bad first impression

LegacyUser

Hi. Going unreg for this. Not a poster on this forum but could be recognised from others.
While its not an earth shattering problem it seems I give a bad first impression. I could be in line in a shop and watch the checkout person chat and interact with the previous 5 customers but when I come along theres nothing. The bare transaction, no hi or thanks or goodbye, change either dropped on the counter or dropped from an inch into the hand.

I work manual labour so maybe a bit scruffy and dirty during the working day and can understand a shop assistant not wanting to touch a slightly dirty hand but some peoples reaction is a bit off even considering this. Half the customers in the shop are the same as me. And before you say it I'm being paranoid, I've noticed this for a long time. Today I was tempted to ask the counterperson what had I done to annoy her in the space of our transaction. I'm one of the most polite and honest people you could meet. More than once I've been undercharged or got back too much change and I've gone back and sorted it out.

I've also noticed this in social situations when I am out of work gear and cleaned up. Although for me cleaned up may be not most peoples idea of it. I have plenty of close good friends, am in a longterm relationship and a longtime job.

I'm not Dexter Morgan (evil ) nor the elephant man (unpretty !)or whatever but is it possible that I'm sending out some, and I hate to use the word, "vibe" that I'm unaware of ? I not a hugely confident person but I'm not a quivering wreck either. I'm willing to give anybody a chance to they prove themselves and won't judge a soul till I've interacted with them but I don't seem to be getting the same break.

Any ideas ?

Thoie

May not be relevant, but take a look at yourself in the mirror when you're not thinking of anything in particular, or you're a bit tired or whatever.

Most of my friends would say I'm pretty enough (not stunning, but pleasant). However I've seen pics of myself when caught unawares (reading a book, vegging, not thinking of anything in particular) and my whole face drops into what could nearly be called a scowl - I look mad grumpy. My friends used always apologise to me if I was waiting for them somewhere - turned out that if I was just standing around I'd look nearly angry, so they thought I was annoyed at them. 99% of the time I wasn't annoyed at all, just thinking my own thoughts. Maybe your face does the same and makes you look sullen/grumpy?

Maybe you do have a sullen face. I know I do - drives me mad. It's simply that I have full lips and the corners turn down so it looks like I'm moody/pouting. I remember being asked if I was alright as far back as when I was 4 or 5. People always comment that they thought I was miserable/depressed when they first met me, and I have the same thing with people in shops and people in general. I usually try to be super friendly to make up for it but it gets tiring. Sometimes I want to punch the next person to say 'cheer up' when I'm in a grand mood!

BenjAii

OP - I'm fairly sure through no fault of your own, you are giving off bad vibes. Without realising it you are probably looking sullen or whatever.

There is a really simple solution; just smile a bit more.

I don't mean to sound trite, but that's all it takes. Next time your at the counter, try making eye contact, say "hi" or something, even a bit of small talk if appropriate, or just look in a good mood - anything that gives off a friendly vibe; you won't be having this problem anymore.

LegacyUser

Yep - it's all about smiling

I know people who don't smile very much, and I find it almost awkward starting up a conversation with them. I'm very happy, chatty and smiley (prob quite an annoying person when I think of it although I got along with people from all walks of life and have many many friends) and almost always have small-talk with sales assistants etc......(altho I am prob too jolly for the ones with hangovers or the ones, again, with grumpy scowling faces that you wouldn't even TRyYto get a conversation out of!)

Karen_*

[quote=[Deleted User];57615200]Sometimes I want to punch the next person to say 'cheer up' when I'm in a grand mood![/quote]


I usually say I've just buried someone and I'd love to cheer up but I'm devastated. I'd say the 'cheer up' brigade have dwindled greatly in numbers thanks to me and that I have scarred many of them for life.

OP just smile and initiate a conversation and see how you go from there. People are almost always friendly when you are with them.

Overheal

Maybe pay more attention to your body language OP. Its not actually so much looks. When I worked behind a counter it was easy to spot who was in a good mood, who was being muddy, those that wanted to stop you for banter, etc.

Needless to say, the same body language used when doing Manual Labor (the raised shoulders, braced back, broad stance etc) - not so good for all occassions. Big conversation killers include looking down/evasively, crossing arms, exhasperation, gruff tone, etc - and if I read your self-descript right, defensive body-language (Less than great self-confidence, but Independent. usually shown through tensed up and rigid posture, half or fully closed fists) isn't inviting either.

Try and remember that your mouth does 1/3 of your communicating for you. Next time you want to talk to the cashier say, approach with your head upright, make eye contact, raise your eyebrows and smile slightly, keep your arms and legs relaxed and say Hello in at least a neutral if not upbeat tone. it sounds like a lot to remember to think about on paper but once you start it becomes second nature.