Seagal, Norris, Van Damme or Lundgren

Ok after much discussion with friends I've decided to put this to a poll.

The question is......... If Setven Seagal, Chuck Norris, Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren were all in thier prime and put into a last man-standing fight, who would emerge victorious?

BroomBurner

Jean Claude Van Damme

When Chuck Norris goes sun-bathing, the sun gets a tan

AlmightyCushion

Hollywood as that would make one hell of a film. Also, where the hell is Arnie?

faceman

China O'Brien.

GirlInterrupted

Jean Claude Van Damme

Chuck Norris is the first westerner to attain 8th degree blackbelt status in TKD.

No contest.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Arnie

Where the fúck is Arnold Schwarzenegger? What kind of a fúcked up poll is this?

Zaph

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Hollywood as that would make one hell of a film. Also, where the hell is Arnie?

Agreed, poll is invalid without Arnie

javaboy

BroomBurner wrote: »

When Chuck Norris goes sun-bathing, the sun gets a tan

Chuck Norris jokes? I guess the Microwave and Time Machine forum finally got approved.

Jean Claude Van Damme

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

phantom_lord

Chuck Norris

u stupid nerds, and your chuck norris jokes, seagal would win hands down.

Al_Fernz

Chuck Norris

phantom_lord wrote: »

u stupid nerds, and your chuck norris jokes, seagal would win hands down.

QFT.

This quote from Exit Wounds sums up the brilliance of the man:

George: Did you really beat a suspect unconscious with a dead cat?
Orin Boyd (Seagal): No.
George: No?
Orin Boyd (Seagal): The cat wasn't dead.

javaboy

Al_Fernz wrote: »

QFT.

This quote from Exit Wounds sums up the brilliance of the man:

George: Did you really beat a suspect unconscious with a dead cat?
Orin Boyd (Seagal): No.
George: No?
Orin Boyd (Seagal): The cat wasn't dead.

Imo this sums up the man better:

Wikipedia wrote:

The next year, Seagal made The Patriot, another environmental thriller which was his first direct-to-video release in the United States (though it was released theatrically in most of the world). Seagal produced this film with his own money, and the film was shot on-location on and near his farm in Montana.

After taking a couple years to produce Prince of Central Park, Seagal returned to cinema screens with the release of Exit Wounds in March 2001. The film had fewer martial arts scenes than Seagal's previous films, but it was a commercial success, taking almost $80 million worldwide. However, he was unable to capitalise on this success and his next two projects were both critical and commercial failures. Ticker co-starring Tom Sizemore and Dennis Hopper, and filmed in San Francisco before Exit Wounds, went straight to DVD while Half Past Dead, starring rap star Ja Rule, made less than $20 million worldwide.

As of May 2008, all of the films Seagal has made since 2003 have been released direct-to-video (DTV) in North America, with only limited theatrical releases in the rest of the world. Though Seagal is credited as a producer (and sometimes a writer) on many of these DTV movies, it is unclear how deeply involved he was in their production - his voice is often dubbed in by another actor as seen in the film Attack Force and a double is used in almost any scene where his face is not shown clearly. The most notable stunt doubles are in his films Black Dawn, Belly of the Beast, Out of Reach and Submerged.

His latest direct-to-video films include Urban Justice (2007) Pistol Whipped (2008) and Kill Switch (2008). He is currently filming Ruslan for a projected 2009 release, and a self directed project, Prince of Pistols is also in the works. He has signed on with Sony to make a action film called The Keeper for director Keoni Waxman

Washed up has been that wasn't worth watching even when he could get on the big screen.

Earthhorse

If it's a fight to the death then the only winner is us; the discerning primetime audience.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Have any of that lot ever been in a single decent movie...?

javaboy

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Have any of that lot ever been in a single decent movie...?

Dolph was in Rocky IV and He-Man. What the hell else do you want?

Al_Fernz

Chuck Norris

javaboy wrote: »

Imo this sums up the man better:

Blah blah blah

Washed up has been that wasn't worth watching even when he could get on the big screen.

Seagal has a "cult" status. He's like the Kevin Kilbane of the action movie world. He's my hero and I am going to force ALL my children to follow in his footsteps.

Dolph Lundgren

to clear up some stuff here, i left arnie out for a reason cause he would win hands down, no contest. how can anyone compare to such characters as John Matrix??

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

javaboy wrote: »

Dolph was in Rocky IV and He-Man. What the hell else do you want?

The three and a bit hours from those two movies back would be nice.

GirlInterrupted

Jean Claude Van Damme

Earthhorse wrote: »

If it's a fight to the death then the only winner is us; the discerning primetime audience.

Have you not seen Missing in Action?

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Have any of that lot ever been in a single decent movie...?

Have you not seen Missing in Action?

javaboy wrote: »

Dolph was in Rocky IV and He-Man. What the hell else do you want?

Have you not seen Missing in Action?

You haven't lived.

javaboy

Al_Fernz wrote: »

Seagal has a "cult" status. He's like the Kevin Kilbane of the action movie world. He's my hero and I am going to force ALL my children to follow in his footsteps.

Cult status eh? Well according to this Cult's status is offline. That about sums up Steven Seagal's career for me. Offline.

MooseJam

Chuck Norris

I voted for Seagal

Quazzie

Arnie

Dolph lungren would kick ass. He'd walk on them shortass mudda fukkas

Turnip2000

Dolph Lundgren

Van Damme for shure.

He's got a new movie comin out where he plays himself. Hero!

Addvert=http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/jcvd/

Niall0

Jean Claude Van Damme

chuck norriss would win on paper as hes a 6 time world karate champion, id like to see dolph beat down jean claude .

The Bollox

Sylvester Stallone. I don't care if he's not on the poll, he wins!

Earthhorse

EvilWonka wrote: »

to clear up some stuff here, i left arnie out for a reason cause he would win hands down, no contest. how can anyone compare to such characters as John Matrix??

Are the friends you mentioned in the OP also in the poll?

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Have you not seen Missing in Action?

No.

But I have seen Missing in Plots 1 to 10, not to mention No Budget, No Direction.

pablomakaveli

How could you forget Mr.T.

I pity the fool who forgets Mr.T. i just hope for your sakes that he does'nt find it or hes gonna git you sucka's.:D

This poll is null and void without Mr.T and should be locked.

MagicMarker

Chuck Norris

Niall0 wrote: »

chuck norriss would win on paper as hes a 6 time world karate champion, id like to see dolph beat down jean claude .

What's karate to do with paper? They use mats don't they?

GirlInterrupted

Jean Claude Van Damme

Earthhorse wrote: »

No.

But I have seen Missing in Plots 1 to 10, not to mention No Budget, No Direction.

Funny.

Earthhorse

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Funny.

I wasn't laughing.

javaboy

I saw "Ticker" a while back. Typical Seagal garbage. My favourite bit was

when a baddie was holding a detonator while sitting in a car surrounded by cops. She was trapped so it looked like she was going to blow herself up (along with Seagal and a bunch of cops) rather than be taken alive. So quick thinking Steve decides to karate kick the front bumber of the car causing the airbag to inflate rapidly and knock the detonator switch out of her hands. Brilliant stuff really.

*

*Spoiler tags added for comic effect. I'm not spoiling anything.

Sherifu

Jean Claude Van Damme

Seagal and Lundgren bring the unintentional funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vk5pcjCwyQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8MfIRTpMUY

Still though, has to the roundhouse master.

Al_Fernz

Chuck Norris

javaboy wrote: »

Cult status eh? Well according to this Cult's status is offline. That about sums up Steven Seagal's career for me. Offline.

That lame a$$ attempt at humor sums up people who don't appreciate the genius of Seagal. Lame.

AlmightyCushion

Arnie added to the list because he is fúcking awesome.

Earthhorse

I'm gonna come right out and say this.

Timecop is not a bad movie.

That was a pretty ninja edit there yourself Van Damme...I mean Seagal...I mean javaboy. You should do your own film.

GirlInterrupted

Jean Claude Van Damme

Earthhorse wrote: »

I wasn't laughing.

I still am.

ironictoaster

Dolph Lundgren

Everyone needs to see Van Damme's Bloodsport to see his greatness.

javaboy

Al_Fernz wrote: »

That lame a$$ attempt at humor sums up people who don't appreciate the genius of Seagal. Lame.

I guess you're right. It's all the studios who won't finance him and the audiences around the world who won't watch his films and the actors who won't touch his films with a barge pole who are wrong and you're right.

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Arnie added to the list because he is fúcking awesome.

I'm glad I waited to vote.

javaboy

Earthhorse wrote: »

That was a pretty ninja edit there yourself Van Damme...I mean Seagal...I mean javaboy. You should do your own film.

That wasn't just a regular ninja edit. I realised that was wrong as soon as I clicked Submit Reply. Van Damme was probably up there for all of 1 second. You must be taking this stalking thing fairly seriously.

wandatowell

NICE ONE, arnie is here

Earthhorse

javaboy wrote: »

I realised that was wrong as soon as I click Submit Reply.

When did you realise that was wrong?

MooseJam

Chuck Norris

WTF Arnie in the list, when have you ever seen arnie swing a leg

MagicMarker

Chuck Norris

i think we should just turn this thread into and Arnie Quotetastic thread...

''get to the chopper!!!!!!''

Al_Fernz

Chuck Norris

javaboy wrote: »

I guess you're right. It's all the studios who won't finance him and the audiences around the world who won't watch his films and the actors who won't touch his films with a barge pole who are wrong and you're right.

Yeah, I'm the only person ever to watch a Steven Seagal movie. That's why he lives in a hut made out of old "Shoot" magazines and Wham bars. Its not like he has ever had Tommy Lee Jones, Colm Meaney or Michael Caine act in any of his movies.

Classic Seagal:

helimachoptor

Dolph Lundgren

Van Damme challenged Seagal to a fight many years ago at a party at Stallones house. He legged it. Van Damme followed him to a club I think and he chickened out.

So...
Seagal Vs Van Damme: Van Damme
Norris Vs Van Damme: Youth has it here... Van Damme..
Lundgren Vs Van Damme: Too big and slow... Van Damme

Winner: Van Damme
Runner up: Chuck

F00k the other 2!

javaboy

Earthhorse wrote: »

When did you realise that was wrong?

When you pointed it out to me. I'll edit it now. Thanks buddy.

javaboy

Al_Fernz wrote: »

Classic Seagal:

And thankfully the above is all we ever see of Seagal on the big screen these days i.e. nothing.

GirlInterrupted

Jean Claude Van Damme

Earthhorse wrote: »

I'm gonna come right out and say this.

Timecop is not a bad movie.

Timecop was a terrible movie, memorable only for the scene where Van Damme does the splits on the counter.

Don't ask.

Al_Fernz

Chuck Norris

javaboy wrote: »

And thankfully the above is all we ever see of Seagal on the big screen these days i.e. nothing.

That's in comparison to the others in this poll right???

AlmightyCushion

Any one doesn't vote for Arnie will earn themselves a permanent ban from After Hours.

GirlInterrupted

Jean Claude Van Damme

Al_Fernz wrote: »

Seagal has a "cult" status. He's like the Kevin Kilbane of the action movie world. He's my hero and I am going to force ALL my children to follow in his footsteps.

Isn't Seagal a Shinto god or something?