Poo outdoors ?

derby7

We've all peed in doorways, at the side of the road (stop da Bus we have to .....etc), some unknown location......after the pub or niteclub, whilst out-working-in-da-fields, etc.........BUT have you ever had to sh1t outdoors ?
Ye can't beat the dandalions (as fodder) afterwards, who needs 'kitten-soft' !!!

FlutterinBantam

I am not contributing to this thread

RandolphEsq

Once when in a field quite a distance from my friend's house i.e. a toilet. Was in Dublin city though. Wet leaves clear and clean

Turd Ferguson

What a shit thread.


And no

m@cc@

derby7 wrote: »

We've all peed in doorways, at the side of the road (stop da Bus we have to .....etc), some unknown location......after the pub or niteclub, whilst out-working-in-da-fields, etc.........BUT have you ever had to sh1t outdoors ?
Ye can't beat the dandalions (as fodder) afterwards, who needs 'kitten-soft' !!!

Dandelions? Can't even imagine how much of a hassle that would be unless you're actually shoving them up your a***. Dockens are the way to go.

themadchef

This is a new low for AH

themadchef

themadchef wrote: »

This is a new low for AH

You say that like you're suprised.

NedKelly

If you do the "perfect Sh1t " then no wiping is required

The Master

Coming home from the pub locked the neighbours
front wall got an extra bit of pebble dashing from my good self.
Had tissues in my pocket so the clean up was grand.
Stuck the used tissues in their letter box afterwards

SoupyNorman

derby7 wrote: »

Ye can't beat the dandalions (as fodder) afterwards, who needs 'kitten-soft' !!!

Is Fodder not food?

senordingdong

The Master wrote: »

Coming home from the pub locked the neighbours
front wall got an extra bit of pebble dashing from my good self.
Had tissues in my pocket so the clean up was grand.
Stuck the used tissues in their letter box afterwards

Are you serious?

Who are your neighbours? The Hitlers!!?!?!?

AnonoBoy

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

I am not contributing to this thread

I think today you have turned over a new leaf Mr. Bantam.

The Master

senordingdong wrote: »

Are you serious?

Who are your neighbours? The Hitlers!!?!?!?

Yes!

Caoimhín

I do on a regular basis.

Because of my job i have little option. Indeed i have ofter had a poop outdoors and thought to myself, Wow, i bet i have the best view from my toilet in Ireland.

m@cc@

Caoimhín wrote: »

Because of my job i have little option.

Are you a bear for 5 days of the week?

biko

In the army, loads of times. Also hill walking.

Caoimhín

m@cc@ wrote: »

Are you a bear for 5 days of the week?

When the urge comes, it comes dude

I can not and will not regulate my body according to "the Mans" time table.

Dude

Fcuk, im turning into a hippy, better get off these pills.

derby7

turned over a new leaf Mr. Bantam

would that be a 'dock' leaf

I'm supposin the city-sh1tters (oops I mean slickers) wouldn't partake in this outdoor activity as much as the country folk !
Tip: if ye do find yourself outdoors (in da country) and needin-to-go like, then find a field with sheep in it, the idea is that there's some wool lying around and that can be used, but be careful.......check for maggots first ! :eek:

Frisbee

Yup, several times.
And it always feels better than a toilet poo

m@cc@

Frisbee wrote: »

Yup, several times.
And it always feels better than a toilet poo

What rubbish. The best poo you can have is in your own bog and spend a good hour in there with the paper and a copy of Zoo/Nuts.

derby7

a good hour in there with the paper and a copy of Zoo/Nuts

.....and something else in the other hand ! the flusher !

AnonoBoy

Frisbee wrote: »

Yup, several times.
And it always feels better than a toilet poo

But what do you wipe with?

I'm an Andrex man myself. Those golden retriever pups are so soft and absorbent!

m@cc@

AnonoBoy wrote: »

But what do you wipe with?

I'm an Andrex man myself. Those golden retriever pups are so soft and absorbent!

I prefer Anthrax.

senordingdong

The Master wrote: »

Yes!

In that case, keep up the good work.

Mena

Many, many times. You'd be suprised the things you get up to in the military.

rotinaj

Spotted so ''classy woman'' unloading on the window of Smyths on Maylor St Cork about 2:30 Monday morning..

RobertFoster

AnonoBoy wrote: »

But what do you wipe with?

I'm an Andrex man myself. Those golden retriever pups are so soft and absorbent!

A swans neck. Soft, long and strong. Either one long wipe, or you can floss if you feel like it.

Gummy Panda

d3mon24 wrote: »

Spotted so ''classy woman'' unloading on the window of Smyths on Maylor St Cork about 2:30 Monday morning..

Offer $50 for footage

Nehaxak

Worst thing about having a quick shít outdoors is trying not to piss on your trousers/jocks as they're down around your ankles. Need to reach down and push the willy backwards towards the arse so when you take a piss (which is normal when having a shít) that it aims backwards under the arse and doesn't destroy the pants/jocks and sometimes shoes

So I heard anyway, read it in a newspaper or something, Keven Myers I think wrote about it...

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Once in the desert. It was the last option. It was going to be pooed outdoors one way or the other, and it was not going into my pants. Had bog-roll with me, but it was the biggest sh1t I have ever had. Felt about three pounds lighter when all was saif and done. I had dug a hole, but it wasn't near big enough. Flies had a banquet.

I went sailing once with a Danish friend, who dropped his trousers and sat with his arse over the edge of the boat and, eh "dropped anchor" so to speak. Completely shamelesly.

Oh, and no jokes about the name, please. We've been there. More than once.

Smart Bug

NedKelly wrote: »

If you do the "perfect Sh1t " then no wiping is required

I did!! Twas squattin outside on the West coast over New Year's. Nuttin like a cold wind up the hole to blow the cobwebs out I tells ye.

oztots

Letting go in the sea feels... Different.

Outside does feel better, its a bit of a rush that you just dont get every day.

ScumLord

Whats the big deal with pooing outside, it's the way god intended us to poo. All the other animals are doing it.

FlutterinBantam

Nehaxak wrote: »

Worst thing about having a quick shít outdoors is trying not to piss on your trousers/jocks as they're down around your ankles. Need to reach down and push the willy backwards towards the arse so when you take a piss (which is normal when having a shít) that it aims backwards under the arse and doesn't destroy the pants/jocks and sometimes shoes

So I heard anyway, read it in a newspaper or something, Keven Myers I think wrote about it...

:D:D:D:D I know I said I wouldn't but... fcukin classic

Dave!

Yeah... Went camping/hiking for 3 days during the summer, so unfortunately couldn't hold it for the whole time Not a bit enjoyable.

Nehaxak wrote: »

Worst thing about having a quick shít outdoors is trying not to piss on your trousers/jocks as they're down around your ankles. Need to reach down and push the willy backwards towards the arse so when you take a piss (which is normal when having a shít) that it aims backwards under the arse and doesn't destroy the pants/jocks and sometimes shoes

So I heard anyway, read it in a newspaper or something, Keven Myers I think wrote about it...

Tell me about it! In France they have those toilets that are just a hole in the ground which you squat over. Took me about 10 minutes to figure out how to work it! For all I know I was sh*tting in a shower actually... That would explain it, lol. Anywho, yeah you have to fight the urge to p*ss at the same time

Xavi6

d3mon24 wrote: »

Spotted so ''classy woman'' unloading on the window of Smyths on Maylor St Cork about 2:30 Monday morning..

Surely someone coming out of Maccers would have had a cup handy?

and2

Was in Oz a few years ago. On Fraisure island for 3 days camping. No choice but to use the great outdoors. The company that provide the 4x4 and tents etc also provide a shovel and toilet paper. You dig a hole, squat:( and cover it up. Your also advised to bring a friend to scare away the dingos!
So yes out doors with someone close by keeping guard!

Gummy Panda

Dave! wrote: »

Tell me about it! In France they have those toilets that are just a hole in the ground which you squat over. Took me about 10 minutes to figure out how to work it! For all I know I was sh*tting in a shower actually... That would explain it, lol. Anywho, yeah you have to fight the urge to p*ss at the same time

whats the story with those things? Talk about making life harder.

For people who don't know what they look like click here

Dave!

ugh, *memories return*

I gather they're more hygienic than our toilets. There's a steep learning curve though! They're not so hygienic when you accidentally drop it into your jocks as they're around your ankles!

mp3guy

At the base of Carrauntoohil

Prof.Badass

is it possible to $hit without pissing?

I've never been able to do it, but i said it to some people and they acted all suprised as if they do it all the time.

drunkymonkey

if you spread your cheeks no cleanup is required it just falls downwards.....

had to do it on a camping weekend in the middle of nowhere, left it there steaming on a rock by the sea.... classy i know! had bog roll though!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

drunkymonkey wrote: »

if you spread your cheeks no cleanup is required it just falls downwards.....

had to do it on a camping weekend in the middle of nowhere, left it there steaming on a rock by the sea.... classy i know! had bog roll though!

How...? I'm already pushing my dick back with one hand so I'm not peeing onto my pants, now I need two more hands to spread my cheeks...?

SoupyNorman

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

How...? I'm already pushing my dick back with one hand so I'm not peeing onto my pants, now I need two more hands to spread my cheeks...?

Get a helper

marzic

Ah yes I remember it well, in the 'actual' bog(turf) behind a large furz bush! now you had to be careful of pointy rushes, small furz bushes, the dog (if he followed you and you couldnt chase him away), and as pointed out above, not pissing into your kit! i have to say tho that you got a thorough evacuation from the squat position (gillian MCkieth recommends you place sumit under your feet when sitting on the wc for a poo). And of course there is nothing quite as refershing as fresh green and dewy grass to finish with!:D

SoupyNorman

vinylmesh wrote: »

Trust me, don't!

It was all good untill she stated smearing it all over her breasts

(i never did understand skat)

IcanFixyou@DrPhil.com

0utpost31

I used to sell strawberries & potatoes on the side of the road... obviously no toilet around so yes I had to scutter in the field behind me on many occasions, wiping my hole with bits of potato bags.

One day a load of the lads came up to hang around and one of them shat & pissed into a plastic bag and threw it at a truck, but he missed (don't know how!). Anyways the bag of shit and piss was just lying there on the road and we all stood and watched as a truck coming in the opposite direction rolled straight over it and BOOM it exploded into a tornado of aerosolized faecal matter and piss, and the shitstorm was dragged down towards us by the trucks slipstream. We got out of the way just in time, we were like some action movie stars dodging a huge firey explosion!!!

Good times.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

vinylmesh wrote: »

(i never did understand skat)

What's to understand...? You just sit back and let go without thinking... it kinda takes it's own shape as it comes out...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpHLEm9-0bg

drunkymonkey

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

How...? I'm already pushing my dick back with one hand so I'm not peeing onto my pants, now I need two more hands to spread my cheeks...?

well just go when you dont need to pee!

HouseHippo

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

I am not contributing to this thread

Dry ****e

Prof.Badass

drunkymonkey wrote: »

well just go when you dont need to pee!

I posted this already but no-one answered. Is it possible to $hit without peeing?

i've never been able to do it.