does the man always pay for the ring?

dublinrose

hi there,
Would appreciate any thoughts...my boyfriend asked me to marry him..I said yes....we told nobody...wanted to get the ring first....going ring shopping this w-end!yea!!
we are living together and share all bills( actually he earns more so pays a bit more) but now I feel guilty that he is going to use his savings to buy me a ring...I'm not into expensive jewellary and don't have any jewellary of any great value really..
I just feel it's a bit mad- we're going to go out and he's going to spend €xxxx on a ring for me...
Do guys always buy the ring or do any couples share the cost?( although in my case as I have very little savings I wouldn't be mad to spend on a ring- this makes it worse as it's spending his money)
Just to mention, he has a reasonable income but still....should I pay at least part of it?

CDfm

I seem to think that there is a kind of a rule of thumb or convention

its something like 2 weeks salary is whats the max is - so it should be affordable for the guy and you should blush

i heard it on Moncrieff on newstalk 106

a woman friend of mine who recently married bought the wedding rings to balance it off

jaysus - does he know you are so bad with money - i wouldnt bring it up just now - its time enough when you are planning the wedding for him to find out how broke you are

Eoin

dublinrose wrote: »

but now I feel guilty that he is going to use his savings to buy me a ring...I'm not into expensive jewellary and don't have any jewellary of any great value really..
I just feel it's a bit mad- we're going to go out and he's going to spend €xxxx on a ring for me...

Unless I'm missing something, then why not just buy an inexpensive engagement ring, and everyone is happy?

Iago

eoin_s wrote: »

Unless I'm missing something, then why not just buy an inexpensive engagement ring, and everyone is happy?

generally if you decide to exchange gifts you should buy him a watch.

Of course if you're sensible you'll both realise that you have an expensive wedding and honeymoon coming up, a mortgage to pay and savings required to protect you in case of the downturn getting worse and so you'll be happy without having to make an expensive gesture for the sake of it. (meaning the watch, not the engagement ring)

tatt chic

I suppose it depends on what you pick really, if he has a set limit on how much he wants to spend and you find something more expensive then you could maybe put the rest to it?

normally the guy pays but if everything in your relationship is split, then maybe you could put something to it anyway.

why don't you ask him what he wants to do, maybe he's been planning this for a while and has saved x amount already, he might get offended?

the best thing to do is talk to him and find out what he is happy to do!

CDfm

eoin_s wrote: »

Unless I'm missing something, then why not just buy an inexpensive engagement ring, and everyone is happy?

she is broke.

she is just useing this to justify emptying his savings account on a ring.

Eoin

CDfm wrote: »

she is broke.

she is just useing this to justify emptying his savings account on a ring.

That's not really how I read it at all; especially as she said that she's not into expensive jewellery in the first place. As the bloke traditionally pays for the ring, then there's no real need to "justify" it on an internet forum.

CDfm

eoin_s wrote: »

That's not really how I read it at all; especially as she said that she's not into expensive jewellery in the first place. As the bloke traditionally pays for the ring, then there's no real need to "justify" it on an internet forum.

there is a sale in claires accessories.

she should have a ring - but she shouldnt go mad on it -cos thats gold digging

iguana

CDfm wrote: »

she is broke.

she is just useing this to justify emptying his savings account on a ring.

CDfm, unsubstantiated, insulting comments won't be tolerated.

dublinrose, I never bothered with a ring, I think it's a bit sexist. Instead my husband and I bought a 2nd hand laptop for me and an iPod for him. Both things have brought us more fun than any piece of jewelery ever could have. And I find it much nicer that both out wedding rings are alone on our left hands as it makes them look more more of a set this way.

Eoin

iguana wrote: »

dublinrose, I never bothered with a ring, I think it's a bit sexist.

Do elaborate?

iguana

eoin_s wrote: »

Do elaborate?

I don't see why the man/couple should have to purchase something for woman. It's really unfair on him. I think the concept is a bit outdated, either they should both get something or neither should bother.

CDfm

iguana wrote: »

I don't see why the man/couple should have to purchase something for woman. It's really unfair on him. I think the concept is a bit outdated, either they should both get something or neither should bother.

women dont buy condoms either:D

Eoin

iguana wrote: »

I don't see why the man/couple should have to purchase something for woman. It's really unfair on him. I think the concept is a bit outdated, either they should both get something or neither should bother.

Didn't particularly bother me, though my wife did get me something. Honestly, I think there are far more important issues for both men and women's equality to worry about.

iguana

CDfm wrote: »

women dont buy condoms either:D

I always did, but how many men pay for their girlfriend's pill?

CDfm

you are a rare treasure he is lucky to have you

iguana

eoin_s wrote: »

Didn't particularly bother me, though my wife did get me something. Honestly, I think there are far more important issues for both men and women's equality to worry about.

Obviously. But I don't expect equality without giving it in return.

CDfm

iguana wrote: »

Obviously. But I don't expect equality without giving it in return.

Iggy - get a round in would ya

Kintarō Hattori

iguana wrote: »

I always did, but how many men pay for their girlfriend's pill?

Hmnn something's not right with my relationship......... I go 50/50 on the pills AND pay for the condoms....... hehe.

CDfm

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

Hmnn something's not right with my relationship......... I go 50/50 on the pills AND pay for the condoms....... hehe.

lecherous show off:pac:

CDfm

I think its really good when the offer to pay part and equality stray into a relationship. It takes the pressure off - and in these uncertain times it cant be a bad thing at all for a relationship.

Sorry for my smartarse posts earlier.But I do believe the rule of thumb was 2 weeks wages for an engagement ring as a maximum.

Eoin

CDfm wrote: »

But I do believe the rule of thumb was 2 weeks wages for an engagement ring as a maximum.

In fact, I think it's traditionally a month's wages, but that's a completely outdated custom.

Given the cost of weddings and all that and especially that the OP doesn't seem to care about expensive jewellery, then I'm sure she can pick something nice out that won't break the bank.

Chasing Cars

When I got engaged my DH was doing a Masters and had no money so I paid for my own ring! I am not saying that this is what you should do by the way.

At the time we said that it didn't matter what we spent on the ring it was all about getting married and we were only going to spend a couple of hundred. As we had anounced our engagment before this my Father recomended a Jewler (he was a friend that I could trust) who convienced us to spend more on the ring. I still only spent 2 grand

Although it was more of a pinch I stretched the money and four years on I am delighted that I did because I never take it off and will be wearing it for the rest of my life. I know alot of couples that spent very little on their ring and now that they have money have replaced it and although they may have a rock that they could never of afforded back then as far as I am concerened it will never be their engagment ring.

dublinrose

thanks for all input..have been out looking at rings..himself says he has saved anticipating buying a ring...its not that I'm bad with money- I went back to college a couple of years ago and I'm in my first job after this...so I'm not earning huge money and still paying off loans...he has been in same job so has more money saved....i imagine over the years things will even out...so the upshot is he is going to buy the ring- not too expensive ...I've discussed with him and when we went out looking at rings we both were so excited at being engaged ..the issue didn't seem so important!...all is well!....:)..

CDfm

dublinrose wrote: »

thanks for all input..have been out looking at rings..himself says he has saved anticipating buying a ring...its not that I'm bad with money- I went back to college a couple of years ago and I'm in my first job after this...so I'm not earning huge money and still paying off loans...he has been in same job so has more money saved....i imagine over the years things will even out...so the upshot is he is going to buy the ring- not too expensive ...I've discussed with him and when we went out looking at rings we both were so excited at being engaged ..the issue didn't seem so important!...all is well!....:)..

Everybody now.

AAhhhhhh