help needed with personal problem

LegacyUser

Im a 23 year old male going out with a girl 24. We been going out for over 3 years. i love her to bits and could never see my life without her. at the minute she in college and has a weekend job on top of it i ave a gud job but it away from home and is shift work with irregular hours. we txt alot and chat on the phone to each other nearly every night. we get to see each other two out of four weekend for a bit.
the problem i have with our relationship is the physical side to it. i try talk to her about it sometimes but seems to go no where. when i mean physical i mean kissing, hugging, foreplay and sex. we basically have no physical side to our relationship. we dont kiss anymore and hardly even kiss and as for foreplay dont know when the last time i got anywhere. as for sex we both virgins cumming into the relationship and tried doing it once about a year and a half into the relationship but didnt work out mainly due to our inexperience and us not being ready for it. my girlfriend says she just not a physical person and cannot see why im obsessed with it. I dont feel like im obsessed with it i just want to kiss her every now again and ave a physical side to our relationship. I dont want to put pressure on her as she feels that one of the reasons our attempt at sex did not work out as a result i have stopped trying to make moves on her instead waiting for her to hint it ok for me to try excite her. I am trying to be as patient as possible and have never tried to put pressure on her or rush things. she just says she not a physical person. as a result of this problem i ave kissed three different girls other than my girlfriend and had sex with one of them. all three of these girls knew i was going out with someone and i told them that myself first. drink was involved in these three times and i do regret them but just needed the physical contact.

Any help on my problem would mean alot. Im not going to break up with my girlfriend i love her to much but any advice on where to go from here wud help. Thanks!!!!

Wibbs

If you look around in this forum you'll find a few threads like yours and the consensus seems to be, if she's not willing or capable of change then leave her as this will frustrate you more and more and will split you up. Basically love won't conquer all and you'll both get hurt by staying.

jim o doom

Wibbs wrote: »

If you look around in this forum you'll find a few threads like yours and the consensus seems to be, if she's not willing or capable of change then leave her as this will frustrate you more and more and will split you up. Basically love won't conquer all and you'll both get hurt by staying.

agree wholeheartedly with above post.

Mr. Incognito

So you hang out without physical contact.

This is called a "friend".

When there is physical contact this is called a "girlfriend".

You do not have a relationship, you have a friendship. I suggest you find a girlfriend.

Sugar Drunk

+1 for what setanta L said.
Shes not your girlfriend, shes just a friend. When she wont even kiss you let alot have sex it becaomes a sad excuse for a relationship.

As for accusing you of being obsessed - its normal to want to have sex and kiss and physical contact. Its her thats not normal.

Dump her and go out and get a really girlfriend. You can still stay friends with this girl, sure what will the difference be - you dont do anything beyond friendship anyway!

A lot of these type of threads seem to blur the line between 'friend' and 'girlfriend / boyfriend'. what defines BF/GF as oppsed to a friend - its a physical as well mental bond with some sort of physical/sexual relationship. when you take away, sex, kissing and physical contact your left with a friend

BAM!

jim o doom wrote: »

agree wholeheartedly with above post.

Me too. If she is not willing to change and you are not happy with this, you will become more and more frustrated and continue to do things behind her back that are wrong. You could have a make or break converstaion with your girlfriend where you lay everything out in front of her, be completely honest and tell her what you need from her. If she is not willing do make the effort with the physical side of things then I'm afraid it's probably time to call it a day.

Hope it works out for you OP.

beth-lou

It sounds as if your girlfriend has some real intimacy issues. At 24 she should have some sexual appetite, even if her libido is low, she should at least enjoy kissing you, hugging you etc. I think that if she isn't willing to explore the physical side of your relationship you are going to have some real problems down the road. I think you already have some real problems to deal with. At your age sex should be an integral part of the relationship. It should be fun and exciting and part of getting to know each other. It sounds as if your relationship has come to a stand still and I can't see it progressing anywhere unless she is willing to open up (no pun intended).

You are not obsessed with it either. You are perfectly normal I would be more inclined to think that she is sexually repressed. By the sound of things you are sexually incompatable. You are missing out on so much. Try to get her to understand and be a bit more physically demonstrative. If she can't or won't I think you should think about breaking up. Seriously, when I was your age I couldn't get enough of my boyfriend. Sex is not something that should be an issue at your stage in life or at this stage of the relationship so it does need to be addressed.

I hope it works out for the best OP. You can't go on like this.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replys texted my girlfriend about it she stated during the conversation that "it not who I am Im not a physical person thats all you are and thats the differents about us" she also stated "well you not the one at fault in one respect but are to blame in another way for constantly being da one to bring it up" she also asked me "what the f%$k is ur obsesin wit it" these are just snipits of the confersation. We came to the conclusion that we need to start spending more time together to start with and as my girlfriend stated her self "u cant jump the gun nd expect us ta b intimate f we used of spendn time together in the first place"

alot of what ye ave been saying makes sense to me and it what i been thinking my self but was afraid that i was being selfish. really dont want to break up with her as i have a really special bound with her. Hopefull i can think of sum way of getting us to spend more time together with the help of gettin back a bit of physicality into our relationship. wont see her face to face for another week and a half so going to wait till then and try sort it out face to face as this type of confersation cant really be held through txt. any advise on how to deal with it or questions that ye believe need to be answered wud help alot thanks!