Lost with my GF

LegacyUser

Hi all

I have been going out with my OH for almost 2 years. About 6 months after we started dating her father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Needless to say it was a great shock to my OH and her family. I didnt know what to do or how to handle the situation, particularly as obviously I wasn't very familar with the family and they weren't with me.

My OH was devasted and it quite literally broke my heart to see it happen to her. Within a few hours of the initial shock I made it clear in my mind that I would do whatever it took to help her and her family through the awful time.

Over the next 11 months I provided all the support I could. I spent vast amount of time in hospitals visiting her father, driving her family to the hospital when needed and even once or twice bringing her father for tests or check ups. I also helped as much as I could with the normal household activitivites in their family (cooking, shopping, cleaning and more). All of this came natural to me and it was tough for me and in a lot of ways I think I almost drove myself into the ground. The hardest part though was that at time I just felt so inadequate. I wanted to help and just make things better and take away the anguish and heartache for my OH and her family. Obviously I couldnt do this. But I gave the best support I could and tried my hardest.

Then (17 months into the relationship) the inevitable happened and her father passed away. Quite frankly, though expected, it ripped through the family. Its now been 7 months. My OH is not the same person as she used to be (I dont expect her to be) but I really miss the wonderful person she once was and the happiness we once shared. Dont get me wrong, I still see her as wonderful but she seems to have lost all interest in life and I am now also desperately happy. I think the only thing that could make a difference if I could bring her father back but I cant do that.

I don't want anything to happen to our relationship but at the moment I can only see it fizzling out and decintigrating (sp?). I dont want that to happen.

I just dont know what to do, I am heartbroken for her and I wish she could be happy again. Is time the only healer? Can time even heal? because we haven't been together that long and this terrible thing happen, does that mean our relationship is doomed (compared to if we were married 15 years or something and this happened.

Thanks

LegacyUser

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. In answer to your question yes I think time is the only healer but it does get better. I was in a similar situation when I'd been with my other half for little over a year. I would say it took the guts of a year before I could say that he was back to near normal and it was a hell of a year . I feel awful saying this but there were times when I was tempted to up and leave. I'm so glad now that I didn't.
It's tough being the one doing all the supporting when sometimes you just want someone to give you a big hug and tell you that everything's going to be ok. But it will be ok. The worst is past. I think the first anniversary is often a turning point.

Loopy

Very tough situation for you all.

My mum died tragically 12 years ago and I never thought I would get through it but I did, as did all my family. My life was hell on earth and I never thought I would find happiness again but I did. I hate this saying but it is true, Time does Heal.

You obviously love your girl a great deal and are a fantastic support to her (she is very lucky to have you at this sad time). I say stick with it and the smile will eventually come back on her face (and yours) - it wont take 12 years either...:)

Good luck OP

GAAman

Time heals all wounds op, as old and clichéd as it sounds its true. You have to remember (although you do seem tuned in on it) that this was her father and even if everyone realised they were sittin around waiting for him to pass there is knowing something and knowing something. The difference between them as far as i know from being in that same position is the first is knowing in the head and the second knowing in the heart.

Give her all the time she needs and she will be back to herself or as close as she can be in time and if the relationship is meant for bigger and better things they will come too, remember "Whats meant for you wont pass you by"

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Thank you all for the insight, advice and supportive words.

I've been very lucky in my life and have yet to lose any close relatives thankfully. So in that case I cant even truely relate to what she is growing through. And it is so difficult to know how and when to do the right thing and of course to know what the right thing is.

I am so conscious about everything. For example, I try never to talk about my own father (I am very close to my family). I know she see and interacts with my dad but I am always concious when I say things like, "ah I was talking to dad today and he seen such and such in the cinema last night." or "i am meeting dad for a drink" - becoz I am afraid that she picks up on it and feels more depressed.

I just want her to be happy again and in the present situation I find it very difficult to ever see that happen again. Becoz of that I am unhappy.

I would never break up with her, one, becoz I know it would only add more to her heartache (at least I hope it would) but in all honesty I wouldn't break up with her, simply becoz I love her with all that I have I dont want anyone else in my life. I am afraid that she might even decide for herself that she'd be better off without me.