Lost in faith?

highlydebased

I've been meaning to post this for a while.

I'm 17. I used to be a spiritual person from my childhood up to recently, I did believe in something and I did attend mass, and I was very active in a gospel choir group until etc. For the last year though, I found myself questioning religion and my faith. This primarily came about because I felt in a way God failed me. Despite any prayers or my best efforts life was heading in a useless downward direction. the odd time i would wander into a church and light a candle and sit and often be reduced to tears in thinking how could things have gotten like this. So I decided (Perhaps stupidly) to abandon my faith.

It might sound ironic, but it seems I have had a weight lifted from my shoulders since. But I'm wondering was it the right thing to do. To clarify, I have never once in my life believed alot of what they have taught us over the years about christianity or the bible, I suppose in a way i adapted it to my own belief.

My mother is pretty religious and still makes me go to mass with her. I dont pray, but just sit there and wonder. Religion now seems somewhat cold to me. I used to tell myself that what I have is all the creating of something not myself, perhaps God. But I really question this.

I have wanted to speak to someone about it. There was a young priest who was very down to earth who was involved with my school, but unfortunately he's not in Ireland any longer I believe.....he could have answered many of my questions

Anyway, I'm seeking advice on what to do. It is causing me concern to a degree thats worth sorting out.

Thanks in advance...

Fanny Cradock

Hi Neon-Circles.

You are far from alone in reaching this crossroads of your faith. I don't mean to sound patronising, but I would guess that this is the first stage in your life when you have really begun to question what you believe and what you can believe in regards to God. Whether Christian, atheist or agnostic, the majority of posters here would welcome such questions. Of course, we would disagree on what the answers from these questions would be.

It seems to me that the direction you are going - heading to mass to appease your mum - really isn't going to offer you much in the way of answers. I was pretty much in the same position when I was your age. And I had all but jacked in the idea of God (or completely ignored him) by my mid-teens/ early 20's. In this regard, unlike yourself, I probably didn't even bother with the questions until I was in my mid/ late 20's.

Now, at 30, I am really only beginning to ask tough questions and seriously explore my faith. And I was fortunate in that I had access to people who were young, passionate and knowledgeable about God, i.e. I found a good church. I have hit some major bumps and had some big wobbles on the road. Still, even then I was initially quite half-assed (and still am sometimes) about the whole thing. But my faith has grown nevertheless. Anyway, I wonder if what you are really missing is the relevance of being able to talk to someone who you can identify and connect with.

People here could recommend a number of vibrant churches that you could pop along to. You could also try an Alpha Course or Life Course that are designed for the big questions. Who knows, at the end of it all you might think Christianity or belief in any God is all a load of crap, but surely a question like 'is there a God' deserves exploration.

kelly1

Neon-Circles wrote: »

I've been meaning to post this for a while.

Hello Neon, thanks for posting. Best to get these things off your chest!

Neon-Circles wrote: »

I'm 17. I used to be a spiritual person from my childhood up to recently, I did believe in something and I did attend mass, and I was very active in a gospel choir group until etc. For the last year though, I found myself questioning religion and my faith. This primarily came about because I felt in a way God failed me.

Could I ask you the same question that Jesus asked of His followers i.e. "Who do you say that I am". What would your answer to this be?

Neon-Circles wrote: »

Despite any prayers or my best efforts life was heading in a useless downward direction. the odd time i would wander into a church and light a candle and sit and often be reduced to tears in thinking how could things have gotten like this. So I decided (Perhaps stupidly) to abandon my faith.

Sounds like God is still calling you! Why else would you have written this post?

Neon-Circles wrote: »

To clarify, I have never once in my life believed alot of what they have taught us over the years about christianity or the bible, I suppose in a way i adapted it to my own belief.

What is it that you have difficulty with?

Neon-Circles wrote: »

Religion now seems somewhat cold to me. I used to tell myself that what I have is all the creating of something not myself, perhaps God. But I really question this.

I suppose religion can seem cold is we get bogged down in remorse over sins but once forgiven we should get up again and walk on, leaving the past behind. Maybe you could clarify what you mean here?

Neon-Circles wrote: »

Anyway, I'm seeking advice on what to do. It is causing me concern to a degree thats worth sorting out.

I think the first thing to do is work out what you believe and what you don't believe. For instance, what does Jesus mean to you? Is he just another good man who gave good example or is He the only Son of God and our only means of salvation? Do you believe we need to be saved etc, etc...

God bless,
Noel.

Dades

Neon-Circles wrote: »

It might sound ironic, but it seems I have had a weight lifted from my shoulders since. But I'm wondering was it the right thing to do.

Hi Neon!

Before you would go into a church in despair, now you say you sit and 'wonder'. That can only be a good thing.

How, or indeed has your life changed since you lost your faith? I can understand how you might feel a weight has been lifted. Has this led you to take a more positive, assertive role in your own life, rather then expecting to be guided from above? Or is your life as it was before, just without faith?

--amadeus--

Congratulations!!

What you are having is perfectly normal. As you progress into adulthood you stop simply accepting things and begin to question. You are no longer satisfied with the answers handed down, instead you are looking for your own. The fact you refer to your loss of faith as a weight lifting is very revealing, you obviously felt under pressure and that pressure is gone.

From my perspective I would say that you have had a lifetime of christian teaching so Aplha or whatever isn't where you want to go; it's just more of the same, more pressure. Try reading The God Delusion by Dawkins. It's a great book and will (I am guessing) ring a lot of bells with you.

No one should follow a religious path "just because". As Fanny says above many people wander away and later wander back. Take your time, read lots and think it all through. You may rediscover your faith. You may discover a new or different faith (either christian of different). Or you may live your life as millions of us do, a happy, moral and fulfiled athiest.

Best of luck with your quest and read, read read - the Athiests forum can reccomend lots of great books

BrianCalgary

--amadeus-- wrote: »

Congratulations!!

What you are having is perfectly normal. As you progress into adulthood you stop simply accepting things and begin to question. You are no longer satisfied with the answers handed down, instead you are looking for your own. The fact you refer to your loss of faith as a weight lifting is very revealing, you obviously felt under pressure and that pressure is gone.

From my perspective I would say that you have had a lifetime of christian teaching so Aplha or whatever isn't where you want to go; it's just more of the same, more pressure. Try reading The God Delusion by Dawkins. It's a great book and will (I am guessing) ring a lot of bells with you.

No one should follow a religious path "just because". As Fanny says above many people wander away and later wander back. Take your time, read lots and think it all through. You may rediscover your faith. You may discover a new or different faith (either christian of different). Or you may live your life as millions of us do, a happy, moral and fulfiled athiest.

Best of luck with your quest and read, read read - the Athiests forum can reccomend lots of great books

C'mon Alpha is not more of the same. :rolleyes:

Neon Circles I have some contacts in Limerick who I'd be more than happy to put you in touch with. PM me.

There are different denominations with different styles of worship and approaches to 'church'. The advice is to find the one where you are allowed to grow and to use your God given gifts.

I might say that you are feeling antsy because the church you are at isn't giving you that opportunity. It's like a job, you could be in a dead end one with no place to grow and you would feel the same way, your reaction would be to seek other employment.

It is similar with a church, if the one isn't allowing you to serve and grow, time to find another.

Fanny Cradock

--amadeus-- wrote: »

Congratulations!!

What you are having is perfectly normal. As you progress into adulthood you stop simply accepting things and begin to question. You are no longer satisfied with the answers handed down, instead you are looking for your own. The fact you refer to your loss of faith as a weight lifting is very revealing, you obviously felt under pressure and that pressure is gone.

From my perspective I would say that you have had a lifetime of christian teaching so Aplha or whatever isn't where you want to go; it's just more of the same, more pressure. Try reading The God Delusion by Dawkins. It's a great book and will (I am guessing) ring a lot of bells with you.

No one should follow a religious path "just because". As Fanny says above many people wander away and later wander back. Take your time, read lots and think it all through. You may rediscover your faith. You may discover a new or different faith (either christian of different). Or you may live your life as millions of us do, a happy, moral and fulfiled athiest.

Best of luck with your quest and read, read read - the Athiests forum can reccomend lots of great books

Aside from your incorrect assumption that all religious teaching is equally relevant or that Alpha courses are pressurised environments, I'd have to agree that reading up on viewpoints from both sides of the divide can be rewarding.

--amadeus--

To clarify - the OP clearly feels under some form of family pressure (mother still "makes" him go to mass with her, for example). If she found out that he was attending a series of religious metings that might give her a false sense of where he is going, so providing more pressure. I wasn't implying that the Alpha courses themselves would be pressurised; I have no experince of them (and my opinion of them would be neither relevant or popular in this thread or forum!!)

For (possibly the first time?!) FC and I are in agreement. At 17 the world is your oyster and it is about exploring new viewpoints and finding your own path. At that age I read tarot cards and was very interested in the occult and spiritualism. That lead into eastern philosophies and while I currently have absolutley zero faith in any god i find aspects of zen and buddism very rewarding to read about. So I suppose the roundabout point I am making is that to discover a spirituality or faith you are comfortable with you have to find it. The only way you will find it is by exploring and - rather than starting with more christianity (alpha or whatever) - why not spread your wings and challenge yourself with different viewpoints (Dawkins being a great starting point)

Fanny Cradock

--amadeus-- wrote: »

For (possibly the first time?!) FC and I are in agreement.

I disagree :pac:

Seriously though, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the notion of actively exploring faith. In my early 20's I was intrigued by the idea of Buddhism. I went off to India, pottered around there for a bit, shook the Dalai Lama's hand and had some nice chats with a whole bunch of Buddhists. I never felt that my investigation of another faith had any external or internal pressure associated with it. Ultimately, while I saw Buddhism as having certain values, I didn't see it as having an ultimate metaphysical truth. I don't believe that I could have formed this impression without dipping my toe in the water.

highlydebased

Thanks for the responses, they have been helpful.

Just to comment on a few things.

How, or indeed has your life changed since you lost your faith? I can understand how you might feel a weight has been lifted. Has this led you to take a more positive, assertive role in your own life, rather then expecting to be guided from above? Or is your life as it was before, just without faith?

It has changed. I am more confident and happy in myself as a person, certainly by a substantial noticable amount. Perhaps it is because faith had drained me of alot of effort in seeking whatever I would pray for. I still don't have the ideal situation in my life in many ways but I still seem happier- perhaps in acceptance that it is not just going to appear for me or whatever.

I always composed my thoughts much more logically and maturly than alot of people- probably all through my life so it would make sense for me to question it now; its just not credible. What they taught us in RE in school, its just not credible, and the teachers did not try to add credibility to it.

Brian, that might be a good idea.

robindch

Neon-Circles wrote: »

I used to be a spiritual person from my childhood up to recently [...] I found myself questioning religion and my faith.

One can be spiritual without believing any religion. The two really aren't linked, though you'll hear a lot of religious people telling you that you can't express a spiritual side without having a religion to channel it. That's completely false.

Neon-Circles wrote: »

So I decided to abandon my faith. It might sound ironic, but it seems I have had a weight lifted from my shoulders since.

Many people feel that -- it's nothing unusual. You should remember that religion is just a series of ideas which purport to explain the world. If you find that these ideas don't fit what you see or what you feel, (from what you say, they don't) then it's really quite reasonable that you should look elsewhere. Just try to avoid feeling guilty about it.

Neon-Circles wrote: »

I have never once in my life believed alot of what they have taught us over the years about christianity or the bible, I suppose in a way i adapted it to my own belief.

If you ever find yourself posting in the Other Forum, then you'll find that a lot of people there will say the same thing. The bible is full of enough ideas that you can take out of it whatever you want to, whether you're Fred Phelps or Mahatma Ghandi.

Neon-Circles wrote: »

Religion now seems somewhat cold to me. I have wanted to speak to someone about it. There was a young priest [...]

To be metaphorical for a moment: if you're tired of eating apples, then it's a bad idea to seek out the advice of a apple-seller on what to do.

It's a great shame that many people never explore beyond what they were born into and it's great to see that you've made your first steps on your own.