Should I just give up???

Therickmachine

Hello to all

Im 25 year old female and Im terrified of driving...

I am not sure what the reasons are. I was in a minor car accident when I was 5 but I didn t think it had affected me.

I was nervous about cars but more because I didn t know what to do with them. I practice drove my friends car in a carpark and crashed it into a trolley bay (I didn t realise I was too close to the trolley bay). I went into hysterics for 20 minutes and have been petrified of driving ever since.

I got my provisional at 20 and took 20 driving lessons for 1 year. The lessons didn t help. I tried 3 different instructors. One got very frustrated with me and even yelled at me which obviously didn t help my confidence. One told me you are driving a potential weapon and could kill someone.

I get shaky, anxious, break out in sweats and I feel like I have no real control over the car. I also feel like I can t measure if I am too close to the curb or if Im too close to a car. How are you supposed to learn how to tell this? Some people seem to know naturally.

Most of my friends took NO lessons and drove no problem. It made me feel soo stupid! Some of the people I know are not the brightest but have no problems in this field.

The lessons made me even worse if that was possible.

The only time I got anyway near competant was when I drove with my mother and eventually on my own.

I finally got my own car and drove on a provisional for 1 year. My fear is still very strong. I am ok if I am on a route I am very familiar with ie shops or gym. But anything new sends me into a blind panic.

I was actually relieved when I heard that provisonals can t drive on their own anymore.
Thing is I really do want to drive I am just sooo terrified of an accident. The ads on TV really don t help my enormous fear.

On the plus I have never had an accident when driving on the road and don t get beeped at or had any close shaves (probably because I am over cautious and take zero risks)

Is 20 lessons enough to call it quits? Because my English friends have taken over 60... so that gives me some hope. But its just that I found the lessons so useless before.

Is this problem really weird? Everyone else seems to drive sooo easily like they don t even have to pay attention. Whereas I get headaches and feel drained from concentrating so hard.

I feel I am doing all the right things in theory (know the rules of the road off by heart, do all the stuff you are supposed to do) but practise is soo difficult for me. Could I possibly pass the test? I was told if they sense a wiff of nervousness they fail you. I would be positively reaking of it!

I just feel its the one thing in my life I haven t been successful in. Got my academic qualifications so easily but this seems to be one challenge I can t quite meet.

After 20 lessons and 1 years driving is it time to give up, if I am not confident by now?? Does anyone know of a way to work around their fear of driving?

Karen_*

I was still a nervous wreck driving after a year and I failed two tests and had around 40 lessons. Some people take to it better than others so please don't give up! You'll get there in the end. I'm driving three years now and at times I can still get nervous and I will never ever be able to park properly:D

OP if I can drive anyone can. I was 30 when I started as put it off because I was so scared.

after that long, call it quits. i don't think anyone is safe on the road if it isn't completely natural to them.. you should be able to move a car without thinking after a year or it's just not gonna happen.

Alanstrainor

Hey,
Just to say, NO! It's not time to give up! 20 lessons isn't all that much really, i'd say it's about average. As for your friends who drove perfectly with zero instruction, they're lying. Simple as.
It sounds to me like you need to try a few more instructors, having an instructor yelling at you is way out of line, they're being paid to teach you, not to yell at you.
Everyone is nervous when doing a test, whoever told you that examiners can smell fear and fail you as a result is thick. They're not out to fail you, all they are there to see, is if you can drive safely for the duration of the test, and complete 3 manoeuvres.

edited because i realised this isn't a thread for silly arguments.. excuse my grumpiness :P

Blitzkrieger

We tend to forget once we're competent drivers just how hard it is to learn so I don't want to be too harsh, but if you can't drive properly, get off the fupping road. Driving too cautiously can be as much a danger to other drivers as driving dangerously as you will find yourself the cause of road rage incidents.

Tbh, I would keep getting lessons (not off the twit who yelled at you), and if you don't become more confident and more competent, consider seeing a psycologist. 5th Gear had an enlish psycologist on who specialised in curing people of their phobias of driving cars, but a quick google didn't bring up anything usefull.

fricatus

Might be a little left-field as a suggestion, but why don't you try doing a bit of karting? Get a few mates together and go out and race. Great fun and gives you good practice at handling speed and controlling it. Why do you think all the little boy racers in souped-up Honda Civics think they can take blind bends in the countryside at 90 mph? Confidence... they have far too much of it unfortunately. You just need a little.

Another, less radical, alternative would be to look for one of those driving schools that has its own track and maybe a skid pan (a big patch of tarmac where I think they spread oil and water and let you go out on it). That's another great idea because you get to build confidence and have fun losing control for a while. You get a feel for how to control a skid and get to understand the mechanics of steering and braking.

Therickmachine

I was still a nervous wreck driving after a year and I failed two tests and had around 40 lessons. Some people take to it better than others so please don't give up! You'll get there in the end. I'm driving three years now and at times I can still get nervous and I will never ever be able to park properly:D

The 40 lessons makes me feel better. After all in most European counrties its obligatory to take at least 30 lessons. Its just everyone at home was like.. Why do you need the lessons? My mother took 130 lessons and 3 years to pass (a lesson nearly every week). She was nervous about me learning and that really didn t help. Alot of my family members failed and gave up at driving so I kinda feel its in my DNA to fail driving

It sounds to me like you need to try a few more instructors, having an instructor yelling at you is way out of line, they're being paid to teach you, not to yell at you.
Everyone is nervous when doing a test, whoever told you that examiners can smell fear and fail you as a result is thick. They're not out to fail you, all they are there to see, is if you can drive safely for the duration of the test, and complete 3 manoeuvres.

Well I got rid of that instructor ASAP. I found none of them great though. Horribly critical and really negative. Is there official driving schools with good reputations? If someone could PM if they know someone fantastic who gaurentees a 100% pass rate(don t think such an instrcutor exists but I can dream)

Another, less radical, alternative would be to look for one of those driving schools that has its own track and maybe a skid pan (a big patch of tarmac where I think they spread oil and water and let you go out on it). That's another great idea because you get to build confidence and have fun losing control for a while. You get a feel for how to control a skid and get to understand the mechanics of steering and braking.

I know you mean well but that really does sound like sheer torture for me (yet great fun for most boys):D I don t even like bumper cars, they make me feel ill (actually in comparison makes driving seem alot easier)

Why do you think all the little boy racers in souped-up Honda Civics think they can take blind bends in the countryside at 90 mph? Confidence... they have far too much of it unfortunately. You just need a little.

Frictatcus and Blitzkrigger.
Thats the nail on the head. I am too cautious in comparison with the young boy racers. The ads that are meant to affect them, give me nightmares and fuel my fear. i wish i could bottle even a fifth of the young boy racers confidence.
Thing is that I know all the theory and apply so literally. I really don t like risks. because I m soo cautious and I am petrified Ill slip and lose concentration and really hurt someone.

I don t really think 25 is too old... A woman I know is 40 had her provisional 20 years failed 8 tests, did 60 lesson in England and failed 2 there and is still terrified. Shes an intelligent woman but just can t quite master the skill. I m scared Ill end up same as her.

I have considered counselling, but isn't it a tad extreme?

metrovelvet

Would you consider driving an automatic? Takes some of the pressure off.

Deadeyes

I would not consider counselling to be too extreme, because I don't think the problem is your driving, but how you think about it. You need someone who can give you the tools to deal with your anxiety. Someone who can take your irrational thoughts and show you how to debunk them. This is not the task of a Driving Instructor, at the end of the day driving is just a skill and anyone can achieve with practice. If you can get yourself into the right mindset you will succeed.

Time out

Yeah, I d say counselling might help , just for confidence and that. As for 40 lessons, that no big deal. I m not gonna tell you how many times I failed to test but it was more than twice! Just stick at it and you'll get there - nothing surer.

codeblack

Dont give up!! everyone has different levels of nervousness, some people will take a very long time before they dont feel nervous driving a car. I am one of these people too, i was very nervous starting out, and that nervousness has still not completely gone away but it has subsided alot. Some of my friends were the same. So i say, keep going for it, the more experience you get driving will give you more confidence and then eventually that nervousness will sudside too.. Best of luck!!:)

aliqueenb

ah keep going you can do it

You can do this, really you can,
I'll tell you two stories, one of me and one of my mother....
I never thought I would drive, I lost my 2 children in a car crash long before I even had a provisional license, so when I was living very far away from my job and was 6 months pregnant and my husband told me I'd have to learn to drive, I freaked, he brought me out near where I lived and I almost crashed into a parked articulated lorry, so he decided to get me lessons as I was less likely to scream and shout at an instructor, for the whole week before the first lesson, I cried, and cried, and cried, I told him I didn't need to drive, that I could walk where I needed to go and that if I needed to go far, he could drive me, I was hysterical! It took me a while but now, it's like second nature.

Then there's my mum, she is exactly like you, she refused to drive for a long long time, she always claimed that if my dad bought an automatic she would learn to drive, he didn't, so I bought her one, and I got her lessons, the instructor was a total twat (I wonder is it the same one you had) when she was doing her turnabout she went forward instead of back and he shouted at her telling her if there had been a child in front of the car she could have killed him.... He gave out to her for not going onto a roundabout quickly enough - gave out to her for not overtaking a bicycle - this was her second lesson..... I then got her another instructor, good but not great, he didn't do much for her confidence at all, so finally we got a third instructor and hey presto, he gave her the confidence she needed, she did her test and got a completely clear sheet - not one single mark (driving and auto would have helped here) and while she is still quite nervous, she has come a long long way and will continue to improve.

You need to believe in yourself, as you said, everyone around you seems to be able to do it, they had to start somewhere too, like everything in life some people take longer to do things than others. Just try not to make yourself sick over it, it's not worth that.

sorry for the ridiculously long post

neuro-praxis

Lads, reading this thread gives me hope. I'm a terrible driver!

neuro-praxis

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Lads, reading this thread gives me hope. I'm a terrible driver!

haha! the OP said he/she was a nervous driver, not a terrible driver - you shouldn't be on the road

neuro-praxis

JuliusCaesar

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

5th Gear had an enlish psycologist on who specialised in curing people of their phobias of driving cars, but a quick google didn't bring up anything usefull.

Go to Google Scholar and type in Driving Phobia.

It's quite common.

seahorse

Deleted User wrote: »

haha! the OP said he/she was a nervous driver, not a terrible driver - you shouldn't be on the road

Sorry but a nervous driver is a dangerous driver and shouldnt be on the road.

OP, I wouldnt suggest giving up just yet. I think you should proceed with your lessons, but stay off the road till you've gotten rid of the excessive nervousness because it actually is dangerous.

A reasonable amount of confidence (not arrogance mind) in your own judgement is necessary in driving and I think you should build that up in the lessons before you take to the road on your own again. Best of luck.

Sleepy

OP, given what you say about your family background learning to drive is something that's been built up in your head to be an extraordinarily difficult thing to do. It's not. But that's not going to sink in just by me telling you so on a message board when your life to date has told you that it is.

I went into hysterics for 20 minutes

If something so minor puts you into hysterics please don't go near a car again until you've had therapy. Your driving instructor wasn't lying when {s}he told you that you're driving a potential weapon. And frankly, your driving instructor is being paid to be critical of your driving.

Should you just give up? Maybe.
Should you take a car on public roads anytime soon? No way.

TouchingVirus

Having been involved in quite a number of accidents [not all my fault, only one ], I'm going to weigh in with those who say it's not over for you, but don't take your car out on a public road.

There are clearly some psychological issues with you when it comes to driving, that anxiety isn't right. Sure, nerves are part of learning but hysterics aren't. I still get a bit "nervous" driving in Dublin City and wonder if I'm in the wrong lane or whatever because I'm not used to it, but never sweaty, panic-attack-type hysterics.

I'd suggest seeing a counsellor to address these issues before setting off in a car again, they'll help you get over your problems and then it's down to learning the the skills of driving because you'll have mastered the confidence

6th

You you think of trying hypnotherapy?

seahorse

seahorse wrote: »

Sorry but a nervous driver is a dangerous driver and shouldnt be on the road

eh, twas a joke - ever heard of those?