rough....

LegacyUser

My boyfriend is a sweet mild mannered guy ordinarily, but he really really likes rough sex.

Now let me state I don't mind rough either, in fact I was delighted when I discovered we had similar tastes in the bedroom, but I'm slightly concerned that he's actually so into it.

Previous boyfriends have been quite obviously brutish, so I almost expected it, but my boyfriend doesn't conform to this stereotype at all and in fact is far brutish in the bedroom than those previous men ever were.

At the moment I am enjoying it, but it irks me a little that he has such a different sexual persoanlity to his actual personality, and I wonder is it something I should be concerned about or am I simply overreacting??

I should state that otherwise he is very loving and caring and we are very much in love and get on brilliantly.

Thanking you in advance for your advice,

L.

secman

And outside the Bedroom, what's your personality like ?

Secman

LegacyUser

OP here, sorry, i should have said, We would be similar in the sense that we both have good sense of humours, are both outgoing etc. We get on very well, but he would be a more tender sweeter sort of more feeling person than me, I tend to be a bit cold and not as sensitive. sure I can be loving and tender to him, I am. But to the world, im not.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

My boyfriend is a sweet mild mannered guy ordinarily, but he really really likes rough sex.

Now let me state I don't mind rough either, in fact I was delighted when I discovered we had similar tastes in the bedroom, but I'm slightly concerned that he's actually so into it.

Previous boyfriends have been quite obviously brutish, so I almost expected it, but my boyfriend doesn't conform to this stereotype at all and in fact is far brutish in the bedroom than those previous men ever were.

At the moment I am enjoying it, but it irks me a little that he has such a different sexual persoanlity to his actual personality, and I wonder is it something I should be concerned about or am I simply overreacting??

I should state that otherwise he is very loving and caring and we are very much in love and get on brilliantly.

Thanking you in advance for your advice,

L.

Would you prefer he express his brutishness in other ways?

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

Would you prefer he express his brutishness in other ways?

No, obviously. As I stated in my original post he is a very mild mannered guy ordinarily, this side only comes out in the bedroom. Thats why I wonder should I be concerned or is it all perfectly normal and just what gets him going?

Bijoux

OP, outside the bedroom,l do you prefer him to the 'more brutish' men you were with before?

Juding from your post, you seem to be happy with your relationship outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom as well, even though there seems to be a different dynamic in theres areas.

But if you're happy in both, then it's win-win.

Marksie

Unregistered wrote: »

At the moment I am enjoying it, but it irks me a little that he has such a different sexual persoanlity to his actual personality, and I wonder is it something I should be concerned about or am I simply overreacting??

I should state that otherwise he is very loving and caring and we are very much in love and get on brilliantly.

Thanking you in advance for your advice,

L.

My issue would be if he treats you like that outside of the bedroom. You both seem to enjoy rough sex, but you could introduce varaiety otherwise it woudl get monotonous if you are not careful.
But he is expressing his sexuality, not his personality.

Why did you expect him to be "brutish" becasue of other boyfriends? Did you expect that how he expresses himself sexually to be an extension of his normal non sexual persona.
However, in the end, if you are enjoying what he does in the bedroom, yet he is as kind as you say outside of it, then it is a good balance and you should let it go and enjoy what you have

star-pants

Unregistered wrote: »

At the moment I am enjoying it, but it irks me a little that he has such a different sexual persoanlity to his actual personality, and I wonder is it something I should be concerned about or am I simply overreacting??

I should state that otherwise he is very loving and caring and we are very much in love and get on brilliantly.

What is it exactly that you feel you should be concerned about?
That he's different in the bedroom to what he's like outside? Most people tend to be somewhat different on the other side of the bedroom door.
If it's a case of you feel he's too rough or that he wants to do things you're not comfortable with, then you would just have to talk to him.

by the sounds of it - ye're both happy inside and outside the bedroom, I don't think there's a need to question sexual expressions if they aren't bad ones

LegacyUser

Marksie wrote: »

My issue would be if he treats you like that outside of the bedroom. You both seem to enjoy rough sex, but you could introduce varaiety otherwise it woudl get monotonous if you are not careful.
But he is expressing his sexuality, not his personality.

Why did you expect him to be "brutish" becasue of other boyfriends? Did you expect that how he expresses himself sexually to be an extension of his normal non sexual persona.
However, in the end, if you are enjoying what he does in the bedroom, yet he is as kind as you say outside of it, then it is a good balance and you should let it go and enjoy what you have

OP here. I was surprised when we got together initially, I had expected him to be more conservative. I wont say that I expected his sexual persona to be an extension of his nom-sexual one, but he never led me to believe he was quite so, well, rampant!! The brutish exes were rough and ready outside of the bedroom, so I always expected them to be rough, and they were. but he is much rougher and i never ever expected it. but, as you rightly pointed out sexuality is seperate to personality, although I have previously found an innate link between both.

I do like it and its not always full on rough rough, its sensual sometimes but always with a kinky edge. I enjoy it, jesus i can't get enough, i just wanted to make sure it was a good balance. I have encountered men in the past who have told me that what I like is weird and strange and have refused to do it. Now he does that and more and i wonder are we relatively normal, and is it right to like it so much.

Marksie

Unregistered wrote: »

i wonder are we relatively normal, and is it right to like it so much.

Bottom line: do you both enjoy it, is it an issue that he pushes boundaries?

The simple answer is yes you are and yes it is. you are both matched.

I would reverse your comment about brutish man and sexuality.
They are ignorant period.

Jimmy Bottlehead

TBH sounds like a good guy right there... if he's that caring and considerate outside the bedroom, maybe the bedroom is where he gets to truly be 'the man' and let that out.
Why not keep it changing though... try an evening of candles, soft romantic music, maybe a bath together, before making love slowly... it can end at that or even transform into your usual rough stuff!
At the end of the day, there's nothing wrong here, so don't worry

Curvy Vixen

What's 'normal' OP? If it's good for you and good for him, then it's normal for you.

I agree with the others that mixing it up would be good, but if at the moment, you are having fun, and he can see how much what he is doing is turning you on, it's gonna turn him on and he will probably keep doing it

Are you concerned that he will start to act rough or brutishly outside the bedroom?

JDLK

While this might not be helpful; I think you're over analysing the situation.

Maybe mix it up a bit, wild/rough sex is good but maybe you two need to have a night of slow/tender sex- just a suggestion

Aurora Borealis

As Curvy Vixen says OP, what is normal? If you both enjoy it then great. If you want something slower or softer then talk to him or instigate proceedings in that vein. Our sexual tastes and preferences aren't necessarily set in stone so explore some other things in the bedroom and see what else you both might enjoy.

Nevyn

As long as you are being respectul to each other and communicating about what you want and don't want and keep to safe, sane and consensual then enjoy yourselfs and each other.

She Devil

OP enjoy it, its always good to have adventure in the bedroom, my advice however would be every now again remember to make love the slow sensual way!
Also tell him what you like, what you don't like and what you are concerned about, not only will it get you great results in the bedroom but it will give you great communication between ye.

marzic

when you say brutish, do you mean doing it hard and really going for it all the time? or do you mean bordering on something more serious? is that the root of your concern? if it isnt in danger of spilling into violence or abuse, then ok, but if you are in any way uncomfortable with how physical it gets then you should be telling him how you feel

LegacyUser

OP - I'd be very similar to your boyfriend I think.

I'm a gentle easy-going guy and I always treat girls that I'm with very well. Parents love me, my mates girlfriends are always trying to set me up with their friends etc. Nice nice nice.

In the bedroom I'm a lot different. I tend to turn it on in there and it can surprise girls sometimes. But it's nothing sinister - just having fun. I wouldn't worry about it unless he starts bringing dark stuff into the bedroom.

cafecolour

Theres a saying that goes something like 'pussycat in the boardroom, tiger in the bedroom.' It's pretty common that guys (or girls) more submissive in real life can be more dominant in bed, and vice versa.

If he crosses some sort of line during sex, let him know. Otherwise, don't worry about it at all, and enjoy it - his enjoying rough sex is not symptomatic of some hidden personality you're worried about or such.

In fact, I'd say you've gotten the best of both worlds - a rowdiness in bed you enjoyed with previous boyfriends, but without thier personality defects.