Money missing?

LegacyUser

I know this problem is not as serious as many here but it's really bothering me at the moment.

Basically last week I gave my ATM card to my boyfriend as I was sick and didn't feel like walking to get cash. He gave me the money (slightly less than I had asked for) but explained that he had borrowed some, that was fine and I didn't mind. However I forgot to ask for it back and he forgot to give it to me.

He gave it back last night and I asked had he taken any money from my account in the mean time (I wasn't expecting him to say yes as he hadn't asked permission and I would NEVER take money without asking first). He replied that he had taken 20euro for food when he was stuck in the city. I wasn't too pleased and let him know but it was only 20 euro, I was more upset that he hadn't asked.

Today I check my account and it turns out there is 60 euro missing, not 20. He denied it immediately but the money was taken out in one withdrawal and there's no seperate withdrawal of 20euro, and it's from the same ATM at the same time. I can't ring the bank as I'm in work.

Now I know I should just trust his word but computers generally don't make mistakes like this. We're both in our early/mid 20's and he is notoriously bad with money which sort of makes me worry for our future (we've been together 4 years). Even when he has no money he will lend his friends money or he will spend it frivilously.

I have explained to him that his attitude to money is worrying and he has told me he'd change but now I don't know if he's lying to me about this indcident. I don't care about the money I just want some honesty. He doesn't have a great track record with being totally honest and in the distant past he has lied to my face. However, in the past few months he has been very honest (as far as I know), even telling the truth when he knew it was something I wouldn't be pleased about.

He is a respectable guy and doesn't sponge off me or anything but he is from a wealthy background and I don't believe he has any respect for money as it was given out to him easily as a teenager.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking advice about, maybe about whether I should accept he is telling the truth? He is obviously annoyed that I haven't immediately accepted that he didn't take it. Please don't tell me to break up with him because of a fault on either of our parts (I'm well aware that we have many) because I do love him dearly and I'm not prepared to dump him over this.

Sorry it's so long. Advice appreciated:)

Firstly change the pin on your cards immediately.
Don't lend him your card anymore.

It's a small amount of money but it's the principle of the thing.

I've given my card to people I trust and this has never happened.

If he asks why you changed the pin-you tell him that you are concerned that it may have been cloned.

As for your issues with your BF-my opinion is to put this down to experience if it's the only issue you have had.

If your BF is blazé with money-don't ever give him control over yours and you will be grand.
See'ing as you are together 4 years I have to assume that you are otherwise happy.Ergo theres no need to break up

passive

The one thing I'd ask that could possibly help is whether or not you've taken €60 out in the last few days? There may be a delay... If that's not the case, and €60 definitely went out when he says he took €20, then he's a lying, thieving scumbag and you should probably get out of the relationship.

Maggie Simpson

Sorry to be blunt but here goes.

Your boyfriend stole money from you. He took money out of your bank a/c without asking you & then lied about how much he took.

If you do nothing else, go to an ATM right now and change your PIN.

If he emptied your a/c you wouldn't have a leg to stand on with the bank as you gave him your PIN.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't just gloss over this. You know perfectly well it's not a computer error.

Print out your statement and show him the withdrawals during the period he had the card. If you don't want to be too confrontational the idea of saying you're worried it could have been cloned is a good one. But it is up to him to identify which of those withdrawals he was responsible for.

I don't know if your statement shows the location of the ATM, but even if it doesn't the bank must be able to give you that information based on whatever code or numbers it does show.

LegacyUser

I'm kinda the same as your bf with money.
From what I can see he probably had full intention to pay you back, however might have only lied because he knows you're pretty tight with money and didn't want an arguement.

Just ask him about it, but try not to sound too much like his mother.

Oryx

Tell your bf you are complaining to the bank that the transaction said €60 and he only got €20. Ask him to be very sure before you go further that he hasnt fudged the truth, cos it will out.

Id be worried in this situation. Not about 40 quid, but about the fact that you already know he can lie to you easily, and may well be lying in this case. Mostly when we love someone, we can overlook their flaws. Thats all well and good, but when that flaw is stealing FROM YOU its going to be hard to overlook. If your suspicion of him remains, then I can see it being a big problem when the two of you face other issues (as all couples inevitably do). You could be right when you say he has little regard for money. That in itself is no bad thing, he is generous after all, and its an attitude, you know about and live with it. But the deception is a deeper, sneakier thing. He needs to know its a dealbreaker, because you cant keep loving someone you cant trust.

MagicMarker

Why do you think so little of yourself to be with someone who openly lies to you and steals money from you?

Get rid of him for your own sake.

ASIL1983

Oryx wrote: »

Tell your bf you are complaining to the bank that the transaction said €60 and he only got €20. Ask him to be very sure before you go further that he hasnt fudged the truth, cos it will out.

This sounds like a good idea to me- this will really see if he is telling the truth. Just make sure when you mention it to him that it doesnt seem like youre challenging him-youre just trying to make sure you have your facts straight