Some advice would be great!

SharkWound

Ok - this is my first time writing anything like this. Firstly i have never had a girlfriend and im 28.Im an athletic, good looking guy.But the problem is,that i am very choosy person when it comes to women.Im not gay or anything of that nature, but i am just very choosy. I would love to meet the right person and would never settle for 2nd best, and recently i met a girl from germany, who was working over here. We were seeing each other for about 6 months (but not boyfriend or girlfriend), and believe it or not, i fell in love with her, and still have strong feelings for her. But she had to go back home.

I would describe myself as a very independent, determined and perhaps stubborn person,but very honest. and i have represented my country in my chosen sport. She also had a very similar personality and represents her country in her chosen sport.This is probably why i have never had a girlfriend. She is 25 and has also only had one relationship when she was 17, and has never had one since, she is extremely dedicated to her sport.

Part of the reason she didnt want to go commit to me, was because she knew she would have to go home..She told me she liked me a lot, and i still think about her everyday and have feelings for her, and she knows this. We still talk via the internet etc when we can. It is a year now since she has left, but even though i have not seen her for this amount of time, i still have strong feelings for her and want to see her. She invited me over a few months ago, but has trouble in deciding on a date of when to come over, i think partly because she is still afraid to take the next step.But then i think why would she invite me over when she knows how much i still like her?I think she too, has feelings for me, but is just afraid of taking the next step, as she has only ever had one relationship.

In a way, to me it was fate meeting her, because we were so similar in personality etc. What does anyone think - should i just forget about her and give up and move on, or keep pursuing the girl i want to be with?

LegacyUser

SharkWound wrote: »

In a way, to me it was fate meeting her, because we were so similar in personality etc. What does anyone think - should i just forget about her and give up and move on, or keep pursuing the girl i want to be with?

if this is how you feel you should definitely do something about it.

Ishindar

yes let her go. if your need to be together was big enough, u would be together right now. u both would have just made it happen

FeetMagic

GO GET HER

tony1kenobi

FeetMagic wrote: »

GO GET HER

Have to agree there. You said you are stubborn and won't settle for second best (whatever that is)....if you don't go and at least try to get her, everything else WILL be second best.

You're welcome.

Overheal

Being too choosy can be a problem. After all, the more people you go out with, the greater your chances of finding Mrs. Right. If you want to make this thing happen, make it happen. But don't let it hang you up from exploring other avenues.

Bearhunter

Don't die wonerding mate. Go over and see how it goes. If it turns to custard, what have you lost really? At least you'll know and you won't be dithering.

tbh

you should probably follow it up for your own piece of mind, but I wouldn't be putting my eggs into one basket. I mean, you're into sport, you met another girl into sport and ye clicked. I don't think it's that unusual, and so it's probably the case that she's not the only fish in your particular sea.

petethebrick

I reckon just keep in touch with her for now. Get out and play the field a little and see if you're still feeling the same in six months.

Wibbs

Overheal wrote: »

After all, the more people you go out with, the greater your chances of finding Mrs. Right.

Or this is "mrs right" and he'll spend years looking for another one.

I can see your dilemma as at your age you're trying to work your way through stuff you should have worked through years ago as far as man/woman relationships go. That's cool as all of us mature in different areas of life at different times. Now both of you are naive in this whole thing which is good in one way as you can feel this stuff out together.

I would be of the opinion, stop over thinking this and make something happen. OK she's up in the air re dates, then you suggest a date that's convenient for you and go from there. If she refuses or dithers back and forth well then you have your answer. I would suggest being more forward, more in the physical world rather than the mental in future, both with her and other women you may be attracted to.

sorrywhat

i would say definatly go over and see her and see how things go. but if you are dedicated to sport and so is she both in your own countries who is going to give up?

are you going to move to germany or is she going to move to ireland.

i say go see her for a few days becuase i can see you really want to. but when your there sort out both your priorities.

Wagon

Leave this poxy island, go to Germany. If she means this much to you, then go get her.

LegacyUser

SharkWound wrote: »

Part of the reason she didnt want to go commit to me, was because she knew she would have to go home..She told me she liked me a lot, and i still think about her everyday and have feelings for her, and she knows this. We still talk via the internet etc when we can. It is a year now since she has left, but even though i have not seen her for this amount of time, i still have strong feelings for her and want to see her. She invited me over a few months ago, but has trouble in deciding on a date of when to come over, i think partly because she is still afraid to take the next step.But then i think why would she invite me over when she knows how much i still like her?I think she too, has feelings for me, but is just afraid of taking the next step, as she has only ever had one relationship.

She was probably just being polite. Everyone says that to people they've befriended abroad.
"Aw shure yeah you should definitely come over some time"

I reckon the reason she has trouble deciding on a date is because she doesn't want to have to spend a week(weeks?) feeling terribly awkward with a guy who comes across as (no offense) a bit desperate who she doesn't feel the same about.

In my experience NOBODY, man or woman, will shy away from getting with someone they like when they have the option right in front of them. Especially for silly reasons like being 'afraid taking the next step'

Could be wrong though.

MIN2511

I know two people who were in similar situations with Germans! They both made the leap and are doing okay with the long distance relationship....

1st thing, do not put all your eggs in this basket. As they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" don't expect her to be the same, don't expect too much out of this.

If it works out, happy days and if it doesn't then you just have to keep searching.

I have to say being in a relationship is not the end of the world, some people find their life partners and others keep searching for life....

SharkWound

Thanks for the advice everyone - its interesting to hear other peoples point of view.. In my own mind, before i even wrote this post, i knew that i was not going to give up and just forget about her, and i will see her, no matter how long it takes.

At least one way or another i will know where i stand with her for sure, when i sort this out. I would never cheat on her and i would trust her 100%. Either way i just want a definate answer yes or no.

I was interested to hear what other people thought, and to see if i was actually a little crazy. Its sometimes hard to know, if what you are doing is right or wrong.

Judging by the comments left, i dont think im too crazy, just yet.

thanks

tbh

SharkWound wrote: »

Thanks for the advice everyone - its interesting to hear other peoples point of view.. In my own mind, before i even wrote this post, i knew that i was not going to give up and just forget about her, and i will see her, no matter how long it takes.

At least one way or another i will know where i stand with her for sure, when i sort this out. I would never cheat on her and i would trust her 100%. Either way i just want a definate answer yes or no.

I was interested to hear what other people thought, and to see if i was actually a little crazy. Its sometimes hard to know, if what you are doing is right or wrong.

Judging by the comments left, i dont think im too crazy, just yet.

thanks

you've got to have at least a little crazy in your life at all times dude.

wallycool

I think your hounding her , she would have made a move by now if she liked you . Go back out hunting

Peewee_lane

OP, heres my opinion. Women dont get alot of romance these days, the romance we see in films for example. Why on earth can't you let her know how you feel? Surely after all this time emailing her, etc, she's figured out now whether she has feelings for you or not so be a man, pick up the phone. If you're too chicken, make sure that the email is perfectly worded and you know you are the man who can sweep this girl off her feet and take her away from her sport.

I would say, I would love to take you to dinner, and if she agreed that that would be nice, then fly over for a weekend.

You never know till you go...

Also, your pickiness. You could fall in love with the next person you meet, you just have to open yourself up to it. You're closed off, because you have this criteria of what woman you want, and 'you'll know when you see her'. Open up to the next girl you meet, be it over a till or at a petrol station, etc.

Smile, you might find this time next year you've forgotton all about girl X and are moving forward with girl Y?

Wishing you the best in whatever decision you make. Would love to know if you sweep her off her feet or not.

comongethappy

I'd say go for it, you have nothing to lose. If it doesn't work out, at least you'll have closure and will be able to move on and find mrs. right. If you're both in love with eachother you'll find some way to work the distance thing out.

Just a question... you mention in the post that you're both very similiar, perhaps both stubborn? Are you each too stubborn to be the one to put your heart on your sleeve and make the first move? Just don't wait around because you're afraid to be the move to make the move and get hurt. She could feel the same way.