Why aint I truely happy.

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I just want to know why I feel sad at times and not happy with how my life is going.

I won't use the term depressed because that would belittle other guys on here who truely are depressed.

I just feel quite down a lot lately about my self.

to give an overview... I have a great job, great pay... a huge social circle of friends.. a girlfriend that I am sure other guys would like to know how I managed to nab.

all my life I have this funny guy, cool, not much to by way of looks, but still never held me back from getting girls i like etc.

I am over weight.. but extremely fit. playing football 4 times a week.. but I want to know do people who just seem to have it all, just get down about themselves?

I hate how I look, stretch marks etc.. my gf doesn't mind at all, but I still just hate everything about me..

I just wish I could be happy as I am.. but I think its the weight that is the problem.

Like I said, I play football 4 times a week.. go the gym.. Eat relatively healthy apart from the odd chinese and chipper.. I have friends and family that eat what they like. don't excercise and still don't fluxuate in weight.

If I am destined to be large(I am very tall so carry it well I guess), should I just accept that no amount of excercise will allow me to lose significant weight.

But at the same time, I don't see how I can be truely happy with the way I look..

Is sugery the answer?

sorry for a bit of a wishy washy post.. I guess the last 2 paragraphs are where its all at..

Glowing

I don't many people are 'destined' to be big. It's great you're doing so much sport, but perhaps the problem stems from the size of your portions? What you may think is a healthy dinner may not actually be, and snacking during the day can add heaps of calories.

How old are you and what's your typical day consist of (food wise)? There are some really helpful threads in Diet and Fitness ....

biko

If you suddenly got fit, would you be happy then? Or would something else pop up for you to feel miserable about? It seems to me that everyone, no matter how good they have it, are always complaining about something.
If you have a great gf and have been successful with girls in the past it seems to me the problem is only in your head. Perhaps you should focus more on the good things and less on "what's wrong"?

When you say overweight, what do you mean? BMI? Heigth/weight ratio?

gerTheGreat

You're basically saying that you're unhappy with the way you look. If that's everything, (maybe to be certain, really sit down and have an inward look), then maybe it'd be worthwile visiting a nutritionist. You never know, your diet may not be a decent as you thing and maybe he/ she could recomend some changes.

Hope that helps.
Ger

LegacyUser

OP Here... ok well to answer most of the threads so far.

If I can use yesterday as an example food wise I had the following..

Bfast: Tea & 2 slices of toast
Break: 2 youghurts or some fruit
Lunch: 3 Slices of soda bred with Turkey on it. & soup.
Played 1 hours of football
Dinner: Sheppards pie(average portion)

I would be lying if I say that this is an every single day occurance, but certainly in the last month, this has been adhered to quite stringently, but doesn't appear to have helped.

I would be just over 6ft 5. and about 20 stone me thinks. mid 20's Fitness isn't a problem, I don't get tired playing football etc... but just the weight doesn't seem to shift.

I mean they say when you start dieting etc.. you lose weight quicker.. in the last month, I have been sticking to above set up and still may of lost 4 pounds if even..

Believe me, I am constantly online looking at different ways to go about it.. Maybe a nutrionist might be an idea. they might be able to taylor something for me.

In relation to the post about some people being next happy and looking to moan, i found that a useless response... weight is surely a significant enough reason for unhappyness.

Gareth37

whats wrong? wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I just want to know why I feel sad at times and not happy with how my life is going.

I won't use the term depressed because that would belittle other guys on here who truely are depressed.

I just feel quite down a lot lately about my self.

to give an overview... I have a great job, great pay... a huge social circle of friends.. a girlfriend that I am sure other guys would like to know how I managed to nab.

all my life I have this funny guy, cool, not much to by way of looks, but still never held me back from getting girls i like etc.

I am over weight.. but extremely fit. playing football 4 times a week.. but I want to know do people who just seem to have it all, just get down about themselves?

I hate how I look, stretch marks etc.. my gf doesn't mind at all, but I still just hate everything about me..

I just wish I could be happy as I am.. but I think its the weight that is the problem.

Like I said, I play football 4 times a week.. go the gym.. Eat relatively healthy apart from the odd chinese and chipper.. I have friends and family that eat what they like. don't excercise and still don't fluxuate in weight.

If I am destined to be large(I am very tall so carry it well I guess), should I just accept that no amount of excercise will allow me to lose significant weight.

But at the same time, I don't see how I can be truely happy with the way I look..

Is sugery the answer?

sorry for a bit of a wishy washy post.. I guess the last 2 paragraphs are where its all at..

You cannot have it all without knowing God. God is the only thing that bring happiness imo.

You have money, job, sense of humour, girlfriend etc yet you are not happy for these don't make people happy. Once you chase and find these things , it is then you realise that no matter how much of these things you have you won't be happy, you will just keep chasing.

Read the New Testament of the Holy Bible and find your peace. My guess is that you once had a soul but lost it chasing false dreams and hopes of happiness. Now is your chance to find happiness by reading and understanding scripture.

unreggd

I agree about your diet

You should head over to the fitness forum and start a new thread

They should evaluate your diet and exercise well and see whats up

I posted a diet before I got into health and fitness, thinking it was healthy, but aparently i should have been dead

Also, I dont agree on being destined to be big

If you want to make a change, you can

good luck

Tigger

op

fitness forum is a brilliant resource for you

join them and they will give advice and direction for improving yer physique (sp)

also gereth37 why do bad things happen to good people?

Tigger

unreggd wrote: »

But yeah, I agree about your diet

You should head over to the fitness forum and start a new thread

They should evaluate your diet and exercise well and see whats up

I posted a diet before I got into health and fitness, thinking it was healthy, but aparently i should have been dead

lol snap

too much stodge in his diet i reckon but the guys and gals on fitness will help

LegacyUser

thanks for the useful posts from most.

will look into it.. just became quiter disheartened. sorry about the rants

Wibbs

Yes the weight is an issue for you, but would another issue crop up if the wieght was gone? I'm not trying to be flippant, it's just I have noticed that often people use something as an excuse for lack of success in other parts of their lives. I've known people who have blamed being fat for their unhappiness. I would put money if I magically removed their fat overnight they would be in a blind panic as the excuse would no longer be there, for whatever was truly ailing them. It could be fat, it could be looks, education, job etc the list is long. Put it this way I know fat poor ugly people who are as happy as pigs in shíte:D

I think too often feelings, especially self centered, introspective ones are considered king these days. Now feelings are fine and dandy, but unless you're in clinical/chemical depression, I do think more people could dig themselves out of this kind of thing by changing their thoughts and actions. Even if they fake it for a while. Start by looking beyond you. Forget about your weight, maybe find a mate of yours that's really unfit and drag him(kicking and screaming if it turns out you're one of my mates:D) to your footie nights. By your account you're as fit as a butchers dog, so use that to help others, even one. I'm sure you know one. Same with other talents you have to offer. help someone through those talents. Sounds hippy dippy, but it does help.

Gareth37 wrote: »

You cannot have it all without knowing God. God is the only thing that bring happiness imo.

I dunno, I am pretty content these days. Wasn't always, but pretty ok now. My life wouldn't be a paragon, I wouldn't be rich or any of that, I'm single etc, but I'm content/happy enough and I don't know God. Whatever floats your boat and all and I'm glad it works for you, but it may not be the answer for everyone.

I would say that many religious teachings have bloody good advice contained within though.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

If I can use yesterday as an example food wise I had the following..

Bfast: Tea & 2 slices of toast
Break: 2 youghurts or some fruit
Lunch: 3 Slices of soda bred with Turkey on it. & soup.
Played 1 hours of football
Dinner: Sheppards pie(average portion)

I would be lying if I say that this is an every single day occurance, but certainly in the last month, this has been adhered to quite stringently, but doesn't appear to have helped.

If it's white toast change to porridge/an egg. What's Soda bread? Maybe have basmati rice or salad instead

Shepards pie, is that one you make yourself or a microwave dish? The potato is bad if you're getting rid of fat btw.

go to the gym and lift weights(best way to get rid of fat)

dblennon

I can quickly tell you that it's your bread intake,

when I was in college I was the sandwich king, thinking it was being healthy but I put on 2 stone, since taking out white bread and pasta(twice a week rather than 4 times) I lost it over a 6-9 month period that was about 5 months ago and i've lost another 1/2 since then.

the one thing I would say is that you just become a smaller you, so if its more how you look ie soft bits around belly/boobs then weights is your best bet.

Zulu

Gareth37 wrote: »

You cannot have it all without knowing God. God is the only thing that bring happiness imo.

You have money, job, sense of humour, girlfriend etc yet you are not happy for these don't make people happy. Once you chase and find these things , it is then you realise that no matter how much of these things you have you won't be happy, you will just keep chasing.

Read the New Testament of the Holy Bible and find your peace. My guess is that you once had a soul but lost it chasing false dreams and hopes of happiness. Now is your chance to find happiness by reading and understanding scripture.

While I wouldn't agree with most of this, there is truth to it.
OP as a poster already suggested, you seem to be focusing on the -ve. Don't.

Focus on the +ve.

The more you dwell on how unhappy you are, the more unhappy you'll be. The more focused you are the harder it is to see the wood from the trees.

In a sense, you are programming yourself to be unhappy; you're looking for reasons to be unhappy. The good thing about this is, with a little effort you can program yourself to be happy. You just need to focus on the +ve; on what makes you happy.
Some people can do this by immersing themselves in religion, I did it by immersing myself in my life. It seems overly selfish at the start, but then, isn't wallowing in self pity? the only difference being one way your happy, the other you're not.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Yes the weight is an issue for you, but would another issue crop up if the wieght was gone? I'm not trying to be flippant, it's just I have noticed that often people use something as an excuse for lack of success in other parts of their lives. I've known people who have blamed being fat for their unhappiness. I would put money if I magically removed their fat overnight they would be in a blind panic as the excuse would no longer be there, for whatever was truly ailing them. It could be fat, it could be looks, education, job etc the list is long. Put it this way I know fat poor ugly people who are as happy as pigs in shíte:D

I think too often feelings, especially self centered, introspective ones are considered king these days. Now feelings are fine and dandy, but unless you're in clinical/chemical depression, I do think more people could dig themselves out of this kind of thing by changing their thoughts and actions. Even if they fake it for a while. Start by looking beyond you. Forget about your weight, maybe find a mate of yours that's really unfit and drag him(kicking and screaming if it turns out you're one of my mates:D) to your footie nights. By your account you're as fit as a butchers dog, so use that to help others, even one. I'm sure you know one. Same with other talents you have to offer. help someone through those talents. Sounds hippy dippy, but it does help.




I dunno, I am pretty content these days. Wasn't always, but pretty ok now. My life wouldn't be a paragon, I wouldn't be rich or any of that, I'm single etc, but I'm content/happy enough and I don't know God. Whatever floats your boat and all and I'm glad it works for you, but it may not be the answer for everyone.

I would say that many religious teachings have bloody good advice contained within though.

Thanks for your help mate.. I will give it ago.. I know what you mean about how I might be using the weight as a smoke screen, but its strange, I really do think its just something like that. every single night of the week I have hobbies and teach music to children etc.. I do get a good feeling from the rest of my life.. just every morning and evening after showers.. I just stare at my body and shriver..

I will take advise on though and worry about other things in my life and the rest may come..

I will also check out the advise of the other guys aswell.

Thanks everyone

Beruthiel

Gareth37 wrote: »

You cannot have it all without knowing God. God is the only thing that bring happiness imo.

Read the New Testament of the Holy Bible and find your peace. My guess is that you once had a soul but lost it chasing false dreams and hopes of happiness. Now is your chance to find happiness by reading and understanding scripture.

PI is a secular forum.
Please don't discuss god in here again, not everyone believes or is interested in religion.

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

I know what you mean about how I might be using the weight as a smoke screen, but its strange, I really do think its just something like that. every single night of the week I have hobbies and teach music to children etc.. I do get a good feeling from the rest of my life.. just every morning and evening after showers.. I just stare at my body and shriver..

You know it could simply be that you need to stand back and give yourself a damn good pat on the back. Appreciate you and what you do for others, for those kids, for your mates, for the footie team, for your family. It sounds like you have a lot of life pretty well sorted. That's rare enough Ted. Put it this way, often I find I have to stop myself for suggesting an imaginary kick up the bum,:D it's rare enough I suggest the pat on the back.

LegacyUser

hi OP, i have the same problem. im very strongly built 19stone and 5'10" tall. i eat a fraction of what my thin wife eats and less than my children even. I eat healthily and have no bad food habits but the weight stays.
years ago i came to terms with it all and realised im just one of those unlucky people. but in recent years my family give me a lot of grief about it because they are worried about my health. this makes it doubly hard to swallow. next week im going to a dietician who can hopefully see some possible issue with my body breaking down fat as i believe i have some form of biological problem.

when i go on holiday etc with friends they often remark on how little i eat and are amazed etc.

Fanny Cradock

Beruthiel wrote: »

PI is a secular forum.
Please don't discuss god in here again, not everyone believes or is interested in religion.

We have secular forums now? You might want to update the charter just so we know.

estar

how much do you drink ? as in alcohol.

keep a food diary - unless you have a thyroid problem or other
hormonal imbalance your body is a big equation

food in less exercise = weight

so either you are drinking and eating more than you think

or you have a medical condition

some people definitely do have more of a propensity to put on weight than
others.

cut down on carbs. eat more fruit and veg and less sugar.

reduce alcohol.

and the big thing is losing weight probably won't make you happier, it will make you fitter.

we are not meant to be happy all the time. happiness fluctuates.

being grateful for things, helping others, all help to put the self in
perspective.

do some charity work, and you will feel more thankful, and your perspective
will be adjusted again from poor me, to poor someone else - lucky me.

best of luck!

Caoimhín

Gareth37 wrote: »

Read the New Testament of the Holy Bible and find your peace. My guess is that you once had a soul but lost it chasing false dreams and hopes of happiness. Now is your chance to find happiness by reading and understanding scripture.

Now theres some practical advice.

Wibbs

Caoimhín stay on topic please. Fanny Cradock, the same. Maybe bring this to Feedback if you have a concern?

LegacyUser

Hi Guys, OP Here.

I has wrote a big long responses this morning, only for me to unplug the pc plug instead of my charger.. not cool..

I am really appreciating the help I have received & not just the kind supportive ones like from wibbs(thanks m8) but from the home truthers aswell.. I spent the day thinking, was it just the weight issue.. or was it more.. I really did a lot of thinking and yes the weight in defo the main issue. but I have arranged a meeting with a nutrisionist next week.

so hopefully something can be spotted there. I have made a retrospective food diary for the last 2 weeks.. you guys are right.. alot of bread gets in to my meals..

I also sat down with the girlfriend last night, after relising I had a few insecurities about our relation that I had been holding back.. she was delighted to reassure me as she felt I had been suppressing some stuff that would bother some guys.. (jealousy etc.. I don't let her know ever. as I have full trust in her and know its myself being silly)

All in all apart from a dodgey cold, I have woken up and came to work feeling much better about myself.

In relation to one of the guys talking about Alcohol.. When I do go out, I can put them away alright. but the majority of the weeks, I won't go to the pub.. or may go and have 2-3 pints in all of a normal week.

bottom line is guys,. I have a good life.. great friends.. Im good fun to be with.. I offer my skills to help kids and adults with music.. My weight is an issue, but I needed to stop trying to focus on that myself, and get the right help to get me through this.

I often post replys on this forum and find it very benificially to some people. I never noticed how helpful they can be. and I have seen the same people with great advise alway.

keep up the work folks... I shall give it my best shot.

Peace

Wibbs

Fair play, sound like a plan. BTW can I borrow your life?

I reckon bread is a disaster. OK that's my opinion, but I very rarely eat it and when I do what strikes me is how salty and stodgy it is.

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

Fair play, sound like a plan. BTW can I borrow your life?

I reckon bread is a disaster. OK that's my opinion, but I very rarely eat it and when I do what strikes me is how salty and stodgy it is.

God, I love bread.

Anyway, OP... best of luck with trying to get yourself sorted - life's too short not to try to be happy, no matter how insignificant you feel your problems are, they affect YOU and that's what's matters. Fair play for tackling it instead of just moaning

Trinity

shellyboo wrote: »

God, I love bread.

Anyway, OP... best of luck with trying to get yourself sorted - life's too short not to try to be happy, no matter how insignificant you feel your problems are, they affect YOU and that's what's matters. Fair play for tackling it instead of just moaning

I live on sandwiches. If i didnt eat bread i wouldnt eat

But then again i am one of those people that moan but do nothing. OP well done. You have made the first step which is probably the hardest one.

May you be the inspiration for the likes of me that moans and expects the weight to go by willing it off mentally

Splendour

Hi OP,

somebody mentioned thyroid problems which I suggest you get checked out. From the example you gave of your diet I would think you are under eating rather than overeating!

Aside from that, if you are happy with your level of fitness, I wouln't put too much emphasis on the weight issue. Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 (apparantly big by today's standards) and she was attractive and sexy.

af_thefragile

I say the two options you've got here is:

1. Change the way you look. By going on a strict diet and exercise routine.

or

2. Learn to accept yourself as the way you are and learn to be happy with who you are.

The choice is yours.
And one thing that might help is that i always found out a lot of happiness comes from a sense of satisfaction that you're living your life the way you want to live it. Like you're living every day precisely how you want them to be and you're not just "going with the flow". This gives you a sense of completition and satisfaction that makes you happy.
Once way you can do that is by sitting down one day and brainstorming out the way you're gonna spend/live out every day of the week. Complete from the moment you wake up to the moment you sleep. Make a list of all the things you'ld like done in the day and make sure you get them done by the end of the day.

Happiness comes from a sense of satisfaction which comes from a sense of completion which comes from doing the things you want to do in your life which comes from planning/finding out all the things you'ld like to do/achieve in your life and working towards getting them done which comes from taking the decision that you're no longer gonna settle for the mediocre life and you're gonna rise above to grow and start living life the way you want to live it.

You see how it goes... Its not easy but still yet very simple and thats why most people are not satisfied and happy with their lives. Its all cuz they can't be bothered going through all those steps i mentioned above. Notice how you get the rewards (happiness and satisfaction) right towards the end after going through all that time and effort over the steps.
Thats how life is. You'll get rewards after a good while of struggle and perseverance. But you get big rewards and all that hardwork really pays off. Most people just aren't strong enough to step through all that work to last till the end where all the rewards are. They give up midway and lose up on all the pleasures!!

impr0v

You're unhappy because everything you've achieved and everything you've acquired you achieved and acquired for the wrong reasons.

LegacyUser

Tea and 2 slices of toast is not a healthy breakfast for a person your size, you are starving yourself in the morning and what happens is fluid builds up, so you are most likely retaining fluid. Cut out on the carbs,e.g. potatoes, bread all that starchy food, drink at least 1 and a half pints of water a day and eat half pink grapefruit with some sugar on it every morning. You will piss alot but thats a sure sign it is working, it breaks down the fat and that is what you are peeing. Try it for a week I can guarantee you will lose some weight especially if you keep up your training, but you have to stick with it! Good luck.

Unregistered wrote: »

OP Here... ok well to answer most of the threads so far.

If I can use yesterday as an example food wise I had the following..

Bfast: Tea & 2 slices of toast
Break: 2 youghurts or some fruit
Lunch: 3 Slices of soda bred with Turkey on it. & soup.
Played 1 hours of football
Dinner: Sheppards pie(average portion)

I would be lying if I say that this is an every single day occurance, but certainly in the last month, this has been adhered to quite stringently, but doesn't appear to have helped.

I would be just over 6ft 5. and about 20 stone me thinks. mid 20's Fitness isn't a problem, I don't get tired playing football etc... but just the weight doesn't seem to shift.

I mean they say when you start dieting etc.. you lose weight quicker.. in the last month, I have been sticking to above set up and still may of lost 4 pounds if even..

Believe me, I am constantly online looking at different ways to go about it.. Maybe a nutrionist might be an idea. they might be able to taylor something for me.

In relation to the post about some people being next happy and looking to moan, i found that a useless response... weight is surely a significant enough reason for unhappyness.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Tea and 2 slices of toast is not a healthy breakfast for a person your size, you are starving yourself in the morning and what happens is fluid builds up, so you are most likely retaining fluid. Cut out on the carbs,e.g. potatoes, bread all that starchy food, drink at least 1 and a half pints of water a day and eat half pink grapefruit with some sugar on it every morning. You will piss alot but thats a sure sign it is working, it breaks down the fat and that is what you are peeing. Try it for a week I can guarantee you will lose some weight especially if you keep up your training, but you have to stick with it! Good luck.

OP here... just looking at your post. I will defo give this a go next week.

I have been shopping and bought alot of "healthy" food for the next week.. I will see how that goes.. I have the meeting with the nutrionist on wednesday, so hopefully I can get something sorted.

I feel so much better already from just getting the post of my mind and gettiing the advice from you guys.. I also am soo much more relaxed with my girlfriend and how things are going with her.

I have agreed to play for a basketball team again..(used to play quite alot and managed to get a couple of games for underage Ireland.) so we will see if getting back to something I loved will be of a benefit to my life aswell.

I know weight diaries etc, should be kept to a different section, but I will give you guys a quick update in a couple of weeks, to let you know how I am doing....

Thanks,