Relationship advice 2

LegacyUser

hi all.

i recently posted this thread: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055405773

i've followed the advice given and in the time we've been apart, we have had one or two long calls and text conversations back and forth. nothing heavy, just "how are things" type of conversations.

well basically she has floated the idea of meeting up in the near future to "go to the cinema or something". in retrospect, the relationship was as good as i thought it was, and im still utterly confused by the split.

i'm wondering if i should go meet her or tell her i'm not ready to see her? i ask because i feel me going would have me thinking that we could re-kindle the romance whereas she could be thinking shes going to the cinema with her friend. it just wouldn't be right or fair to either of us if i went with that attitude. any advice?

Wagon

Okay, I read your previous thread, short and sweet

Ask her why she's inviting you out to the cinema. Bit stupid really, she breaks up with you and asks you to hang out as mates (I'm willing to bet money that it's as mates only) while your still hurting. Never got that logic. Guess she feels lonely and misses you but she should have thought about that before she broke up with you and expected the consiquences.

Women seem to be better at the whole friends thing than men after a relationship. Doesn't mean you have to entertain it though. You still love her, so by going, you'll only be getting your hopes up that something between the two of you will happen again. Don't go, leave it and make other plans with someoen else if your bored. If she get's hurt and upset, tough ****, these are the prices of breaking up with someone. She wanted her freedom and she got it which is fine. But if you don't want to meet up with her than don't.

jim o doom

Agree with wagon.. I would say ascertain whether or not she just wants to go out "as friends".. If she does, I would strongly reccommend avoiding. I think the best advice I've ever heard regarding a break up, is make it clean & avoid the person you broke up with for a good while until you are completely over it. There are too many unresolved feelings to just start being friends with someone who you were going out with only recently.

Beruthiel

Tread very carefully OP.
You've been hurt enough and certainly if she has no intention of getting back together with you then all you are doing is torturing yourself.
As has been suggested already, call her and ask why she want's to meet up, because if it's just to be 'friends' you can do without that headmelt.

Wibbs

OK good advice above and the healthy way forward is to scrape her off, chalk it up and move on. She left you, so don't let the door hit her arse on the way out. That's all cool well meaning and good advice but you know damn well it's not going to happen.

You're the vulnerable one. She's in complete control and as such will not be attracted to you now. She may not logically think that, but that's what is happening. So what will happen is you'll act like little boy lost telling her you can't be without her, which will turn her off even more. You'll keep running after her emotionally and she'll keep running away, until she runs into the next guy and you're in still moping.

Soooo I'd do none of the above. If you want to get her back that is? And if you don't at least you're moving forward, even if it's in the area of self control. I would say "sure lets go to the cinema, I'd love to, but it can't be this week, got stuff on, I'll give you a shout next week". Actually have stuff on too. Let her do all the running. Do not engage in long phone calls. Do not bring up the relationship. If she suggests being "friends" agree with her. Even say that you think it's a good idea. Smiling all the way. You're telling her a quite different thing to what she is expecting. You're telling her you're moving on.

Actually try to move on too. Go out with mates, flirt with other women. Fake it if you have to. Don't worry about it feeling like playing games. People play games all the time, even if it's subconsciously. Don't worry about kidding yourself either. People do that all the time too. It's fine if there's a healthy goal at the end of it. Alan carr the quit smoking guru built an entire(and very healthy) system on the back of kidding oneself.

Basically the faster you move on from this, the sooner you stop letting her do all the running, is the start of getting you back and getting her or another woman interested in you.