Relating to family - again

Johannes Scotus

For reasons too long and complicated to go into, I have been estranged from my family for about 11 years. Suffice it to say that it was 99% my fault. I left Ireland about 13 years ago

After a long time here in Brazil, I am thinking about going back to my home country for a while. That got me thinking about them, decided it was time to bury the hatchet. Sent an email about 6 months ago, got no answer. Wasn't so surprised and decided to let it go.

Over the last week, the embassy here were trying to get in contact with, to cut a long story short, Interpol, at my family's request, have been looking for me for about the last 6 months (nice coincidence, eh?). The email must have got caught in anti spam, or something like that.

Talked to the ambassador this morning, last part of the conversation was about me and my family, my family were contacted this morning and told that I was ok and that very shortly I would be in contact with them. I was told they were delighted to hear this. (my mother, at least)

I feel like as if an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Also, I somehow feel more .......... complete.

I am also feeling guilt over this whole thing, but feel that it's somehow irrelevant at this time.

My biggest worry at the moment is, how to relate to them? So much has happened, a lot of which I won't be able to tell them (some pretty rough stuff) and it's not like we can just go to playing happy families now, is it?

Anybody ever been in a situation like this??

MayMay

It's never too late to make up, especially with family, you only have one. It seems that they are happy to hear from you and look forward to seeing you so don't worry. It's hard to know what to do but be happy, this is a good thing. Very best of luck to you

Beruthiel

Johannes Scotus wrote: »

My biggest worry at the moment is, how to relate to them? So much has happened, a lot of which I won't be able to tell them (some pretty rough stuff) and it's not like we can just go to playing happy families now, is it?

My parents didn't talk to me for four years. Afterwards, it just went right back to the way it was before, but with a lot less bullsh!t on their side, a good thing.

Your parents will be so very delighted to see you that it will most likely be very emotional for you all.
They will probably want to know what you've been up to over the years, I'm sure you can pick and choose what you tell them.
For a mother to loose her son for 11 years, it's a terrible thing. She never stopped thinking of you, she never stopped wondering if you were ok and where you were. For 11 years you were never out of her mind.
She will be thrilled to have you back. Just try to relax and give her lots of hugs. She wants nothing more than that from you.

miss_shadow

people make mistakes, at the time that you mistreated your parents (or whatever you done) it felt the only way to deal with things or the situation felt out of your hands etc.

but they never stop loving you, they could heavily be upset,hurt,be very disappointed and be sick of the sight of you, but time gives a space to look and reflect, and that gives space for forgiveness on both parts, on everything that ever went pear-shaped and reconciling takes alot of time to get it back to the way things were or better

in my experience, i had to take a deep breath and gulp and approach my parents,
was i scared sh*tless
i had done wrong, so had they , but i just wanted them back as my fully functioning parents.
its been a few months now and development is slow, but im ok with that, it takes time. its not an issue

Dizzyblonde

I can promise you that your parents never stopped loving you. I bet they thought about you every day and worried that you were ok.
Just go back and start over - yes it will be difficult in some ways but in other ways it will be easy. Take it one step at a time.
Life really is too short to be estranged from your family.

Disssgruntled

Johannes Scotus wrote: »

<SNIP>I have been estranged from my family for about 11 years. Suffice it to say that it was 99% my fault. I left Ireland about 13 years ago

To paraphrase, you fcuked off from the people that wiped yer nose, arse, put food in front of you and cared for you from infant to adult 13 years ago for reasons that were all [you state 99%] your fault.

+

Johannes Scotus wrote: »

<SNIP>I am thinking about going back to my home country for a while. That got me thinking about them

Even though it was all your fault the only reason for making contact with them and reassuring them that you weren't dead, in captivity or in jail was [reads like] 'cause ya missed a pint of proper stout and the girl next door?

=

Johannes Scotus wrote: »

<SNIP>I am also feeling guilt over this whole thing, but feel that it's somehow irrelevant at this time.

"Irrelevant" Irrelevant???? Put that same guilt to the top of your MAD agenda - your poor parents need to know that you finally grew up [or did you?] and that you'll never fcuk them over this way again.

- Sorry JS, but you come across as shallow and skewed.......You need to do some serious thinking or else run the risk of having some serious regrets when in the fullness of time your value system gets jarred back onto its axis........

lisa708881

twice in the last 5 years this has happened where me and my family have become very estranged and two and a half years is the longest apart.now this is down to different reasons both times but still it hurts each time.you need to take it real slow in the beginning and build up the trust first that you wont run away again if things get tough cause they will esp with so much water under the bridge but it will be worth it.i like you OP have had some pretty awful stuff happen in the time apart from my family and you know the way it is to want to spill all as soon as you see them!!but my advise is to hold back and build on what you have!at least they want to see you!thats such a great thing to take strength from.i also think the guilt you feel is a good thing that you are older now and want a complete life family and all.i wish you all the luck in the world:)

Victor

Disssgruntled, can you tone it down and keep it on topic and constructive?