How to make my son agree to a haircut

lisa6360

My son will be three in February, and his hair is an inch or two short from being long enough to sit on (I know, I don't get it either -- how the hell did it grow so quick?!). We have not met a single person who doesn't think upon first impression that he is a girl, despite the very obvious "boyish" clothes he wears.

It used to be in his eyes and in his food and caught in all his toys, but as it's gotten longer, it's parted, so that's not an issue anymore -- it now just drapes down his back. The problem is the clumps! I brush it every day (much to his dismay), and every day I'm having to battle with knots and clumps *I've* never even had, and I have very long hair. We think this is caused by how much he sweats at night, and rolling around on his pillow, making the hair clump together.

When he was three months old, all of his hair fell out. When it started growing again, I used to trim the front while he was asleep. I could never get to his back, because he slept on it, and when the time came where it absolutely had to be done, he wouldn't let me. Tantrum galore!

I have not been able to go near him with a pair of scissors for over a year. And I've tried everything! Bribes, warnings, rewards, distractions... everything!

We've twice taken him to a hairdresser. Both times he raised so much hell that the stylist refused to go near him for fear of hurting him with her scissors, due to his thrashing around. He's generally a very good-natured boy -- there's just something about his hair that he doesn't like touched! I can't even tie it back -- he won't let me do anything other than brush it (and only then after a fight). If he feels I'm trying to do anything with it, however sneaky I'm being, he figures it out and has a tantrum.

My god, what do I do? It desperately needs a cut. There was a point when his hair was thick and luxurious and hanging down in cascades, and I didn't mind so much that he wouldn't let it be cut. But now it's starting to look ratty and dry, and I'm sick of hurting him every day when I have to brush the knots out. I just want it easier to manage!

I know he loves his hair. He's always playing with it. I would never cut it all off. But if I'm going to be able to manage it without hurting him, it needs a few inches removed at least.

Help!

Blisterman

Tell him his long hair makes him look like a girl.
I don't know about a three year old, but I know for most boys, looking like a girl is the worst thing that could happen to him.

brianthebard

Armchair psychologist for a minute, it sounds like he isn't over the original loss of hair and doesn't want a repeat. Can you try and give him responsibility for his hair, get him to brush it himself? Also perhaps show him that hair doesn't always fall out, maybe pull on your own as an example? Does he let you wash it for him?

lisa6360

Blisterman -- I've tried that. "See? That lady there *also* thought you were a girl. That's the fifth person today." His general response: "I don't care."

Being just over two-and-a-half, I don't think he really grasps the boy/girl thing yet.

brianthebard -- I doubt he remembers the hair loss? I don't know. He was only three months old, and it grew back fairly quickly, and at an alarming rate.

He likes to brush his hair... always playing with my brushes. And he lets me wash it. I don't know what he's thinking/feeling about the haircut thing. I wish I could get to the bottom of it. It would really help. But he's not giving me anything. The most I can grasp is that he really, really loves his hair...

Blisterman

But harsh, but if nothing else works, have you tried Immac? If Rugby tour stories are to be believed, it'll make you bald as a golfball. Tell him his hair got too long that it fell out.

Dont be at yourself

Tell him the tooth fairy will be making her yearly visit to take some of his hair and leave him some biscuits!

brianthebard

lisa6360 wrote: »

brianthebard -- I doubt he remembers the hair loss? I don't know. He was only three months old, and it grew back fairly quickly, and at an alarming rate.

He likes to brush his hair... always playing with my brushes. And he lets me wash it. I don't know what he's thinking/feeling about the haircut thing. I wish I could get to the bottom of it. It would really help. But he's not giving me anything. The most I can grasp is that he really, really loves his hair...

Well if it was a traumatic event which I feel it would be he might remember it? I know we don't have memories of being three months now, but that wasn't very long ago for him? Hair is great though can't blame him for not wanting a cut!

January

Did you ever bring him for a haircut with you?? As in, "Oh look, Mammy is going to get her hair cut, Daddy is going to get his haircut and now you are going to get your haircut?"

Thats what my aunt does with her daughter, she used to refuse to let anybody cut her hair untill she got it done herself and then said "do you want a go?".

Did you ever bring him to a KiddiKutz? They sit in cars and on motorbikes while they get their haircut...

CJhaughey

Go with him to a toyshop let him pick out some suitable toy and bring it along to the hairdressers/barbers.
Tell him that he can have it as soon as his hair is cut.
Our son was like that for the first two times aged 3, the last time was very easy probably because he is getting used to it, 8 mths later.
Kids aren't fond of change and it will take him time to get used to the routine, maybe try going again regularly after he gets his hair cut this time?

CDfm

does his dad feature - maybe its a guy thing.

when my son was around that age he was really into fireman sam - so we used to go to get haircuts like fireman sam had - uniform helmet the lot

maybe you could do something like that - all kids are into games uniforms etc

well the uniform is greatt but your hair sticks out

it might be an idea

3 is so little

John Mason

May be he is samon and does want you to take his power away.:)

i dont have any advice for about the hairdressers, i have never given an option in this case - you are getting your haircut end off.

But in relation to the clumpy hair. make sure when you are brushing it, you start at the ends and work your way up. otherwise you are just dragging the knots through the hair and it is becoming an even bigger knot

Rev Hellfire

Get the dad if he's about to take him with him to the barbers and pitch it as a lads thing.

Added to which kids tend not to act up to barbers as much as to hair stylies.

stovelid

Yeah, could you time it so he gets it cut at the same time as his Dad, or some other adult man that he knows. Make it seem like a natural, male thing.

kmick

Cut it while he is asleep? You could get most of it off the back at least?

niallb

lisa6360 wrote: »

. And I've tried everything! Bribes, warnings, rewards, distractions... everything!
(

Some useful suggestions there.
Getting it cut with an adult male is good.
You should try bringing him to hairdressers/barbers at very opportunity
without him needing a cut - get your family and friends involved,
and let him see everyone gets their hair cut!
Particularly good would be meeting friends with slightly older boys
while they get their kids hair cut.
The uniform looking odd with his hair sticking out of it might be good for halloween.

Some cultures cut off all the baby hair shortly after birth to encourage the adult growth,
and loads of kids lose all their hair at around that age anyway.
I doubt very much if he remembers it, but he probably does remember your concern about his hair afterwards.
My girls had almost no hair until they were nearly two, and I sympathise
with you as I remember well wishing it longer. Not much I could do though!

I really don't like the idea of telling him he looks like girl to persuade him.
A more useful one might be that three year old boys have short hair.

Try it in his sleep again, but maybe build up to it.
Spend a day getting him so worn out he won't notice.
Get him up at seven and out for a walk, then off to something he'll really enjoy,
and keep him on the go all day.

Maybe you're being too gentle and cautious trying to cut it and waking him.
Don't give him the opportunity to be scared and angry. Have it done by the time he notices!
At this stage, if you were to bunch it up at the back and cut across in one go
wouldn't you feel you'd made some progress? It might look awful for a week or
two, but it'll grow back in soon enough if it's got that long in a year.
He will shout and scream at you and be upset for a few days, but by the sounds
of it, you've been upset for a long time at this stage. He will forgive and forget.

He's 2 years old, you're the parent. It's your decision.
Agreement would be nice, but if you think this is a good thing for him,
you need to do it without letting his reaction interfere with your better judgement.

metrovelvet

Tell him santa will think he's a girl and get him barbies and pink fluffy things for Christmas. If he still wont get it cut, then leave pink fluffy things under the tree, so you can say "i told you so" - then he might agree. Have a back up of boy toys for him so Santa can correct his mistake once your son agrees to the haircut. I know....xmas is a long way but hopefullly he will agree before then.

Try cutting it in his sleep - doubt this will work. Kind of risky giving a two year old a haircut in the dark.

Scoobydoobydoo

When my son was small he hated going to the hairdresser's, so I told him that Santa would think he was a girl and bring him a Barbie (I see another poster mentioned the same thing!). It did work! If you're in Dublin, I think Daisy & Tom in Dundrum have a great set up for kiddies getting their hair cut, from suitable chairs for the kids to sit in, to showing cartoons. I haven't had need to use it, so I don't know much about it, but I would check it out if I was really stuck!

Oryx

Its a battle of wills here.:) Tell him he is having a haircut. (The initial one could be at home to remove the most of the hair.) Cue tantrum. Just ignore it till he is done. Then calmly insist he is having a haircut, with all the big boy talk etc. Even if you just manage to roughly cut the hair, he gets heaps of praise for being so wonderful and grown up, and everyone tells him hes amazing. I would hope that the second time would be easier, once youve got the worst over, and youll eventually get him in the salon.

Its hard, almost soul destroying to watch a tantrum, but everytime you have tried and failed because of a tantrum you have reinforced it as working. And you wont win till he realises your will, and your insistence this is happening, is stronger than his. Of course the positive side, the praise, is even more important.

I know people dont like kids being upset, and are afraid of permanent damage, but I believe kids that age are trying to learn to control their behaviour and if what we do shows tantrums work, surely thats doing them a disservice? I never give in to temper, whatever the cause. I walk over and around them till its over, then begin whatever the conversation was again, with lots of praise and happy talk. Its how I get my wilful and fussy 3yo dressed.:)

metrovelvet

Hmnnn.... its not so much the tantrum that is the problem... its the willfullness during the haircut... the squiggles... the resitence... the kicking... its impossible if not dangerous.... best to get them to want it.

Looby_Loo

Its a long shot but is it possible he thinks that cutting his hair is like cutting his skin and will hurt him. If anytime his hair is brushed it ends up hurting him he could genuinely be afraid.
Maybe if he saw another child getting their hair cut and being okay through it?

xsiborg

first off, use a wide tooth comb to comb his hair, that will take the knots out without ripping the hair out of his head, that was the advice my barber gave me when i took my three year old son with me when i was getting my hair cut recently.

i was having a laugh with him about how it took me chasing my son around the house for three hours tryin to cut his hair- i'd always cut it after giving him a bath, then i'd wrap him up tight in a towel so he couldn't move his arms or legs, and sit him down on the couch, sure he wouldn't be sitting five minutes before he'd escaped and was gone like a shot with me chasing after him scissors and comb in hand (i'm sure thats an image will haunt him in later years "here's johnny style", haha ).

long story short anyway the barber finished my hair and my son had been watching all this intently, and soon as i got up, he went and sat in the chair as if to say "my turn!".

the barber just cut his hair and my boy loved it because there was like no big deal made about it.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Excuse the liberal here, (maybe it's the living in Germany where a large proportion of kids are of indeterminable gender) but.... is there a practical reason for cutting it? If he likes it and it's not bothering him, leave it.

If it's the clumping and brushing that bothers you, ask some parents who have long haired girls how they cope.

At the point where he starts getting annoyed with people thinking he's a girl then you offer him to get it cut. If this never happens and he grows up a happy long-haired child, be happy for him.

luckat

I'm gawping at all the people trying to make you give the kid a negative impression of girlhood.

So what if he looks like a girl? What's wrong with that?

I wonder is it the mammy that's worried about people thinking he's a girl, if he doesn't care?

Relax. He doesn't mind his hair being long. Leave the kid be. Many's the macho man who loved to wear girly dresses when he was three. They grow out of it.

gubby

I have read through all the replies and the only one who made any sense was oryx. for the love of god.. who is in charge here. sit him down, sit facing him at his level.. tell him that he has to get his hair cut because.... all the reasons.. and because your are in charge and its part of your job in taking care of him. I dont agree with lies or doing it in his sleep, imagine how he would feel if he woke up with his hair cut.. would be the last time he would sleep for a while I'd say. I believe in dealing with children with honesty and talk and explaine.. simply talk and explaine.

CDfm

the kid is only 2 -what is the big deal

i cant see why someone would post on a parent child powergame

im a bit amazed you havent been trimming it in the bath all along

but then as a guy i was fairly practical about things

and no - i dont think him having long hair is a huge issue

metrovelvet

The OP isnt having an issue with the long hair because it's for girls, it's because it's a pain. Other people, including myself, have told him to tell him he looks like a girl as away to get him to agree to a haircut.

gubby- do you want to come over and explain to my 16 month old how he needs to sit still for his fingernails to be trimmed, because right now, I can get two cut in one sitting.

Fionnanc

Why can't MOMY and DADDY hold him down for the electric razor? He's a toddler and shouldn't have a choice.

metrovelvet

In theory ^ that would make sense. But the reality if a wriggling squiggling protesting toddler is entirely different. In fact unless you are talking about a straight jacket and sedatives, it is nearly impossible to do this without their consent or without endagering them.

MarkR

We cut our sons hair last night. He's 19 months old. The sound of the electric shaver wasn't appreciated. We've had far quieter experiences with a scissors. Once he gets a bit older I'm hoping it'll get easier!

oh well

very lightly trim the end when he's asleep and that will at least tidy up the knots and tangles. Then "accidently" catch your hand in his hair a few times and tell him that hair that long is not safe, most people with long hair would tie it up anyway.

Wouldn't take a razor to the hair at the moment anyway, its way to long for a razor and would probably only traumatise him further. I also think that perhaps he thinks it would hurt to cut his hair - saw this before with my niece.

metrovelvet - do the nails when 16mth is asleep. easy as pie then they are tired out.

marti101

If its a battle of the wills you are going to win,you have to because if you dont he will know that anything you say all he has to do is throw a tantrum and he will get his way.And you think hes bad now wait till hes 13/14 and is worse.Theres a place in Jervis Centre that do kids haircuts its on the top floor and they give you a certificate and a lock of hair.Bring him to get it done and get the certificate framed and let it hang on the wall,also lots of praise and maybre a treat.Thats the best i can offer but it has to be nipped in the bud now or it will get worse.

lostinnappies

he will probably never agree to it ..... do it in his sleep mhhhuuuaaaahhhaa haaa:p I bribe my 4 year old. I set a piece of chocolate right infront of him out of reach but he can see it. I tell him if he sits nice and still for his hair cut he can have it

Now remember he has to sit nice and still. That is his task... not if he lets you cut his hair, dont give him a choice in that because the answer will always be no.

John Mason

At the end of the day, you are the parent and grown up, you cant allow a 2 years to dictate to you - end of story, if i tried what you are talking about with my parents, i would have known all about.

TheBigFella

I know you said you tried bribery but I believe everyone has their price.
A visit to the toy shop to let him pick the toy he wants then after he thinks he's getting it tell him it's his after a haircut.

Others are saying do not let him get the better of you that he's only 3 but if he's throwing a fit around a pair of scissors it could be dangerous.

Oryx

TheBigFella wrote: »

I know you said you tried bribery but I believe everyone has their price.
A visit to the toy shop to let him pick the toy he wants then after he thinks he's getting it tell him it's his after a haircut.

Others are saying do not let him get the better of you that he's only 3 but if he's throwing a fit around a pair of scissors it could be dangerous.

My chap used to throw an almighty fit when getting his toenails cut. (with scissors). I always managed to do it and he still has all his toes, plus mentally he is not scarred and lets me cut them no bother now. It can be done, if youre careful. With hair as long as described here, the worst would come off in one go, by catching it in your fist and lopping it off.

metrovelvet

^ There is no way I could do that without both of us ending up in the hospital.

Oryx

metrovelvet wrote: »

^ There is no way I could do that without both of us ending up in the hospital.

Well it dont sound pretty but Ive had to semi sit on the wriggling little guy to do it. Noone gets injured though. But awful as that sounds, its better than having his curling toenails cutting into his toes, and like I said, he doesnt mind now at all.

CDfm

I am with the little guy on this.

The more I think of it the more Im rooting for him

lemon_sherbert

Have you tried letting him do it himself? I mean it won't be neat, but if you let him do the first snip (obviously supervising closely with the scissors), he might get over the fear of pain, and let you take over?

TheBigFella

How about you switch his shampoo for your Imact or Veet and start all over again?

CDfm

thats an idea

it could be a shampoo eyes thing - didnt think of that

my son had that but now is a big lad long hair and bass guitar and no-one can cut his hair

you can get sud free shampoo for kids and a kind of a face guard that goes around the head ears neck etc and shields the eyes from suds- the face guards were really cheap in mothercare -the shampoo a bit more expensive

so you are only taking away hair to stop suds gettiong in his eyes which is bad

lostinnappies

TheBigFella wrote: »

How about you switch his shampoo for your Imact or Veet and start all over again?

Ha ha ha ha, one way of getting rid of the hair:D

Mr. Presentable

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

At the end of the day, you are the parent and grown up, you cant allow a 2 years to dictate to you - end of story, if i tried what you are talking about with my parents, i would have known all about.

This is it.

You are supposed to be in charge, not the child. I have seen this exact behaviour from a relative's child - he's nine now and still doing the exact same thing, at the barbers, at the dentists, at the dinner table. Yours is young enough for you to regain control, so do it.

There seems to be a modern culture of allowing children to do what they please, to be coddled, almost deified! Children are what you make them, but we are letting children make themselves.

CDfm

nipplenuts wrote: »

This is it.

You are supposed to be in charge, not the child. I have seen this exact behaviour from a relative's child - he's nine now and still doing the exact same thing, at the barbers, at the dentists, at the dinner table. Yours is young enough for you to regain control, so do it.

There seems to be a modern culture of allowing children to do what they please, to be coddled, almost deified! Children are what you make them, but we are letting children make themselves.

BOOOOOOOOOOO - Shes behind you

Nevyn

Can we keep the discussion sensible please.

I don't agree with kids ruling the roost.

I don't agree with telling a child someone thing they are a girl is a bad thing,
I think it starts of sexist gender stereotyping of girls being lesser.

I don't agree with traumatising a child over hair.

I do think that the health and hygine of the child should be put first.

I do think that kids should have a certain amount of freedom of expression when it comes to themselves.

So if a boy wants to have long or longish hair, that would not bother me as long as it can be cleaned and groomed.

If the child has developed a hair cutting phobia then that does need to be tackled and there are lots of good and positive ways to do that rather then deriding him and other children who happen to be female.

Really he's your son, find a comprise that works for both of you.

Victor

lisa6360 wrote: »

I'm having to battle with knots and clumps *I've* never even had, and I have very long hair.

How about you get a hair cut?

Fionnanc

There is a Childrens' hairdresser on the 1st parking floor of the Jervis Centre. Decked out in racing car chairs and toys. I would say the hairdressers there know all the tricks in getting a 3 year old still. Any satisfied customers?

colly10

The only thing I can think of thats causing him to freak out is that he thinks cutting his hair will hurt him, he feels it when you brush his hair so he probably assumes it would be very painful when you cut it, thats probably why he freaks out (rather than actually really loving his hair)

Take him to a kids hairdressers, they should know a few tricks

CDfm

While we are posting the hair is growing............:cool:

Blisterman

I think maybe an electric razor to the head while he's asleep might do the trick.

Just be sure to get a quiet one.

V1llianous

Fionnanc wrote: »

There is a Childrens' hairdresser on the 1st parking floor of the Jervis Centre. Decked out in racing car chairs and toys. I would say the hairdressers there know all the tricks in getting a 3 year old still. Any satisfied customers?

We use that one for our nearly 3 year old. He went through a phase for a couple of months where he didn't want it cut but last month no protest at all. Just sat there watching Bob the Builder waiting for his lollipop. :D