too many texts/calls

LegacyUser

I met a guy very recently and we have been on a couple of dates so far. Things are going well but although I've enjoyed spending time with him, I feel like he is contacting me too often in between, either texts or calls every day. I've been single for a while and have always valued having my own space. I dont talk/text my closest friends or family more than 1-2 times a week. I dont particularly even like talking on the phone.

I just know based on past patterns that this perceived overeagerness will probably make me lose interest before too long and I'd really like to avoid that if I can. I'm just not sure how to handle it or if I'm being unreasonable. Or maybe this is a fundamental incompatibility? Any advice?

Redpunto

if i had met the guy of my dreams i would love for him to be "touching base" every day, sounds like it just takes you time to let people in, let him know this if you like him, dont throw a good relationship away for this. Give him a chance, he wouldnt understand where youre coming from

abi2007

texts everyday are normal... I'd be worried if he didn't text u everyday

littlebitdull

Try only answering his texts every few days. Ignore the others as much as possible - unless he asks direct questions. Or try droping gentle hints that you value your space, or that its something that caused a rift with ex's.

I would be like you too. Too much too soon, and more than I am happy with would be ringing alarm bells with me.

Liam Byrne

Every day is OK - ringing a few times a day on a regular basis is too much.

Option 1 : Say nothing, and if nothing changes ye're screwed anyways coz it'll bug ya

Option 2 : Mention it to him; if he thinks differently then ye'll end up calling it quits, but if ye can discuss it and sort it out then it's a win-win scenario.

I reckon it's worth taking a chance and mentioning it; ye've nothing to lose.

Time out

I see exactly what you mean unregistered. Good idea not to reply to them all but to be honest with you if you like your space and he is all on for lots of chat and texts maybe you two aren't meant to be. Round peg in square hole and all that. Thats my brutally honest view.

littlebitdull

littlebitdull wrote: »

Try only answering his texts every few days. Ignore the others as much as possible - unless he asks direct questions.

worst. advice. ever.

abi2007

agreed.. he'll think your not interested

MagicMarker

Ignoring his texts is just entering into the mind game zone, not somewhere you want to be if you actually like the person.

At the same time, don't be afraid to not reply to one or two! Or, maybe wait a few hours to reply to one, and when you do send a response say ''sry bout dat, m not rly much of a txtr'' (text speak added for effect):)

abi2007

abi2007 wrote: »

agreed.. he'll think your not interested

ya.. if i text a girl nd no reply, ill leave it a day or two. then text sumthin small nd if there's no reply, pretty much delete number.

tallaghtoutlaws

Different folks different strokes really.

I came out of a 7 year relationship with a girl who loved text every second of the day and phone calls etc etc

So when I met this beautiful girl was getting on great after first few dates force of habit crept in of texting so much and she didnt like this and didnt want to see me anymore said she didnt like the frequency likes her privacy more. Mad thing was my ex turned me into a texter i fricking hate doing it now. Back to my old ways besides picking up the phone to call someone is easier anyways.

Best way talk to him and explain this to him. If that girl i was dating had of said this to me it would have yes finally I can stop text so bloody much

Sprouts

Nothing wrong with a text at all, at least hes thinking about you. Don't listen to the game playing headwrecking types saying to ignore his texts, thats if you like him of course.

AnonoBoy

I don't get the impression that the OP and the guy are 'going out' per se. They've only been on a few dates. In that situation a couple of texts a day might seem a bit too much.

Although it's always different strokes for different folks.

Personally if I wasn't actually a girl's boyfriend I would be a bit put off by that level of contact on a constant basis - especially if I wasn't replying as much as she was texting me.

Madame Razz

Unregistered wrote: »

I met a guy very recently and we have been on a couple of dates so far. Things are going well but although I've enjoyed spending time with him, I feel like he is contacting me too often in between, either texts or calls every day. I've been single for a while and have always valued having my own space. I dont talk/text my closest friends or family more than 1-2 times a week. I dont particularly even like talking on the phone.

I just know based on past patterns that this perceived overeagerness will probably make me lose interest before too long and I'd really like to avoid that if I can. I'm just not sure how to handle it or if I'm being unreasonable. Or maybe this is a fundamental incompatibility? Any advice?

OP, I hate to be blunt BUT....

If you like somebody two texts a day is perfect, if you don't really like somebody two texts a day is akin to mortal sin.


The guy likes you!!! He wants to contact you!! How many threads are on here lamenting asshole boyfriends/assholes/singledom/he never rang type topics???

If you were really into him it wouldn't bother you. I've been incensed by contact from guys in the past who I have been iffy about, yet I have been delighted by contact from men who I have really liked!!

Stop evaluating the contact and start evaluating what you want from this relationship.

I apologise if this sounds harsh, but I think its something you have to do.