Sisters jealous comments getting too much to bear.

LegacyUser

This situation has been going on for YEARS but over the last few months it’s gotten worse to the point where I’m now nearing the end of my tether. I’ve got two sisters and one of them (younger by a few years) makes constant b!tchy comments directed at me, mainly related to every aspect of my appearance. Clothes, hair, shoes, accessories, you name it, she’s picked it apart.

It’s as plain as day that these comments are driven by her own jealousies and insecurities. It is so obvious our other sister has brought this up with me privately of her own accord and discussed it, asked me if I’m ok and if I can see any way we might be able to resolve it. There is no point in mentioning it to our other sister, she’s a very volatile person who would deny it black and blue and explode in a fury of indignation, that’s just the way she is.

I am so sick of this I don’t know how to express it. I don’t understand, for a start, what the hell she’s jealous of. She’s a few years younger as I said; she’s no kids or ties, whilst I have. She’s on better money and takes several holidays a year. On paper there’s nothing I can see she has to be jealous of, yet one night, while drunk out of her head, she came out with a rant expressing how jealous she is and has been for years about the fact that (wait till you hear this!) my breasts are bigger, my legs are longer, and that she once overheard two blokes talking about us and maintaining that I’m more attractive than her. She then turned nasty and started telling me I was “a freak” because I’ve DD boobs on a size ten frame. That was the point I decided to bail out of that conversation and go to bed. She’s never referred to her jealousies directly since, but instead has just continued with the nasty jibes and comments that are becoming increasingly less subtle and more spiteful and offensive.

I know I should just feel sorry for her and a part of me honestly does, but I am also increasingly resentful of being made the scapegoat because of her own skewed sense of self. Nearly a year ago she started to go to counselling, which I saw as a hugely positive step and was hopeful that it’d go some way towards sorting her head out, but like I said she’s actually gotten worse over the last few months, so no respite from that direction, unfortunately. Maybe the counselling has actually brought these issues to the fore, but if it has I feel that’s for her to deal with, not me.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m starting to wonder if I even want her in my life as she’s a constant negative presence, but on the other hand I’d hate to hurt her because she’s obviously hurting already otherwise she wouldn’t be carrying on like this.

I’m hoping maybe someone reading this could give me some fresh perspective or has some experience of this sort of thing and could offer some ideas on how to deal with it without having to cut my sister out of my life, because I'd really prefer not to do that. Thank you.

St Bill

Do you have any brothers who can talk to her? Or your parents? Someone's going to have to stage an 'intervention' (as the Americans call it ) at some point. Even a close aunt, uncle or cousin?
Your sister has very bad self esteem and is taking it out on you, as you know. Another option is to tell her that this behaviour has been going on for years and you're not prepared to accept it anymore. Fair enough, you want to look out for your sister despite what she's done, but you have to look out for yourself too. Take a step back from the relationship, protect yourself. (taking a step back doesn't necessarily mean cutting her out - it just means not letting her negative emotions rule your life)

Good luck

nakd.banana

My sister is similar. She has an unbearable attitude at times. Getting angry and saying nasty comments to me, for no reason. She is always putting me down with whatever i do. And has double standards, its not ok for me to do but it is for her. Another time we were out together, and some lad came over chatting me up, she saw this ran over and said to him, you it shouldn't be her you're chatting up, it should be me. It must be jealously and I have no idea why.

Im sick of my sisters comments, so much so that whenever there is anything wrong with her or anything she does, i dont even tell her. I just let her continue on with her life. I suppose its more of an insult to her not telling her she has b.o. but she thinks she is so perfect.

My advice, ignore your sister and make her jealous more. Dont say anything at all. If she puts you down, prove her wrong.

wasper

[QUOTE

It’s as plain as day that these comments are driven by her own jealousies and insecurities. It is so obvious our other sister has brought this up with me privately of her own accord and discussed it, asked me if I’m ok and if I can see any way we might be able to resolve it. There is no point in mentioning it to our other sister, she’s a very volatile person who would deny it black and blue and explode in a fury of indignation, that’s just the way she is.

[/QUOTE]
I think you have identified the problem. Jealousy eats up the person that feels it from the inside. It's her problem, & not yours. You have your family to worry about. She might become more wiser with age, I would ignore her like a barking dog that is doing no harm than just noise.
You have a loving family, a supporting sister so let this one rot till she cop on.