Sad

mindi

Hi I'm a new poster here. I was seeing a man for over a month and last night he texted me as I was on the way home from our date... which had gone very well as far as I was concerned... that he doesn't want to 'get serious'.
I'm absolutely devastated - more so than I should be after such a short relationship. He said that he broke up with someone four months ago and is sorry we didn't already talk about it. I feel like a fool.
I'm 29 and alone again.
He was sending out relationship signals like you wouldn't believe... in touch every single day since we met and some really great dates. I can't believe I'm so cut up about this. Back to square one I guess!

Burial

Just forget about him and move on. There'll be others. Don't worry.

mindi

Thanks Burial, I know you're absolutely right but today, and probably just for today, it's hard to see the wood for the trees. I'd built up a lot of expectation with regard to this guy. I liked him a lot and it's all down the toilet now... I'm the only single one left out of all my friends too so it's a bit of a hard pill to swallow!

vandermeyde

Onwards and upwards. You have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince as they say. Anyway things could be worse, you could be 30

TheBrig

Ah Mindi, don't be sad (easier said than done) - I was in the same boat for a long long time, all my friends and family all hooked up/engaged/married/expecting - (smug couple city!!) and it used to wreck my head when I would date a guy for a while, all going very well (or so I would think!) and then the whole "eh I don't want to get serious!" - what a waste of time and energy I used to think...and I used to be sooo cut up about it and annoyed with myself for BEING so cut up!! But its not so much you are feeling sad about this particular guy...its more the end of the "dream" - sounds silly but you DO build up expectations and start thinking "ooh I wonder if this could be the one...!" (I'm sorry but we girls DO DO THIS!)

Or is it just me - anyway, have a good moan to your friends (preferably any single ones, the hooked-up ones just don't seem to get it sometimes!), go out, get Heat magazine, some chocolate and spoil yourself

And for what its worth...after 3.5 years of experiencing what you just have...I met a lovely guy through Facebook, so it might be worth giving that a go?

Best of luck and here's a big hug, everything will be just fine.

Faith

I'm confused. Did he just say he doesn't want things to get serious, or he wants things to end? You can be casual and still seeing each other. It's not over just because he doesn't want it to be serious (unless you're just looking for a serious, long-term relationship). If you really like him, why don't you agree to keep things casual? He might quickly realise he wants to be with you properly.

muppetkiller

mindi wrote: »

Thanks Burial, I know you're absolutely right but today, and probably just for today, it's hard to see the wood for the trees. I'd built up a lot of expectation with regard to this guy. I liked him a lot and it's all down the toilet now... I'm the only single one left out of all my friends too so it's a bit of a hard pill to swallow!

Hey Mindi,
I think the issue might be that you are sending out too many relationship singles yourself. It's a bitter pill to swallow but I'm in the same boat myself.
I'm a 31yo male and the only single one in my group and the funny/sad thing is that I've been the one looking for someone over the last few years..yet they all are in relationships now, some engaged.
But I recently met a married woman actually who has been my guide for finding a woman lol. She said after we first met that she couldn't understand why I was single. But then she came to the conclusion that I give off the vibe of being too available. No challenge..I hate games but believe the only way I'm going to find someone is my playing a few.
Maybe you should do the same..And like others have said ...his loss.

The alternative is that maybe he's a commitment phobe ?
Best of luck anyway

mindi

TheBrig wrote: »

Ah Mindi, don't be sad (easier said than done) - I was in the same boat for a long long time, all my friends and family all hooked up/engaged/married/expecting - (smug couple city!!) and it used to wreck my head when I would date a guy for a while, all going very well (or so I would think!) and then the whole "eh I don't want to get serious!" - what a waste of time and energy I used to think...and I used to be sooo cut up about it and annoyed with myself for BEING so cut up!! But its not so much you are feeling sad about this particular guy...its more the end of the "dream" - sounds silly but you DO build up expectations and start thinking "ooh I wonder if this could be the one...!" (I'm sorry but we girls DO DO THIS!)

Or is it just me - anyway, have a good moan to your friends (preferably any single ones, the hooked-up ones just don't seem to get it sometimes!), go out, get Heat magazine, some chocolate and spoil yourself

And for what its worth...after 3.5 years of experiencing what you just have...I met a lovely guy through Facebook, so it might be worth giving that a go?

Best of luck and here's a big hug, everything will be just fine.

Thanks a mill- good advice all round! BTW I met this guy on facebook TheBrig, be careful it's not the same one! Lol

mindi

Faith wrote: »

I'm confused. Did he just say he doesn't want things to get serious, or he wants things to end? You can be casual and still seeing each other. It's not over just because he doesn't want it to be serious (unless you're just looking for a serious, long-term relationship). If you really like him, why don't you agree to keep things casual? He might quickly realise he wants to be with you properly.

I see what you mean Faith, and thanks for the comment, but I've been there before with the 'casual' thing and it never once got serious. At the end of the day it is a relationship I'm looking for so there's no point in pretending to someone that I'll settle for less. Thanks for your pov though.

TheBrig

Well we are seeing each other about 7 months at this stage...so I'll fkng kill him if it is

mindi

TheBrig wrote: »

Well we are seeing each other about 7 months at this stage...so I'll fkng kill him if it is

Lol