment very awkward.

I guess you have to choose between honesty or "being nice" and saying it back.

Adam

Nuravictus wrote: »

Your a brave man to post that in here. I'm off to get popcorn & watch this thread now

Thaedydal wrote: »

Thats quite the compliment
Thanks.

excellent

ellscurr wrote: »

Insecure girls ask if you love them back. Everyone else can spot a bull****ter who spits it out right back with a look of mild fear, or even worse, says I 'think' I love you too. I don't expect to hear it back when I've said it, my feelings are independent of his so why would it matter? Maybe that comes with age or saying it enough times without hearing it back, I'm an old fart now lol.

it comes with common sense, which is often connected with age, but not always! and you suffer from alicat syndrome, you're only as old as you feel :P

bluewolf wrote: »

Women? I've found it's always the guys saying it first. I don't like to say it unless I mean it, so if I say it back it's some time later. I don't think I'd say "that's nice dear" more like "ok then" xD

i've never said it first, and only once been in a relationship in which it was said to me and i didn't respond, either at the time or at a later date. it was still a nice relationship

sam34 wrote: »

its a red flag/alarm bells ringing warning sign for me if i hear this from a fella too soon. by too soon,i mean within a few weeks. an ex of mine was spouting it after a week and he turned out to be a total obsessive, controlling, possessive freak. not that im tarring all lads with the same brush, but i think a few weeks is far too early to be genuine. it may be lust, but it aint love, imo.

several points on this post. firstly, alarm bells will ring for either sex i believe. it can be said without meaning, or for the wrong reasons at any stage though. secondly, why should there be a time frame inside of which it cant be genuine? and lastly, is there really a difference between love and lust? or is love something conceptual, made up?

jellie

Mirror wrote: »

is there really a difference between love and lust? or is love something conceptual, made up?

theres a huge difference. you can meet someone incredibly hot & have hell of a lot of lust for them but that doesnt mean you LOVE them. you can lust for someone without knowing them at all.

love is a lot more than sexual attraction.

Papillon87

sam34 wrote: »

its a red flag/alarm bells ringing warning sign for me if i hear this from a fella too soon. by too soon,i mean within a few weeks. an ex of mine was spouting it after a week and he turned out to be a total obsessive, controlling, possessive freak. not that im tarring all lads with the same brush, but i think a few weeks is far too early to be genuine. it may be lust, but it aint love, imo.

Would be the same for me too. Two weeks dating my ex and one day as I'm sitting on his stairs, putting on my shoes: "I love you, you know" :eek::eek::eek:

Given what I went through with him subsequently and the treatment during the break up we had; I would now be very wary of someone who is quick to say it. A friend once said the people who are quickest to make such declarations are often the ones who are just as quick to hurt you badly. True that.

Personally, I won't say something unless I mean it. Especially something like being in love with someone. My knee-jerk reaction to this unexpected gushing was a rather abrupt "Don't say things you don't mean".....and this or variations of it were what I said in response to it till a few months later when I did love him. Sounds mean, but I said it in a gentle way....just said, there's no way you can be in love with me yet.

I love you, Papillon87. I love you with all my heart and soul. And shall anyone ever hurt you, i swear i won't rest until i get revenge, for you, Papillon87, are the sole reason i live. For without you, there is nothing to live for.




.. See, anyone can say it.

sam34

Mirror wrote: »

several points on this post. firstly, alarm bells will ring for either sex i believe. it can be said without meaning, or for the wrong reasons at any stage though. secondly, why should there be a time frame inside of which it cant be genuine? and lastly, is there really a difference between love and lust? or is love something conceptual, made up?

ooh mirror, how long have u got?!
regards the timeframe, i believe it takes time before you fall in love with someone. for me, i cannot truly love someone without knowing them well, and it takes time to get to know people. in my experience, the first few weeks with a new guy can be great, theres a rush from getting to know someone, and from the physical side, but, to me, thats not love, it's lust. i suppose putting a timeframe on it is a bit artificial, but deffo if i hear declarations within a few weeks the alarm bells are sounding

and yes, i firmly believe there's a difference between love and lust. i've lusted after many many men, and loved only 2.some of the ones i lusted after, i would never have been friendly with and could never ever ever have loved, but that didnt stop me lusting after them!

jellie

Papillon87 wrote: »

Given what I went through with him subsequently and the treatment during the break up we had; I would now be very wary of someone who is quick to say it. A friend once said the people who are quickest to make such declarations are often the ones who are just as quick to hurt you badly. True that.

yeah definitely. people who fall in love quickly (or think they do) tend do fall out of love just as quickly.

sam34

sar84 wrote: »

yeah definitely. people who fall in love quickly (or think they do) tend do fall out of love just as quickly.

i dont know if id agree with that....
my experience (granted, with one guy only) who was in love with me within 2 weeks, was that he was a self-styled "intense emotional" person, and took the breakup badly, very ott and dramatic about it

but thats based on just one guy (thankfully:pac:)

Papillon87

Deleted User wrote: »

I love you, Papillon87. I love you with all my heart and soul. And shall anyone ever hurt you, i swear i won't rest until i get revenge, for you, Papillon87, are the sole reason i live. For without you, there is nothing to live for.




.. See, anyone can say it.

Exactly.

People are too loose with their tongues.

Papillon87

sar84 wrote: »

yeah definitely. people who fall in love quickly (or think they do) tend do fall out of love just as quickly.

I concur. They are intense and fascinated with you for a while, you're this that and the other, then BAM.

Meh. One lives and learns.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

cuckoo

him: "i love you"
me: "i love you too, that bono's a great singer...."
him: *cloud of devastation*

In my defence, I thought he was joking. :o

Censorsh!t

my current bf told me he loved me after about 3/4 weeks. He also told me that he realy didnt think he'd be saying it so soon.

Also, id ever tell a guy i loved them before they told me. Id feel like a comeplete idiot if they didnt say it back.

kazkiely

My bf said it to me first and I was like 'eep!'. But had to be honest. We were together three months that stage and I only said it back after a further three weeks or something. It's been 2 years now

I have a friend who had been with her fella maybe about a month I think and they were all "I love you"s. Can't understand it. You can't possible know someone well enough after that length of time to say it, imo. That said, I suppose it depends on the person and their personality.

homerun_homer

The first time I told someone I loved them (and there was only one - it's not a frequent thing for me) was a funny experience. We were in bed, it was very late, some shennanigans had gone on and she asks me "Did you mean what you said earlier?".
This meant within the last hour and I wasn't sure what I had said as I was very tired. She had a smile and optimistic look on her face so I said "yes", to which she replied "I love you too".

It caught me off guard, didn't freak me out but then realised that if I said it that it was true.

Reku

sar84 wrote: »

yeah definitely. people who fall in love quickly (or think they do) tend do fall out of love just as quickly.

Can't say I'd agree with that, I tended to fall fast but didn't lose interest to quickly, e.g. I remember one girl I think I was only dating for about 3 weeks-1month when I said it went out with her for about a year.
You sure they weren't just saying it because they felt it was expected or might get them a roll in the sack? I've never said it and not meant it, would only just cheapen it when I did say it if I did that IMO.

Yeah it's led to them being unable to respond in kind, but as long as they meant it when they said it that's fine with me.

Crumble Froo

hehe, with my current fella, we'd been using the 'l' word before we realised we liked each other in that way. it was great being able to say it to each other in person for the first time.

that said, there is an ex. who... even just thinking about, i feel completely creeped and and vaguely nasueous... but he said it within a week or two of meeting each other, and that was without even seeing a lot of each other at the time. and he was just a creepy, sleazy, manipulative prat. he was the only one who, when he said it, it did genuinely feel 'too soon' for me. and he's the only ex i dont think of fondly too.

jellie

farohar wrote: »

Can't say I'd agree with that, I tended to fall fast but didn't lose interest to quickly, e.g. I remember one girl I think I was only dating for about 3 weeks-1month when I said it went out with her for about a year.
You sure they weren't just saying it because they felt it was expected or might get them a roll in the sack? I've never said it and not meant it, would only just cheapen it when I did say it if I did that IMO.

Yeah it's led to them being unable to respond in kind, but as long as they meant it when they said it that's fine with me.

maybe i was generalising a bit. & it wasnt expected, it slightly freaked me out. i do think he thought he loved me when he said it, & we were together for over a year. but the end was a rather sudden "i dont feel the same anymore" when he had felt it a few weeks previously. which makes me think either a) he didnt love me, he loved the idea of being in love b) he thought he loved me c) hes an idiot or d) he did love me but was still an idiot

ill go with d. i think he actually did love me, he showed it plenty of times, but he was the kind of person that expected it to be perfect all the time. when real life affected things he couldnt cope & took it as he didnt love me anymore. but then he missed me, wanted me back, blah blah.. ah maybe he didnt. who knows... long time ago, ill cope with not knowing :P

boys

metrovelvet

"Do you think we're in love?"

Dave147

I think I'm falling in love at the moment won't tell her till I'm sure but it's a nice feeling only ever told one girl I loved her, 3 months into our relationship, lasted 2 and a half years and I really did love her.

Rattlehead_ie

peanuthead wrote: »

(1) those words are so overused by EVERYONE that they mean fuck all anymore really,
(2) I know he loves me by the things he does for me/says to me/ times he's there for me...
(3) When he does say it, its way more special than hearing it everyday and I know he means it.

Nail hit on the head there really to be honest. Gennerally in this day and age, I have heard those 3 words said too many times that its lost its meaning. IF and when I would say them I want the other person to know that I mean it + I think she would know already from the things I do on a day to day basis.

Piste

peanuthead wrote: »

(1) those words are so overused by EVERYONE that they mean fuck all anymore really

Yeah it's sad, but after the first week or so of saying it, it begins to lose a lot of meaning. But when you first say it, and can freely say it to eachother for a few days it's really wonderful. Then there are occasions when it means so much more, even though it's the same words and the same tone of voice, but the situation or the look on his face makes it so much more meaningful.

I always told myself if I said that to someone that I wouldn't overuse it and would only say it occasionally- failed epically there!

Aurora Borealis

Maybe I'm getting wary in my old age but I'd rather wait and have my partner wait too before we said the I love yous. My last two relationships it was said quite early on and I don't think it gives the relationship the chance to mature properly. The last one I felt a bit pushed by it mostly because i wasn't ready for that level of a relationship and sad that things didn't feel the same for me. Not nice to have to explain that to someone. The one before, though I could say it back that time, in retrospect having discovered a whole load of lies after things finished it felt like I had been duped all along.

I would never say it unless I meant it and would hope in future that whoever I meet operates on the same premise.

nightowl27

my current b/f told me he loved me about a month in, feeling rather shocked i "discreetly" changed the subject to football....knew it'd get his mind off it! then about a month later whilst on the way back from dinner, in the pouring rain, he pulls me aside looks at me and tells me he loves me, i literally nearly melted one of the most amazing feelings, knew i felt the same too....2 years down the line now!:) ah memories!!

as to the lust/love thing. i think lust is what the begginings of a relationship is like, cant keep your hands off eachother etc. this can fizzle out if there is nothing else behind but it can grow to love too.

mollybird

well this is the first time ive been in love and when i did say it to him it took him a good 6 months to say it off his own bat. before that i knew he loved me by the things he done for me and how he was there for me when i needed him. but he did say it once when was drunk on a guys weekend away and i ate him over it. he knows not to do that again:p. i have told him how i feel about him not saying it that often. yes i do say it alot as it's how i feel. i could shout it from the roof tops.

I've had it said to me by 3 girls. Said it back to only one. I know for sure one who said it for sure didn't mean it and was just acting needy and desperate (long long story which I'm not repeating)

It's not a big deal for me, 3 words mean a lot less than that look in the eye, the things they do for you or that sacrifice she makes....because it's for you. I know couples who say it to each other ALL THE TIME and I know they look at it from the perspective of "Oh well I want him/her to really KNOW I mean it" but I think what you do for them and how you act towards them is how to do that. Those 3 words can be as much used as a manipulative tool as they can a means of expressing feelings. My approach would be to show it in my actions and to say it fairly infrequently so as for it to mean something to her when I did say it.

How do you girls define "all the time" by the by?! Said everyday? Said at the end of every phonecall/text? Or what?!

I do find it hard at times to distinguish between love and lust! There has been one or two occasions when i thought I was in love but realised later that it was lust! Silly me eh!