Pigheads Pubescent Problem Prevention Pill.

Pighead

Not much happening at work today, so Pighead decided to think up an idea that will make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. The kind of richness that makes you lose touch with reality and turns you into a cnut. Ah yes, bring it on.

Anyway was thinking of inventing a pill that you give to your newborn kid moments upon arrival into this cruel harsh and unforgiving world. The pill will work as an anti-smoking/ anti-drug device. The kid reaches 13 or 14, tries their first cigarette/drug of choice and before you can say "Wet trousers" the pill has reacted with the drug and caused the kid to violently vomit all over his/her trainers and even more violently wet his/her underpants.

The trauma of said reaction will ensure the kid will steer well clear of the nasty cigarettes and create a piece of mind previously unheard of within the adolescent parent community.
Obviously if it's a success, the pill could be tweaked to cover a wide range of products that are conceived as bad for the kiddy. Gonna work on the "Cuckoos Nest" Pill tomorrow to make sure none of Pigheads spawn ever post in that god forsaken hellhole.

So would you give your kid the PPPPP or do you think that kids should live and learn from their own mistakes and meddling in such a way would only cause resentment and hatred in later years.

Agamemnon

I wish there was a Pighead Thread Prevention Pill.

I'd let my spawn smoke and drink, but if you make an anti-emo or anti-boy racer pill, I'll be your first customer. If only you could come up with a pill to stop teenage girls getting pregnant though...

javaboy

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Sorry Piggy. Not a new idea. I've heard of experiments using a "drug" vaccine that basically makes you vomit/react badly to drugs/cigarettes. I think similar ideas have been used to make fat people lose their sweet tooth.

If the big pharmaceuticals aren't making squillions off it now and they have a big head start, what chance do you think you have?

Pighead

javaboy wrote: »

Sorry Piggy. Not a new idea. I've heard of experiments using a "drug" vaccine that basically makes you vomit/react badly to drugs/cigarettes. I think similar ideas have been used to make fat people lose their sweet tooth.

If the big pharmaceuticals aren't making squillions off it now and they have a big head start, what chance do you think you have?

Pighead was hoping the "PPPPP" angle would help his cause. There are very few products out there that are so wonderfully alliterated. If you were a paying customer would you ask the Chemist for the 5P tablet or the O-(4-NITROBENZYL)HYDROXYLAMINE HYDROCHLORIDE tablet?

Also Pigheads pill is designed to be ingested at birth and guaranteed to remain in the body for a lifetime. Doubt the other pills have such a unique marketable quality.

4zn76tysfajdxp

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Anyone without kids (like me) will say "No, I would not. Let him learn from his own mistakes" becuase we're reasonable and will vote hiding behind the veil of logic.

Anyone with kids wouldn't hesistate to vote yes because they're all emotional and silly about "the dangers of this world."

meditraitor

Pighead wrote: »

HYDROCHLORIDE tablet?

Also Pigheads pill is designed to be ingested at birth and guaranteed to remain in the body for a lifetime. Doubt the other pills have such a unique marketable quality.

I doubt a newborn could ingest the pill me old flower but you could give it to the mother or put it in the formula.

Pighead

Solomon Wailing Sock wrote: »

Anyone without kids (like me) will say "No, I would not. Let him learn from his own mistakes" becuase we're reasonable and will vote hiding behind the veil of logic.

Anyone with kids wouldn't hesistate to vote yes because they're all emotional and silly about "the dangers of this world."

Pighead has no kids (that he knows of) yet he would certainly consider giving his newborn such a pill. But only the cigarette one.

To prevent the wee fella from sitting in a muddied field, taking mushrooms and talking to six legged unicorns whilst dancing to Shakespearean poetry would just be cruel.

Turd Ferguson

How about a pill that makes them keep to their mouths shut!!!

Kiera

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

That idea is just wrapping them in cottonwool. Kids need to learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of others.

tony1kenobi

Pharmaceutical companies make billions from cures and little from prevention. If you were allowed to market such a pill they would have allowed the people that created cancer and Aids preventions to market their product. What they actually did to those people was crucify them upside down. That is what they'll do to you too. If you were to invent a pill that assisted people in stopping smoking though, you'd make billions. Maybe a chewing gum, or a patch, or a throat spray.

As for the drugs thing, if I used them I would always vomit when I took them, I would combat this by taking more.

Pighead

Kiera wrote: »

That idea is just wrapping them in cottonwool. Kids need to learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of others.

What if they don't learn though? What if they think smoking is so cool that they start a 40 a day habit and die of cigarette burns by the time they reach 22. Some kids need tough love.

4zn76tysfajdxp

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead has no kids (that he knows of) yet he would certainly consider giving his newborn such a pill. But only the cigarette one.

So potentially, are you suggesting a different pill for each vice? Wouldn't it be cruel to force an newborn infant to swallow an anti-cigarette pill, an anti-alcohol pill, an anti-weed pill, an anti-ecstasy pill, an anti-speed pill, an anti-crack pill, an anti-cocaine pill and an anti-heroin pill (among others) if you're a very sheltering parent? Plus you mentioned a psychological vice in the form of The Cuckoo's Nest, so you'd also make him swallow an anti-gambling pill, an anti-strip club pill, and anti-chicken racing pill and more...?

The examples I give include 12 pills and that's by no means a complete list of the potential products. Can you imagine having to force a newborn to swallow 12 pills? That would be traumatic...

javaboy

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Pharmaceutical companies make billions from cures and little from prevention. If you were allowed to market such a pill they would have allowed the people that created cancer and Aids preventions to market their product. What they actually did to those people was crucify them upside down. That is what they'll do to you too. If you were to invent a pill that assisted people in stopping smoking though, you'd make billions. Maybe a chewing gum, or a patch, or a throat spray.

Any evidence of your conspiracy theory that big pharmaceuticals are suppressing a cancer cure?

And why wouldn't the tobacco companies who also have an interest in keeping people unhealthy not use the same tactics to crush a smoking cure? I would have thought the big tobacco companies would be at least as evil as big pharma.

Kiera

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Pighead wrote: »

What if they don't learn though? What if they think smoking is so cool that they start a 40 a day habit and die of cigarette burns by the time they reach 22. Some kids need tough love.

Yes and the tough love they would get from me would be a clip around the ear!

Turd Ferguson

Kiera wrote: »

That idea is just wrapping them in cottonwool. Kids need to learn from their mistakes or the mistakes of others.

If kids smoke while they are wrapped in cotton wool they will catch fire and die.

Pighead

Solomon Wailing Sock wrote: »

So potentially, are you suggesting a different pill for each vice? Wouldn't it be cruel to force an newborn infant to swallow an anti-cigarette pill, an anti-alcohol pill, an anti-weed pill, an anti-ecstasy pill, an anti-speed pill, an anti-crack pill, an anti-cocaine pill and an anti-heroin pill (among others) if you're a very sheltering parent? Plus you mentioned a psychological vice in the form of The Cuckoo's Nest, so you'd also make him swallow an anti-gambling pill, an anti-strip club pill, and anti-chicken racing pill and more...?

The examples I give include 12 pills and that's by no means a complete list of the potential products. Can you imagine having to force a newborn to swallow 12 pills? That would be traumatic...

These pills are inserted discreetly in a pill pouch just below the liver area and shall harm your child in no way at all. However Pighead appreciates your concerns and has decided to make 12 pills the absolute limit for any parent to use. The customer is always right and all that malarkey.

Pighead's guessing you would not be a customer Solomon Wailing Sock?

Pighead

javaboy wrote: »

Any evidence of your conspiracy theory that big pharmaceuticals are suppressing a cancer cure?

And why wouldn't the tobacco companies who also have an interest in keeping people unhealthy not use the same tactics to crush a smoking cure? I would have thought the big tobacco companies would be at least as evil as big pharma.

Exactly too many kids nowadays are self appointed experts on the big bad evil world. They spend an hour in a conspiracy forum read a few threads and all of a sudden they know all sorts of things that the rest of us mere mortals are blind to.

Earthhorse

You should go on Dragons Den with this idea.

I can be an advocate for you if you like. I'll thank anything you say to them.

chin_grin

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

How about a pill that makes them keep to their mouths shut!!!

Comes in a tube labelled 'Superglue'.

4zn76tysfajdxp

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead's guessing you would not be a customer Frada?

Well I don't have any children so probably not, no. Though I do appreciate your noble intentions.

Wagon

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Kiera wrote: »

Yes and the tough love they would get from me would be a clip around the ear!

I don't hee how buying them earrings will help hahahahaha haha ha ha hahh aah

Anyway, I don't think your looking at the big picture here Pighead. Alcohol is one of life's little pleasures and a good way to forget who you are for a while. If your child grows up to a depressed miserable teenager and beyond to a depressed miserable adult, then they'd have no way of discovering how hilarous they can be to a bar full of randomers when enjoying a nice pint of (and ill predict a future beer, just to keep in on realistic context) Bratluure$$. They'll grow to hate you and commit suicide and you'll have no grandchildren. It'll happen all over the world and no new babies are born, and then you'll be a lonely old man, sober and with nothing but 250000 pills for company.

javaboy

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Earthhorse wrote: »

You should go on Dragons Den with this idea.

They place a lot of emphasis on good preparation so try and find out if any of them have alcoholic or junkie kids or if there's a history of drug abuse in their family. E.g. "Deborah I know your daughters blowing truckers for crack off the M1 and Duncan I heard your alcoholic son is turning tricks in exchange for naggins of vodka outside the Glasgow Arms so you'll be very interested in what I'm presenting today."

Pighead

Earthhorse wrote: »

You should go on Dragons Den with this idea.

I can be an advocate for you if you like. I'll thank anything you say to them.

Not sure Pighead could face those business bullies. Watched it the other day and this fella walks on with an idea that woed and dazzled the judges. It was a plastic sticky type material that you stuck onto your babys chair to prevent him slipping onto the floor and breaking his noggin.

He was getting praised to the high heavens for such an innovative idea and his smile was getting smugger by the second. He had one paw on teh money and then out of nowhere BAM! Yer man Theo started ripping the material into tiny pieces and quite correctly pointed out that the baba could easily do the same and worst case scenario, choke him/herself.

The smug smile evaporated quicker than a spit in the Mojavi desert as his years of planning and hard work lay in little pieces on the floor right in front of him.

Pigheads not ready for that pain.

Don_Cookie

No, I would not. Let him learn from his own mistakes

I gotta say I like it. Don't have sprogs myself. Let them learn from their own mistakes I hear ppl say. I think not. Kids are dumb. Period. I gotta few clips arounf the ear, got reasoned with, bribed, blackmailed and any other type of crap to make me stop. Did it work?... Not a chance. But if I puked and p*ssed myself in front of my mates, now that woulda worked. So I'll order a few for the future pig, just in case.....!:p

Pighead

Wagon wrote: »

I don't hee how buying them earrings will help hahahahaha haha ha ha hahh aah

Anyway, I don't think your looking at the big picture here Pighead. Alcohol is one of life's little pleasures and a good way to forget who you are for a while. If your child grows up to a depressed miserable teenager and beyond to a depressed miserable adult, then they'd have no way of discovering how hilarous they can be to a bar full of randomers when enjoying a nice pint of (and ill predict a future beer, just to keep in on realistic context) Bratluure$$. They'll grow to hate you and commit suicide and you'll have no grandchildren. It'll happen all over the world and no new babies are born, and then you'll be a lonely old man, sober and with nothing but 250000 pills for company.

Pighead would never ever give his spawn an anti-alcohol pill. That would be cruel beyond belief. It would be like if Pighead's mother had chopped off her only sons todger at birth thus depriving so much pleasure to so many people. Why would you do it? Like Pighead's todger, alcohol has it's place and purpose in society.

Nope, Pighead would only ever give his son the Anti-Cigarette Pill and the Anti-Cuckoos Nest one. Everything else is fair game for Pighead Jr.

tony1kenobi

javaboy wrote: »

Any evidence of your conspiracy theory that big pharmaceuticals are suppressing a cancer cure?

And why wouldn't the tobacco companies who also have an interest in keeping people unhealthy not use the same tactics to crush a smoking cure? I would have thought the big tobacco companies would be at least as evil as big pharma.

Yes and no......aren't the tobacco companies banking on the fact their product is addictive? The warning signs on packs now are bigger than the brand name, everyone knows the dangers but opt to continue their habit. If there was a cure for smoking, people could then smoke their tits off knowing that, no matter how addictive or dangerous their dabbling is, a one pill cures all solution is available. Maybe that would encourage more people to smoke rather than have everyone suddenly stop.

Or maybe not....I'm not an expert on such things. As for evidence of a conspiracy I think it is generally accepted that technology, medicine and the like are far more advanced than us entry level humans know. How could a cancer cure be given a general release? Surely research would need to cure x amount of people then monitor those people for x amount of time to ensure no side effects that outweigh the cure. Again, I am only thinking as I go. I am not informed any more than anyone else.

javaboy

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead would never ever give his spawn an anti-alcohol pill. That would be cruel beyond belief. It would be like if Pighead's mother had chopped off her only sons todger at birth thus depriving so much pleasure to so many people. Why would you do it? Like Pighead's todger, alcohol has it's place and purpose in society.

And just like alcohol, anyone who has suffered at the hands of Pighead's todger chooses to remain Anonymous.

tony1kenobi wrote: »

As for evidence of a conspiracy I think it is generally accepted that technology, medicine and the like are far more advanced than us entry level humans know. How could a cancer cure be given a general release? Surely research would need to cure x amount of people then monitor those people for x amount of time to ensure no side effects that outweigh the cure.

Entry level humans? Speak for yourself. I'm a top spec model. Leather exterior, alloy feet, air conditioning etc. The audio system is a bit ****e though. I always get booed off at Karaoke.

Again, I am only thinking as I go. I am not informed any more than anyone else.

That's not the impression I got from your post about how pharma. companies are not letting the people that created cancer and AIDS preventions to be marketed.

Cookie_Monster

No, I would not. Let him learn from his own mistakes

I say Pighead's idea does not go far enough!

More, Pighead, more. More draconian anti-kid measures. It'll be great for all*



*except kids of course

Wagon

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead would never ever give his spawn an anti-alcohol pill. That would be cruel beyond belief. It would be like if Pighead's mother had chopped off her only sons todger at birth thus depriving so much pleasure to so many people. Why would you do it? Like Pighead's todger, alcohol has it's place and purpose in society.

Nope, Pighead would only ever give his son the Anti-Cigarette Pill and the Anti-Cuckoos Nest one. Everything else is fair game for Pighead Jr.

If you really want to impress people, give them an anti Michelin Man pill. not only will they stop dressing in those bulky matching tracksuits, they'll also buy Bridgestone or Good Year, a proper tyre which will keep the car steady as Pighead Jr does some fanny maintainance on some lonely housewives who's husbands are off smoking cigars at the cigar smoking club.

milod

[Commence narcissistic third-person prose style] Milod has 17y/o and 18y/o sons, both of whom appear to have experimented with various methods of Cannabis induction, to wit discovery of associated paraphernalia such as Bongs, Rizla, small pieces of card, etc. Milod also attended A&E to retrieve delusional and paranoid son on one occasion.

Milod cannot ascend high moral ground due to his own questionable relationship with mild hallucinogens, and therefore found his arguments weakened somewhat. Milod's ex-wife was quick to inform Milod's sons of Milod's aforementioned history, further weakening his position as mature adviser. Milod is therefore tempted by Pighead's notion. [/ends dualistic and frankly disturbing self-reference in the abstract]

But on the other hand - f**k it, it did me no harm and if they've inherited any intelligence at all, they'll figure it out for themselves...

Earthhorse

Pighead wrote: »

Not sure Pighead could face those business bullies.

...

Pigheads not ready for that pain.

Sounds like you need some sort of Pighead's Pushy Paphitis Pressure Preventitive Pill which causes you to puke up at the slightest sign of criticism from entrepreneurs.

It'd make for good television anyway.

Pighead

Earthhorse wrote: »

Sounds like you need some sort of Pighead's Pushy Paphitis Pressure Preventitive Pill which causes you to puke up at the slightest sign of criticism from entrepreneurs.

It'd make for good television anyway.

Six P's you bastard! You beat Pighead!

Erudite Earthhorse has Expertly Enhanced his Enemies Efforts.

Silenceisbliss

Pighead wrote: »

Obviously if it's a success, the pill could be tweaked to cover a wide range of products that are conceived as bad for the kiddy. .

could be modified into a safe interent pill. keep kids from looking at pr0n on the net. The second they get a boner; they puke violently, and piss (like you so delicatly put it) "even more violently" ....

imagine like, once a kid pukes on his crotch and pisses in his own eye because of pr0n, he aint ever gonna look at the stuff again!

whether its becasue he has blinded himself with urine, or becasue of the trauma....i dunno...BUT IT WILL WORK DAMMIT!

tony1kenobi

javaboy wrote: »

That's not the impression I got from your post about how pharma. companies are not letting the people that created cancer and AIDS preventions to be marketed.

That's why I excused myself. While I am perfectly entitled to an opinion I would never want to give the impression my opinion has been formed or based on anything more than what I was thinking at the moment I said it. I come with a disclaimer.

Turd Ferguson

Earthhorse wrote: »

Pighead's Pushy Paphitis Pressure Preventitive Pill

How about Pigheads Preventative Pill for the Prevention of Poo Pooing Pigheads Products and Performance

javaboy

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

tony1kenobi wrote: »

I come with a disclaimer.

Do you tell the missus "past performace is not a guide to future performance"?

tony1kenobi

javaboy wrote: »

Do you tell the missus "past performance is not a guide to future performance"?

Something like that.....but I always guarantee disappointment.

Gummy Panda

Pighead,

can you produce a pill to prevert my kids been targetted by paedophiles? As we all know, paedophiles hunt by smell.

Earthhorse

Pighead wrote: »

Six P's you bastard! You beat Pighead!

Looks like that night course in marketing finally paid off.

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

How about Pigheads Preventative Pill for the Prevention of Poo Pooing Pigheads Products and Performance

That's too many Ps dude. You'll only confuse the customer.

ejmaztec

They've already got the "Morning-After Pill" - guaranteed to prevent any drug and booze crazed offspring being brought home in a Garda Car at 4 in the morning.

Cookie_Monster

No, I would not. Let him learn from his own mistakes

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

How about Pigheads Preventative Pill for the Prevention of Poo Pooing Pigheads Products and Performance

Earthhorse wrote: »

That's too many Ps dude. You'll only confuse the customer.

Nonuple P
:pac:

LouOB

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

Nah
Think of the pleasure you are denying yourself when your first born (or any of your children) come home after a 'night out'. You can stand over them smugly the next morning with frying pan offering up fried goodness to green gills.

I did this to my youngest sister afew times - still brings tear to my eye

EamonnKeane

This wouldn't work. When Fr Mathew brought in the Pledge, some people regretted it afterwards; but an oath is an oath. So, to get around it, they drank diethyl ether instead of alcohol. I think a similar thing would happen here.

Pighead

EamonnKeane wrote: »

This wouldn't work. When Fr Mathew brought in the Pledge, some people regretted it afterwards; but an oath is an oath. So, to get around it, they drank diethyl ether instead of alcohol. I think a similar thing would happen here.

They can do that if they so wish. As long as they don't smoke, Pigheads happy.

javaboy

No I would not. In fact I'll encouage him to smoke and take drugs

EamonnKeane wrote: »

This wouldn't work. When Fr Mathew brought in the Pledge, some people regretted it afterwards.

Can Pighead create a pill to stop solvent abuse?

reggiethefirst

No, I would not. Let him learn from his own mistakes

EamonnKeane wrote: »

This wouldn't work. When Fr Mathew brought in the Pledge, some people regretted it afterwards; but an oath is an oath. So, to get around it, they drank diethyl ether instead of alcohol. I think a similar thing would happen here.

No man, windolene is where it's at.