Please help me feel back to normal

LegacyUser

I know this is probably just myself being stupid but I don't know what to do.

I have been seeing this guy for 3 months, officially going out for one of that and I just don't trust him. Its destroying me as I worry everytime he goes out without me and then I snap at him and he doesnt understand why. I think it is just that he has been with or at least kissed so many of the girls we would see on a night out that it freaks me out? He does act a bit stupid and lets girls flirt with him and I think thats whats getting to me. I don't know what to do here I feel like this is killing me as I am pretty sure I love him.

what should I do? should I talk to him and tell him that I don't think I trust him or just grow up and stop being an idiot?

AngryBadger

OP if you're this insecure now, when you should be immersed in the honeymoon period then I'd say bail. I think it's inappropriate for him to flirt with other woman in your company, but unless you have a reason to actually suspect he's cheating on you then I think you need to deal with your own insecurities, or else end this relationship.

shellyboo

Is there a reason you don't trust him apart from the flirting? You say he's been with a lot of the women you've seen on a night out... are these exes?

If so, I can understand why your trust is shaky. Unfortunately, I think trust is an implicit thing in a relationship, either it's there or it's not - and a relationship can't work without trust. Ask yourself if there's anything he could do (within reason - either stopping the flirting or going out to places where his exes aren't) that would make you trust him - if the answer's no, then it's time to end it.

LegacyUser

I think it is just my own insecurities. I have never been in a relationship where I have had to deal with this kind of thing before and its just wrecking my head.


All this girls that are out are just girls he has kissed? I seem to be the only one that he has actually gone out with, i don't even know if that is better or worse.

I want so much for this to work, I keep forgetting that sometimes you do have to work at things and can't just expect things to fall into place but it should be easier than this...


I just want to articulate the words to him that I don't trust him 100% and that he has to find some way to help to trust him, I don't want to give up on this.


I think it is just made worse by the fact that he does not like having sex as much as I do so I am feeling a bit unloved. (jesus this sounds like the worst relationship ever, but its not!)

LegacyUser

arrgh just wrote a big reply but it didnt work.

anyway was just saying that I dont have reason to think that he is or has cheated on me, its just the flirting I guess. I have never been in a relationship where I have had to deal with this kind of thing before.


all the girls who we would see out are just girls he has kissed, I seem to be the only one who he has gone out with? I dont know if that is better or worse really.


I just need to deal with these insecurites but I also need to find a way to tell him that I don't trust him. This seems like so much work but sometimes you have to work at stuff I figure?


I don't really know what to do about this, I know when i see him later I will all happy and smiles and will forget about this till it happens again then I will be upset again.

He just doesnt understand it either, he is not the jealous type so he doesnt understand why I would get jealous?


this is sounding more ridiclous the more I type and think. I have invested so much in this relationship so quickly is it just possible that I am just scared to be alone (again) and scared of losing him (possibly to all those girls who I know like him)

BAM!

In this situation it's easy to be jealous OP, it's hard to go out with someone who's kissed, but not been in a relationship with, many girls. I wouldn't say anything at the moment, its new and you don't want to scare him off. But just see how things are going, at the moment you don't have any reason not to trust do you?

LegacyUser

No I don't really have a reason not to trust him, he told me at the start of our thing that he had kissed one of the girls he had been kissing like in the first 2 weeks. but he doesnt talk to her at all now so I don't have to really worry about that.

other than that there is not much other than him telling me about girls we both know trying to get stuck into him when Im not around but he's laughing about it while he's telling it?

I think he just has a weird sense of humour about these things and doesnt really understand why certain things would get me angry.


But I think maybe just relaxing a bit is the best idea, it is new and I don't really want to terrify him into thinking I am some crazy jealous control freak as we both know he hates girls who get like that.


I hate love

but thank you to everyone who posted. I feel a bit more rational

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

No I don't really have a reason not to trust him, he told me at the start of our thing that he had kissed one of the girls he had been kissing like in the first 2 weeks. but he doesnt talk to her at all now so I don't have to really worry about that.

other than that there is not much other than him telling me about girls we both know trying to get stuck into him when Im not around but he's laughing about it while he's telling it?

I think he just has a weird sense of humour about these things and doesnt really understand why certain things would get me angry.


But I think maybe just relaxing a bit is the best idea, it is new and I don't really want to terrify him into thinking I am some crazy jealous control freak as we both know he hates girls who get like that.


I hate love

but thank you to everyone who posted. I feel a bit more rational

Definitely try to chill out a bit. He's obviously aware that you're having an issue with this if he's telling you about girls who are coming onto him - it's when he's not telling you about stuff like this that you have to start worrying. If he had something to hide, he wouldn't be so casual about telling you.

Curlypinkie

To be honest OP, for your own good, I don't think you should date this man. The balance in this relationship is wrong from what seems like the very beginning. You don't feel secure enough in this relationship and he continues to flirt even tho he's only been "going out" with you for a month.
What you need to do is find a partner who is on the same level as you. For some reason I get the feeling (and what you feel in your gut about your partner is usually at least 60% correct - fact, lol) that he doesn't really want to let go of acting single, if not even being single. He hasn't really embraced the fact he's actually involved with you.

What you need to do is step back and look at yourself.
Why is it such an issue he has kissed girls? So what? Why should it matter? Everyone will have a history, and the older we get the more people we have kissed/slept with and the bigger the chance of bumping into them through mutual friends on different occasions.
You shouldn't even be bothered.
How is he flirting? Is he touching them? Hugging them? If you don't feel comfortable with that and if you still want to give it another try ask him not to. He can still feel flirtacous - that's quite improtant to some men and women- but he doesn't need to be physical.

But I would say let it go. From my own experience, see it as a learning path. If you focus too early on things like that it will destroy you from the inside. You don't want that from, as I see it, the young age that you are.

You will meet the boy/man you deserve. Never settle for 2nd best ok?