Locked in

LegacyUser

anyone else feel completely locked in their life, i have beautiful children who i live for but feel like lve lost part of who I am as a person by devoting my whole life to them. Opportunities are not as open, cannot travel, cannot experience differnent situations and meet interesting people. I would not change them for the world but sometimes feel like maybe i had them too young before i had a change to fully understand who I am, I would love to feel more confident, sexy ,,,,,, feel more worthful, i do not expect gratitude from the kids, if i do a good job they will be happy,, but sometimes its so hard.

the glass woman

Op, how old are your children? And why do you automatically rule out travel, and meeting new and interesting people? I'm a first time mum of a 14th month old and i know its a struggle to find the right balance of wife, mother, and individual, but it really is a case of sitting down and working down on paper the changes that need to happen. Nothing should stop you meeting new and interesting people, for a start. Night courses are great for that, and will give you a new interest too, and time for yourself. Or you could take it a step further, which is what i did, and i'm returning part time to college next week and so looking forward to it. In just 8 months I'll have a new mother friendly career. Also why can't you travel OP? Sure, you may not be able to take a year out, but can you find a babysitter and take a few weekend city breaks? I hope you feel better about things soon, please pm me if you need to..

LegacyUser

I've met people travelling all over the world with young kids..... thought it'd be a pain to travel with youngsters but now that I have nephews and nieces, I can see how great it would be for them. I am thinking of heading off to India over Christmas and if my niece was allowed to come (she's 5) - I;d be happy to take her.

Is there anything stopping you deciding to head off travelling with the kids for a few weeks or a month over the summer - or, what I think would be cool is to head to somewhere hot like India where children are (very welcome) for a couple of months over Christmas.

"Oh, but what about the kids education? they'll fall behind!!" I hear you ask.
Well, find out what they'll be studying and bring their books with them and do classes in the mornings. You could see about getting a local teacher to tutor them. And also, they'll be experiencing new things and they get to run around on beaches for weeks and you get to get away and meet people.

Or head off interailing for a month - either on your own or with them during the summer months.

What does your partner (I'm presuming here) think?

If it's time off work that's stopping you then maybe just ask for an extended break - see what they say.

By the way, while you do meet interesting people while travelling, you also meet a whole load of boring people or people who think they are interesting - it's just like home.


My mother dedicated her whole life to her kids - and you know what, I'd have loved if she had dedicated half of that time (at least) to herself. She had no interests (still doesn't), she never travelled (does a bit now), had few friends and was a martyr and continues to remind us how much she did for us.......
I'd have loved if she had had the independence and courage to say "I'm off for a week, see you then". I really would have loved if she had had a passion for anything and to have lived some of her dreams (I don't even know what they might have been or still are) because that would have made her and us happier.

I hated her for ages because we were the only thing in her life and she was looking for happiness through us.

Life is too short for regrets.

LegacyUser

you know what, people these days are trying to hard to buy that house,buy that car,buy those shoes,buy the new tv,live normally but forget to live their dreams in the meantime and its an awful waste

im off to london next year to go to university with my 3yr old

and to hell to anyone who has been telling me 'think of your small one' 'what about family here' 'would you not choose a career below what you want' 'london is a big place,i could never do that,it would be very lonely'
ive always wanted to live in london, ive always wanted to be a great mum, ive always wanted a career

you only live once (seriously,its true) with a whole world of opportunities which now working to help mothers with children
anything is possible, if not a little harder to reach or organize.

Drift

Hey OP, i'm 26 and my parents have four children all over the age of 17 now. We've been travelling everywhere with them since each of us was born. I don't mean holidays at the beach either. Camping trips all over Europe, road trips in the states, trans-siberian train journeys, south american adventures, down the nile. We've been all over creation as a family since before we were able to walk.

It's fantastic fun and although it means a slightly different type of holiday (not so much boozing!) we've been in some of the strangest places and situations and have the stories to tell now.

There's nothing stopping you from enjoying life WITH your children. Hopefully you'll teach them a love of life and experiencing new things that will stay with them forever. Kids didn't slow my parents down at all - in fact it just gave them more people to do things with!

I think you should make a list of things you'd like to do OP. You'll find that having kids, being married or anything else doesn't prevent you from doing much. It requires a little more planning, but the rewards are greater too when you're enjoying yourself with people you love.

miss_shadow

when my son goes to his dads... im left wondering what the hell to do with myself! lol

JJJJNR

LegacyUser

Feel for you cause i am living the same life, 2kids also, good on the girl heading off to London, i moved countries went to college and now work full time all since having the first child who is now almost 5 but I agree that i cannot travel as most people are forgetting a little thing called money here, you have to have it to do anything.

However to rethink things lets take the advice instead of going on hols to Spain whenever we might get there maby it would be possible to have an adventerous holiday down the Nile as she says with our children.

The replies to you have given me inspiration - THERE IS A LIFE AFTER CHILDREN - we just have to put it into practice.