arrogant?!

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Bit of background. Im 22 and have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She is also 22. She is amazing, both in looks and how kind she is. I mean that she is absolutely gorgeous. We have an amazing relationship and to be honest i doubt we'd ever break up.

Problem is, im so over concerned with not sending out the wrong signal to other women that, apparently, i come across as quite arrogant and while when i was single i had alot of female friends i barely have any now that aren't also friends with her. I don't like to think of her hearing from her friends or anything that ive been flirting with girls so i dont do it full stop, even when drunk. I am a good looking guy, there's no point saying otherwise as im not looking for validation and nobody even knows who i am, and i get attention from girls in general.

I try to basically show no interest but still be nice and try to drop my gfs name early in a conversation. I really hate that people see me as arrogant when im just concerned with treating my girlfriend with the respect she deserves.

I know this doesn't seem like a big problem but im not somebody who takes others not liking him very well!! Any advice is welcome.

von Neumann

How do you know this is how people think?

Is it only woman who think your arrogent?

If you are walking round with the "I could if I wanted have any woman here attitude" then maybe they're right, Could this be the case?

Vanbis

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi guys,

Bit of background. Im 22 and have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She is also 22. She is amazing, both in looks and how kind she is. I mean that she is absolutely gorgeous. We have an amazing relationship and to be honest i doubt we'd ever break up.

Problem is, im so over concerned with not sending out the wrong signal to other women that, apparently, i come across as quite arrogant and while when i was single i had alot of female friends i barely have any now that aren't also friends with her. I don't like to think of her hearing from her friends or anything that ive been flirting with girls so i dont do it full stop, even when drunk. I am a good looking guy, there's no point saying otherwise as im not looking for validation and nobody even knows who i am, and i get attention from girls in general.

I try to basically show no interest but still be nice and try to drop my gfs name early in a conversation. I really hate that people see me as arrogant when im just concerned with treating my girlfriend with the respect she deserves.

I know this doesn't seem like a big problem but im not somebody who takes others not liking him very well!! Any advice is welcome.

If i was you id just be myself around girls, everybody no matter who they are wheather married or in long term relationship all flirt if in work or in a pub. If she cant accept that you get female attention and flirt then thats her problem, she should trust you. I think it might be easier if you tell her and see what she says.

She Devil

I think you are being extra nice to your girlfriend, so why care what other people think of you!! Just remember not to lose your friends while you are at it.

LegacyUser

I really don't think so. I don't walk around with that attitude as i don't even think about getting wih other women. I know how lucky i am to have my girlfriend. Just because ive said im good looking doesn't mean i think i could get any women i wanted, im not that naive or.....arrogant!

Ive heard people say it before, and im usually shocked, i always try to be nice just not too nice that it could be construed that i was making a move whether they'd be interested or not. To be honest its usually girls that are drunk but it still pisses me off.

LegacyUser

Vanbis wrote: »

If i was you id just be myself around girls, everybody no matter who they are wheather married or in long term relationship all flirt if in work or in a pub. If she cant accept that you get female attention and flirt then thats her problem, she should trust you. I think it might be easier if you tell her and see what she says.

Sorry i think you misunderstand. She does trust me, she is very laid back about girls coming onto me as she has similar situations and if ever there was somebody you would mortgage a house on not cheating it would b me. There is no problem with her.

But i NEVER flirt with girls and i think that as a result i can come across as arrogant. You may say everyone does it but i have very strong views when it comes to being faithful and im completely devoted to her in that sense (i'm not a doormat though!)

I don't know if its a case that women in general expect to be flirted with and react badly to a situation where somebody is unresponsive or if its a problem with me. Like i said it never occured when i was single.

Rosita

Unregistered wrote: »

when i was single i had alot of female friends i barely have any now that aren't also friends with her.

This is a fact of life. We all had lots of friends and acquatances that we don't see so much as we go steady with people and get older. It's just the way it is thouigh when we are yojunger we think things will never change. But people have different things on their plate and may not necessarily want to go to the same places as you and your girlfriend just to maintain some kind of friendship. And many of our friendships are largely shared experiences e..g college, workplace, locality etc. Once those common bonds are removed we will tend to see less of these people.

I have to say that I never saw failure to flirt as a sign of arrogance! That's a new one on me. You must be ignoring people in an attempt not to be seen flirting.

But you do seem to be terribly concerned with the flirting ritual. I would suggest just trying to act naturally and stop trying too hard. You don't have to flirt with anyone and at 22 you should be getting slowly towards the stage where everyone is not a potential target, and essentially flirting is abouit sending the opposite signal. Chances are that nobody will be terribly bothered how you come across as long as you can talk and be pleasant.

A lot depends on your definition of flirting too. Sometimes you can have someone who thinks they are flirting madly while the person they are flirting "with" is just under the impession that they are having a conversation!

SpookyDoll

Mate you sound like you are waaaay over-thinking the whole thing.
Just be yourself, if your intentions are good people will get you, dont be frazzling your head so much.

Believe me most people are too busy thinking of their own behaviour and how they are perceived to be worrying and deeply analysing yours!

As long as you are just friendly and natural there will be no problem. If you are being unnaturally cool and defensive with girls you will come accross badly.

People might start to think "Jaysus I was only trying to make polite conversation with that lad and he acted as though I was trying to chat him up"

Now I know you are only trying to be clear in your behaviour in order to impress your girl with your outstanding respect and loyalty but along the way you might be slightly offending people.

Just be yourself and dont over-think it too much!

Irishcrx

Could be people being Jealous mate TBH, I wouldn't think to much into it. I've been told I come accross as quote arrogant on many an occasion, No i'm not I just know what I want in life and I go and get it but in general I'm actaully very easy going with the people who know me.