Lost Cause

DeiseChick87

Hi

dont really know where 2 start with this one, but here goes ...

I was diagnosed wit clinical depression a few months ago after my first suicide attempt. Ive changed meds quite alot too, cause nothing seems to be working. I started out on Lexapro, effexor, amatriptaline & now im on anaframil. Being feeling really bad with the past few weeks. At this stage i think the psychiatrist doesnt even believe me & may think im an attention seeker. None of those are true.
I practically live in my bedroom & hate bein around people. I hav to go to 'anxiety management' on friday, but 2b honest i just dont see the point. However, i will be made go by my mam. Im 21 years old & im a complete wreck at this stage. im so frustrated. And its incredably hard 2 ask for help, because i dont know whats wrong with me or what will make me feel better.
i cant describe how im feeling, all i know is dat i feel like crap. I dont have any 'issues' that would bring on depresssion, so i really dont know whats going on. Doctor says its due to a chemical imbalance as im not long over a major operation, that i needed to be intensive care afterwards for a few days. Im constantly on the verge of tears. I hate myself so much its actually quiet scary. Im not looking for sympathy but i know if i was to die tomorrow, it wouldnt make a difference. I have done nothing in my life worth remembering. Im sick of everyday being the same. The same bad feeling, the same state of mind, day in, day out & i just cant hack it.

I think my main problem is confidence to be honest...or my lack of confidence to be exact! I dont know where to get help for this. I constantly put myself down, as i consider myself to be beneath others. I worry what people think of me, when i know i shouldnt really care, but i do. Soo much!
Its got 2 the stage where im grateful for any bit of attention from any fella. I was texting this guy who i get on with & he's very good looking too. However, he treats me like dirt, basically uses me wen he feels like it & i allow it. Why? i do not know!

Im sorry for the big long rant, that probably makes no sense whatsoever. Its just that im so frustrated & i havent a clue what i need to do, to make me better any advise would be greatly appreciated ,

thanks

mike65

Hi DeiseChick87

You're not a lost cause.

I have no insight but I'll just point out what I'm sure you know is the truth - you would be missed. When uncertain about yourself and your place or even if you have a place, the family is the place to be. It sounds like you have a mother who cares for you.

Doctor says its due to a chemical imbalance as im not long over a major operation, that i needed to be intensive care afterwards for a few days.

If your doctor has diagnosed the cause of the problem then thats from where you must take your lead from. Keep your appointment this Friday and if you can take some moral support with you all the better.

You mention condifence, I guess you could be worse than shoot the breeze here on boards - not exactly "just like real life" but if you just getting talking to people here that might help bring you out of yourself.

I dunno if any of that helps much, hopefully a few others who have been in your boat can add something

Mike

The Black Oil

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear you've been having a hard time. It takes courage to talk about this stuff even online. Meds aren't for everyone as I'm sure you know. I know you've said you hide in your room but do you have much in the way of social support with friends? Have you looked into talking to someone other than a psychiatrist, I guess finances might dictate your choices around that, though.

I don't know if you have tried the Samaritans but they have an email service jo@samaritans.org which is open to anyone. It's also worth checking out this link for details about organisations such as Aware http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=57416

How are you sleeping these days?

LegacyUser

i too thought i was a lost cause this time 4 years ago and tried to kill myself. Thank God it didn't work and i am still on this crazy but beautiful earth today. I am a bit older than you, 36 years of age and I have a 20 month old baby girl who is the light of my life. I take anti depressants and an anti-anxiety tablet which is non addictive. I am not a pill pusher but some of us need help and there is no shame in asking for it. When I was feeling really down I would head off to the cinema or maybe get my hair done to cheer me up. It's important that you keep talking about how you feel and I know you don't want to go but the anxiety management sessions are really helping me at the moment. I don't have anyone to help me with my daughter as her dad and I aren't together and my family live in Dublin (I'm in Cork). My doctor put me in touch with the right people and starting counselling, taking meds and trying to be positive has kept me going through very tough times. I attend AA on a regular basis as I am an alcoholic i recovery. Things will get better for you pet, hang in there. Xx