Poo Troubles

Shmuck

I have just had an anal incident that has left me feeling light headed and nauseous. I went to the toilet, ipod touch in hand to watch some 24 while squeezing one out, it became very quickly apparent that the jobby was just too big to come out.

Now my body really wanted this guy out, i was getting the physical waves from my abdomen to my bum and had to put the ipod down as it started to get very worrying.

**exclaimer - stop reading now if you are of a nervous disposition or are easily offended***

I had to put my finger down to see how much trouble I was in and I could instantly feel that i was not going to get a wider aperture than I already had.

I managed at this point to stop my body trying to expel this giant and hoped that it would retreat until later when i would have access to some vaseline, but no the ****er started moving again and i knew that I would literally tear myself a knew one if I didn't take drastic action.

I wet a finger and slowly inserted it up and started to re-mould my poo, first i tried to flatten the edges then ii realised much to my relief that it was the kind of poo that was several stuck together a bit like a medical abdomen model. I managed to seperate a few and they fell out, but this just left me with a flat bottomed fella and back to square one.

This went on for at least 30 minutes until I had eventually removed roughly 50% of the offender. The last 50% took only 3 seconds to come out, my body took over and fired it out at around mach 3.

This is the 2nd most disturbing poo incident i have had, i cant believe i had to put my fingers where i did and i have removed a layer of skin washing them. I rekon my painkillers are doing this, Codiene is a ****.

Alanstrainor

:eek::eek:

AlmightyCushion

Shít thread.