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eating me up inside

  • 01-11-2008 12:31pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok here goes.. I know this is probably stupid but its really getting to me. Went to san diego for the summer on a j1 with 4 friends and ended up moving in with a group of 4 other guys from ireland. So i really fell for one of these guys, i just fancy him so much and click really well with him. Thing is... of course he has a girlfriend of 2yrs. She was in Ireland all summer and he said that things were rocky with her to the others in the house but hardly ever mentioned her to me. Iv heard that shes very possessive and hates him even talking to other girls so i feel even worse. He had a rough time there and got in a bit of trouble there and I was good to him, helping him out in whatever way i could...but everything was on a purely friends basis. We got on so well and he used call in to see me in work if he was around and stuff. On his last night, i even cried when we were hugging.. I know this sounds daft but he's just such a nice guy. Here comes the other bit... turns out he's actually in my course in UCD... huge class so would have never had met him. If i didnt get to see him so regularly i probably would have forgotton about it a bit. So now he always comes and sits with me in lectures and we hang out a bit in groups but i just cant stop thinking about him. I know he may have no interest in me and im just being stupid and mean to his gf but i cant help it. I literally shake and my heart jumps when i se him coming..rarely felt like this about anyone before :( Its eating me up!


Comments

  • #2
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    Hi OP,

    I'm not entirely sure what to say to you. Obviously you like the guy alot and I can understand how you feel about him and around him. BUT... he has a longterm girlfriend so you can't even question him if he's interested in you. This is just something you either have to try and deal with, knowing that he's not available and being happy being friends, or distancing yourself somewhat to lessen the hurt you feel.

    Unless this guy becomes single soon, you can't make a move or see if he feels something back. So you have to decide whether you can just be friends or not.


  • #3
    Piste
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,440 ✭✭✭✭Piste


    Luckily for you his relationship is on the rocks (thought that was during the Summer so everything might be patched up by now) so there's a chance he might break up with girlfriend.

    Don't try to make this happen though, all you can do is live life as normal and hope that nature will take its course and that he falls for you.


  • #4
    Redpunto
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    What you want to happen is for him to lose the girlfriend and to declare his undying love for you. By the sounds of it, it aint gonna happen.

    Not sure what ya can do except keep your distance from him for a while, or pick out an annoying habit of his and totally concentrate on it every time you see him, should work to turn ya off him.


  • #5
    uoluol
    Closed Accounts Posts: 318 ✭✭uoluol


    Unrequited love is horrible, painful and difficult to cope with. You really wont get over him until you start to focus your energies on a new interests - be that a love interest or hobby or sport.
    Limit the time you spend in his company. Start heading out with a group of friends that he does not hang out with. Remind yourself that he is unavailable and has a longterm girlfriend.

    Most people have been through this and came out unscathed the other side;)


  • #6
    asdasd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,185 ✭✭✭asdasd


    OP if you should continue to hang with this guy if you honestly believe that

    a) His relationship wont last, and
    b) He is genuinely interested in you.

    If you think neither you need to move on - dont be rude but try not to meet him.

    Once, back in the day at a college, i had a friend ( a girl) who was going out with someone at a different uni. and who I was very much into. We used to hang around a lot. I thought she was going to break up with her boyfriend, but I didnt push it. They had issues.

    This lasted two years. She did break up with him and moved ( quickly) onto someone else. Saw me as a friend I suppose.

    Now that was a waste of two years of ny life and i know I let other possible relationships go in the meantime.

    Dont do that.


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  • #7
    asdasd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,185 ✭✭✭asdasd


    by the way, this girl I liked was lovely. Just not into me. And so no blame attached. Just pointing out that people need to move on.


  • #8
    codeblack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭codeblack


    ah unrequited love..tiz a tough one alright. Basically he obviously values you, whether it is just as a friend or potentially more, only he knows and none of us can guess. My advice would be don't feel mean or bad about his girlfriend, you have not crossed any lines here. You're being his friend, and if you like spending time with him then why stop this. But i would strongly suggest you getting out and trying to meet some other guys because at the moment hun hes not available. Then if in the mean time, he does happen to break up with his gf, you're still in the picture. :D


  • #9
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    star-pants wrote: »
    Hi OP,

    BUT... he has a longterm girlfriend so you can't even question him if he's interested in you.
    I don't agree especially when he's hinted he's not happy.
    The OP should bring the topic up.Nobody owns their other half -especially when they've no kids and they aren't married..People either stay together for good reason or they don't.
    The main ingredient is that people are happy together.
    If something is meant to be it is and if it isn't it isn't.
    asdasd wrote:
    OP if you should continue to hang with this guy if you honestly believe that

    a) His relationship wont last, and
    b) He is genuinely interested in you.

    If you think neither you need to move on - dont be rude but try not to meet him.

    Once, back in the day at a college, i had a friend ( a girl) who was going out with someone at a different uni. and who I was very much into. We used to hang around a lot. I thought she was going to break up with her boyfriend, but I didnt push it. They had issues.

    This lasted two years. She did break up with him and moved ( quickly) onto someone else. Saw me as a friend I suppose.

    Now that was a waste of two years of ny life and i know I let other possible relationships go in the meantime.

    Dont do that.
    Theres a good template for the OP.
    The OP should Bring up the subject.The guy is already spending time with you so broach the subject and find out once and for all.
    If it works it does,if it doesn't time to cast that net again-except you won't have wasted any time :)


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