Mate heading down a dark path

LegacyUser

My best mate (since we were about 4 years old (both nearly 30 now) and best men at each other's weddings) has got in with a bad crowd over the last while.Him and I always hung out,going on the p1ss,going to gigs and just general being mates.
I love the guy to bits but a few years ago,he started going out with his now wife, who in layman's terms would be a right scumbag.I've had numerous rows with her when she'd call him useless or a waster, romantic things like that.
We're both from a rough town and we both moved out of there but now she has him back there,right in the middle of it. Also, he's totally addicted to hash and now his dealer (and wife's mate) is flavour of the month.Well,last few years.
This dealer guy is a scumbag of the highest order,he's known to have stabbed his sister in the hand,arrested countless times,will start a fight over the slightest thing and usually pull a knife. He even bashed me over the head with a hammer when we were kids(although one of my Da's golf clubs helped me to quench the hate). I've also heard that he's involved with a violent gang in the area that are known for their extreme methods.
Sorry for taking the long way around the barn with this but my point is I don't know what to do. Usually I'd just cut my losses and say to hell with them, but this guy is like a brother to me and it's killing me every time I think about it.But at the same time I have to think about my family. I want to cut my ties because I don't want to risk anything happenning to my wife and kids over this shower of knackers, but I find it hard to let it go.
Any of y'all gone through this before?

Oh yeah, the worst thing is, my mate is still the same cool,kind and generous guy that he's always been,it's just that this guy is feeding his addiction and my mate is too stoned to know the difference.Go figure huh.

MagicMarker

All you can do is ask the guy out for a beer, sit him down, and tell him in detail what you think. After that, it's really up to him, and there is absolutely nothing more you can do about it. Sucks, but that's just the way it is.

bug

Tell him what you think, then leave him to think about it.

If your that close to him then he might need you down the line so be there then.
There isn't a lot you can do right now, and sometimes backing off in these situations can make people think..

Leave him be after you tell him your worries, and see what happens. Stand by him later if he ever needs you, thats the best you can do.

I saw guys like this in my mid twenties, and they ended up alone until they had a change of heart themselves. It does happen.
The one thing is their "scanger" birds were just their birds and not their wives.. but I don't think there is a lot you can do about that really.

Best of luck, you seem like a really good friend to be so concerned about him to post here, and I'm sure you will be in the future when he realises stuff and needs you.

LegacyUser

Cheers guys, I'll be honest and say I've already thought about a lot of the stuff you said in your posts, but I thought I was being a pr1ck for thinking that way. I'm glad to know that others would handle it this way too.Cheers again.

bug wrote: »

There isn't a lot you can do right now, and sometimes backing off in these situations can make people think..

I don't think I've heard a truer statemant.Thats what I'm gonna do. Like the saying,if you love someone let them go......etc etc
If I mean as much to him as he does to me, he'll wonder why I'm not around and hopefully pull me up on it,then that's when we'll get it out in the open.It's just that if I go all guns blazing,I'll be the dick head and I'll probably lose the guy's friendship for good.

Ah thanks again guys, big feckin' hugs all round

PeakOutput

firstly hash has no physical addictive qualities at all so you cant blame it on that drug in particular

its far far more likely that either in his legitimate love / imagined love for his knacker wife that he has decided to put up with this bull****. if thats the case there is nothing you can do to help. if he thinks she is the one for him and the only one for him he is going to go down with the ship

if on the other you think that he feels like he is just in a hole he cant get out of and its just easier for him to d onothing than figure a way out then he might be rescuable.

LegacyUser

PeakOutput wrote: »

firstly hash has no physical addictive qualities at all so you cant blame it on that drug in particular

Technically you're right...but wrong at the same time. It does'nt need to be physically addictive for someone to get addicted to it. I've seen the guy without it or running low on it.He'll be anxious,nervy and freaking out about where the next bit is coming from.It's a mental addiction,but still an addiction nonetheless.
And like most dealers, they're best friend is the person they're selling to,and it's the dealer guy I have the biggest concern over,not so much his wife.She is'nt known to stab family members or assault Garda's.
And regardless of whether or not people think hash is or is'nt addictive, at the end of the day it's illegal and I'd rather not see my friend get a criminal record over it.

Beruthiel

As others have said already, tell him what you think and feel.
Then tell him you can't be part of it.
That you need to keep your family away from it. That it's the road to no where and it breaks your heart to watch him go down it.
Tell him you won't be hanging around him anymore but that you will miss him dearly and when he is readly to pull himself out of this, you will be there, to renew your friendship.

Sugar Drunk

Its admirable to want to save your friend but you don't want to risk drowning yourself at the same time because thats no help to anyone.

Tell him how you feel and explain that you are worried about him. Let him know that you will always be there for him.

All you can do is hope that he does some day see the light and that you can be there as a supporting friend when it happens. People have to want to change and until he sees and acknowledges his problems, he cant and wont want to change