The Joys of Housesharing

andybotwin

Hey, I'm wondering if anyone has ever faced the following problem. We recently rented a room in our house to a person who seemed quite sound at the outset. Now only a couple of weeks in it transpires that the newbie has a lot undesirable attritubutes, namely non-stop talking, quite a condescending manner, an opinion on EVERTHING, and no concept of the other housemates personal space.

The original people have lived together perfectly fine for the past three years and while we don't all hang out, and do our own thing, we get along just fine and respect each other. I know there are teething problems when any new person joins the fold but we are all unanimous that this person is too overbearing (i.e.a knobend) to put up with and really something should be done sooner rather than later.

They seem like a really nice person (that is if you want anything you say to be commented on and judged, or your favourite tv program to be talked over while watching or like be told a better way to do something) So how do we get them out without coming across like total pr*cks?

Seriously lads, I've started eating my dinners in my room. I've even started looking for mini fridges and kettle so I can turn into a bedsit. I used to love where I lived now when I hear the key turning in the door in the evening my heart sinks.

shellyboo

If you all feel this way, and you're subletting the room to this person, then ask them to leave. Simple as. You're renting the room to this person - tell them it's not working out, give them a month's notice, and find someone new.

Joe's fanclub

Hey I work with someone like that - you'd have to have the patience of a saint to live with one though, I say you nip it in the bud, he gots to go :cool:

Beruthiel

Just tell him it's not working out and give him notice.

Malice

Good housemates are hard to find. I'd say pretty much everyone on Boards who has house-shared could tell you that! I would agree with what the others on this thread have posted.

when I hear the key turning in the door in the evening my heart sinks

If you're getting to this stage then they need to go, simple as that.

Blazer

Give him a week or two..or start taking him out to the pub.
Maybe he's just nervous with new people and covering up with this.
Knew a few people like this and once they settled in they were grand and a lot more relaxed.

niceirishfella

Mathew Reilly wrote: »

Give him a week or two..or start taking him out to the pub.
Maybe he's just nervous with new people and covering up with this.
Knew a few people like this and once they settled in they were grand and a lot more relaxed.

Yeah, like maybe its ye the incumbants that are the knobendz?

BaZmO*

niceirishfella wrote: »

Yeah, like maybe its ye the incumbants that are the knobendz?

That may be so but they are the majority here and it's up to them to decide who lives with them.



OP you have two choices really.

1. Give it a bit more time and see if the person settles into it.

or

2. Quite simply tell the person in question that it's not working out and that you'd like them to move out. You could go the the route of saying that a friend or a family member needs the room if you like but if the person is making living at home so unbearable then they really need to be told to leave.

Beruthiel

niceirishfella wrote: »

Yeah, like maybe its ye the incumbants that are the knobendz?

Helpful advice please or don't bother commenting.
b

dblennon

If its unanimous then just politely tell him it's not working out.

The longer it goes on the harder it will be to give him the boot,

my boss can't get rid of a person with that exact type of personality, It's mainly their inability to sense your invading someones space that gets to him,

LegacyUser

It's possible he's just nervous rather than a jerk. If you all keep to yourself it might make him feel like he's got to over compensate! Still, there's nothing wrong with wanting the quiet life, if he bothers you ask him to leave...

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, but my housemate is so quiet and hard to talk to that it's making me feel uncomfortable! It's almost impossible to find decent people to live with.

Dave!

If it's your house... then just take him/her aside and have a word. Be reasonable about it and give them as much notice as possible. Just because there's a personality clash doesn't mean that the person is doing it intentionally, so they shouldn't be punished for it.

If you're not comfortable just telling them to PFO, then perhaps fabricate a story about a friend coming over from abroad to work for the year, so you need the room. Last in, first out. No feeling hurt, and the problem is solved. Say they're coming for/after Christmas, so they have plenty of time to look for a place. I'm sure it won't be nice for them to be moving around coming up to Christmas, but........

diondiondion

I can feel the OP's pain.
I moved in to a new house with some strangers a couple of months ago and it can be a bit of a nightmare at times. They seemed alright at the start but they're all a bit socially inept.
One of the lads has since turned into a complete hermit since a rather embarrassing incident where he tried it on with me when he was drunk even though he knew I was straight and have a girlfriend. Now he just spends the whole time in his bedroom watching porn on his laptop whenever I'm around.
Things are obviously a bit awkward but to make things worse he's been trying to get our other housemates to take sides with him whenever any issues arise. They don't really like him but they've lived together for a few years and have told me that even though he's a bit of a goon, they like to have him around- basically just to be the butt of their jokes.
I can't wait to move out. The other day I came home from work and saw him coming out of my room. I was obviously a bit shocked and asked him what the hell he was doing. He just looked really nervous and said he was looking for a dvd that i had borrowed but when i got into my room it looked like he had been going through my boxers and stuff!?!!!
****ing freak.

I like constant jabbering.
Housemates who haven't liked this have just asked me to shut up, and explained that they like to watch tv in silence.

niceirishfella

Beruthiel wrote: »

Helpful advice please or don't bother commenting.
b

I was being the devils advocate here.:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

andybotwin wrote: »

I used to love where I lived now when I hear the key turning in the door in the evening my heart sinks.

I have been in that situation twice.... it's a horrible way to live/exist.

Just tell them that you don't feel it's working out and that you want them to move out.

It's hard to do but better to get it over with rather than spending time avoiding them

LegacyUser

the person who has moved in with you doesnt sound that bad too be honest. It sounds like he wants to be friends. Apart from chattering does he do anything else to invade your space eg taking your food?

andybotwin

Thanks for the replies.. I guess I'm looking for is what way to broach it.. I'm pretty laid back and like my own space - the polar opposite of this person it seems. If encountered along the way a simple trip from room a to b turns into this person ranting endlessly about some new insipid, anane piece of useless info that's currently circling their brains looking to escape. There's no organic flow or end. It becomes awkward and uncomfortable... for everyone.. And I guess it's their overfamiliarity with just a few weeks in that really bothers me and there seems to be no let up - e.g. refering to me by my surname in jokey fashion, or constantly dropping by my room for chats. Plus if you dare mention anything that might seem slightly mainstream you are subjected to diatribe of crap about all things alternative. Don't get me wrong I'm an indie kid at heart - I just don't feel the need to express it in everything I do or say.. Thankfully tho it hasn't (yet) reached the freaky heights encountered by diondiondion - my deepest sympathies man! lol
Plus they talked all the way through the new episode of South Park the other nite - isn't that enough to get rid?!

LegacyUser

I lived with a girl my ex used to call Single White Female. The freaky copying me was only part of the problem though. She was condescending but needy and like your housemate would talk and talk and talk while it was so bleedin obvious that I was watching something that I had waited all evening to see. If your housemate is annoying you now, imagine how bad it'll be in a month or six months time...

In the end the one I lived with drove me spare. She was leaving eventually for work so I just held out for her to go (by which point I was at my wits end with her).

Before you get that way, why don't you say that your brother/ sister/ mate/ the landlord wants to use the room, so you're really sorry, but they will have to move out in a month or six weeks or something.

DON'T do the pub thing - they'll be in your face even more...

Setun

diondiondion wrote: »

I can feel the OP's pain.
I moved in to a new house with some strangers a couple of months ago and it can be a bit of a nightmare at times. They seemed alright at the start but they're all a bit socially inept.
One of the lads has since turned into a complete hermit since a rather embarrassing incident where he tried it on with me when he was drunk even though he knew I was straight and have a girlfriend. Now he just spends the whole time in his bedroom watching porn on his laptop whenever I'm around.
Things are obviously a bit awkward but to make things worse he's been trying to get our other housemates to take sides with him whenever any issues arise. They don't really like him but they've lived together for a few years and have told me that even though he's a bit of a goon, they like to have him around- basically just to be the butt of their jokes.
I can't wait to move out. The other day I came home from work and saw him coming out of my room. I was obviously a bit shocked and asked him what the hell he was doing. He just looked really nervous and said he was looking for a dvd that i had borrowed but when i got into my room it looked like he had been going through my boxers and stuff!?!!!
****ing freak.

Jesus get out of there mate. :eek:

To the OP, give it another few weeks, and if he's acted the gimp too much by next rent payment give him his month's notice.

andybotwin

Yeah the going for drinks thing is a non-runner... Bad enough being sober throughout the rants. I think I'd reach a tipping point after not knowing the one that's one too many. Plus I'm trying to curb any ill-conceived notions of friendship. I think the brother/sister thing is the way to go. Thanks all!

SarahSassy

Is his name Kevin????

I know all about it... You will just have to have 'the chat' and ask them to move on... there are plenty of spaces available.....

Gordon

Have you tried simply ignoring him when you are watching your favourite TV program, and then when the break comes say "sorry, what were you saying earlier?".

Otherwise, how about drawing up some House Rules, or a House Charter. You could set up a whole system of anal laws and rules that includes a cleaning rota and expenses regulations. Within this you can add in rules about talking through TV programs and such like. Best case scenario is that he gets fed up with all the rules and regulations and withdraws slightly.

I feel your pain, I've lived with some right painful flatmates. My worst gripe about flatmates is expenses, council tax/bills and their objection to paying them. It's tough but sometimes you have just got to talk it out with them.

shellyboo

andybotwin wrote: »

Plus they talked all the way through the new episode of South Park the other nite - isn't that enough to get rid?!

Look, you don't need a reason other than he's making you feel uncomfortable in your own home. You have no obligation to this guy whatsoever. Give him his month's notice, tell him a friend needs the room or something and look for a new housemate. You don't have to justify it! It's your house!

Dave!

Indeed! You sound like you're renting and he's one of your housemates!

shellyboo

Dave! wrote: »

Indeed! You sound like you're renting and he's one of your housemates!

Well... they are, lol But three of them were there first. It's a sublet. However, this has happened to me and my mates before. Nothing else to do but get rid of the weirdo

Dave!

hmmm I don't understand ¬_¬ Does the OP not own the house? If they're merely renting it, then talk to the other housemates and see if they want rid too. If so, talk to the landlord and get them to kick them out.

If the others don't want the person out, or the landlord won't evict them, then put up with it or else move out yourself!

There, I think I've covered all avenues now

shellyboo

Dave! wrote: »

hmmm I don't understand ¬_¬ Does the OP not own the house? If they're merely renting it, then talk to the other housemates and see if they want rid too. If so, talk to the landlord and get them to kick them out.

I took from this that they're all renting, but three of them have been in the house together for years:

andybotwin wrote: »

We recently rented a room in our house to a person who seemed quite sound at the outset.

The original people have lived together perfectly fine for the past three years and while we don't all hang out, and do our own thing, we get along just fine and respect each other.

I wouldn't talk to the landlord though... we sublet a room in our house and if I asked my landlord to deal with issues with that tenant, he'd laugh at me. Who we get to live in the house is our business, so we have to deal with it!