Confused about my best friend!?

drunkymonkey

hey guys , k im sorry in advance for this but its ANOTHER best friend thread i tried to resist from posting it because there are so many on this and believe me iv searched the others but its really eating away at me now!

k here it goes im in my early twenties, in college, has more than enough trustworthy friends and loving life(or has been up to now). i have a best friend that iv known for about 4 or 5 years and we suddenly realised that we love eachother more than friends, shes from a different country but has been working here since iv known her and plans to stay here for a long long while.
when i was on a student 3month holiday during the summer she was back in her country visiting and i decided to visit being bestfriends and all, she was so excited to see me we went out that night and got very very drunk and ended up sleeping witheachother that night, for the rest of the holiday it wasnt awkward in the least as we both blocked it out and put it down as excitment for seeing eachother and drink, fast forward on to her birthday a month ago and same happened again but back in ireland when we were both home... that night and morning we had a big talk on how we both dont think its a drunk thing and that there definetly an attraction there even sober, after this we kissed a couple of times in clubs but i held back on going further as i wanted to be sure what was going on in case we were ruining our friendship, we have had three very long talks about this when we were sober and we basically decided that we want to be with eachother because we love eachother so much more than friends and get jealous if either of us bunk off with any1 else. the only thing holding us back is that she is 1. a bit of a playerette 2. been with a couple of my friends and is friends within my group 3. admitted to being borderline nympho 4. we really dont want to lose eachother as friends (but now we cant go back to being friends we'r in limbo) ....... trust is a big issue for me and im not sure if i could trust her with being such a flirt..... during the talks she said that she really doesnt want to let me go and is besotted by me blah blah blah and i know in my heart shes not lying (i feel the same) but than everytime i txt she wont txt back for days even not at all, is she thinking things over? making some space between us? she said shes swamped by work but even after work we dont talk we used to talk all the time over txt nearly all day everyday untill the first talk we had!

what do you think i should do, continue being friends (if we can) or give it a chance?

Sorry for the EXTREAMLY long post!

drunkymonkey

any comments will do :rolleyes:

Curvy Vixen

Okay I'm not being funny but if you go in and edit your post it will be easier to read so you might get some answers.

I gave up halfway through not because it's long but because it's awkward...

LegacyUser

drunkymonkey wrote: »

hey guys , k im sorry in advance for this but its ANOTHER best friend thread i tried to resist from posting it because there are so many on this and believe me iv searched the others but its really eating away at me now!

k here it goes im in my early twenties, in college, has more than enough trustworthy friends and loving life(or has been up to now). i have a best friend that iv known for about 4 or 5 years and we suddenly realised that we love eachother more than friends, shes from a different country but has been working here since iv known her and plans to stay here for a long long while.
when i was on a student 3month holiday during the summer she was back in her country visiting and i decided to visit being bestfriends and all, she was so excited to see me we went out that night and got very very drunk and ended up sleeping witheachother that night, for the rest of the holiday it wasnt awkward in the least as we both blocked it out and put it down as excitment for seeing eachother and drink, fast forward on to her birthday a month ago and same happened again but back in ireland when we were both home... that night and morning we had a big talk on how we both dont think its a drunk thing and that there definetly an attraction there even sober, after this we kissed a couple of times in clubs but i held back on going further as i wanted to be sure what was going on in case we were ruining our friendship, we have had three very long talks about this when we were sober and we basically decided that we want to be with eachother because we love eachother so much more than friends and get jealous if either of us bunk off with any1 else. the only thing holding us back is that she is 1. a bit of a playerette 2. been with a couple of my friends and is friends within my group 3. admitted to being borderline nympho 4. we really dont want to lose eachother as friends (but now we cant go back to being friends we'r in limbo) ....... trust is a big issue for me and im not sure if i could trust her with being such a flirt..... during the talks she said that she really doesnt want to let me go and is besotted by me blah blah blah and i know in my heart shes not lying (i feel the same) but than everytime i txt she wont txt back for days even not at all, is she thinking things over? making some space between us? she said shes swamped by work but even after work we dont talk we used to talk all the time over txt nearly all day everyday untill the first talk we had!

what do you think i should do, continue being friends (if we can) or give it a chance?

Sorry for the EXTREAMLY long post!

you listed four numbered reasons not to be with her.

If you have any sense you would stand back and look at yourself, would you advise anyone else to continue if they gave the same four reasons to you?

Looks like you already know what you have to do,stay friends, its just you want to hear it from someone else so you dont have to make the decision yourself.

Use your head not your undecided heart.

pretty-in-pink

Op, honey, if you both like eachother and wnat to make a go of it, then why does it matter what she was like when you were just friends? Some people are flirts, thats just part of them. Until she started copping off with you, did it bother you that she had been with some of your friends? At the end of the day, its what makes the pair of you happy that counts, hang the begrudgers(if tehre are any). At this point, you have nothing to lose, so suck it up and make that leap of faith.

juvenal

drunkymonkey wrote: »

hey guys , k im sorry in advance for this but its ANOTHER best friend thread i tried to resist from posting it because there are so many on this and believe me iv searched the others but its really eating away at me now!

k here it goes im in my early twenties, in college, has more than enough trustworthy friends and loving life(or has been up to now). i have a best friend that iv known for about 4 or 5 years and we suddenly realised that we love eachother more than friends, shes from a different country but has been working here since iv known her and plans to stay here for a long long while.
when i was on a student 3month holiday during the summer she was back in her country visiting and i decided to visit being bestfriends and all, she was so excited to see me we went out that night and got very very drunk and ended up sleeping witheachother that night, for the rest of the holiday it wasnt awkward in the least as we both blocked it out and put it down as excitment for seeing eachother and drink, fast forward on to her birthday a month ago and same happened again but back in ireland when we were both home... that night and morning we had a big talk on how we both dont think its a drunk thing and that there definetly an attraction there even sober, after this we kissed a couple of times in clubs but i held back on going further as i wanted to be sure what was going on in case we were ruining our friendship, we have had three very long talks about this when we were sober and we basically decided that we want to be with eachother because we love eachother so much more than friends and get jealous if either of us bunk off with any1 else. the only thing holding us back is that she is 1. a bit of a playerette 2. been with a couple of my friends and is friends within my group 3. admitted to being borderline nympho 4. we really dont want to lose eachother as friends (but now we cant go back to being friends we'r in limbo) ....... trust is a big issue for me and im not sure if i could trust her with being such a flirt..... during the talks she said that she really doesnt want to let me go and is besotted by me blah blah blah and i know in my heart shes not lying (i feel the same) but than everytime i txt she wont txt back for days even not at all, is she thinking things over? making some space between us? she said shes swamped by work but even after work we dont talk we used to talk all the time over txt nearly all day everyday untill the first talk we had!

what do you think i should do, continue being friends (if we can) or give it a chance?

Sorry for the EXTREAMLY long post!

Fragment (consider revising)

I find it difficult to reconcile the fact that a third-level educated individual lacks the capability to outline their issue by typing in a coherent manner, utilising proper grammar, punctuation, paragraphs, and capital letters where appropriate. That, however, is something that just I personally feel strongly on, and by posting in this forum, I've agreed to abide by the charter, which doesn't instruct on proper grammar or spelling. I just feel that the OP (as does Curvy Vixen) may get more useful and plentiful responses if they post in a manner that makes reading the post easier for those whose advice he requests. My apologies.

@ OP and OT - I feel like if nothing has happened at this stage, then it's unlikely to have a happy ending. She sounds like she's enjoying college life and I would advise not to get too hung up on her. Irrespective of what happens, the nature of your relationship is going to change very soon, be it for the better or worse from your point of view. I would outline your feelings for her to her, and be realistic and rational. Don't expect to get what you want, in fact I would almost say have no expectations, but at least you won't spend all this time wondering what if, and you can get on with your life either way.

TheZohanS

If she liked you as much as you think she does then she would text you back; unless you're texting her non-stop.

Wibbs

juvenal, I know the mods on this forum and you don't appear in the list I'm afraid. Read the charter and if you have a problem with a post, report it or PM a mod. The OP's post and attendant confusion has already been noted. Stick to the info you have and ease up on the oul BOLD. I get protective of same.

orlyice

OP the way i look at it, your friendship will never be the same anyway. even if ye dont get together, things will never be the same again. go for it, do you really want to look back at this in 5 years time and regret letting her slip away?? ye are already best friends so ye have an excellent base for a wonderful relationship.

try not to worry about stuff that has happened in the past. we all have a past, it cant be changed. and if she has a flirty personality there is not a lot you can do about it other than try not let it get to you. and you say you dont trust her, well what reason has she given you not to trust her? if she was an ex and you couldnt trust her then fair enough, let it go but you dont know how trustworthy she'll be in the relationship until you have one with her.
you have 2 options...

1. be with her. whats the worst that can happen, ye break up and your friendship is ruined. you cant go back to being friends anyway.

2. ye remain friends but your friendship is never the same again and ye eventually drift apart and your left wondering "what if".

as for her not texting back, she might just need some space, she could have other stuff going on, there is a whole list of reasons. she might be as worried about things as you. arrange to meet and your place or hers where there is no alcohol and no distractions. give ye a 3 month trial is ye have to, and agree that if things arent working out then ye will try be friends after that.

Good luck