The Mornin After....

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

A bloke wakes up at home with a huge hangover that he just can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose.

He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

What the fvck....?!!

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is massive hot breakfast that could have been a gift for the Gods and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

He sits down and decides to ask. "Jack," says he, "what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So.... why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

Jack replies, "Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, you tart, I'm married!"

Kashkai

An oldie but goodie. Must remember the last line next time I arrive home legless!!!:D