Ever seen a ghost?

CAPSLOCK365

Excuse my use of profanities.

A little while ago I was staying in the castle hotel in Conwy, Wales. It stands on the site of a former Cistercian abbey and is now a 15th century Inn. It's a very atmospheric place, very old with low beams and tight corridors. Anyway, I had dinner there and the owner joined me after dinner with the chef for a few drinks. They told me that the place was haunted by a 'mad monk'. Aren't they all says I. But with a deathly serious face the owner tells me that it's causing them real problems, that people aren't coming back because they are frightened.

Apparently during the black death of the 13th century, the abbey closed it's doors to the outside as the disease took hold. This particular monk arrived back from a trip to another abbey to find that, such was the fear of the black death, they would not re-open the gates to re-admit him. So he was left to take his chances in the village. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he contracts the plague and spends his last days, watched by the monks in the abbey, in screaming agony and dementia, at the walls of the abbey praying to God and warning the monks that he would see them burn in hell. After he died the sightings began and people who claimed to have seen him, so the legend goes, died an agonising death, not unlike the plague. Anyway these guys tell me that customers are saying they are seeing this character and that bookings are down.

Nice wind-up thinks I as I head to bed, but can't help but think I'm a touch nervous. Anyway, during the night I suddenly woke up with the feeling my heart had stopped beating. A truly horrible experience. Adrenaline was absolutely racing around my body. I decided to go out on to the landing, the room was incredibly hot, to get some fresh air. As soon as I am alone on the landing this glow appears at the end of the corridor, it starts quite small and then suddenly bursts into the shape of this monk and comes, no word of a lie, charging towards me with his mouth open in a screaming fashion and passes right ****ing through me. I am screaming like a ****ing baby I can tell you.

People now come running out of their rooms and ask what happened. I tell them and explain that I am getting the **** out of there and I would advise them to do the same. Anyway, this nerdy looking chick starts poking around and says she's not so sure. I wanted to get out ASAP, but she and her friends convinced me to stay another night. I'm pretty loathe, but to be honest she had a cute mate and she didn't seem attached, so I thought what the hell. Frankly I've got the black death already if that's the way it is. So we wait until dark again. I wasn't really up for seeing it again and nor was one her friends, so me and him and his dog went to the kitchen to wait it out and, frankly, eat ourselves stupid.

I think the ghost must has sensed me from our previous encounter, as he suddenly appeared. We ran like ****, no looking back. At one point the other bloke was flying along on a trolley being pushed by his dog. It was crazy. We couldn't get away from the horror. Open a door and there he was. At one point I was hiding behind a curtain in the dark and thought I was holding the other blokes arm, turns out it's the monk. Fortunately, we found some chefs outfits and dressed up to fool the ghost that we were chefs cooking him a great meal. The other guy put a bow tie on his dog and got him to pretend to be a waiter. It bought us the time we needed and we got away.

His 3 friends never even saw the ghost, but when we met up, the nerdy one said she was confident she could stop the hauntings. The other bloke (couldn't be sure now if he was shagging the cute chick) came up with some ridiculous ****ing idea involving pulleys and tablecloths tied together. ****. The cute one suggests me, the kitchen dude and the dog attract the monk and then run, luring the ghost into the 'trap'. Thanks a ****ing lot I say, but in the interests of a chance shag I agree. Bizarrely, the other bloke agrees to risk his life for a dog snack, which combined with his penchant for talking to his Great Dane, doesn't exactly inspire me with confidence for my future.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after some bizarre ****ing escapades involving glue, pulleys, the dog stuck in a spinning wheelie bin with the monk and the ****ing whole ridiculous plan going tits up spectacularly, it finally ends with me, the dog food eating guy, the dog and the monk all trapped inside a chandelier (don't ask). It turns out it was the chef dressing up as a monk, with some help from special effects projection. Apparently he wanted to buy the ****hole at a reduced price or something. I never got a sniff of the hot one either, though I think the nerdy was up for it.

Crazy, but true.

tman

Rikes!

Turd Ferguson

My time is too precious to read all this.

Can somebody sum this up in three sentances or a lolcat pic?

SuperSean11

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

My time is too precious to read all this.

Can somebody sum this up in three sentances or a lolcat pic?

+1

4zn76tysfajdxp

http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/funny-dog-pictures-ghost-cat.jpg

dr.bollocko

SuperSean11 wrote: »

+1

How bout three words?
SCOOBY DOOBY DOO!!!!

Xavi6

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

My time is too precious to read all this.

Can somebody sum this up in three sentances or a lolcat pic?

Basically he thought he saw a ghost but it was actually YORE MA naked, she's just really pale.

admiralofthefleet

yeah, when i had the dt's

Turd Ferguson

Rory Blue Washcloth wrote: »

http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/funny-dog-pictures-ghost-cat.jpg

Straight and to the point...thanks

Pj!

CAPSLOCK365 wrote: »

Excuse my use of profanities.

A little while ago I was staying in the castle hotel in Conwy, Wales. It stands on the site of a former Cistercian abbey and is now a 15th century Inn. It's a very atmospheric place, very old with low beams and tight corridors. Anyway, I had dinner there and the owner joined me after dinner with the chef for a few drinks. They told me that the place was haunted by a 'mad monk'. Aren't they all says I. But with a deathly serious face the owner tells me that it's causing them real problems, that people aren't coming back because they are frightened.

Apparently during the black death of the 13th century, the abbey closed it's doors to the outside as the disease took hold. This particular monk arrived back from a trip to another abbey to find that, such was the fear of the black death, they would not re-open the gates to re-admit him. So he was left to take his chances in the village. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he contracts the plague and spends his last days, watched by the monks in the abbey, in screaming agony and dementia, at the walls of the abbey praying to God and warning the monks that he would see them burn in hell. After he died the sightings began and people who claimed to have seen him, so the legend goes, died an agonising death, not unlike the plague. Anyway these guys tell me that customers are saying they are seeing this character and that bookings are down.

Nice wind-up thinks I as I head to bed, but can't help but think I'm a touch nervous. Anyway, during the night I suddenly woke up with the feeling my heart had stopped beating. A truly horrible experience. Adrenaline was absolutely racing around my body. I decided to go out on to the landing, the room was incredibly hot, to get some fresh air. As soon as I am alone on the landing this glow appears at the end of the corridor, it starts quite small and then suddenly bursts into the shape of this monk and comes, no word of a lie, charging towards me with his mouth open in a screaming fashion and passes right ****ing through me. I am screaming like a ****ing baby I can tell you.

People now come running out of their rooms and ask what happened. I tell them and explain that I am getting the **** out of there and I would advise them to do the same. Anyway, this nerdy looking chick starts poking around and says she's not so sure. I wanted to get out ASAP, but she and her friends convinced me to stay another night. I'm pretty loathe, but to be honest she had a cute mate and she didn't seem attached, so I thought what the hell. Frankly I've got the black death already if that's the way it is. So we wait until dark again. I wasn't really up for seeing it again and nor was one her friends, so me and him and his dog went to the kitchen to wait it out and, frankly, eat ourselves stupid.

I think the ghost must has sensed me from our previous encounter, as he suddenly appeared. We ran like ****, no looking back. At one point the other bloke was flying along on a trolley being pushed by his dog. It was crazy. We couldn't get away from the horror. Open a door and there he was. At one point I was hiding behind a curtain in the dark and thought I was holding the other blokes arm, turns out it's the monk. Fortunately, we found some chefs outfits and dressed up to fool the ghost that we were chefs cooking him a great meal. The other guy put a bow tie on his dog and got him to pretend to be a waiter. It bought us the time we needed and we got away.

His 3 friends never even saw the ghost, but when we met up, the nerdy one said she was confident she could stop the hauntings. The other bloke (couldn't be sure now if he was shagging the cute chick) came up with some ridiculous ****ing idea involving pulleys and tablecloths tied together. ****. The cute one suggests me, the kitchen dude and the dog attract the monk and then run, luring the ghost into the 'trap'. Thanks a ****ing lot I say, but in the interests of a chance shag I agree. Bizarrely, the other bloke agrees to risk his life for a dog snack, which combined with his penchant for talking to his Great Dane, doesn't exactly inspire me with confidence for my future.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, after some bizarre ****ing escapades involving glue, pulleys, the dog stuck in a spinning wheelie bin with the monk and the ****ing whole ridiculous plan going tits up spectacularly, it finally ends with me, the dog food eating guy, the dog and the monk all trapped inside a chandelier (don't ask). It turns out it was the chef dressing up as a monk, with some help from special effects projection. Apparently he wanted to buy the ****hole at a reduced price or something. I never got a sniff of the hot one either, though I think the nerdy was up for it.

Crazy, but true.

Hidden messages and stuff basically

sportswear

i really enjoyed that!

spadder

dr.bollocko wrote: »

How bout three words?
SCOOBY DOOBY DOO!!!!

I would have got away with it too, if it wasn't for those pesky posters!!

OP this might be a better place to post your story.

dr.bollocko

Deleted User wrote: »

OP this might be a better place to post your story.

I'd love to see the response a good ole scooby doo post gets in there.
You get banned for even suggesting that maybe ghosts dont actually exist and maybe if you stopped huffin' fertiliser you would stop seeing them.

shenanigans1982

This one time I was on holidays in the south of America and seen a bunch of them hanging around a burning cross in a garden, didn't scare me but some of the locals looked a bit shook up.

Turd Ferguson

Deleted User wrote: »

OP this might be a better place to post your story.

Maybe here?

Pighead

CAPSLOCK365 wrote: »

Excuse my use of profanities.

This wasn't written by you. It seems you used a ghostwriter called Nosferatu. POst written @11.54 on the following page.
http://forum.football365.com/index.php?t=msg&&prevloaded=1&th=130987&start=40

Scoobydoobydoo

dr.bollocko wrote: »

How bout three words?
SCOOBY DOOBY DOO!!!!

Did somebody call me?! Ok then, I'm on the case!

Xavi6

Lol the Pigster strikes again

CAPSLOCK365

Pighead wrote: »

This wasn't written by you. It seems you used a ghostwriter called Nosferatu. POst written @11.54 on the following page.
http://forum.football365.com/index.php?t=msg&&prevloaded=1&th=130987&start=40

You win at the internet.
I also didn't pen One in a Million (by Guns N Roses) or Livin on a Prayer (by Bon Jovi), but you keep doing what it is you do ans we'll cheer you on.

keen

I saw your ma the morning after without any makeup on, does that count?

Turd Ferguson

Op

This is for you

Pighead

CAPSLOCK365 wrote: »

You win at the internet.
I also didn't pen One in a Million (by Guns N Roses) or Livin on a Prayer (by Bon Jovi), but you keep doing what it is you do ans we'll cheer you on.

You lose at the internet sunshine!

Not only do you copy other peoples words, you also picked a username that is an anagram of: 365 Cock Pals.

That's one for every day of the year.

Xavi6

^^^ epic!

phasers

No

Steve

Don't mess with our pig, CAPS.


You'll lose...:pac:

Turd Ferguson

Pighead wrote: »

You lose at the internet sunshine!

Not only do you copy other peoples words, you also picked a username that is an anagram of: 365 Cock Pals.

That's one for every day of the year.

What is it with you and anagrams of peoples usernames Dig Heap?

4zn76tysfajdxp

Pighead wrote: »

You lose at the internet sunshine!

Not only do you copy other peoples words, you also picked a username that is an anagram of: 365 Cock Pals.

That's one for every day of the year.

Well played Pighead.

SuperSean11

Pighead=AgedHip:rolleyes:

Ass

Funniest post I've read in a while. Well done OP.

CAPSLOCK365

Pighead wrote: »

You lose at the internet sunshine!

Not only do you copy other peoples words, you also picked a username that is an anagram of: 365 Cock Pals.

That's one for every day of the year.

Are you autistic?

Whats the anagram of my name?

Numina

CAPSLOCK365 wrote: »

Are you autistic?

This isn't going anywhere good.

dr.bollocko

CAPSLOCK365 wrote: »

Are you autistic?

<Anagram>
Aye.
A curious tit.
</anagram>

Mr. Presentable

Deleted User wrote: »

Whats the anagram of my name?

A Moneybags Boner?

Steve

Deleted User wrote: »

Whats the anagram of my name?

Yes Beanbag Moron
Bongo Eyes Barman
Area Snobby Gnome
Enrages My Baboon

there's fukkin hundreds...

Biggins

Ever seen a ghost?

I seen Paris Hilton without her clothes on. Thats close enough.

noel farrell

very intresting i had the same after a feed of toad stools i ate by mistake cheers noel

tony1kenobi

Deleted User wrote: »

Whats the anagram of my name?

Managers bone boy.

I like that one.

Overheal

Anytime someone asks me if I've seen a ghost I will, now and forever, think back to the Overlogging episode of South Park.