Don't Forget To Put Your Clocks Back

rocky25

I went into PC world today.

Fook me; you have to be careful what you say in there these days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll never forget the day I got married.
It was a Saturday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stephen Hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went to buy a bike pump before, saw the price had doubled in the last few months.

Must have something to do with Inflation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I applied for a job with the Brittle Bone Society.

I don't have any experience, but I'm prepared to give it a crack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two men met each other on the beach at Majorca.

One looked at the other and asked, "Are you brown from the sun?"

"No," replies the other, "I'm Smith from the Times."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Lion was drinking some water by the rivers edge when a Horny Bear saw him.

The Bear creeps up to the lion, grabs him from behind and Fooks him up the arse.

The Bear knows that if he lets go the Lion will kill him, so when he's finished he pushes the lion into the water and runs like fook.

He runs deep into the jungle when he comes across a clearing where a man is sitting in a deckchair next to his tent reading a newspaper.

The man see's the bear, jumps out of the deckchair, throws the paper up into the air and runs for his life.

The Bear now out of breath Grabs the mans hat and glasses, picks up the newspaper, and sits in the deckchair pretending to be human knowing that the lion would be too occupied with catching him than eating a Human.

30 seconds later the Lion runs into the clearing, sees what he thinks is a human and asks

"Have you seen a Bear run through here?"

The Bear replies

"Do you mean the bear that fooked the Lion up the arse next to the River?"

"Oh Fook" Shouts the Lion

"It's not in the Papers already is it?"