best friend used me

LegacyUser

this post is pretty similar to a lot of those I read on Boards, basically my bf and I played pretend relationship. we were with each other a lot, spoke everyday,lived in each others pockets,shared bed and looked after each other. thing was it really was pretend to her and she was just using me,
Now she has pulled out the friend card, that I can't walk away from her. Sounds to me she was just hedging her bets. we met up to discuss it yesterday and basically what was said was so horrible and I am so hurt. She really did show her true colours.
can i walk away from this?. does she have a right to pull the friend card, when our relationship was never really platonic. Every boundary was crossed. Or if we give each other space, will we be fine friends again or will our feelings just turn to that of resentment.

Karen_*

I think it would take a pretty big person to move on and forgive all of that OP. For there to be any chance of friendship in the future then you need time and space away from this girl. Alot of time and space and maybe some day you can be friends. But not at the moment. Its almost like the breakup of a relationship for you. She doesn't really deserve your friendship right now.

Wibbs

Oh she has the right to pull the friend card and you have the right to thank your lucky stars she did as it sounds like she was hedging her bets. That's fine too, but you don;t need the hassle. Scrape her off for the moment. I would only get into a friendship with her if a) you really want a friendship and not another chance and b) when you're with someone else down the line.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Do you really want to be friends with someone who tramples on your feelings like that? She's out for no1 and isn't concerned about you. You're probably still a kind of backup under the new friend regime. I'd just spend less time with her and wouldn't confide anything to her.

Beware of pretending to yourself you want to be friends when really you're only concerned about a romantic thing. It won't work out in your favour.

MagicMarker

Anyone care to fill me in on this? I haven't a clue what the OP is saying...

Her best friend, who is her pretend BF, is really a girl, and wasn't pretending? Huh...?

Bottle_of_Smoke

MagicMarker wrote: »

Anyone care to fill me in on this? I haven't a clue what the OP is saying...

Her best friend, who is her pretend BF, is really a girl, and wasn't pretending? Huh...?

I'd assumed OP was a guy

LegacyUser

bf, stands for best friend i presume. Op is a guy,

Hot-Totty

Hi Op. Sounds like that wasn't really a friendship at all if all boundaries was crossed. Looks like she was having her cake and eating it. Thats not to say that she does not care for you, she's just selfish and was hedging her bets by holding the friendship card. Just look at it as someone you used to see, that turned out to be a dissapointment. we all have them in life. We all have gotten hurt.Go out with you mates and have fun and never be the kind of girl she is. Someone better will come along for you too.

fenris

Walk away,

It sounds like you were just the warm standby, if she has decided to discard you, then she has possibly got someone else lined up already.

Some people are just like that, effectively emotional & social parasites, they like the idea of a steady partner, the box being ticked socially and someone who will put up with them while telling them they are wonderful.

Your time and attention is precious, it does not matter if you were being used or she was just going along to avoid hurting your feeling while playing house or not, the important thing is to get on with your life, take the good bits, learn from the bad bits and move on.

Don't waste time bitching recriminating or with grand gestures, you may be friends in the future, but for the moment you both need to get out of the cozy codependence and become real people in your own right again before you can expect to meet someone else (what functional person wants to go out with half of Sean and Mary).

A good clue that you are over it is when you can get through a couple of weeks without even thinking about it or mentioning it. When you can meet in the street or bump into each other in the pub without re-opening old wounds and feeling bitter.

Above all beware of the friend zone, you have been caught once (be it deliberately or not) try not to make it a pattern, you need friends but you need to be aware of the transition to partner, it is more than friends with benefits, if this is not recognided by both parties then you will end up back where you started, with another opportunity to learn :-)

panjandrum

Been there. you'll be fine. you'll get over it. think about the next person that you will meet that will be sounder and nicer and you'll never even look back on her. she'll just be someone you used to think you knew. There is so much out there. and always believe in Karma. you will probably be friends but not as close as ye were. Move on. Live in the here and now. Not the what if's. Life is way to short.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies. really appreciate all the good advice and will take it on board. unfortunately i placed all my trust in someone and got burned. Talk about a lack of respect for friendship even.

"Some people are just like that, effectively emotional & social parasites, they like the idea of a steady partner, the box being ticked socially and someone who will put up with them while telling them they are wonderful."
Talk about hitting the nail on the head Fenris.

I am all set to move on and forget about her now,she really does not know how to treat someone. Her loss. It will take a while to get used to her not being in my life for the next while.
But such is life. everyone meets a bad egg.
I will tread carefully next time.