Girlfriend and dancing

LegacyUser

Didn't know if this is the right place, but ..

I am a nervous shy guy who has never tried to dance. I was one of those who would go to a club and stand at the bar or in a corner. I never went out dancing on the floor (only once after being spiked).

But my girlfriend wants to dance all the time, so I am wondering is there any hope of somoeone like me ever learning how to move properly? I mean has anyone who hated and felt extremely uncomfortable dancing, gotten the hang of it?
I am very self critical.

Any advice would be welcome

Vain

When your in a club do you be looking at people dancing and saying look at him he cant dance, bet you dont. No one takes any notice of people dancing in a night club. Most people are too drunk to know whats going on and i doubt the others would care. So get your feet going and start dancing no one will take any notice.

LegacyUser

I read something somewhere before that helps me

When you see someone enjoy music and look a bit silly do you judge them?
Answer's probably not
So what makes you so much better than everyone else that you have to be perfect every second of the day and they don't?

We usually don't judge everyone else to the standards we keep ourselves to cause we think we should be perfect all the time.

Usually think of this to give me a kick in the ass when I'm selfconscious about something silly.

So off the bum and dance around your room and move a bit by the bar when you're out and you'll be on the dance floor in no time. Plenty of people are self conscious about dancing. You just gotta inch closer to the dancefloor

Good luck

petethebrick

A few E's ?

Wibbs

petethebrick(and I hope I got the spelling right in this context) I do hope you're talking about the wonders of the alphabet as anything else is considered off topic and against the charter of this forum. NO more

IRISH RAIL

ha ha
a few people will find this funny but I wa slike you op
wouldnt go near a floor but I met this craking looking girl and didnt want to lose her, a few of my mates were giving me some stick over it.
I turned round to one of them said yore ma and got my ass up there,
now I dont care and im always up there;)

mayordenis

I dance in an overly ridiculous manner,
people are like "no, he couldn't be that bad a dance dancing, he's clearly just joking"

works every time

c-note

yeah i really hate "dancing" or whatever passes for it in niteclubs.

i never tried proper dancing but i'd say i might enjoy it.,

but when it comes to nightclubs etc i'm lucky to have a very fun gang of friends,
spend a lot of time making up our own little routines, mainly based on aerobics that one fella knows, can be quite funny!! WOULD NOT WORK IF TRYING TO IMPRESS A GIRL!!

try practicing in your room, most of the time i hate dancing because i start thinking toooo much,: what should i do with my feet? should i move my hands? oh, dont forget to sway your hips a bit! ... drives me nuts.< much easier if you practice a few little things so you dont even think when your on the dance floor.

above all it should be fun, if its not fun and you dont enjoy it, dont worry, its not all your fault. but dont give up on it!

LegacyUser

On the dance floow,I "dance" like the tazmanian devil.No one really cares whether you have the moves or not on the dance floor.

RossFixxxed

I'd say she'll understand, you'll just have to get out there, just make a fool of yourself you have nobody to try and impress and if you're having fun she'll be happy!

Just let loose and do some really silly dances! Use sports as someone showed me lately the golf swing, skiing, the bowling! Gas laugh and if you're having fun you're away! So many people in clubs are on the pull and look so serious it's hilarious!

BTW i'd be 100% like you a year ago but now I could care less, nobody cares what you look like and those that do are just sad!

So do the Golf Swing, and shield the eyes, follow the ball! Yeah!
R

Peewee_lane

OP my boyfriend and I were totally out of sync dance-wise. For my birthday he bought me ballroom dancing lessons. We went every thursday night with other nervous couples and had loads of fun, up close dancing away.

seamus

Very few men are instant Travoltas when they first hit the club/pub scene.

Unlike most women, men didn't spend their childhoods with a hairbrush in hand, copying Britney's moves in the sitting room in their pyjamas. So dancing feels strange and awkward to most of us.

As others have said, just let loose. Here are the types of "dancing" men, in order of attractiveness to women (most to least):

1. The guy who's dancing and looks like he's having a bit of laugh and cutting loose, whether or not he can actually dance.
2. The guy who can actually dance
3. The guy who looks awkward and uncomfortable, barely moving his arms and with a big frown on his face.
4. The drunk guy who can't control himself.
5. The guy standing at the bar watching the dancefloor and looking like he's terrified to join in.

You don't need to be able to dance. Most people can't. But then it's like a gym - nobody is looking at you and judging you.

The best advice I got when I was a kid was to just go out and copy someone else (preferably male!). That way, if you do look stupid, at least you're not alone.
Eventually when you become more comfortable, you'll find it much easier to get up.

Caoimhín

Right.

OP, Irish men are NOT supposed to be able to dance. Dancing is what crazy foreigners and gheys do.

Stand your ground man, refuse to dance and if she doesnt like it then stuff her.

And Wibbs, before you go and ban me, that IS constructive advice. This policy has served me well over the years.

SpookyDoll

Its a strange problem to my ears, its something like saying "I cant play" or something.

I think the problem here stems from believing there is some expectation from anyone looking on. There isn't. AT ALL !!! Its just about having fun or being a bit sexy or teasy in some cases!

The fact that you are talking about being self critical maybe gives away the problem. I view dancing as a tongue in cheek activity. Be as silly/cheesy as you like, sure its only a bit of fun.

If you cant dance be like my friend, a lad who just stands there grinning, shuffling and doing jazz hands!! He has no trouble pulling the girls as he is clearly well able to pull the pi$$ out of himself and girls like that!

Humour, not po faced moves are what is needed !

kmick

Stay at the bar and let the women dance. It makes you sweaty and drinking is more fun.p

Peewee_lane

Tell her, if Im dancing in bold it means you have been.



OP - Just be yourself. Shes gonna drag you up to dance when you're drunk anyway. Why dont you say to her, you teach me a few moves? She'll love that, strutting her stuff.

nkay1985

OP, this might sound a bit crude but do you drink? I'm not an unconfident person and have always danced from the days at the youth disco. But the only reason I started it was because girls dragged me and my friends out there. It started by lepping around to whatever music we were into at that stage. Then, as it was such good craic, dancing to all the cheesy pop to take the piss. Then, dancing to the slow ones to try to get off with someone!!!

Now, when I go out, it's usually with a group of lads from work or with female friends. With the lads, we dance to have a bit of a laugh. With the girls, you get no choice because you just getr dragged out anyway.

So it all progresses in stages.

The best thing I can think for you is to just let your girlfriend drag you out one night when you've had a few drinks. Preferably join some male friends because none of us can dance so you'll look the exact same as every other lad on the dancefloor! It's great craic when you finally take the leap and go for it.

Sleepy

As anyone who's been at a boards beer where I've been dancing can tell you - I'm the most flamboyantly bad dancer in Ireland. I'm absolutely awful but I have a laugh.

Think of it this way, if you relax and dance however you want to, you'll be having more fun that anyone who'd look down on you for it - whether that may be the utter perfectionist who's too afraid of making a 'mistake' on the floor to enjoy themselves or the guy standing at the bar who's so afraid of making a fool of himself that he'll stay there all night rather than get out on the floor with the girls and have some fun.

Sometimes it's fun to be a fool...

TMoreno

can't dance wrote: »

Didn't know if this is the right place, but ..

I am a nervous shy guy who has never tried to dance. I was one of those who would go to a club and stand at the bar or in a corner. I never went out dancing on the floor (only once after being spiked).

But my girlfriend wants to dance all the time, so I am wondering is there any hope of somoeone like me ever learning how to move properly? I mean has anyone who hated and felt extremely uncomfortable dancing, gotten the hang of it?
I am very self critical.

Any advice would be welcome

Hi,

Of course you can learn how to dance but you need to enjoy the music.
By dancing, your body is reacting to the music. If you hate the music then you can't dance.
Another thing don't listen to those who say that you need get drunk or to dance with your male friends.To dance, you need a good balance so you should not drink too much. Dancing is a sensual way for a man and a woman to be close together, therefore there is no point of dancing with other guys unless you don't like women.

SpookyDoll

Dancing is a sensual way for a man and a woman to be close together, therefore there is no point of dancing with other guys unless you don't like women.

What?

No No No No No !!!

Its not supposed to be "Strictly Come Dancing" -its the bloomin nightclub for fecks sakes!!

The whole point is not to take it too seriously!!!!

Fatloss08

seamus wrote: »

Very few men are instant Travoltas when they first hit the club/pub scene.

Unlike most women, men didn't spend their childhoods with a hairbrush in hand, copying Britney's moves in the sitting room in their pyjamas. So dancing feels strange and awkward to most of us.

Eventually when you become more comfortable, you'll find it much easier to get up.

no most men dances to new kids on the block and bros ha ha ha

RedXIV

TMoreno wrote: »

Dancing is a sensual way for a man and a woman to be close together, therefore there is no point of dancing with other guys unless you don't like women.

Nah dancing is merely loads of fun as long as you aren't going to let anyone judge ya there's a group of 4 of us who specialise in taking the piss out of dancing on nights out. started with us standing at the bar and bending our knees in sync. just repeated that for about 5 mins while chatting and drinking, people started to join in so we started swaying. they followed as well. we started some ridiculous moves (the swim, the spin, macarana) and EVERYBODY JOINED IN. whether you are shy or not, dancing is fun. what you really need is a couple of guys who do moves nice and simple and you can keep up with. that worked wonders for the guys we hang out with

Wibbs

Fatloss08 stay on topic and read the charter

cowzerp

c-note wrote: »

but when it comes to nightclubs etc i'm lucky to have a very fun gang of friends,
spend a lot of time making up our own little routines, mainly based on aerobics that one fella knows, can be quite funny!! WOULD NOT WORK IF TRYING TO IMPRESS A GIRL!!!

Please dont do this! you'll look like a saddo thats trying too hard, just get up and move about enjoying yourself, if you do a silly routine you'll just look like a bad dancer that is trying to be a good dancer, if you just bop away you'll look like a lad having a good time and people will think your a fun guy.

Naked Lepper

you need to start soaking up the vibe before you enter the club,

feel the beat in ur head.

try and think of a song and how many beats it has in it and even if ur on the bus or somehting just simply tap ur foot to try and get into the rythmn of it all.

once u start to get closer to the club and enterance u shud be getting urself more prepared and psyched up,

as u put ur coat in or get your first drink try not to focus on the ppl there but more the music and groove slowly around the area letting the music slowly take control.

if u need 2 get a few strong drinks now is the time as its early and ur getting more and more into the vibe espicially if the music starts accellerating, edge slowly closer to the floor but only after you have found your comfot zone and are mentally ready. once a song u like comes on just GO FOR IT.

u have 2 keep reminding urself i have nothing to loose i have nothing to loose,

repeat that in ur head while remembering to stay on control to the beat and the drums and u shud be in for a very very good night of 2 step buckaroo as they call it in texas

Dragan

can't dance wrote: »

Didn't know if this is the right place, but ..

I am a nervous shy guy who has never tried to dance. I was one of those who would go to a club and stand at the bar or in a corner. I never went out dancing on the floor (only once after being spiked).

But my girlfriend wants to dance all the time, so I am wondering is there any hope of somoeone like me ever learning how to move properly? I mean has anyone who hated and felt extremely uncomfortable dancing, gotten the hang of it?
I am very self critical.

Any advice would be welcome

Self critical eh?

Sounds like the root of all evil to me bro. Stop being so hard on yourself is step number one. I imagine right now you don't try because you think you have no rythm and are doomed to failure, simple fact is....everyone has rythm.

People just channel it into different things.

Now then, with regards to dancing with your girlfriend the key issue here is compromise. I can see why she wants to dance with you, dancing with you partner is nice, sexy and fun. I can see why you don't like the idea of it...dancing in front of a load of people can be scary as ****.

Here's the thing, change the venue. Take it from nightclub to kitchen or sitting room. Pop on a nice slow number when the two of you are there along and walk over to her and take her hand. Try to dance with her, just the two of you. Let her know you want to do it, and you want to work on it and then go from there.

Best of luck buddy.

calvin1

Yo! Can't Dance, I've been in your position, once upon a time I was the shy guy who didnt know how to move on now I'm first on the floor.

While some of the advice here is good, but a few things I'd disagree on:

People DO judge you on how good / or bad a dancer you are. Its just a fact of life. A good dancer or someone with rythm is easily spotted. But dont let that put you off as everyone has to start somewhere and dancing is easy, really easy to pick up.

Dont drink too much and dance - they dont go together as well as you'd think - stick to a few beers. Girls might find the drunken dancer funny, but not attractive!

Stay on the floor once you get on it - work up a sweat - unless the music is terrible of course. Its good exercise and nothing improves anything like some practice.

Just listen to the music and do what you think is cool, zany or whatever your 'style' is and you will be fine. A good rule of thumb is try to find a mode of dancing where you stay in the one spot e.g move left - centre - move right - centre, means that you stay in the one spot, much easier for a girl to dance with you than if you are plodding all over the dancefloor.

Anyone who says dancing is for foreigners or gehys is just insecure in more ways than one.

If you want to kick start your dancing , take hip hop or salsa or whatevers available where you are for a while - it will improve your confidence like nothing else on and off the dancefloor.

Also dont worry so much - act confidently and confidence will follow. One on the nice things about having a girlfriend is trying new things (...) - so give dancing a shot. Most people who do, tend to enjoy it.

MTC.

Wagon

Naked Lepper wrote: »

you need to start soaking up the vibe before you enter the club,

feel the beat in ur head.

try and think of a song and how many beats it has in it and even if ur on the bus or somehting just simply tap ur foot to try and get into the rythmn of it all.

once u start to get closer to the club and enterance u shud be getting urself more prepared and psyched up,

as u put ur coat in or get your first drink try not to focus on the ppl there but more the music and groove slowly around the area letting the music slowly take control.

if u need 2 get a few strong drinks now is the time as its early and ur getting more and more into the vibe espicially if the music starts accellerating, edge slowly closer to the floor but only after you have found your comfot zone and are mentally ready. once a song u like comes on just GO FOR IT.

u have 2 keep reminding urself i have nothing to loose i have nothing to loose,

repeat that in ur head while remembering to stay on control to the beat and the drums and u shud be in for a very very good night of 2 step buckaroo as they call it in texas

That sounds like really hard work! :eek:

I'd just say go up and dance like an arsehole. I do it all the time, never get's you laid but it's great craic all the same. Your confidance will build as well.

John Travolta me arse.

Overheal

Has nobody suggested the pair of them just dance at home first until OP gets groovy?

My understanding of dance is getting drunk and flailing around so outside of that im no help.

NeVeR

Just have a laugh and dont worry what others think,,, Most lads cant dance and just are out for a good laugh... Dont worry so much or you'll never do it..

Just remember the 1st time i had to dance the girls all wanted the b/fs to get up and dance with them.. then they all fecked off dancing with themselves... so there was 4 lads.. standing there clicking there fingers and moving there arms up and down !!! we where the best lol hahaha..

Just dont worry..

SpookyDoll

I'd just say go up and dance like an arsehole. I do it all the time, never get's you laid but it's great craic all the same. Your confidance will build as well.

True!

Might not get you laid directly, but a fella with a bit of a sense of humour beats a fella shaping around all "serious" like Zoolander or something any day in my book!!!

LightningBolt

Jesus, some of the replies are way too complicated.

Op, look you've either got rythmn or you don't. I'm guessing by the tone of your post you haven't. Here's the thing, dancefloors in nightclubs are usually packed meaning you have all of 1-2ft around you to move, when you're with your gf just stay close to her and try to mimic her movement. The place will be packed, no one gives a **** what you'll dance like and your gf will have a laugh with you.

Personally this is one of my alternative styles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2whzJvvSLM

boarddotie

Hey OP, you never mentioned what kind of dancing your GF is trying to get you into.

It is just (1) dance away on your own steam but in a group, is it (2) hoe-cat JT style dancing where you basicially stand there and encourage her while she grinds like a stripper or is in more (3) salsa/swing dancing where you, as the male, take the lead? Because a different approach will need to be taken.

If it is (1) then you will just have to practice away in your room, feel the beats and have a laugh with your GF and your mates when ye are on the floor. Throw in a few cheesy, retro moves to get the giggles and look like you are having fun.
If it is (2) then watch some JT videos and other hip hop stars and just play it cool. Thats the key with that kind of saucy dancing-less is more from the male side IMO. Practice in the bedroom first-similar moves!
And if it is (3) then take some couples salsa dance lessons or even you on your own because once you yourslef can take the lead when dancing with a laydee, she will automatically follow your lead.

And a male who can do all 3 is a winner IMO!

Good luck and tear it up!

Zillah

Get a few pints into ya, go with a couple of friends, keep your arms lowish and just jump around like a tool. No one will notice or give a shit. After two minutes you'll realise what not a big deal it is.

Nevyn

Go get a few dance lessons.
Dancing is a skill, it can be learned there are are a lot of benefits to it aside from making her happy. Why not look at salsa lessons for the both of you.
Free form flopping bout on the dance floor isn't for everyone and learning how to move
in rythm with a few set moves can make all the difference to your confidence.