Why do some girls do this?

needhelpguy

I'm sorry if this seems like a similar topic, I would just like to vent.

Why do some girls lead guys on when they have a bf? There I was, for weeks, chatting, texting, bebo-ing this incredibly attractive girl (first I've ever met who made me want to get to really get to know her to ask her out), asking her to come out and meet me in a club (in a friendly way) - just about to ask her out formally and BAM, she drops the boyfriend bomb on me. Not even formally, just in a casual "oh you didnt know?" way. She basically answered as to why she didn't respond to my text earlier -"oh my fone is with my bf that's why I didn't reply". :mad:

Could she not have let me know earlier? Maybe, you know, when I asked for her number? Or when I asked her in person to come with me to a club? Or when I was chatting to her countless time before this? I have made it perfectly clear I wanted to be more than friends. And for a while I thought she did too. But nope.

Ugh. I'm just so disappointed. This was literally the first girl I've met in forever that I found so attractive as to motivate me into getting her number (which took a lot for me). I really thought I had something here. :mad:

Do attractive girls with boyfriends just assume that all these things mean a guy just wants to be friends?

Here's to another X number of years of being single.

Niamho!

was she flirty with you??

see....i would think that it's possible you did something to put her off... is there any chance you might have said something to her? i dont really know what...girls are different and sometimes get put off for ridiculous reasons!
But i think it might be something you did or said and she wanted to think of something to put you off or make her suddenly unavailable.
or is there anyone thats a mutual friend of both of you by any chance?
How old is she?

RugbyFanatic

I'd say shes about to jump ship with her boyfriend and is preparing her possible candidates before taking the jump. Seen it happen many times.

That or your completely in the friend zone.

metrovelvet

Because it is fun.

brendansmith

They do it because they like the idea of being able to have any man they want, its an ego trip.

Its very sore on the fella's ego however.

LegacyUser

Both sexes do this and it's always for selfish reasons. With women it usually means they aren't getting all the attention they need in their relationship. That does not mean they want to, or will move on. As long as they get attention and ego stroking somewhere they'll be happy and it'll make up for what their relationship lacks. Infact ,presuming it stays at the flirty friendly stage,I think with some women it actually makes their relationship a bit stronger because they never get too demanding or insecure within the relationship. It's like relationship supplementation!

You on the other hand get nothing out of the whole thing but the happy glow of knowing you've done your bit so that your new crushee is extra content when she's cuddling up with her main squeeze of an evening. Yes see... it's all worth while really. Hate these types. Stay away from them!

LegacyUser

How dare she try to make a new friend...

Firetrap

Sorry this girl was like that. Unfortunately, there are guys and girls who like to have a few partners/potential partners on the go at the same time. It's just their thing. Be glad that you had a lucky escape - if you were her boyfriend, chances are she'd be doing the same thing to some other guy.

Nevyn

Did you ask her if she was seeing anyone ?
Did she know you were only using the networking site and contact her with the sole purpose to find dates ?

needhelpguy

Thaedydal wrote: »

Did you ask her if she was seeing anyone ?
Did she know you were only using the networking site and contact her with the sole purpose to find dates ?

Does she not have a responsibility to let other guys know when they ask for her number that she has a boyfriend? Or when they ask her out to a club? Particularly one she flirts with like crazy?

It was pretty clear she was "interested" and so was I and she knew it.

Thinking about it now I'm actually glad I'm not with her. Imagine being her boyfriend when she is acting like this with other guys. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I see her once a week and I know she will continue on like nothing has happened, still catch my eye, give me those looks, and flirt like nothing else. Poor guy.

*sigh* I'll just continue searching for someone who isn't a headwrecker. Might take a long time.

rvd156

She was just checking she still has got "it"....

At your expense...Sorry bud!!

joeperry

sorry mate but I think you should have asked her did she have a boyfriend. It used to be one of the first things I'd say to a girl when approached them. I always made sure and say is it alright if I talk to you? Your boyfriend won't come a long and kill me now will he? Or I'd say your so nice you must have a boyfriend?

You live and you learn. Plenty of fish in the sea.

LegacyUser

I've a boyfriend and loads of male friends.I work in a jo with mostly men, and when I'm chatting to any of them I mention my boyfriend.It's just courtesy!!!PLus I'm a big softie, so I'd hate to think I was giving a guy the wrong impression then dent his ego by saying "Oh didn't you know?" six weeks later.Sounds like she was enjoying a bit of a flirt to be honest.It's an ego thing.Though, saying that, there is one guy I do flirt with a bit and he flirts back (a bit)...and we're both in very long term stable relationships.But that's a whole other problem.(before I get bashed here, nothing has happened, nothing will happen, and yes I know it's not right.I suppose he's the one that makes you go "what if..."). Anyway, sounds like she was having a bit of an ego trip at your expense.Sorry.

Diddler82

Did you meet her through mutual female friends or something or was she just a stranger?

I can be a terrible eejit for giving the friendship vibe and get befriended quite a lot because other girls tell them I am a nice fella etc etc (I'm not the worst I suppose!!) but it comes then as a shock sometimes when I try and score them!!

Any you should have set the stall out earlier and be a bit more direct, ie texting her and making your intentions clear after being out with her one night etc etc.

One last thing, you were Bebo'in here...did you not check her page for pics of the bf or even check her comments/blogs etc for a hint!?

Sugar Drunk

well to be fair nothing beyond friends happened. You never actually asked her out. You text her / bebo her etc but in fairness it sounds to me like you put yourself in the friend zone and wondered why she didnt realise you wanted more.

of course theres always the possibility she doesnt have a BF and thats just an excuse but who knows.

Next time you like someone dont go near the friend zone be clear up front that its not friends you want

Darragh29

RugbyFanatic wrote: »

I'd say shes about to jump ship with her boyfriend and is preparing her possible candidates before taking the jump. Seen it happen many times.

That or your completely in the friend zone.

I've seen this before, sometimes girls are like monkeys that you see moving through a jungle on the discovery channel, they won't let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on another...

Wagon

Some birds like the attention. Simple as, dunno why the texting would go on for weeks without a mention of him though. Not to mention meeting up with her etc... Being honest, there aren't many lads who'd go through that much effort just to make a friend apart from the gay ones. She's either very niave or a bit of an idiot.

Bottle_of_Smoke

She wanted you to want her.

Aurora Borealis

Hard to say whether she was toying with you or not. Some girls do like the attention and don't care who it hurts as long as they feel attractive and wanted. That said I know I have, when boyfriended, made new male friends and had no ultierior self-indulgent motives at all. If I was giving someone my number in a social context and suspected there was any interest I would certainly let them know I had a boyfriend, subtly or otherwise so as not to embarrass. Perhaps she did and you didn't pick up on it.If not, then head up high because she is the fool and a dishonest one at that and you clearly are better off without such idiocy in your life.

jessbeth

needhelpguy wrote: »

I'm sorry if this seems like a similar topic, I would just like to vent.

Why do some girls lead guys on when they have a bf? There I was, for weeks, chatting, texting, bebo-ing this incredibly attractive girl (first I've ever met who made me want to get to really get to know her to ask her out), asking her to come out and meet me in a club (in a friendly way) - just about to ask her out formally and BAM, she drops the boyfriend bomb on me. Not even formally, just in a casual "oh you didnt know?" way. She basically answered as to why she didn't respond to my text earlier -"oh my fone is with my bf that's why I didn't reply". :mad:

Could she not have let me know earlier? Maybe, you know, when I asked for her number? Or when I asked her in person to come with me to a club? Or when I was chatting to her countless time before this? I have made it perfectly clear I wanted to be more than friends. And for a while I thought she did too. But nope.

Ugh. I'm just so disappointed. This was literally the first girl I've met in forever that I found so attractive as to motivate me into getting her number (which took a lot for me). I really thought I had something here. :mad:

Do attractive girls with boyfriends just assume that all these things mean a guy just wants to be friends?

Here's to another X number of years of being single.

Did you ever think that it's possible to be friends with a guy and not have an agenda. That's what makes me nuts about guys. You think you've made a friend and like chatting to them and are relieved that they just want to be friends and then boom all of a sudden they really like you and you're the b!tch for not wanting them even though you never lead them on in the first place and were just friendly.
Guys may I suggest that if you're interested in a girl in that way let her know and that way you will know where you stand as well.
If she was being all flirty with you then she is just a skank but if she was just being nice and friendly and considered you the same I don't see why she should tell you about her personal relationship unless it's important.

Wagon

jessbeth wrote: »

Did you ever think that it's possible to be friends with a guy and not have an agenda. That's what makes me nuts about guys. You think you've made a friend and like chatting to them and are relieved that they just want to be friends and then boom all of a sudden they really like you and you're the b!tch for not wanting them even though you never lead them on in the first place and were just friendly.
Guys may I suggest that if you're interested in a girl in that way let her know and that way you will know where you stand as well.
If she was being all flirty with you then she is just a skank but if she was just being nice and friendly and considered you the same I don't see why she should tell you about her personal relationship unless it's important.

Halfway through his post he says that he made it clear. It seems pretty obvious he made it clear. So then by that logic she's a bit of a bint.

jessbeth

Wagon wrote: »

Halfway through his post he says that he made it clear. It seems pretty obvious he made it clear. So then by that logic she's a bit of a bint.

I agree. If you'd purposely lead someone on purely for your own selfish reasons then that's just being a bint as you like to call it.

Mr. Incognito

Funny that.

When I meet a girl I like one of the first things I do is ask her if she is seeing anyone.

Imagine that. How dare I.

shellyboo

I find it a bit arrogant to be all "Oh I have a boyfriend" anytime I meet a male acquaintance. Not every man on the planet is out to bed you, some have genuine motives of nothing but friendship.

That said, she could have been manipulating him - we'll never know. But what was stopping him asking? Why did the OP assume she was single in the first place?

BroomBurner

I agree with Shellyboo on people having to mention their boyfriend/girlfriend/etc. to a new person, as it might cause the newbie to think "why're they tellin gme this, I'm not attracted to her" and cause awkwardness.

Also, if she was trying to be his friend, maybe her boyfriend just never came in to any conversation. Or maybe she did mention him to the OP and he didn't pick up on it/ignored it/forgot about it. By the off-hand way she said her phone was with her boyf, that could be one explanation.

I'm sure there are loads of other explanations, and I'm not discounting that some women are indeed attention wh0res (I've met plenty of 'em), but that doesn't necessarily mean that this girl in question is.

scubasteve

Had it happen to me on a number of occasions and so have my mates. some girls just crave the attention. I know one girl (housemate of a mate) whose done it to four guys and one girl in last 3 months just leading them on then casulally slipping the fact she has a BF into conversation. Sick puppy.

peanuthead

this kind of behaviour stinks of insecurity

Time out

Maybe you are puppy dogs and ice cream and she just see's you as a friend.
Dunno why girls do it - Am sure they dont purposely set out to annoy us.

spinandscribble

Darragh29 wrote: »

I've seen this before, sometimes girls are like monkeys that you see moving through a jungle on the discovery channel, they won't let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on another...

same can be said of guys from what i've seen. i don't think its specifically a female thing.

kingofthecastle

it seems verey obvious to me that she just wanted to see if she still had what it takes to pull. She wanted to see if she could make you want her and when she did, it was mission accomplished and a massive ego boost for her.

to get your own back and restore your pride, let her boyfriend know by way of bebo what she's been up to and anyone else who'll listen. Lads will stay well clear of a prjck teaser, the lowest form of life.

peachystarr

Girls like to flirt! Its fun

I find it a bit arrogant to be all "Oh I have a boyfriend" anytime I meet a male acquaintance. Not every man on the planet is out to bed you, some have genuine motives of nothing but friendship.

Hmm that is true. I think girls get a bit of a hard time, as saying 'I have a boyfriend' every time someone asks for your number would come across as arrogance. A lot of guys genuinely don't want more than friendship. I do however believe that it's incredibly easy to mention a boyfriend without making it obvious. I don't go on about my BF 24/7 or anything, but if I meet someone new (male or female) he generally comes up in conversation fairly quickly. I'd have to make an effort to NOT mention him. I started a new job last week and after a day or two I knew every one of my colleagues was attached, just from making conversation during our short breaks. The girls who say things like 'oh you didn't know?' are complete idiots and headwreckers, and are indeed on an ego trip.

LegacyUser

I used to be a bit thick in that I just assumed people I met out and about just wanted to be my friend. My first thought of a guy talking to me wouldn't be that he fancies me but just that we're getting on and we could be friends. But it's been pointed out to me that can be a bit naive so when I meet people, I don't instantly go "I have a boyfriend" but I do bring it up in the course of the conversation. Like if we're talking about music or something, say like "my boyfriend recommended this band to me..."

It's a casual little indicator so people can just know. If the person really does just want to be your friend and just to chat, they'll stick about. And if they just want into you, hopefully they'll get the hint!

A Primal Nut

Like all social interactions it depends on the circumstances. Where did you meet her? Where did you ask for her number? If you went up and started talking to her in a pub/club and asked for her number she should say she has a boyfriend. Its happened to me sometimes - either I go for a kiss or a number, they say they have a boyfriend no big deal.

If you work with her or are in college with her and see her every day (from your post that isn't the case) and one day asked for her number it would be uncomfortable for her to say no.

I still don't know how you didn't pick up on her having a boyfriend from her bebo page unless you managed to resist doing some bebo-stalking (I don't believe its possible haha) Surely you'd have noticed a couple of comments.

Personally, I think six weeks is too long to be courting someone before something romantic happens (eg. a proper kiss). Try to make your move sooner, ask her out on her own, if she doesn't go for it then move on as quickly as possible.

You should text back and ask her why she didn't tell you this sooner - might be interesting to see what she says although it might be uncomfortable if you see her again.

From her point of view, It sounds like she lost interest and made up something or she wasn't sure which guy she wanted and decided to stick with the boyfriend.

St Bill

Darragh29 wrote: »

I've seen this before, sometimes girls are like monkeys that you see moving through a jungle on the discovery channel, they won't let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on another...

Yeah I know what you mean, sometimes men are like monkeys in that they don't know how to use a keyboard/typewriter and decide to use it to compare women and monkeys. I think we're a long way from those Shakespearean plays.
OP, if this girl was one of those people who likes to lead others on, well then you are in a much better position now than when you were in contact with her. Forget about her and move on.

LegacyUser

I have been asked out on dates a few times without realising that it was in fact a date. People aren't always paying attention to the clues being sent their way, and in particular, some people hate to say "no" and potentially hurt someone's feelings.

I was once asked out on a date with a guy who still lived with his girlfriend, since then, I have asked the guy up front on a first date if he has a girlfriend. I suggest you do the same next time

LegacyUser

When chatting up a girl and she blurts out of no where that she has a boyfriend there are 2 possible reasons in 99% of cases.

1. She is not attracted to you.

2. She is attracted to you and wants to give you logistical information so you can go about pulling her correctly. For example if her friends are beside her when she says she has a boyfriend and she is attracted to you, she is basically saying that whatever happens between us my friends can't see, even if it's just exchanging phone numbers.