Lifes so empty

LegacyUser

please help me.

basically my life is in an empty rut and has been for years. Im 32. Im meant to be married next year. On the surface i shpuld be so so happy. But Im not. At all.

I dont want to get married. I love my gf to bits but Im immature and not reeady for mariage. I dont even know why shes with me. I hate facing reality. I hide behind my obsessive hobbies to escape the reality ive plunged into. I spend all my spare time gaming and watching wrestling to be point of complete overkill. When Im not doing that Im on internet messageboards. i often speak unkindly towards others in the internet. im just striking out and i get great satisfaction from making people look silly on the mesage forums. im twice the age of tghese kids on the net and pwning them is easy. but the cruelty doesnt stop there. i treat my gf like **** most of the time, yet shes always there for me. the girl i really love is in oz with someone else. i ruined things with her by being too intense and horrible to her. she was the one for me. im obsessed with her, yet like everything else i care about i ruined it ny lashing out.

my drug habit from the past hurt me and so many others as well but i wont even get into that.

im unemployed, lonely and dying inside. all i have is my music and hobbies. i want to end it all but then ill never see my beloved exile in ausstralia.

unhappycamper

You seem to have a good idea of what you want and don't want so have you ever considered changing ?

Zillah

Call off the marriage. Jesus Christ what are you thinking getting married when you're clearly barely even interested in this person.

Oryx

Yes. You are immature. And you seem to be wallowing in it as an excuse to actually get off your bum and do something about it. Noone else is forcing you to do stuff. Noone else is in charge of your life. If you feel like its a sorry mess at the moment YOU are the only one who can start to change that.

Im not usually harsh on here, but you really do sound like you need a kick up the behind to rid you of your self pity. If you are used to the cut and thrust of message boards, I reckon you can take a bit of tough criticism in PI.

You have detailed whats wrong, how you are using games etc as displacement activities. You know you dont love your fiancee. Stop mooning over a fantasy woman in Australia who is no longer any part of your reality. Thats just your fear of marriage making you look for greener pastures. Stop being weak and helpless and for god's sake change. You may have to hurt people. You may have to deal with sh*t you dont like. But you owe it to those around you, and you owe it to yourself not to waste the next 32 years of your life pretending to be 15.

Being immature is fine as a teenager. But you are in your 30s. Its time to grow up.

LegacyUser

Dont dig the hole deeper by getting married. Call it off. Sure it will cause hurt and anger, but the hurt caused now will be nothing compared to that of a loveless marriage that is bound to end in disaster.

getting married means kids could potentially be drawn into this farce of a relationship. do the right thing now, for you and her. Also, you will be letting your current girlfriend go to find happiness. if shes stuck with you and your not happy, she will NEVER be happy, and you will just waste lots of her time and make her end up miserable and bitter. she obviously loves you so do the best thing for her and set her straight, let her go.

secondly, the chick in Oz. if shes really happy in Oz with her partner, and you love her,then why would you ever think of trying to break her on the slight chance she would want to get back with you. im not saying she wouldnt, but theres only a chance, and a much bigger chance she will hate you for trying to ruin her life in Oz. If you love her, be happy for her.

thirdly, to be happy for her you have to grow up. learn you cant have everything. thats not how life works. once you accept this, that you may not be able to have her, and become happy for her, you WILL move on. i mean that. then you can perhaps find someone you really love.

everytime you think of her in OZ from now on, i want you to consciously think of her being happy in her life there, and all the upset you would cause trying to break her life there apart. think " i am happy she is happy". you will believe this eventually because its TRUE. after a while you wont even have to force yourself to do this, it will come naturally, and also help you control yourself in other suituations where things are not going your way.

it will take effort on your part so pull the finger out, look at the suituation logically and do the right thing.

And if you need to obsess on a hobby, find something productive such as an instrument, computers, carpentry or whatever floats your boat. i like computer games but wouldnt obsess over them as they take time from the important things.

emma@

i think you know whats wrong well take the steps to change your life, only you can do it. you're being very unfair to your girlfriend, best leaving her sooner rather than later cos she's the one who's gonna suffer

Karen_*

I think if the solution was as simple as copping on and growing up then you would have done that already. I mean its quite obvious that's what you should do. But if you're stuck in a rut and depressed as it sounds like you might be then thats easier said than done.

Why are you unemployed? Are you looking for work? Have you spoken to your doctor or someone who would be able to tell you if this is more than just being in a rut?

OP you need to change things for yourself unless you are physically or mentally unable to. And that means starting off small. But a start needs to be made all the same. No one can wave a magic wand and do it all for you but there is help there for you.

funloving

The best thing you can do for yourself and this girl you are with is to break up.
Don't let her waste her time on someone who clearly doesn't love her as she deserves to be...
Sort things out in your life first,not being into a relation,and try and understand what you wanna do and how to achieve it.

Happiness sometimes depends on our efforts to change our life for the better.