Good weekend gone bad?!?

ElDiego

Hello,

Sorry about the long post but I would appreciate you opinion.

Met this girl (we are both in our late 20s) Being seeing her for the last month, once a week meeting up for a few drinks total about five times, things were going well.

As you know this weekend was the bank holiday weekend. I was out with my friends and she was out with hers and we ended up meeting in the club on the Friday night. So we went our separate ways at the end of the night on the nite link and she called me the next day for a chat. She wanted to know when we would met again. I suggested during the week or next weekend and she asked how about tonight as in Saturday so we did. Had a really good night and she agreed. She told me she liked me and enjoyed spending time with me. All good! Maybe it was the vodka talking! I said for a change instead of going out drinking sometime how about dinner and cinema and she said yes. End of the night she asked could we meet the next night, i was alittle suprised. As we were spending a lot of time together, so fast.

Next day i text her saying that i didnt want to intrude on her night with her friends but she said I should come it would be nice to meet up. Grand so we met up and things went well (so i thought). I left early enough as I had to catch a flight the next morning to the Germany for work. Before I left she actually asked when we would meet again but her friend interrupted and the conversation changed.

I txt Monday evening saying is there any type of food she does not like or a fav restaurant in Dublin etc. An hour later I got a call from her saying basically.............dont you think things are going so fast , I agreed the weekend was a lot! she said that dinner was very serious and very fast.......she said she wanted to slow things down as she was out of a long time relationship as was I. She said she was not saying she does not want to see me again but she wants to slow things down. She said maybe we could meet sometime over the weekend and i should text her if I was out. Told her I would be only be probably out Saturday as I am traveling back from Germany Saturday. So i dont know if she was just trying to let me down gently or wanting to slow things dowm. From my experiences with her she says whats on her mind so maybe she wants to slow things down. I basically said if you want to see me text me Saturday if not I will take that as a hint.

looking back I am now thinking that it was maybe too much of an ultimatum by me??

I would have liked to have said a lot more on the phone but I was caught off guard, I was shocked at the change in her (no she was not with anybody that night I left as a mutual friend was there).......after all she suggested meeting all over the weekend and she was saying she liked me.
now i wondering what to do? What changed?

Do I text her and say.... yeah you are right it is a bit too much too soon
or
sit an wait for her to txt this weekend?
or something else not sure what to do?

I like her and would like to see her again but not smother her!!

Trinity

This would piss me off big time and i would have said eh hang on a minute it was you suggesting meeting up every night over the weekend.

I'd play it cool with her to be honest sounds like a bit of game playing to me and if she speaks her mind i suggest you do the same. Suppose she likes a bit of a chase but when she catches you so easily she gets bored. Be a bit more of a challenge but if you cant be arsed just leave her to it.

If it was you suggesting meeting up i would say lay off but the fact it was her idea then making out that you are clingy or whatever, is what would get to me.

Peewee_lane

I'd play it cool too. NO CONTACT, NO TEXTS - LET HER COME TO YOU.

It could be a week and a bit! If she is feeling invaded and needs space, it mightnt be Saturday, her previous boyfriend may have set ultimatums like that all the time and shes sick of it and feels the need to run away.

So hang in there, just to mention though, when I met my current boyf, he asked me could he take me out for a meal sometime and I said yes. We went out for dinner for a few months before it became serious. It was great, meeting every weekend and going to a restaurant and then the pub after. It wasnt serious, it was a date!

Your woman needs to grow up.. any man that offers to take a girl to dinner must be a legend )

I often wonder when reading queries like this one what happens in long term relationships and marriages or people living together?

Do people go a week and a half without speaking?
No they don't.
Do they stop all texts and calls?
No they don't.

What do they do by and large?
They behave like adults.

Folks-A situation like the op's requires one simple thing-A CHAT.

Whats the point in playing games? Thats for senior infants.


Incidently OP from what you are saying,your lady friend got some advice from her other friends there and thats what precipitated the "this is going toofast" message.
My advice is to get up off your backside,call the girl [if you actually like her] - bring her out for dinner again and get it all out in the open as what you'd like and see if she genuinely agree's.

none of this kindergarden stuff.

It will either work or it won't and you will know where you are and can either concentrate on the new relationship or go about finding some one new

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

Incidently OP from what you are saying,your lady friend got some advice from her other friends there and thats what precipitated the "this is going toofast" message.

I'd second that. Put money on it in fact.

It will either work or it won't and you will know where you are and can either concentrate on the new relationship or go about finding some one new

+1

ElDiego

thanks for your comments.................not sure I could call her and suggest to go for dinner after she shot me down. i dont think dinner is a massive big deal or commitment and you are right a friend probably said something about too fast.

I am considering texting later saying.....she was right the weekend was a bit too much too soon and leave it like that until she comes back......cant chase her dont want to be a stalker!

homerun_homer

In my mind this is a typical Irish dating situation if there ever was one. You like the girl, she likes you and shows interest then just has a complete turnaround out of the blue. Going for dinner is not getting married, it's better than getting hammered in the pub as a date. People go for dinner with friends all the time but some people just can't their head around it in a dating scenario.

The last time I had this trouble was with a girl I was seeing for 2 months and I wanted to take her out for Valentines. Now there was no "I'm getting over my Ex" in this case but she still ended up freaking out after initially loving the idea. We called it a day in the end. She was 18 and I was 23 so I put it down to age, she wasn't as mature as she let on obviously.
I'm curious to know what age you both are, in particularly her because unless she is a teenager then she needs to cop on to herself a bit. Girl's like this give good guys a major headache.

Wagon

ElDiego wrote: »

thanks for your comments.................not sure I could call her and suggest to go for dinner after she shot me down. i dont think dinner is a massive big deal or commitment and you are right a friend probably said something about too fast.

I am considering texting later saying.....she was right the weekend was a bit too much too soon and leave it like that until she comes back......cant chase her dont want to be a stalker!

I wouldn't even bother. What good will come of it? she sounds like a complete pain in the ass.

Redpunto

It sounds to me like a complete game, surely you just see eachother when you want to see eachother?? IF ye's are having issues in the relationship about just when to see eachother how on earth are you going to deal with other issues that come along when youre together?

BTW, I would imagine a month into a relationship that you would see eachother more than just once a week. DInner is dinner, how is that such a big deal?

ElDiego

I am 29 she is 28

Wagon

ElDiego wrote: »

I am 29 she is 28

No offence dude, she sounds 8.

homerun_homer

ElDiego wrote: »

I am 29 she is 28

Then she is old enough to know better.
A month of seeing each other only once a week is not a lot, if you lived a good distance away it is understandable but she asked you to meet up more and then knocked you for it. She doesn't deserve to be followed up to be honest.
I sympathise with you since you feel you had a good thing but she is being the awkward one. If she doesn't contact you then you should let it go but if you called and explained that you don't want to rush into things & see how that pans out then I wouldn't think you were being entirely stupid. You only live once as they say.

St Bill

OP, I think you've been very good to her and have shown respect for her wishes even when you weren't comfortable with it. You have two options : either wait for her to text back and carry on from there, or as another poster said contact her yourself and organise a date. Don't treat her any differently just because last weekend was a bit mad. You haven't changed (although it seems she's undergone a major transformation in the last few days!)

TripleAce

Text her “Are you kidding me? I have already bought the ring and booked church, restaurant, limo, flowers….how do I tell my parents now?!“

Colonel_McCoy

Dude think you have to play the waiting game. As Jay Z says "Dont chase them, replace them"

Liam Byrne

Been there, OP, and all I can say is well done on the text!

Onwards and upwards, mate!

face1990

Wooo! I say she's a crazy biotch! Get outta there while you can!

How Strange

If you like her enough to risk rejection then phone her and ask her if she would like to go to dinner on saturday night. If she says no then you know where you stand. This doesn't mean texting, PHONE her.

If you don't like her enough to stick your neck out then leave it be.

To be honest you are both at an age where you should be upfront about what you want without the subterfuge.