Imaginary Friends and Ear Piercing.

Bonzodog

Just a couple of questions; Does anyone elses child here have an Imaginary Friend? My 5 year old has one called "Lizzie", who is apparently younger than her by a year.

Also, is there a correct age for having a girls ears pierced?
Me and her mother have often thought of buying her a nice earing/jewellery set for birthday or xmas, but she doesnt want her ears pierced at the moment, and we are wondering whether to just hang on and wait or try to persuade her.

Oryx

Bonzodog wrote: »

Just a couple of questions; Does anyone elses child here have an Imaginary Friend? My 5 year old has one called "Lizzie", who is apparently younger than her by a year.

Also, is there a correct age for having a girls ears pierced?
Me and her mother have often thought of buying her a nice earing/jewellery set for birthday or xmas, but she doesnt want her ears pierced at the moment, and we are wondering whether to just hang on and wait or try to persuade her.

Dont try to persuade her on the earpiercing thing. I used to do earpiercing, and got parents who wanted it and kids who didnt, or were afraid. It was always horribly traumatic on the child. Imo, 5 is too young. It hurts, and little kids dont understand.

di11on

Bonzodog wrote: »

Just a couple of questions; Does anyone elses child here have an Imaginary Friend? My 5 year old has one called "Lizzie", who is apparently younger than her by a year.

Also, is there a correct age for having a girls ears pierced?
Me and her mother have often thought of buying her a nice earing/jewellery set for birthday or xmas, but she doesnt want her ears pierced at the moment, and we are wondering whether to just hang on and wait or try to persuade her.

I find it really suprising that you would want to persuade your daughter to have her ears pierced at age 5? Are you serious?

Bob1970

di11on wrote: »

I find it really suprising that you would want to persuade your daughter to have her ears pierced at age 5? Are you serious?

+1, the only young uns i see with pierced ears are pikeys,wait till shes older and wants to

flynnc8

omg you are all mad..... My daughter is only 2 and a half, I had her ears pierced on the 8th September she didn't even flinch and thought she was the bees knees for days later. She loves talking about her earings whenever she sees me picking a pair out for myself.

I had my ears pierced at 3 months old.. Whats the problem with that?? btw I'm not a pikey!!

In regards to imaginarey friends. Its totally normal, I had 11 of them at once when I was young and it done me no harm. Don't people say it shows how creative a child is??

Beruthiel

Bonzodog wrote: »

she doesnt want her ears pierced at the moment, and we are wondering whether to just hang on and wait or try to persuade her.

Why would you even think of trying to persuade her because you think she should have her ears pierced?
She is her own little person, when and if she ever feels the need to have them done, she will tell you in her own good time.

lostinnappies

my son has had an imaginary friend from the age of 3 ... her name is Tenna and she has blond hair and blue eyes .... wishful thinking lol.

Crea

My daughter (3) has names for her hands and feet. Her left foot is the one who always needs to be rescued from falling off cliffs, into rivers etc. We never have to worry about packing toys for her:D

lostinnappies

Crea wrote: »

My daughter (3) has names for her hands and feet. Her left foot is the one who always needs to be rescued from falling off cliffs, into rivers etc. We never have to worry about packing toys for her:D

ha ha ha ha thats funny... if only all kids were so self suficient

Orion

I've two 5 year olds and they each have their own imaginary friends. Perfectly normal.

As for ear piercings - they've actually asked us recently to get their ears pierced (a younger girl in their class has them done) but we're reluctant. They even explained to us how ears are pierced I'd be curious as to whether others think their too young.

Nevyn

If they want it done and can explain why reasonbly and they know the risks and the pain and that they will have to care for the pericings then you have to choose to let them or set them a reasonable age for when they can get it done.

I have had the talk about gettign ears peiced and wearing make up with my 8 year old already.
I told her that wearing such jewlery and make up is part of attracting somone you want to do kisses with and so is dressing sexily and if she is not ready to do those things then she should not dress as if she was.

So we have a sliding scale of ages at which she will be allowed do certain thing if she wants to at that age, she can wait until later if she wishes.

Oryx

Macros42 wrote: »

As for ear piercings - they've actually asked us recently to get their ears pierced (a younger girl in their class has them done) but we're reluctant. They even explained to us how ears are pierced I'd be curious as to whether others think their too young.

You know your kids better than anyone. Some kids are great, and dont blink. Some get one done and say no thanks to the second. (coming back a few days later, usually) I only ever had a problem when I saw kids coerced into it. Theyd get one ear done, bawl, and then mammy would attempt to hold them down and insist you pierce the second one. (No way). But if you are happy that your kids are ok and ready, then by all means go ahead, but give them room to back out all the way.

Glowing

Buy her a nice pair of clip on earings. Problem solved.

She is only 5. Dont' even think of persuading her.

littlebug

My 6 year old mentioned getting her ears pierced recently because apparantly she's the ONLY ONE :rolleyes: in school without them done. I said no. She can get them done when she's 12 if she wants. It hasn't been mentioned since.

Victor

Bonzodog wrote: »

Also, is there a correct age for having a girls ears pierced?

I'd say 12 - if they want it.

I remember in school, age 6, one of the girls having problems with an infection from an ear ring. It kinda put me and the other kids off the idea.

It you want to make a 5 year old look pretty, who are you making her look pretty for?

ebmma

I wonder why it is that parents need to "persuade" their small children to get their ears pierced, but think it's a big deal when the same kids want to pierce something else when they are older?

(if I'm making any sense)

hazeler

Thaedydal wrote: »

I told her that wearing such jewlery and make up is part of attracting somone you want to do kisses with and so is dressing sexily and if she is not ready to do those things then she should not dress as if she was.

did you really say this to your daughter? I really dont understand how you can connect wearing earrings at 8 years of age and attracting somebody for kisses???

I have a 7 year old who asked to have hers done one morning while we were in shopping. I saw no problem with it, explained to her that it would hurt but if she wanted them done then it was ok. She was fine through it all and loves them! Its ear piercing, not sexualisation or any such nonsense. When a girl is ready she'll get it done. If she never wants to, she doesnt have to.

Peared

I feel very strongly that ear piercing should not be legal until a child turns at least 12.

They cannot make up their own mind at a young age about these things. They dont think about what a stud gun shooting through their flesh will feel lik, they cant know how much it will hurt. Adults do, and to have it done to their babies and small children is, imo, sick and tantamount to child abuse.

What about getting a 3 year olds nose pierced? Or their tongue? There is no difference at all, none.

ebmma

Peared wrote: »

I feel very strongly that ear piercing should not be legal until a child turns at least 12.

They cannot make up their own mind at a young age about these things. They dont think about what a stud gun shooting through their flesh will feel lik, they cant know how much it will hurt. Adults do, and to have it done to their babies and small children is, imo, sick and tantamount to child abuse.

What about getting a 3 year olds nose pierced? Or their tongue? There is no difference at all, none.

I agree with you mostly, not completely sure about wxact appropriate age though.

Also a good thread to read with regards to piercing guns. They are not that great at all:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055287992

di11on

hazeler wrote: »

Thaedydal wrote:

I told her that wearing such jewlery and make up is part of attracting somone you want to do kisses with and so is dressing sexily and if she is not ready to do those things then she should not dress as if she was.
did you really say this to your daughter? I really dont understand how you can connect wearing earrings at 8 years of age and attracting somebody for kisses???

I have a 7 year old who asked to have hers done one morning while we were in shopping. I saw no problem with it, explained to her that it would hurt but if she wanted them done then it was ok. She was fine through it all and loves them! Its ear piercing, not sexualisation or any such nonsense. When a girl is ready she'll get it done. If she never wants to, she doesnt have to.

This is interesting. I'm not sure if I would say this to my daughter but Thaed has a very good point. That is exactly what body adornment is about. Why else does someone get a piercing? If it's not to look better or look different then why? And if it is to look better or look different, then why should anyone under 12 (say) have it done?

Persuading a young child to have their ears pierced is indeed very strange to me.

ebmma

You can do it because you like how it looks on you.
That's why I've done mine :-)

Hellrazer

My 11 yo has hers pierced twice in each ear.But then again look at the forum I moderate :D:D

Cant really blame her tbh--Im not that heavily pierced now but my wife would have had more facial piercings in the last year though.

On a serious note though she only got it done when she wanted to get them done.First ones were donr for her Communion and she got the second lot done in May.


Shes already planning another 2 in hr ears plus her tongue,labret etc which Ill personally bring her to a reputable place when shes old enough to get them done.

ebmma

Hellrazer wrote: »

My 11 yo has hers pierced twice in each ear.But then again look at the forum I moderate :D:D

Cant really blame her tbh--Im not that heavily pierced now but my wife would have had more facial piercings in the last year though.

On a serious note though she only got it done when she wanted to get them done.First ones were donr for her Communion and she got the second lot done in May.


Shes already planning another 2 in hr ears plus her tongue,labret etc which Ill personally bring her to a reputable place when shes old enough to get them done.

I think it's a very reasonable approach. I can never understand how people can keep a straight face while denying their kids to do something they do themselves a lot.

I don't mean leating them drink at 7 years of age, I mean reasonable stuff

Nevyn

Yes I did say that to my daughter and the same reasons were given for make up and perfume as well.

We have watched documentrys on animals attracting mates, done research on what are the different standards of beauty around the world and the different ways differen people and cultures have used dress and fashion to send different statements including how that young women used to wear thier hair long until the were of marrying age and then wear it up and how in orthodox jewish comunities women when they get married have thier hair cut short.

What we wear and how we wear give of different messages and signals out ourselves.
I want both my kids to be aware of this and know different types of beatuy standards more then looking like a disney prince/ss, it also gives them a sense of modesty and how to dress for different occasions.

ebmma

Thaedydal wrote: »

Yes I did say that to my daughter and the same reasons were given for make up and perfume as well.

We have watched documentrys on animals attracting mates, done research on what are the different standards of beauty around the world and the different ways differen people and cultures have used dress and fashion to send different statements including how that young women used to wear thier hair long until the were of marrying age and then wear it up and how in orthodox jewish comunities women when they get married have thier hair cut short.

What we wear and how we wear give of different messages and signals out ourselves.
I want both my kids to be aware of this and know different types of beatuy standards more then looking like a disney prince/ss, it also gives them a sense of modesty and how to dress for different occasions.

It does seem to make sense, but what about a person's own needs for looking a certain way? Being comfortable with how one dresses and looks in general? Just seems that anything people do to their appearance is for the sake of others?

lostinnappies

I have to say i was a complete hellion when i was young. At the ripe old age of 10 i had my ears done ... three studds on one side and none on the other, then i dyed my hair purple. Why? Just to piss off my parents and claim back some freedom, needless to say it backfired on me lol:cool:

I like that all your kids ask to get their ears done and that you are the kind of parents that listen, considerate and dont just say no. no real point to this post just an observation.

hazeler

ebmma wrote: »

what about a person's own needs for looking a certain way? Being comfortable with how one dresses and looks in general? Just seems that anything people do to their appearance is for the sake of others?

I totally agree. Not everything is about attracting or impressing the opposite/same sex! Whatever happened to just doing it because you liked it, or liked how you looked with/in it? What happened to being comfortable with who you are...

Everything seems to have a complication attached to it nowadays.

di11on

ebmma wrote: »

It does seem to make sense, but what about a person's own needs for looking a certain way? Being comfortable with how one dresses and looks in general? Just seems that anything people do to their appearance is for the sake of others?

Interesting philisophical question...

I would hypothesise that if you are doing it for yourself because it makes you feel better about the way you look, this is because of the impact it will have on how others perceive you... so it really is about how you look to others in the end.

The question is - is it really possible to want to look different for reasons that are 100% independent of others and society. For instance, if you lived on a desert island with a mirror... would you decide one morning to put a bone in your nose? (I'm disallowing boredom as a valid reason :-) )

ebmma

Well that depends. Is it "better" as in "I look terrible and nobody likes me, I heard girls with extra piercing are liked better so I'll do that to make myself feel better"?

Or: "Hm, I look especially lovely with this piercing!" :rolleyes:

I don't think it's fair to disregard person's personal needs. Yes, we do not leave in a vacuum and are a part of all sorts of complex interactions with other people...
But still...There are some things that keep us healthy physically and emotionally. One of them is to feel at peace with who we are and our appearance.

Don't you ever put your favourite scarf on or some necklace just because it's nice and not because someone will think you are pretty and ask for your number?

Do we eat to make our moms feel better?


Edit: If I was alone on an island I would get lonely and depressed

Oryx

di11on wrote: »

Interesting philisophical question...

I would hypothesise that if you are doing it for yourself because it makes you feel better about the way you look, this is because of the impact it will have on how others perceive you... so it really is about how you look to others in the end.

The question is - is it really possible to want to look different for reasons that are 100% independent of others and society. For instance, if you lived on a desert island with a mirror... would you decide one morning to put a bone in your nose? (I'm disallowing boredom as a valid reason :-) )

Not the most perfect analogy.:) If I lived alone on a desert island would I still paint my nails? Yeah. Solely for me. Would I wear an uncomfy push up bra? Probably not.

The question to be asked here really is not why a little girl wants her ears pierced, but why a mammy would persuade and then put a small child through ear piercing. Who is that for?

ebmma

Oryx wrote: »

The question to be asked here really is not why a little girl wants her ears pierced, but why a mammy would persuade and then put a small child through ear piercing. Who is that for?

"Look what a pretty girl I have and what earrings I could afford for her"?

Reminded me of one time my husband went to the jeweller's to buy me a present (golden earrings shaped like ladybirds). The shop assistant said "I assume this is for the child", to which my husband politely replied that he doesn't think it is right to buy children expensive jewellery.

He made several people there quite awkward

Hellrazer

Heres my take on it.

Im asked the same question everyday.Why do you have tattoos and piercings?

My answer:
Its for me and I couldnt care if people like them or not--Ive come across some very narrow minded people in life who look down on you over your mods and again the answer is that I do it for me.If you dont like it then dont look and most of all dont criticise(sp?) me over them--You dont know me.

And Id like my kids to have the same attitude ie. do it for yourself and nobody else.Do it because you want to and not to please someone else.

Id never stop any of them from getting pierced or tattooed as long as its done in the proper way and by a reputable artist/piercer and when they`ve reached the "legal" age to get them done (although there is no regulation over her)

Bonzodog

Ok people, thanks for the advice on the piercing, it was simply because we saw some nice complete Disney Princess (which she is into heavily) jewellery sets, and they included earrings, so we told her that she would have to have her ears pierced if she wanted to wear the set, and she turned her face up at it, but still wants the set. We will buy her individual items I think for the time being.

But, back to the imaginary friends, it would be nice to hear other peoples stories of this.

hazeler

Bonzodog wrote: »

But, back to the imaginary friends, it would be nice to hear other peoples stories of this.

My daughter used to have "Lucy, Dark and Kate" coming every where with us, she's 7 now and they only come out on long journeys. The "girls" joined our family when my daughter was about 2 ish, early 3's. My favourite memory of them is...

We went to the park one day when my daughter was 4, it was after school so fairly busy. There was road works outside the main gate, corporation were fixing the drains so the path was a bit of a mess and we were given this make shift diversion. On the way through the diversion "Lucy" fell into the hole and she could not get out. My daughter is screaming "Mommy, help her!!" All the workmen turn round to see the pandemoniumm. Im there fishing a make believe child out of the hole and one of the workmen asks are we ok... :eek: We didnt let Lucy come to the park with us after that, she just "always gets in trouble".

I never worried about my daughter having imaginary friends, she's an only child with a very active imagination. Her games go anywhere she wants when shes playing with "the girls" in her mind... so long as they dont cause trouble, I have no problem with them hanging around!!!:D

mymo

Since about the age of three my daughter has had imaginary friends, we had Sniffy the dragon who lived in the attic, a tiger (no name as wild animals don't have names!) who got lost in the forest and found his way under the bed (He like cat food and apples, came from Siberia and was as measured at 7ft 3ins by herself) and Cosey and his various relatives that visited from time to time, who arrived on a bus from Dublin airport, after catching a flight from Spain.(years before Dora)
There have been others, and I got her to write or draw about their adventures and life stories and these are fantastic. We even went to library to look up info on some things, and a large map of the world I'm keeping them all for when she grows up as I think they'll be a great memento.
She's 10 now and the friends are gone (cosey got homesick and he went to London with us and hopped on a plane home), but not forgotten and she has the most amazing imagination so don't worry and I'd say encourage it, herself has won prizes for her stories on many occasions.
Just follow their lead as there are rules, Sniffy couldn't be seen by adults and the tiger was shy so I couldn't look under the bed.

As for the ear piercing, I allowed it at 8 under pressure from in laws and was sorry, even after I gave her all the facts and told her it hurt, she cried and they got sore. Still pierced but there's rules, animals, stars, heart etc allowed no grown up or expensive earings.

jackdaw

di11on wrote: »

I find it really suprising that you would want to persuade your daughter to have her ears pierced at age 5? Are you serious?

It's worse in Spain .. where new born baby girls all get it done ...

Sick and nothing but child abuse ..

lostinnappies

jackdaw wrote: »

It's worse in Spain .. where new born baby girls all get it done ...

Sick and nothing but child abuse ..

I would personally reserve the words "child abuse" for those who beat, mame, rape and murder babies (when we are talking about babies). Its a bit strong for parents who pierce baby girls ears.

How and ever I do not agree with piercing babies ears either.

jackdaw

lostinnappies wrote: »

I would personally reserve the words "child abuse" for those who beat, mame, rape and murder babies (when we are talking about babies). Its a bit strong for parents who pierce baby girls ears.

How and ever I do not agree with piercing babies ears either.

Yes maybe it is too strong a term ...

iguana

Thaedydal wrote: »

I told her that wearing such jewlery and make up is part of attracting somone you want to do kisses with and so is dressing sexily and if she is not ready to do those things then she should not dress as if she was.

Couldn't that have backfired spectacularly? By the time I was 8 I had had 4 "boyfriends." But I don't think any of them were attracted by my earrings, I think that because I liked football, bmx tricks and comics they thought I was cool.

Lillyella

Oh god, I feel sick when I hear of babies getting their ears pierced.

I remember seeing a documentary about a woman who had quints, they were all born really prematurely and spent months in hospital getting all sorts of treatment.

Their beast of a mother, on the way home from hospital, stopped to get their ears pierced. After all that time in hospital, needles drips etc, she subjects them to further pain out of vanity.

Bonzodog

*bump*

Any more imaginary friend stories?